Heartbreak... got released already.

Heartbreak... got released already. (Full Version)

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BrattyBottomRN -> Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:17:18 PM)
God... I was walking on air for two weeks thinking I'd found the One. Turned out he couldn't handle it. For those of you who had been following my story, you know what I was talking about when I say " our common-ground situation", and he decided he couldn't lie to his wife. I respect this. I just wish he had've figured it out before I really dove in and submitted to him. Submission is a GIFT. This is what I told him too. Our few sessions were incredible, our conversations many, long and deep. He said he loved having me as a slave, but couldn't bear to decieve his wife, it was a moral issue. Didn't seem to be a moral issue two weeks ago. I understand about being faithful to a spouse, lord knows I can relate, and I really do respect this. But what the hell did he think he was getting into exactly??? People toss around collars too easily sometimes. Or maybe I got what I deserved. Or maybe I trusted too easily. I will NOT be so quick to give myself next time. In any event, it just hurts. I'm sitting on the bruises on my ass today feeling the breaking of my heart... <sigh> flame away...

Wulfchyld -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:30:21 PM)
Sorry for your loss BBRN.

eroticangel -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:33:00 PM)
Oh BrattyBottomRN...i am so sory for your pain..and yes under the circumstances he should have figured it all out before you gave yourself to Him...but, He didn't and you have to go on. as trite as it may seem, time does heal all wounds....i swear it does!

tade -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:41:39 PM)
Nothing we could say will change anything. It does get better eventually. Sorry for your loss.

MistressTheaZ -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:44:27 PM)
So sorry to hear this, no flames here. Though little comfort, it is better IMO to have found this, albeit briefly. To be touched with the realization of finding someone special is a wonderful feeling, giving hope and stoking thought, feeling and growth. Although I am very sorry for your loss, it is far better to hear that this burned bright before burning out so suddenly; take those memories - that feeling He gave you - and keep it in your heart while you continue to learn, grow and search for the right one for you. I know it hurts terribly, but indeed it is better that He ended this quickly before it could intensify and hurt much more deeply. Take the feeling this gave you - hope, purpose, completion - and couple it with a rational view of capabilities while you continue your search. As a sub, it is still your right to search for a Master who can give you the same time, attention and dedication you are offering Him. When anything appears out of balance, or when a Master defines His limitations in such a way as to put you further down the list from the jump, perhaps this is an undeserving and unequal exchange considering how much you have to give? I just feel you need to see your worth in it, and comfort yourself with this as you go on, BrattyBottom, and things will become easier and much more clear with the next interaction. Foundations are hardly built with haste; a solid, mutually respectful and loving relationship takes much time to develop and build, and both partners should be able to (and worthy of) make the journey together over time instead of just focusing on a destination, (collaring, ownership, what have you.) All the luck to you, and I'll see you at TES! ~Thea

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:46:32 PM)
Hon, You don't need a 'flame', but you -do- need some really down-to-earth advice. It sounds like you're looking for the person you'd eventually like to -marry-, or at least be in a permanent long-term relationship with. If you're looking at that kind of a relationship here, you need to set standards that are at least as high as the one's you'd set for a vanilla relationship. That means not getting involved with people who can't commit to the agreed-upon relationship, for one reason or another. It also means taking your time -- and I'm not talking about weeks of chatting, I'm talking about months of sitting and reaching common ground and really getting to know each other, and meeting the family... all of the things that assure that this is a person who is committed to the relationship -first-. If you're looking at a lifetime with someone, many things will happen, and many things will change. Aspects of your D/s are going to have to be malleable to fit around the other changes in your life. This is why, if you're in this for a relationship, the relationship has to be the first priority. You wouldn't marry someone you'd only chatted with online for a couple of weeks on a vanilla site (or at least, I hope you wouldn't), so why would someone offer that relationship PLUS control over all of the details of his or her life to someone that you haven't met and spent a considerable time getting to know -- especially someone who is already involved in a relationship that he or she is not being honest about. Dishonesty is a deal-breaker for relationships. If someone is lying to their current mate, chances are good that eventually, that person will be lying to you. It may seem like all the right words are there, and of course, you're the exception to the rule -- except that for people who can't master honesty, there -are- no rules, and there aren't exceptions. Treat yourself with respect. You deserve that. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and expect the person that you are investing your life in to know what to do with that investment. You owe that to yourself. Da'Avatar ZWD www.klashaan.org

MsStick -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:47:03 PM)
I am sorry for your loss [:(] Perhaps better to find out now, even late as it was for him to figure it out... ?

missturbation -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:47:09 PM)
Firstly i am so sorry this has happened to you. I too went through the same thing recently except he was leaving his wife for me but at the last minute couldnt do it. Yes it hurts like hell and yes i thought i'd never get over it. ?But as the others have said time is a great healer and you will if not get over, learn to live with it. respectfully misst xx

BrattyBottomRN -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 4:51:23 PM)
Thanks guys... all great sound advice. Thanks especially Mistress TheaZ... You definately have a good point there. I did learn a bit. Bladewing, I'm not looking for someone to eventually marry. I'm looking for a long term D/s relationship, but I am <gasp> already married to a vanilla. Lol. Hence why I said flame on.... We both had an agreement on our situations. Thanks all. I'll be okay. Hell, TES fest is coming up!

