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RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:26:57 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

Hello, I am a loyal and obedient sub and I love my Master dearly. He seems troubled and I have not been pushed or "taken" with the violent passion that we normally interact with. He is a very strong and wonderful Master. I have been wanting His dominance in bed alot recently and it is not there. I have mentioned it lightly in conversation and I have been told that there is a level of energy that He needs to give that violence to me and that with all going on He does not feel it when we are together. I am worried does that mean that I am no longer able to elicite this in Him? He tells me no. I feel as if I need this session and violent energy in our love-making and I am trying to be patient however it is getting harder and harder when we are together to not become dissappointed when I make my neck, back, my flesh so readily available and unmistakably desiring his hands, teeth, His claws and i receive little or none of this from Him. I want my Beast back. What can I do?

Addressing first the bit in red: instead of mentioning it 'lightly', how about flat out saying HEY!! WHat's going on?

Secondly, notice the bold/italicized bits. DO you maybe see now why you are coming across as selfish/self-centered?
ETA: Even that last sentence "What can I do" comes across poorly, given the prior comments. It doesn't come off as being interested in what can you do to help HIM, but more of "how do *I* get what *I* want".

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/17/2012 10:29:18 AM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 21

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:31:48 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wildernessbitch
I get the loss of connection worry though. Ultimately he is only capable of giving you what you can. If you put more pressure on him by making your flesh available to him all of the time he is around he will end up not wanting to be around you. He is not able to give you what you want right now. He has made that clear. If you push, it will likely push him further away. Be his constant right now.
Good luck

Exactly. I can tell you right now that if Master had a large load on his mind and I was standing there going, " I need you to dominate me in bed", "I need you to give that level of violence to me" "I'm disappointed that I'm not getting dominated in bed"......he'd light me up, tell me to get the fuck out of the room and probably go out into the garage for several hours before he would even come back near me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to wildernessbitch)

Post #: 22

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:32:04 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Hey,

You need to be patient. There could be any of a million things that are affecting your partner's energy levels / libido.

I'm sure you're not doing this, so I'm sure you know that if he's under some stress, having you banging on about "your needs" and "your desires" would only make things worse. If would certainly piss me off royally.

Sometimes in a relationship you need to express your dominance or submission in different ways, sometimes you express it using the stereotype you created earlier in the relationship, sometimes you express it differently.

Perhaps now is the time to express your submission by supporting, nurturing? (I'm not saying that it is... just that perhaps you should think about it).

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 23

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:32:54 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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While I do understand where everyone is going with this... we don't know how long this has been going on. A partner in a relationship has a responsibility to communicate with the other, when there has been a huge change in the relationship. This is a two way street and if communication is lacking for whatever reason, it can lead to torment, feeling lost, anger and feeling cheated. I am not saying this is what's going on here, but it could be a consideration. Her dominant didn't take the ball and explain anything, therefore may be having an issue he can't talk about, which is concerning. Then again... he may have an issue that leads to partners feeling this way when he can't discuss it. A partner can get frantic about the changes when someone isn't explaining even if not in detail... that the struggle is within them and not the partner or relationship. At least that must be given as assurance so that the partner doesn't go off.. into dark places.

There may be fault or reasons on both sides of this situation.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 7/17/2012 10:57:17 AM >

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 24

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:34:56 AM

OsideGirl

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

While I do understand where everyone is going with this... we don't know how long this has been going on.

We don't even know how long the relationship has been going on. That's kind of a pertinent piece of info that's missing.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 25

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:35:40 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

LOckit, I'm just thinking about the "mentioned it lightly" comment. To me, that indicates no real attempt at trying to discover what is going on.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 26

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:35:49 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

While I do understand where everyone is going with this... we don't know how long this has been going on.

We don't even know how long the relationship has been going on. That's kind of a pertinent piece of info that's missing.

That is why I mentioned it in two threads now! ROFL!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:36:01 AM

puppet11

Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
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DesFIP: Thank you, I work 14 hour days and need to go and excersize, I am sure it does not help my own anxieties... I will lightly suggest he get checked out, it is very much unlike him to be so drained. I do worry and thank you for pointing out solutions... I appreciate it emensly.

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 28

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:36:45 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I shall be the alternate voice and say that you are perfectly entitled to want to have your needs met. However, your man is not a mind reader, even when he is dressed and not distracted by a naked woman. He has absolutely no idea what is happening behind your eyes UNLESS YOU TELL HIM.

