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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/9/2006 12:18:00 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

quote:

If you can trust yourself, and trust that youre doing things and living life so you are comfortable with yourself and your truth - you will find it is easier to trust others.

thats totally bs. trust is earned, not given. Takes time, patience, knowing who your dealing with. Not knowing who you ARE dealing with others.. no.. knowing who you're dealing with.

Just because your intent (as it all breaks down to intent) is all well and fine.. and good.. and trust worthy, doesnt make it true of others.

Others are not "you" Great.. trust yourself! Be happy with you and live your life.. be comfie and all that jazz.. it doesnt make one whiff of difference when it comes to others.. because others dont live as you.. nor do they follow your code.. your beliefs.. your morals.. or your own honesty to yourself.

Trust yourself yes. Trust others? what a bunch of flowery BS if i ever heard any = )

trust yourself.. and calculate when it comes to others. Calculate every action you make when it comes to involving them.

rah and dont get all personal bout this reply.. its not personal.. just ones own beliefs

OK... classic example of not understanding a post but using labels and lame statements.

1) I never said trust is earnt nor given. That isnt relevant to my thoughts. So don't put words in my mouth that aren't there. Show me exactly where I said 'Trust is given blindly"? Thanks.

2)I wasn't talking about what people do to you - so again, you don't understand what I said. I was talking about how people trust. And if you know you lie - then you will assume automatically that other people lie. But if you are trustworthy, then you know there are other trustworthy people out there.

Oh... and while you are on it. If you believe that trust is earnt over time and with patience - you think a couple of weeks is enough 'time'? Where was the patience?

No personal - all self opinion.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 41

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/9/2006 12:27:20 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Rah dark - dont get yer panties in a twist. It wasnt persona.. just a statement of personal belief. Agreed, you didnt say alot of that.. because i did. = ) LOL

Twas a statement one disagreed with aye.. and then there was the "reason" one disagreed with it.

No no no no.. dont think 2 weeks is enough time LOL. twas all completely irrevelant to do the OP = ) already responded to the OP which was above you = ) Was just thinking on what "you" said.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 42

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/9/2006 12:45:41 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Rah dark - dont get yer panties in a twist. It wasnt persona.. just a statement of personal belief. Agreed, you didnt say alot of that.. because i did. = ) LOL

Twas a statement one disagreed with aye.. and then there was the "reason" one disagreed with it.

No no no no.. dont think 2 weeks is enough time LOL. twas all completely irrevelant to do the OP = ) already responded to the OP which was above you = ) Was just thinking on what "you" said.

*isnt wearing panties*

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 43

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 12:30:07 AM

sexysubnyc74

Posts: 7
Status: offline

Hi Bratty, I am new to this site, but am in same spot. I am looking for the one and when naturally a sub it feels so intoxicating to give in to someone. You will have the opportunity to meet the right one now. Good luck sweetie.

(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)

Post #: 44

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 4:38:33 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN

God... I was walking on air for two weeks thinking I'd found the One. Turned out he couldn't handle it. For those of you who had been following my story, you know what I was talking about when I say " our common-ground situation", and he decided he couldn't lie to his wife. I respect this. I just wish he had've figured it out before I really dove in and submitted to him.

Submission is a GIFT. This is what I told him too. Our few sessions were incredible, our conversations many, long and deep. He said he loved having me as a slave, but couldn't bear to decieve his wife, it was a moral issue. Didn't seem to be a moral issue two weeks ago.

I understand about being faithful to a spouse, lord knows I can relate, and I really do respect this. But what the hell did he think he was getting into exactly??? People toss around collars too easily sometimes. Or maybe I got what I deserved. Or maybe I trusted too easily. I will NOT be so quick to give myself next time.

In any event, it just hurts. I'm sitting on the bruises on my ass today feeling the breaking of my heart... <sigh>

flame away...

Heartbreak???? Emotional Pain???

