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RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:50:22 AM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		GreedyTop: my mentioning it lightly is not to barade Him with questions. He is a man who demands respect and i will not force my opinions on Him, perhaps you are right and i do need to be more assertive in regard to my feelings in this matter.

(in reply to puppet11)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:50:35 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

O I was on my way to replying to your questions... it is difficult to keep up with this thread... We have been together for 5 years and this has been happening now over the past 2 months. I do know it is not so long however it is a 180 from where we have been in the last 5 years as a couple.


Okay, so since this isn't a relationship that's in the first year, that eliminates a lot of things.

So, at this point I would say he has something heavy on his mind or has a health issue. Or both: depression can manifest as tiredness and lack of interest in the world around you.

I would suggest something more than lightly mentioning it. Sit down and have a serious conversation about how you're worried about him. Be careful how you word things because dumping blame on him will backfire.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:50:37 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

LadyHibiscus:
Thank you very much for this post... I will try and see what happens...



And TALK TO HIM. Something's up. Maybe he needs you to just make him a doctor appointment. Maybe it's work related. It IS your job to look after him.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:51:56 AM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		thank you crazyml, i will certainly take what you have said into consideration. i do not want to upset Him further

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:55:24 AM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you Osidegirl and Lady Hibiscus... i will sit down and talk with Him, it is my job to take care of Him and i want to. i know it appeared completely self-centered before and i do wish to apologize for that. Thank you for your help in this.

(in reply to puppet11)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 10:56:59 AM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		O, no blame, simply concern...

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 11:37:35 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I can only imagine how empty it would make me feel if I were to overlook whatever troubles
my master was having, and yet have the audacity to expect him to put all his worries aside
long enough for him to cater to my needs for a kinky session. Not only would the scene
be disingenous, but you're only getting half the man and denying that the rest exists.
I prefer the whole man, and I would be doing my best to help make his life complete
again, my needs be damned.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 12:06:59 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11
GreedyTop: my mentioning it lightly is not to berate Him with questions. He is a man who demands respect and i will not force my opinions on Him, perhaps you are right and i do need to be more assertive in regard to my feelings in this matter.

For me the question is not whether you need to be "more assertive" in regards your feelings. My advice to you both is that you should seriously consider improving communication skills. He is going through something big enough to cause a 2 month wane in his sexual dominance (and I'm guessing other things). You don't have a clue what that is. In other words, you are almost totally detached from his life... at least by the measures I'd use with Carol and I.

Then again, perhaps our measures are not appropriate. Carol and I have been living together for 18 years now and married for 15 of them. You two have been "together" for 5 years but what does that mean? Do you cohabitate? I'm just trying to understand how you can be so disconnected. Is that level of personal privacy something you both desire?


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to puppet11)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 1:13:48 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		How old is he and did he start taking any new medications recently?

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 4:41:43 PM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		poise:
we have had a relationship based on mutual care and concern, He has sought in the past to release His stresses and anxieties on me which I fully accept unconditionally.

JeffBC: Yes, I agree, I have requested an audience with Him this evening to discuss our lack of communication recently... and we have within the past 4 months began living with one another prior to we had seperate living arrangements.

kalikshama: He is 36 and no new medications I am aware of, his family has decided for reasons I would rather leave out at this time to not speak with Him about 8 months ago. We have spoken about this yet perhaps it is wearing on Him more now.

From all of these replies I see the need for me to sit and request His audience and express my concerns. I love this man dearly and our physical interactions are much more than "getting off" He unleashes and i absorb and we both find peace and comfort in that... the fact that the past two months this has changed causes me concern. Either in that the stresses He is having are much greater than I know or our dynamic as D/s has changed. I do not expect anyone here to tell me what is wronghowever to simply offer your advise and give me plausible solutions to the situation I find us in... many of you have and for that I am grateful... thank you.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 4:58:02 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

