RE: BDSM vs S&M

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 10:58:00 AM

Ishtarr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
So yes, what you are looking for exists, and is possible in a stable, healthy, long term relationship. You just need to find somebody compatible.

Wait. Did I miss the memo? When did YOU become stable and healthy? :)

j/k of course.

Since my husband started telling me what to do more often.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 10:59:22 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
Since my husband started telling me what to do more often.

hahahahaha... touche

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Post #: 42

RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 11:36:38 AM

graceadieu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

I do actually completely understand the want, and need for training in fights.

If you are doing a fight scene for keeps it is shoes on, belts on (or off!) anything fucking goes.

Fights easily tread into some pretty extreme edge play. It's good to know where on the body to avoid, and what to do in case of an emergency. Because those can easily happen. Fights have way less control than a typical S/m scene because you are the target, and your target is moving.

Yeah, somebody that's totally inexperienced is actually more likely to injure the other person by accident. At the martial arts school I go to they say "the most dangerous person is a white belt", because newbies often don't have enough control or training yet to be able to aim their strikes at safe areas or do joint locks using a safe amount of power and can accidently injure the person their working with.

< Message edited by graceadieu -- 7/20/2012 11:37:12 AM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 11:49:22 AM

hathgriven

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Joined: 6/25/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chastityslaveFE
I'm not sure why you titled this 'bdsm vs s&m'.

Though I'm not new to my desires and have some experience, I've never talked about this stuff in a social setting before. In short, I'm a noob on the terminology.

graceadieu, I'd also add that people not in control of their emotions or competitive streaks can be equally dangerous as white belts. Even if you know what you're doing but you have uncontrollable anger, it can get out of line. For example, if you slip and you end up cracking your head against something, there's a natural reaction to that which can make some people angry. You have to know yourself and your limits.

< Message edited by hathgriven -- 7/20/2012 11:50:05 AM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 3:33:37 PM

sheisreeds

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On Training and Fighting:

Littlewonder: Overall, honestly I agree with you. Though there are dumbnuts into kink that community needs to account for. I think classes in anything where there is any risk of grave harm should be offered by local communities, if only for CYA! It differentiates US from the assholes who cut open their partner's vagina in a fuck saw accident(yes this happened, someone thought it wise to put the dildo on the SAW BLADE) . Also sometimes instruction can be incredibly useful, and there are some areas where safety on the whole tends to be way underlooked (fire play being a biggie).

CPR/First aid, standard precautions, real fire safety, needles, knives, and heavy impact play are all areas where common sense and solid foundation of knowledge are needed.

I also agree that the BDSM "community" has a tendency to become so obsessed with safety that the appearance of safe ends up coming before actual safety.

I was at an event where only a set list of vetted folks could do fire play, and there had to be a dm, and a spotter, and all this other crap. I walk in and the bottom is wearing nylons, and a skirt all of which could melt to her skin in a second if there was any sort of slip. And the tops flame was mere inches from this potential hot melty inferno. All that appearance of safety wouldn't have counted for shit.

Also fighting someone you are angry at, or someone who is angry at you is very different than play with a partner. The goals and motives are different, with very different results. Not to mention ER visits due to BDSM are not very fun. We've been accused of DV before, don't wanna bring doctors and cops into it.

I came into edgier play already having a background in First Aid, CPR, professional fire performing, Anatomy and Physiology, among other things. Along with years and years of working up to my edges. So I didn't practice what I just preached, I used what I already new, supplemented with some research, some talks with folks I trusted, and a lot of common sense. Which bridges into:

graceadieu and hathgriven:

Injury can easily be avoided by going slow and learning as you go. We started by rough wrestling, kicking, biting, slapping while laying down. Then we started standing up on carpet/mats. Then we started using some toys while we fought. It was a progression overtime. We got better at it, learned how to hit harder and more safely. We learned how to make it more of a spectacle. In a lot of ways we jumped right into the deep end of the pool. We didn't dive though, if we had we would of cracked our heads open.

< Message edited by sheisreeds -- 7/20/2012 3:36:58 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 6:01:42 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hathgriven
In my extraordinarily limited experience, the particular things I'm looking for seems to go hand and hand with some form of mental heath issues. Is that something I need to watch out for (be skeptical until proven otherwise), or have I just had bad luck?

To me it says that you look for unstable, unhealthy partners.

There's a saying that we can go into a crowded room and unerringly pick out the worst possible partner for us.

If all your partners are unstable, then that's not a coincidence. The common factor is you. Do something to find out why these are the people who attract you, and deal with the cause, then you'll start to be attracted to healthier people.

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Post #: 46

RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/20/2012 10:08:45 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

Littlewonder: Overall, honestly I agree with you. Though there are dumbnuts into kink that community needs to account for. I think classes in anything where there is any risk of grave harm should be offered by local communities, if only for CYA! It differentiates US from the assholes who cut open their partner's vagina in a fuck saw accident(yes this happened, someone thought it wise to put the dildo on the SAW BLADE) . Also sometimes instruction can be incredibly useful, and there are some areas where safety on the whole tends to be way underlooked (fire play being a biggie).

I guess this is why I don't get all the safety stuff...I don't consider myself part of some kind of bdsm community nor do I feel responsible for the dumbnuts.

I'm more of the type that if they hurt themselves because they are stupid then they are one less in the gene pool.

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RE: BDSM vs S&M - 7/21/2012 5:28:41 AM

sheisreeds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I guess this is why I don't get all the safety stuff...I don't consider myself part of some kind of bdsm community nor do I feel responsible for the dumbnuts.

I'm more of the type that if they hurt themselves because they are stupid then they are one less in the gene pool.

Anyone who feels responsible for them, or that they can stop them is just as stupid. Though when news like that breaks, and questions start getting asked about our activities and events the fact that there is some culture of safety is protection from everyone else.

I guess too, no offense meant here at all! Safety issues tend to more concern the top/sadist/dom. As a submissive I cared for my own safety, I cared that the people I engaged with as a submissive knew what they were doing, but all the little pieces of it didn't matter. Even when I started intensely switching roles, as soon as I took a submissive/bottom stance again it didn't matter. It was honestly a benefit, and a relief. I got to give that responsibility to someone else. As a submissive my responsibility was to be vulnerable and to obey.

When I started becoming the top/dominant/sadist it all really started to matter. Depending on the level of power exchange and/or the activity being performed the level for which I was responsible for someone else's well being dramatically increased.

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Post #: 48