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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 5:30:16 PM

kalikshama

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/thud/

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 5:40:43 PM

topcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

"BDSM" is an umbrella term, invented on AOL sometime around 1996. It's a compacted acronym for Bondage and Discipline/ Dominance and Submission/Sado-Masochism. I dislike it, becuase it covers so much ground, it tends to confuse discussions.

Actually, it was around before 1996, and the D/s part is a bastardization of the original term. It was actually started in 1990 and was coined by Richard Chandler at the University of Maryland.

Can you cite that? Seriously, I researched it pretty thoroughly a few years back, and couldn't find any use of "BDSM" before '96, on AOL. At that time, D/S was included.

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 5:43:50 PM

LadyPact

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Wiseman actually discusses it in the latest version of "SM101".

Kind of odd to Me, since I wasn't on the net in the nineties. I'd really like some of the old usenet forums to chime in on the internet experience.

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 5:51:45 PM

littlewonder

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I dunno when the term first popped up but I remember being online in 1995 and I remember the term being used at alt.net and prodigy chat rooms. 1995 was the first time I went to a bdsm chat room because I had no idea what the term was and I was curious.

Ok so according to wikipedia:

"The abbreviation BDSM itself was probably coined in the early 1990s in the subculture connected with the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage. The earliest posting with the term which is now preserved in Google Groups dates from June 1991."

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/19/2012 5:57:59 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 6:15:25 PM

hathgriven

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LadyPact, thanks for the cutting post. That reminded me a little of my first time with cutting. And I agree that nothing had ever prepared me for the intensity of that moment (meant in a good way).

Licking salt before licking her wounds was an amazingly intense bonding experience we had after cutting became kind of a normal thing. But you have to be pretty tough to be able to take that, especially if the cuts are on sensitive areas.

Before we started cutting, we'd licked each others' wounds from sparring with weapons. That was a good natural way to ease into it for us.

< Message edited by hathgriven -- 7/19/2012 6:16:16 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 6:29:32 PM

LadyPact

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Look up PheonixB. Completely fascinating and far more accomplished than I am. Seriously, attend a demo.

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 6:47:18 PM

DesFIP

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So you like very rough play. Including wrestling and take down scenes where both of you fight no holds barred. That's fine. As is severe pain, very tight bondage, cutting etc IF you know what you're doing. None of that belongs in s & m 101. It's advanced class stuff. Have you taken workshops in it? Have you any experience doing the milder things yet?

Because if you haven't, then it's like a couch potato announcing he wants to do triathlons when in reality, a walk around the block is beyond his limit.

Since all this advanced play can be risky, you need to know how to minimize risks, and how to prove your knowledge to a potential partner.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 7:02:23 PM

hathgriven

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She's currently in medical school (and her mom was in the medical field too, so she'd learned a lot growing up), and we've both had martial arts training and are in excellent physical shape. We haven't taken any workshops as you'd mentioned, but we had read up about stuff first. We always had precautions handy (scissors, knives, plenty of first-aid, etc.), kept things clean and sterile where appropriate (we're both a little OCD about cleanliness and sanitation).

Yeah, I'm very well aware of the risks. We learned a bit together, slowly ramping things up over a 6 month period. I also know not to bite off more than I can chew (pun intended). And I know when I find someone new that I'll want to start over, ramp back up, and not advance too quickly.

< Message edited by hathgriven -- 7/19/2012 7:03:36 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 7:05:56 PM

littlewonder

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wow...really? Eeerr...you really need to take classes for a take down scene??? Huh...I knew I've been doing something wrong all these years. I won't comment on the cutting stuff because I don't feel like an all night debate. heh

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 9:17:50 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I dunno when the term first popped up but I remember being online in 1995 and I remember the term being used at alt.net and prodigy chat rooms. 1995 was the first time I went to a bdsm chat room because I had no idea what the term was and I was curious.

Ok so according to wikipedia:

"The abbreviation BDSM itself was probably coined in the early 1990s in the subculture connected with the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage. The earliest posting with the term which is now preserved in Google Groups dates from June 1991."

Yup, I started in 1992 and the term BDSM was already very entrenched at that point.

http://www.bdsm-institute.com/en/words/bdsm.html

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/19/2012 9:19:44 PM >

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 9:24:33 PM

OsideGirl

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Wait....wait....wait....His Tallness had given me the absolute definition: The difference between DBSM and S&M is duct tape.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 10:28:09 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

wow...really? Eeerr...you really need to take classes for a take down scene??? Huh...I knew I've been doing something wrong all these years. I won't comment on the cutting stuff because I don't feel like an all night debate. heh

Well, you don't *have* to, but there is always something to be learned.

In My opinion, it's like opera. You either love it or you won't.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 10:33:48 PM

littlewonder

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I just don't understand having to learn how to struggle and fight...you both start pulling and tearing and hitting each other, knock each other to the ground or against walls and floors and furniture, etc.....maybe give a few good bites and pulling out of hair, a few hard kicks here and there until you're both hot enough to want to fuck each other.

What else is there to know?

I dunno. Maybe I've gotten into enough cat fights and arguments with men in my life in the past when I was young lol.

I think most times we overdo and over-exaggerate "safety" aspects in bdsm like don't put your hand through the flame. It might burn you and in case you do, run it under cold water for first degree burns. Don't use butter. It's an old wives tale and if it's worse than that, go to the hospital. Um ok. Maybe if I was 9 yrs old I might not know that.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/19/2012 10:36:17 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 10:45:51 PM

sheisreeds

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I do actually completely understand the want, and need for training in fights.