Hello, I am a loyal and obedient sub and I love my Master dearly. He seems troubled and I have not been pushed or "taken" with the violent passion that we normally interact with. He is a very strong and wonderful Master. I have been wanting His dominance in bed alot recently and it is not there. I have mentioned it lightly in conversation and I have been told that there is a level of energy that He needs to give that violence to me and that with all going on He does not feel it when we are together. I am worried does that mean that I am no longer able to elicite this in Him? He tells me no. I feel as if I need this session and violent energy in our love-making and I am trying to be patient however it is getting harder and harder when we are together to not become dissappointed when I make my neck, back, my flesh so readily available and unmistakably desiring his hands, teeth, His claws and i receive little or none of this from Him. I want my Beast back. What can I do?


What you know:
He seems troubled
and that with all going on He does not feel it (the energy level to give violence to you) when we are together.

What you seem not to know:
What is troubling him
and the specifics of all that is going on.

So...
Do you not know because he doesn't confide in you
OR
Do you not know because you haven't been paying attention
OR
Do you know more than you think you do???

The person who does know, is him and why you would not have tried to find out the specifics before now... ?

p.s. Many masters, mine included would not look favorably upon dirty laundry being aired publicly.

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(in reply to puppet11)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 5:51:39 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11
JeffBC: Yes, I agree, I have requested an audience with Him this evening to discuss our lack of communication recently... and we have within the past 4 months began living with one another prior to we had seperate living arrangements.

Ah... then really 4 months in terms of what I'd call relationship. That explains the communication challenges. I think we all face them in a new relationship.

If it helps you any, Carol and have been around for a while. Yet even so there are communication challenges. And even so, our dynamic waxes and wanes depending on what else is going on in my life. I went through a period of coasting in life in general and that translated to coasting in our dynamic. Carol brought it to my attention. More recently (as a result of the swift kick in the pants I got from Carol), I am now very definitely NOT coasting. Now I'm getting out there and changing the world and all that yada yada. That's not translating to a renewed focus on our dynamic because I'm too freakin busy to spend much time on it. My point here is that random life events have impacts to my desire/ability/focus regarding our dynamic... sometimes in unpredictable ways.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to puppet11)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 6:10:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin

Stop being so self-centred and ask your master what he needs?


THIS


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 7:45:01 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		FR MY 2c

Sometimes we need a break. Regardless of what side of the kneel or gender you are. We become overwhelmed with stress, distracted with buissiness or family matters. Our physical needs begin to take a back seat to our psychological ones. In this instance, something is clearly weighing on him. It could be work, family, finances, it could be a million things. People do not fit into little blue prints or molds where one single solution works for everyone. In your case, you need to do less focus on your cathartic release, and more on pin pointing the cause. Talking to the man may not be enough. Be more than his sex object or significant other. Be his serenity. Even Kings need to take off the crown and rest thier weary head from time to time, and a good fucking just isn't the solution. Be his everything. Make him a nice meal, give him a massage, put him at ease. Make him feel as though your home is his sanctuary. Some of us fellas just don't like talking about our feelings. Sure we don't mind talking about your feelings, but many of us alpha types just don't like exposing that part of ourselves to anyone. That doesn't mean that he won't open up to you. You just need to make every effort to comfort him so that it is easier for him to do so. Be firm with your concerns, and expect some resistance. Let him know that you worry, that his well being is important to you, and you want to help him. Let the discussion be about him, and what you can do to help him. Ask him if there is anything you can do, and not just the kinky shit. Maybe he just needs some quiet time to clear his head and recharge. Maybe it's something else. Find out what it is and you can go from there.

