quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

Honestly no I didn't give him a list of my expectations, I did not even know what they were. He introduced me to this lifestyle and it was an instant attraction mentally and physically, but as far as this problem I am discussing now, no I didnt give him expectations, it didnt come up for awhile, didnt even think about it, I was just so thrown for a loop of the emotions and discoveries, I had no idea what to expect. I was so happy that I was blind for awhile and issues didnt pop up for awhile. It was a frenzy and I just didnt know what rules applied. But I see same rules apply now as with any relationship. It seems now in our relationship, which is stupid I know, now I am getting serious about my needs. Thats my fault, he has never lied to my knowledge. Just fails to answer or says you will know what you need to know for the time. I just feel we are at some turning point and before I go deeper, I need to get things cleared up or walk.
He has been reliable. If I need him he is there, always. This is pretty important though to me the sharing part, I hate to end our relationship when we have other things that are so good.
I am the one not trusting, he has never proven to be untrustworthy. Its just the evasion breeds mistrust in me. WHich is my problem but still sharing is important to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

I would really appreciate any honest, staight forward advice about a relationship I have. I am ashamed to say Im having trouble finding my own answers, and was hoping peoples perspective might open a door.
I am a slave without full disclosure from my master. When I ask certain questions he will either ignor them, or say you will know what you need to know. We have a internet/real meeting relationship and live in different towns. We see each other every 2 to 3 weeks. The biggest question he ignors is how many others are there, if any. He will not answer. I think this is something he should share with me. AM I wrong? He and I have been through so much and his denial of various questions makes trusting him very difficult. Is not trust the foundation of a healthy relationship.
I really wonder how other's whether sub or dom would feel about it. Why somoene would not share information and why, when I say Im okay with whatever the answer is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

Thank you givemyall. I wish you a healthy recovery and a future fulfilling relationship.

lol, I don't need a detective, because the evasive behaviour is good enough for me to make a decision and less expensive.
Last night I asked the same question and I got the same answer. I stated how I felt and how I couldn't get past it and his response was "YOU WILL AND YOU CAN, quit overthinking everything" translation to me was "JUST DONT THINK" That response felt like a devaluing of how I feel. So I will return the favor and he will just not be able to get ahold of me anymore. Wanted to leave me guessing, he will also get the same treatment. He doesnt even know I wont be seeing him anymore, the evasion should give him a clue. I really liked the man, and wanted myself to give the chance for a possible solution but its not going to work. It is a deal breaker. I am not afraid of being alone, I wont be I already have a date lined up.

I have tired of the nawing in the pit of my stomach, and not being true to myself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Okay, that is good you have come to this decision. You now know what you need in a relationship.

But um, don't line up dates (please).

You won't be okay with someone unless and until you are okay with yourself. That means being okay with being alone. Very hard to do.

You really should spend some time thinking about why YOU, YOU chose to get so involved with someone who was not willing to communicate with you on a basic level. Sure, you can go on bad mouthing him for being a dick or whatever, that won't change who HE is.

How about you? You can change you. You can decide to stick up for yourself and be true to yourself. But that won't happen unless you take the time to reflect and ponder and uncover some things about yourself you may not like.

I've had to do it (more than once).

It's tough work. I came so close to losing someone great b/c I was too screwed up to deal with him. It took me several months of therapy (again, not for the first time).

Please get help with this.

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I am curious, do you think I am the one screwing up the relationship?

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ORIGINAL: SongofSirens


If they cant hit on the minimum needs, move onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Those minimum needs become HUGE later, you cant over look them for long.

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ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

I think everyone needs a questionare they hand out in the beginning of relationships before you EVEN think about pursuing something. I dont care how cute they are or hot or smart or witty or loaded. Once you get involved its really easy to fool yourself because you want too.

If they cant hit on the minimum needs, move onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Those minimum needs become HUGE later, you cant over look them for long. and if you do you become unhealthy, the longer it goes on the more unhealthy. If someone is not a good match, doesnt matter how bad you want the match, it makes you unhappy or it did me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

You know yourself better than anyone else here. So, do as you see fit. But if you see yourself repeating a bad pattern, stop that shit in it's tracks and take yourself to a professional for some sorting.

How does that sound?

As far as your relationship, you both worked to screw it up. He by being evasive, you by letting it ride.

Best, CP


Absolutely, agreed. Thanks all. and GIVEMYALL..........hahahahaha........his need wasnt that HUGE anyway.....funny shit.