My goddess girl, if this is what you consider heartbreak and feel a need to get support here on the forum, I'm amazed. You didn't even have the beginning's of a relationship!

My best advice would be to wise up about WIITWD and relationships in general and toughen up because you have not even cracked the Heartbreak shell with this one. The ignorance zone maybe, if anything I hope you learned something.

*Brightspot

.

< Message edited by brightspot -- 6/13/2006 4:39:23 AM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)

Post #: 45

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 4:56:15 AM

sabswife

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fullofgrace

i think as far as trust goes, it's easier to trust others when you are trustworthy, and being a part of deception is not being trustworthy.

i have to say that i agree with this, i often trust too easily. i like to pretend that isn't the case, but i do trust too quickly because really it is hard to wrap your head around the fact that not everyone is like you at times. even if you know better.

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 46

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 5:35:08 AM

jezzabelle

Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
Status: offline

I'm sorry for you pain, it sucks I'm sure, but you shouldn't be mad at him because he decided he couldn't continue to hurt his wife. He may have thought he could handle the guilt before the relationship started, but until he actually lived it, he couldn't know for sure and found out he couldn't handle it. I've noticed many others on here saying that you should have stayed away from him because he was cheating on his wife and that you can't trust him, but many seem to have not noticed that you said you are married also. Hence, I can understand why you gravitated towards a married dom. You wanted someone in the same boat as you. I hate to say it, but until you are open with your spouse about your desires, it may be hard to find a dom that is going to be there for you long term.

(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)

Post #: 47

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 6:03:14 AM

Roisseynpromise

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

brattybottom, this is not meant in anyway to pick upon your current situation...it hopefully can be a major point of learning ,both for you and many others who are relatively new . I am constantly amazed how often I hear newbies saying "I am looking for /have found my 'One' /my 'Master'"...or "we spoke yesterday on messenger and i know He's the one" . power exchange relationships require far more trust/understanding/time than do most vanilla relationships.

a young novice that I am trying to guide last week wrote to Me, "he said that we could take all the time i needed to get to know each other after he collared me. he said it would only take a hour or so". ok , I'm glad a red flag went up for her and she asked...but fer crying out loud...come on folks use some basic common sense! if in the vanilla world some guy said " hey, its nice to talk to you , perhaps we could get married tomorrow and then get to know each other..."
if a relationship of any type is going to provide quality and any longevity , it requires time and work!
hopefully, next time a dom says he's interested, before you decide he's god , maybe just agree to serve for a renewable month.

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 48

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 7:57:56 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

I can't believe that everyone seems to think this guy had a moral dilemma twisting up inside him and suddenly had this epiphany regarding his marriage vows.

He found someone in the same situation as him.
He sweet talked her, since she was obviously new and yearning for something else in her life.
He tied her up and got his rocks off (maybe even getting laid a couple of times in the process.... who knows)
He was done... time to move on to the next new girl.
End of story.

I'm not condoning what happened, but the only true fault I see here is with the girl for not pulling her head out of her ass long enough to step back and look at the situation to see how naive she was being about it.

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to Roisseynpromise)

Post #: 49

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 10:56:41 AM

flaswitchmale

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

While I don't agree 100% with the married, so no go principal (because every relationship is different), it is a good idea to at least understand that particular relationship. I have an open marriage, and my wife and I both know what the other is doing. When I am with another, she knows, and I don't lie to her. I agree that cheating is wrong (going behind your spouses back). Having an open marriage, at least to me, is not cheating, because it's done with your partiner's knowledge and consent. If you are starting out a relationshp based upon wanting to get married, right from the get-go, you are searching for heartbreak. You will be dissapointed 90% of the time. If you base your realtionship upon enjoying the time spent with that person, and expecting nothing but the time, and caring of that person, and giving the same, you will be happy. Beginning a realtionship with the expectation of becoming married later in that relationship (if it's going well), is like taking an entry level job, and expecting that you will become management, regardless of how you are percieved. Also, while I am at it, while submission may be seen as a gift, Domination is too. Don't expect all dominants to fit your cookie cutter definition. Just because said dominant is not what you think a Dominant should be, does not mean that they are not Dominant, just not the right one for you. (I realize that much was off topic, however I have seen a trend, and felt that this thread, being about unmet expectations, was a good place).

