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sheisreeds -> RE: BDSM vs S&M (7/19/2012 4:16:35 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hathgriven
I've never gotten into this scene before because I'm not particularly interested in the majority of BDSM stuff (e.g., role playing, leather, etc., basically anything that isn't solely for a physical feeling, the typical stuff you see when you search for BDSM), but am really only interested in the pain and tying up side of things (serious rope bondage, clamps, really rough sex, cutting, other knife play, ice play, etc.).
Other than the ropes this is a lot of my partner's and my interests. I classify myself as a sadomasochist first, and then as a switch. The S&M side is far more important to me, and the D/s stuff. You're not the only one on that front.
quote:
Further, I'm best classified as a dom, but I don't feel like that label fits either. I'm looking for a sub who will challenge me and struggle back, and on rare occasion, give her a big head-start on tying me up and let her treat me like I treat her, struggling back to regain my dominance.
So you're into power play and adversarial play. This is a bit more rare. I know a lot of folks who get into it for a specific scene, though not many where this is their preferred mode. My relationship, however, works a lot like this without the rope. We do a lot of physical fighting, both of trying to gain control, and not caring too much when we're losing. However, chances are you would more want a sadomasochist switch partner, versus a submissive.
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I feel like I'm in a small minority among this crowd.
It is really just more specific, and specific in a way that sorts out some of the roles. Truth of the matter is that all BDSM relationships in the end are THIS specific, though the nuances come out after you say you are a dom looking for a sub. I found that clarifying my role and interest helped a lot in explaining what I wanted and what I was looking for.
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Further, I've only met a couple women who have the same desires as me, and they seem to have serious mental health issues that start spilling over into and harming other aspects of life. I finally got into a relationship with one such woman, and it got so bad she recently got arrested for domestic abuse against me after she isolated me from friends and family and emotionally abused me (long story, and I'm not going to go into details).
I'm sorry to hear about your experience, however, I think the "serious mental health" issues folk participate in all roles of the scene and in all walks of human life. Screening folks closely helps.
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So, my main question is: are there many other people out there like me? If so, what experiences have you had?
I'm totally similar to what you describe.
I've had some great scenes with dominants that were ok with me fighting back. I met some interesting switches that like sparring.
I finally found the motherfucker who is as sick and twisted as I am three years ago, and amazingly enough in a vanilla context. There was no talk about BDSM until he almost bit a hole through my jeans the first time we made out.
As I said we love to fight, not wrestle, but fight. We've sometimes used toys in some of our bigger matches. We're really into being absurd so we pick some strange things. My favorite was when we fought with mops, even after the handles split, got some nice gouges out of that. We do knife, play. fire play, cutting and blood play. We know are way around a pile of clamps and clothespins, canes, and carbon fiber wands.
With fire, and blood play we are very quiet and in more of a cooperative meditative mode.
We've met people similar to us along the way.
I've also met a few sadist and masochist parings if that's more how you roll.
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