Me personally, when I get home from a long work week, the very last thing I want to do is fuck. I don't want anything kinky. I want to sit down, put my feet up, and rest. Give me two hours of peace and quiet and I'll cave man fuck my slut into a catatonic state. Without that break, that short break to recharge my batteries and let the stress of the work week fade into the back ground, I'm irritable and unaproachable. But give me that, just that little bit, and I can stay grounded and be every inch the twisted bastard that she craves.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Please Advise - 7/17/2012 11:03:29 PM   
seasnail


Posts: 54
Joined: 8/30/2011
Status: offline 		puppet11,

i would like to suggest that words like you, wrong, never, always not be used. as they are very confrontational. it is not wrong it is the matter, there can not be an always because the life that has been lived so far, has not been forever.

saying you, to the person constantly suggests that they are the only one to blame - live as a couple figure it out as a couple.

belive me for 35 years i dealt with this and would still be there if i was not told what i was told that ended the marriage. we worked very hard on the marrige.

please try to choose the words to be used carefully, in doing these things it does create a much more thoughtful conversation. when things that are a true concern well be dealt with sooner rather than later. as well, you will not be struggling trying to figure out the problem.

seasnail

edited 5 times cause i some times did not make any sense lol

< Message edited by seasnail -- 7/17/2012 11:14:30 PM >

_____________________________

What can i say... i love these boots!

i know not very subby - what can i say?

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 5:48:24 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		I just see a passive aggressive siege of Leningrad going on here.

And this highfalutin' "audience" with the dark lord?

More of the same.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 7:42:43 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11
GreedyTop: my mentioning it lightly is not to berate Him with questions. He is a man who demands respect and i will not force my opinions on Him, perhaps you are right and i do need to be more assertive in regard to my feelings in this matter.

For me the question is not whether you need to be "more assertive" in regards your feelings. My advice to you both is that you should seriously consider improving communication skills. He is going through something big enough to cause a 2 month wane in his sexual dominance (and I'm guessing other things). You don't have a clue what that is. In other words, you are almost totally detached from his life... at least by the measures I'd use with Carol and I.

Then again, perhaps our measures are not appropriate. Carol and I have been living together for 18 years now and married for 15 of them. You two have been "together" for 5 years but what does that mean? Do you cohabitate? I'm just trying to understand how you can be so disconnected. Is that level of personal privacy something you both desire?



You say what I was wondering.... My change in behavior is very much noticed by my girls and they are also quick to engage in understanding if there is an issue where they can assist at my direction. I honestly can't imagine my girls coming here whinning about what to do so they can get fucked harder with more lust etc.

Maybe if the OP came here asking how to better help her Man etc because he just isn't the same lately. But the whole thing comes off as poor me. Hell, maybe that is his problem.. It's all about her and not them!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 9:12:14 AM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		angelikaJ
thank you for your reply, this is a forum in which i have chosen to seek out advise and my Beast knows I have reached out, He has asked about the replies last night when we spoke and I have shared them with Him. Perhaps He is not like yours or "many other Masters".

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 9:38:06 AM   
puppet11


Posts: 52
Joined: 7/17/2012
Status: offline 		Jeff BC, your replies have been trully helpful to me... thank you and Carol for your example and willingness to share it with me.

littlewonder, i believe your reply was based on little reading of what has transpired thus far, thank you for your word.

Endivius, i cannot begin to tell you your post sheds a perfect light. We began that process last night in talking and yes there was resistance and i did as you said. yes yes and yes... sincerely thank you.

seasnail, i appreciate your recognition and indentifying my choice of words. i believe the same very much so and yes i have to edit alot to because my emotions and feelings can get in the way of so much and lead me to forget the impact a simply word can make if not used properly. as i believe was evident in the beginning of this post.

Salinedion, i am happy to know that you find comic relief in my post. your welcome. was that all you wanted to say?

KnightofMists,
i agree i came across poorly in the beginning, thank you for pointing it out. clarity it was not about "fucking" I forget that men are literal and women are usually more figurative.

*part of last night's clarity for me - "When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment."




(in reply to puppet11)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 10:00:06 AM   
Byste


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/1/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Salinedion

I just see a passive aggressive siege of Leningrad going on here.

And this highfalutin' "audience" with the dark lord?

More of the same.


Wow. Just...wow. Really? You joined so you can disrespect someone's relationship dynamic? Good luck with that.

Byste

(in reply to Salinedion)
Profile   Post #: 60
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