Wulfchyld -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:01:30 PM)
No need for anyone to flame BBRN, you are strait forward with your situation.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:03:33 PM)
I apologize for not having had the time to read your profile before I wrote, and hope that what I said didn't come across as insensitive. In any long-term relationship, including a long-term D/s relationship, we merge into the partnership, being ourselves, but also taking on characteristics built of the relationship. It becomes part of our lives (even moreso if you're already in one committed relationship. Even if the two parties only interact with you, the things going on in -your- life will affect both sides of the relationship.) You deserve honesty and someone who isn't wishy-washy about what he or she wants -- it makes sense to have those qualities in someone you're about to give control of yourself to. You're a smart woman. You wouldn't have made it as a nurse if you weren't. If you can talk to your spouse about this (not about the particulars, but about how you're feeling), that may give you the opportunity to let go of some of the pain with someone you can trust. I don't know if this is how your relationship works, but maybe you could even ask your mate to help you evaluate potential dominant individuals. Obviously, this is someone who loves you enough to understand that you need this, and I'm betting he'll want the person you finally choose to be someone who is beneficial in your life. I wish you all the best. This is a hard road, and sometimes I think the ease of contact through the Internet makes things even harder. Da'Avatar ZWD www.klashaan.org

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:07:35 PM)
Married to vanilla also and that may be part of the learning process. Not all vanilla and not A/all here are honest. What a news flash! It is easier to talk about doing than to actually do so while i have empathy for you i also understand where he is coming from too. Hope he leaves the lifestyle and commits to his marriage cause if He feels that guilty He can never really be a good Dom (my opinion only) and needs to concentrate on His marriage instead. My next comment is about being treated as a cheater. My husband knows my interests, he chooses to remain vanilla. I am not vanilla, have tried it for years and consider myself a twist now since i don't plan to end my marriage or quit being a sub. Not collared now for a personal reason but am considering a monogomous relationship without the collar. In short please don't condemn me because i am married and i won't condemn anyone for their choices as long as they are SSC.

KatyLied -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:14:25 PM)
quote: People toss around collars too easily sometimes. You received a collar after 2 weeks? That's a bit of a rush.

juliaoceania -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:33:23 PM)
fast reply. I know it is hard to find someone that you have chemistry with that will also understand your situation. It may take awhile to replace this dominant, but I am sure with enough time you will do just that. It sounds as though your life is full and happy, so that will make it all the easier. I have read many of your posts and your humor and grace will serve you well while you search for another dominant. Be glad that it was called off before it got any further in, less familiarity and less investment make for less heart ache (if I am being crass here I apologize, just from my personal experience the longer something drags on, the more painful it becomes to terminate it). Good luck to you.

Wolf1020 -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:51:46 PM)
I'm sorry to hear but let me give you a word of advice. If you are getting involved with a married man, esspecialy one lieing to his wife, you are simply setting yourself up for heartbreak and the relationship to fail.

SumterDom -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 5:59:20 PM)
To me 2 weeks is a very short time. One thing I've seen a few times lately is checking out the new users in the left margin and when you click to view them they say they have already met their master, or their "one"!? Not even been a member long enough to drop off the new users list and collared?! "Needy subs" sure comes to mind

slavejali -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 6:00:15 PM)
First question to next potential: Are you married or separated? If the response is yes, your response is... " Ok seeya round...next please..."

KatyLied -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 6:03:48 PM)
quote: Are you married or separated? If the response is yes, your response is... " Ok seeya round...next please..." Actually she's married, so it would be a bit odd for her to discount a prospective because he's married too. All you can do is learn from this and go a bit slower the next time.

zumala -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 7:06:06 PM)
While I don't agree with having sex outside of marriage if you've gone ahead and made the marriage commitment, that wasn't what stuck out most to me here. Am I dreaming, or did she post at one point that her husband didn't know about her Master? And her Master's wife didn't know about her? I could be confusing her with someone else, I suppose. Marriage bonds aside, you DON'T go behind the back of someone you love OR abuse someone else's spouse by fucking their mate behind their back. Sorry, that is wrong. I can say that I'm sorry you've been disappointed. That much is true. It would have been better if he'd either been open with his wife, or kept it in his pants if he couldn't face her. Instead he went further than he should've and felt the full weight of the guilt. Which means now that he'll either have to live with it eating him alive, or he'll have to go through whatever mess comes up when he admits what he did to her. No cakewalk, I'm sure. So I think you've probably come off easiest of the two of you. As mentioned by someone else, two weeks is pretty quick to dive into a relationship. I'd honestly recommend going more slowly and choosing more cautiously next time. Good luck. zuma

feastie -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 7:08:02 PM)
Hey, he made a mistake. He thought he could do it, but he can't. How lucky you are he had the balls to tell you. All in all, you have more blessings than not.

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