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 50

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 3:14:15 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

Maybe you should try a site like ashleymaddison.com (that's not guaranteed to be the correct spelling, but you could google it if you want to at some point) that's designed to cater to people in relationships who are 'looking for more'. I'm pretty sure there's a large number of people on there who are looking for something along the same vein you are, I would really doubt it's a predominantly 'vanilla' site seeing as how it's nearly exclusively for those with spouses. My best gues is they're not satisfied sexually and want to supplement, and I think this is what you're after as well. This way, you're in a site with people who are int he same boat as you (married, or with a partner) and I'd *think* it would be less likely to end up being a problem (the whole, "I didn't know I'd feel wrong about this until I'd actually done it" thing).

What others have said is true as well, with anything you do you run the risk of being used and abused in the truest sense of the words and not in the 'play' kind of way, which bites of course, but such is life. Even if you were single and looking for someone, you have just a great a chance of being played as you do in your current circumstances.

Best wishes, take care

(in reply to flaswitchmale)

Post #: 51

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 3:35:31 PM

MistressTheaZ

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty

I can't believe that everyone seems to think this guy had a moral dilemma twisting up inside him and suddenly had this epiphany regarding his marriage vows.

He found someone in the same situation as him..-snip-

I'm not condoning what happened, but the only true fault I see here is with the girl for not pulling her head out of her ass long enough to step back and look at the situation to see how naive she was being about it.

T.R.

Now now...is it so unusual for the heart to get ahead of the mind? I think W/we all have been there, particularly when adding in the additional considerations given within searching for completion within D/s.

Part of what I think was very strong for Bratty here was that this man *was* in a similar situation to herself, could identify with her feelings, and she felt, not surprisingly, a strong connection with him. I'm not going to diminish the validity of that connection...why should I, or any of us here, really? It gave her a sense of what the real thing *will* feel like, the hope that what she is searching for is indeed out there for her, and some (understandably harsh) reminders of what may or may not work for her in the future.

JMO. ;)

~Thea

No man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience. - John Locke

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 52

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 6:54:29 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I am sorry to hear this. I have been there and experiennced the hurt. The Real One is out there. Don't give up

(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)

Post #: 53

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/13/2006 6:56:39 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I am sorry to hear this. I have been there and experienced the hurt. Don't give up the real one is out there.

(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)

Post #: 54

RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/14/2006 2:02:09 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting to all

Oh dear i am so sorry he did that , many married men
come here and other places to find someone to check out
their BDSM desire and once they find that they will check it
out and then move on, dear this happen to the Dommes too
. I have a wonderful sub i thougth we talk for long times
i thought he was just wonderful we spoke of the same things
know all of the things we liked but he broke dates and i had to
just write him and tell him to leave me alone i have no ideal what
he was up to. He was testing the waters and he knew this would
hurt you, I do not understand this moral thing he spoke of if he had been so
moral he would not had taken the time to make you think this was going somewhere.
I stay away from married men i know you love him and you did nothing wrong and you
did not get what you desevre dear, he was so wrong to do this. and i know you
were not the first women he did this two i am sure, do not beat yourself up other him! Do
not feel you did something wrong we as people can not help who we fall in love with
it is fate. My son father was all i could had ever wanted in a man, but i fell in love
and he was gone. I think of it now and wonder why i pick a man like that to father
my son and who for 25 years would not even see him, oh child support i got him on that
so you could not have known what he would do, love does not see the fault in the ones
we love so be easy on you, and take time to heal ok.

my deepest feeling for your hurt
take care
mons/jane

(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)

Post #: 55

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