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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 9:35:42 AM

MsGypsey

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Joined: 8/23/2011
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To the OP - I'm sure that this is a difficult time for you and your relationship, especially after so much time together.

I'm going to take it as given that she doesn't want to be with you? I'm not clear as to whether you've talked to her about what the both of you should do next. Does she want to be with you, and in what capacity? (Personally, I would walk away and find someone who appreciates and values what I'm willing to put into a long-term relationship).

But if you're waiting for her to end it with the other man and try again with you to restore the relationship, I somehow don't think that's going to happen for you.
Talk to each other. Tell her what you want, find out what she wants and whether it's something worth salvaging. I, personally, couldn't see how it could work if my sub didn't see me as dominant and then had an 'affair' with someone else. I would find that disrespectful. Perhaps you can develop a different kind or relationship which includes this third person, but it doesn't sound like that's what you want.

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 11:51:01 AM

CHF73

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/16/2012
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Ladies and Gentlemans i have t be honest with you.
In my opinion the D/s aspect fo the situation is not the point to focus on. The real point is: she went on for 18 months on a relationship with a "so called" friend of him behind his back. That's plain "cheating". The real point is can he forgive and forget that she cheated on him with a "friend"?
If she was in need of finding a Dom why didn't she say that clearly, instead of going behind his back? Maybe he would have consented instead she prefer to cheat rather then take the risk of being honest (and eventually dropped).
I might be wrong, but this makes me thing the reason she's still with him is not love or affection of any kind orrespect.

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 12:36:21 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

When I meet a new person - I can usually size up in a very short amount of time whether or not they are smarter, faster, quicker and wiser than myself. That alone will determine if they are dominant to me or not.

I think the OP has gotten perfect advice. I am curious if others feel the same way as the above; do you only feel someone can be dominant to you if they are smarter, faster, etc. than you? Do you need to feel you are less than your Dominant?

For someone to top me, I have to feel chemistry and confidence in his ability to be SSC/RACK. For me to submit to someone's authority in the area of food or finance, I'd want him to have Michael Pollan / Paul Krugman-esque knowledge. For me to be his bar wench, he just needs to growl, "Get me a beer!" authoritatively.

I don't look so much for a dominant vibe at a vanilla meeting, but rather check to see if he feels sane and is he good to the waitstaff. I'm already feeling some chemistry, else we wouldn't be meeting. I want to see if that carries over in person. I've had boring dinners with men who turned out to be very dominant at home and excellent dinners with men who turned out to not click with me in the bedroom.

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 12:56:00 PM

Delilya

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One of things I enjoy most about CM is that you get to see so many different perspectives.

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 1:06:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

do you only feel someone can be dominant to you if they are smarter, faster, etc. than you? Do you need to feel you are less than your Dominant?

For me, yes. If Master wasn't smarter, faster, etc..than me I would just think to myself, why do I need a dominant in my life? I'd just take care of it myself and find a guy that I found attractive and not worry about the rest.

Do I feel like I am less? Not really but I do feel I am inferior to him. There's a difference.

When I first met Master, if he had not been the dominant personality sort of man....ordering my food before I even said anything, taking care of any problems, being the one who said first that he wanted to move from coffee to dinner, making the first moves, etc....I would have never spent more than a night with him. (yeah, ok, I found him hot and would have at least gotten a night out of him lol).

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 3:39:02 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stitches79

I've been in a relationship with a sub for 5 years, now i'm very new to the Dom/sub game and i wanted to make her happy.
So i spent a number of weeks reading reading and more reading, i finaly bring it up to her what i've been doing and asked her how she felt about it,
She went off on a rant about how she dose not see me as a Dom, that she could not submit to me, i was shocked that i was giving her want she wanted of me yet turned me down in a way i didnt see coming.

I thought fine, np. i found out this week, she has been in a Dom/sub relationship for 18 months with someone we both know, he only tells he to do things with texts and i know they have done a few things on skype.

What i want to know, should i forget her all together for doing this behind my back. i love her very much but i dont know what to do about this. can we still be together knowing she wants to be collard by this "friend" and since he's not going to be with her one to one, can he really be her Dom?

Very stresed and very welcome to any advice.

She's toast.

Say goodbye. Move on.

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/19/2012 7:05:29 PM

MissImmortalPain

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As someone that has spent a lot of time in a realationship trying to make the other person happy while the whole time I was being lied to and cheated on my honest advice is.....RUN. You will never be able to change yourself into something else just to make another person happy. And trying will just make you crazy.

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RE: Some advice would go along way. - 7/20/2012 4:29:41 PM

strictcruelnasty

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;;/;;;;;

< Message edited by strictcruelnasty -- 7/20/2012 4:32:28 PM >

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