If you are doing a fight scene for keeps it is shoes on, belts on (or off!) anything fucking goes.

Fights easily tread into some pretty extreme edge play. It's good to know where on the body to avoid, and what to do in case of an emergency. Because those can easily happen. Fights have way less control than a typical S/m scene because you are the target, and your target is moving.

My WORST injuries in kink have come from fighting. Almost broke a few fingers a couple of times, and some VERY intense bruising, and a few scars.

I don't think training is necessary, we mostly relied on good communication. If one of us ended up really fucked we'd say so and at least pause until the situation was accessed.

Though to be a bit saner about it all a few classes isn't a terrible idea.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/19/2012 11:45:50 PM

littlewonder

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I guess my thoughts about fights are not that big a deal because where I grew up and came from, fights are an everyday common occurence...among everyone...sisters, friends, evil exes, not so evil exes, the boy next door, the pastor at the church, aunts against evil stepdad. Yeah, some ended up in hospitals with broken ribs, cuts above the eye, etc...but I guess I don't see that as being any different from bdsm play in general. Shit happens. You get a cut or a scrape, you break something, etc...I mean, I think where not to hit is pretty common sense...the gonads are another thing completely...depends on who you talk to if it's fair game or not lol.

I mean don't we all know, don't cut off the air supply to the brain or cut off the major arteries and if you kick someone in the kidneys it could cause some mighty fine problems? Haven't we all heard this stuff since first grade unless you grew up in Africa or under a rug?

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 8:11:22 AM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hathgriven
First up, I'm new to this site and the forums, so hi :-).

I've never gotten into this scene before because I'm not particularly interested in the majority of BDSM stuff (e.g., role playing, leather, etc., basically anything that isn't solely for a physical feeling, the typical stuff you see when you search for BDSM), but am really only interested in the pain and tying up side of things (serious rope bondage, clamps, really rough sex, cutting, other knife play, ice play, etc.).

Alrighty, your into tying up (B), dominance (D), sadism (S) and being into that you must be looking for a masochist (M). Yeah sounds like BDSM to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hathgriven
Further, I'm best classified as a dom, but I don't feel like that label fits either. I'm looking for a sub who will challenge me and struggle back, and on rare occasion, give her a big head-start on tying me up and let her treat me like I treat her, struggling back to regain my dominance.

Are you familiar with the idea of a switch?

quote:

ORIGINAL: hathgriven
I feel like I'm in a small minority among this crowd. Further, I've only met a couple women who have the same desires as me, and they seem to have serious mental health issues that start spilling over into and harming other aspects of life. I finally got into a relationship with one such woman, and it got so bad she recently got arrested for domestic abuse against me after she isolated me from friends and family and emotionally abused me (long story, and I'm not going to go into details).

So, my main question is: are there many other people out there like me?

Depends... :S in terms of kinksters being abused by partners with serious mental health issues...I don't know, I hope not.

in terms of switches, yeah that exists but it may exclude you a little bit.

in terms of not wanting to dress up in purple pantaloons, a feathered hat and be referred to as Lord Banana Pants....you are so not alone there plenty of us are not into that aspect of things.

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RE: BSDM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 8:20:51 AM

topcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I dunno when the term first popped up but I remember being online in 1995 and I remember the term being used at alt.net and prodigy chat rooms. 1995 was the first time I went to a bdsm chat room because I had no idea what the term was and I was curious.

Ok so according to wikipedia:

"The abbreviation BDSM itself was probably coined in the early 1990s in the subculture connected with the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage. The earliest posting with the term which is now preserved in Google Groups dates from June 1991."

Yup, I started in 1992 and the term BDSM was already very entrenched at that point.

http://www.bdsm-institute.com/en/words/bdsm.html

Thanks!

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 10:50:02 AM

Ishtarr

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quote:

I'm looking for a sub who will challenge me and struggle back, and on rare occasion, give her a big head-start on tying me up and let her treat me like I treat her, struggling back to regain my dominance.

I LOVE struggle during play.
I'm an escape artist when it comes to rope and cuffs. I love fighting back and him conquering/winning.
It's why I only date men who are clearly physically stronger than me.

Struggling during play is all about the pretend "force" me to do something I actually really want you to do kind of play. The play itself is ok, but the struggle and fake force is the cherrie on top for me.

I have no serious mental issues and have been happily married for 2 years now. My husband likes "force" as well, so it's all good to us.

So yes, what you are looking for exists, and is possible in a stable, healthy, long term relationship. You just need to find somebody compatible.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 10:52:16 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
So yes, what you are looking for exists, and is possible in a stable, healthy, long term relationship. You just need to find somebody compatible.

Wait. Did I miss the memo? When did YOU become stable and healthy? :)

j/k of course.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 10:57:50 AM

chastityslaveFE

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I'm not sure why you titled this 'bdsm vs s&m'.

A masochist wouldn't be interested in Dominance, or a struggle for power - they just like pain being inflicted on them.

As regards the problems you have had with women, I would suggest that is because you are looking for someone to 'challenge your dominance'. I would recommend you describe yourself simply as a sadist and look for a masochist - the lack of authority should certainly challenge any feelings of entitlement to a power exchange that you have, and could avoid the mental health problems you have encountered in the sub / switchy women you have met.

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