Put his hands where you want them---gently, of course. ASK to be bitten. Beg, if that's your thing.

Try to time all these gracious requests for a time when he is not exhausted and stressed and just looking for some fast release. Perhaps you could arrange your schedule for such a time? Do things for him that will make him feel more "masterly". There's all sorts of blithering about "inspiring submission", there are times when dominance needs to be "inspired" also. Distract him from the rest of his life and give him a freakin break!

Good luck.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 29

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:37:44 AM

OsideGirl

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

While I do understand where everyone is going with this... we don't know how long this has been going on.

We don't even know how long the relationship has been going on. That's kind of a pertinent piece of info that's missing.

That is why I mentioned it in two threads now! ROFL!

I know, I know. But, you know me, I get impatient.......

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 30

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:38:24 AM

puppet11

Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
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wildernessbitch: thank you...

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 31

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:38:44 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

There ya go with the "mention lightly" thing again.
If you are truly worried about what is going on, grow some balls and TELL HIM that you need to know what is going on. TELL him that you are concerned about his health and would like him to get checked out.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 32

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:39:02 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

LOckit, I'm just thinking about the "mentioned it lightly" comment. To me, that indicates no real attempt at trying to discover what is going on.

Personally, as a dominant and a once upon a time, partner... I would see that as an attempt and if I hadn't already, would be addressing the issue and reassuring my partner. I can't say what is wrong here... but something is. I just thought it worth the discussion and pointing it out that the partner shouldn't be enabled in certain ways while the one in a panic is beat to hell. There are two people here in the situation, one here posting... who knows, but I wouldn't treat my partner to a lack of information. Some dominants don't allow a submissive to push in that conversation... the same kind that would hold back communication.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 33

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:40:26 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Gotcha :) (Hope you're doing well! *hugs*)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 34

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:41:03 AM

puppet11

Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
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GreedyTop: I do see now... i see how this can be taken as nothing more than my own selfishness...

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 35

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:43:20 AM

puppet11

Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
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O I was on my way to replying to your questions... it is difficult to keep up with this thread... We have been together for 5 years and this has been happening now over the past 2 months. I do know it is not so long however it is a 180 from where we have been in the last 5 years as a couple.

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 36

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:46:24 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

LOckit, I'm just thinking about the "mentioned it lightly" comment. To me, that indicates no real attempt at trying to discover what is going on.

Personally, as a dominant and a once upon a time, partner... I would see that as an attempt and if I hadn't already, would be addressing the issue and reassuring my partner.

I'm kinda with Greedy on this one. If I'm genuinely concerned it isn't something that I lightly mention in passing. It's something that I approach in a serious manner. If he was unwilling to communicate or have a discussion, we'd be having issues way beyond where his sex drive has gone.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 37

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:47:11 AM

puppet11

Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline

LadyHibiscus:
Thank you very much for this post... I will try and see what happens...

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 38

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:47:46 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

2 months would have me woried too, puppet. Has he been having problems at work? HAve you noticed any changes in his habits (that may indicate a health issue?)

You say he has trained you to stand on your own two feet, perhaps it is time you used those strong two feet to put one down in front of him, and require that you have some honest info from him...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to puppet11)

Post #: 39

RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:50:15 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, please stop shooting yourself in the foot. If you had kept the thread to one forum, you'd have probably seen good replies that are now lost because you didn't follow the forums etiquette. This problem didn't become so big in the last twelve hours that you suddenly need to act like the world is coming to an end. Frankly, if it is so difficult for you to handle your impulses on a whim, it's no wonder you have this problem.

Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY on this forum can tell you why your Master isn't giving you the kind of sex that you want. You need to sit down with the man himself and have a good, honest discussion. In the current situation, is he under undue stress? Is he having a period of grief? Is he physically well? It could be any or all of these reasons.

Lacking any of that, perhaps you really do need to just submit. As a Dominant, I can tell you that My s type doesn't dictate My sex life. Somebody trying to tell Me what I *have* to do isn't going to work with Me. I have to think that men are worse in that aspect. Putting pressure on them for sex, or a certain kind of sex, doesn't tend to work well. Basic biology tells us that.

It's not the answer that you want, but My advice is talk, listen, submit.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 40

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