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Kana -> RE: Leggo my ego*! (7/22/2012 7:55:48 AM)
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quote:
Kana, thank you for telling things from your side. what you have to remember is that this is just a forum, and not everyone does understand how these things work. i certainly don't understand all of it, but i do want to try. from the way littlewonder was putting things over from her point was rather disturbing to me. simply because there are people out there who do take complete advantage of someone in her position. despite what RS and yourself say from a M/D POV it doesn't change the fact that there are always going to be those who get it very wrong. there are going to be sub/slaves left very very damaged by someone else's fuck up. that is what i don't like about it, and is what i said in my very first post.
it's not that i can't see growth and all that as a good thing, it's that i see the potential bad stuff as wrong. just as i see the brain washing of religeous cults as a bad thing. you know what; those people will also say that they are right, and i am just blind for not being able to see what they can see. and yet how many people know these cults are wrong. there is nothing to say that some so called D/M isn't going to do the same thing leaving behind a very broken person behind once they get bored. it can, and does happen simply because of a lack of understanding. now everyone is you Kana.
Thoughts
1-Sometimes, frequently, especially when dealing with things outside one's realm of experience, before understanding can come, judgementality must be put aside. One of the hardest lessons I've learned in life is that just because it's not my way doesn't mean it's not the right way for that person, it just wouldn't be right to/for me. Understanding begins with openmindedness, which can then leads to empathy, compassion and comprehension.
2-Sure, not everyone is gonna be the way RS and I are and sure, some folks will say they know what they are doing and won't.
So what.
Life is full of risks. We trust the strange driver in the lane next to us not to do something absurdly stupid and kill us. we trust that the pilot isn't nodding out on heroin when we board the plane, we trust that we won't get struck by lightning walking out the door.
If you want to taste the passion, live to the fullest, take things to the nth degree you have to risk getting hurt (And here I'm talking emotionally and spiritually as much as anything else). Michael Jordan missed lots of last minute shots. Babe Ruth struck out almost three times as often as he hit home runs.
But their fear of failure didn't deter em from continuing to try...because really, what else is there? A life lived in fear is no sort of life at all.
At some point we as healthy adults need to take leaps of faith or else we will stultify and fail to grow.
Sure some slaves will be damaged by fuck ups, just like lots and lots of nilla's will get hurt by entering into completely BDSM-less relationships. They'll have their hearts broken, go out with losers, some will end up dating creepy stalkers and a few will end up with true sociopaths.
let's be super clear here. Relationships can hurt. A lot...and this isn't limited to us kinksters. But if you wanna taste real love, you gotta risk getting hurt.
It's just that simple.
3-Kana's Law.
"On any BDSM website, no matter what kind of claim someone makes, another poster will almost immediately respond with a worst case scenario that is implausible, unlikely and/or physically impossible."
Example-someone posts that they are new and have few limits..and the very next post will be some ass-hat (Usually me ) saying "Chainsaws?"
Or someone brings up ego deflation in depth and next thing ya know 95% of men are rapists. Ya know, like good thing there ain't any predatory women. No fin dommes ("I will rape your wallet!" I mean really, read some findomme profiles, then ask yourself, WTF would happen if a male dom had a similar profile, you know, one of those "all you women are worthless paypiggie sluts who deserve nothing better than to crawl like the worms you are to eat my shit while turning over all your lifetime assets and possessions" sorta stuff), gold-diggers, black widows, heart-breakers,blackmailers gameplayers, and just evil manipulative self seeking bitches.
The double standard here is amazing -folks act like men aren't taking a risk at all in meeting someone, that the only one at risk is that poor helpless innocent angelic woman (You know, that same slut who wants me to beat her raw, piss on her, fist her and then sodomize her repeatedly, but she's got a halo cuz she's la femme. Talk about sexism at its finest)
You folks ever hear of the badger game?
4-Once again, all this concern, it denigrates slaves/subs and really, women across the board, makes it seem as if they aren't capable and competent to make decisions in their life. Why not assume that they are rational adults fully capable of manning the Conn of their lives?
Lemme share one of life's great truths-you can't play tennis alone. It takes two people to tango and it takes two (At least!) to have a relationship.And ya know what, we are both fully responsible for ourselves...just like, in the end, all people are. Know why? Cuz they the ones being hurt.
Unless the slave/sub/bottom is being held against her will (Which is a first degree felony called Kidnapping 1, punishable from twenty to life) she has a choice. She ain't no victim. She's a willing participant in what goes on.
This nonsense about being "taken full advantage of," it's insulting to her because it implies that she (And to a greater extent, all slaves who read the forums-it's the "What about the children, we have to save the poor innocent children argument" that is used so oft in fear mongering politics) cannot make choices in her life, or worse, is only capable of making bad ones...which is total BS.
One more time, we are (At least by TOS) all adults here. That means each and every one of us is responsible for the decisions we make...and the consequences that come with em.
And personally, frankly, I don't think all this nanny state sheltering is necessarily the best thing for newbies. People grow from pain and love. Who knows what lessons they are supposed to learn from things, from errors, that may stand them well throughout the rest of their life. And who am I to prevent them from having those experiences and learning and growing as a result?
People need to make their own mistakes, they need to learn what works for them and what doesn't. That means sometimes they gonna get let down, disappointed, hurt. That's life.
We do folks no favors by sheltering them. Instead we may stunt their potential by limiting them, trapping them in a cage of their own fears.
edited cuz I type faster than I spell
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