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RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/21/2012 7:56:48 PM

MistressDarkArt

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Good on you for walking away without an explanation. Since he can't be arsed to answer your question, you needn't be arsed to explain your absence.

None of us were born relationship experts. Every single one of us has done something which felt good at the time but turned out to be foolish later on. If there is someone here who hasn't, just gold plate that halo above your head and feel free to turn up your holier-than-thou nose at the rest of us.

OP, grieve as long as you need to. Take away the lessons you learned and let the rest of it fly away. Then go forth on your clear new path, open to new possibilities and embracing freedom. You're smart. You'll be fine.

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Post #: 81

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/21/2012 10:23:53 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

I think everyone needs a questionare they hand out in the beginning of relationships before you EVEN think about pursuing something. I dont care how cute they are or hot or smart or witty or loaded. Once you get involved its really easy to fool yourself because you want too.

If they cant hit on the minimum needs, move onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Those minimum needs become HUGE later, you cant over look them for long. and if you do you become unhealthy, the longer it goes on the more unhealthy. If someone is not a good match, doesnt matter how bad you want the match, it makes you unhappy or it did me.

OOORR....here's a new way to do it that works....it does, really. I have a secret to tell you...wanna know what it is?????

Date

Yeah, you heard me....date. Remember that old fashioned idea of going out, talking, having fun together, talking some more, finding out new things about each other by listening and asking and telling about each other??? You know, that crazy idea that one should get to know someone first????

I know...stupid huh? But it works. I am testimonial. I promise.

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Post #: 82

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 6:48:50 AM

sheisreeds

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Joined: 7/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Good on you for walking away without an explanation. Since he can't be arsed to answer your question, you needn't be arsed to explain your absence.

Except she managed to get in and out of the relationship without ever stating her expectations or needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

OOORR....here's a new way to do it that works....it does, really. I have a secret to tell you...wanna know what it is?????

Date

Yeah, you heard me....date. Remember that old fashioned idea of going out, talking, having fun together, talking some more, finding out new things about each other by listening and asking and telling about each other??? You know, that crazy idea that one should get to know someone first????

I know...stupid huh? But it works. I am testimonial. I promise.

Me too, but, I bet you were smart about it and while being demure at those first meetings, still managed to ask important questions and observe enough to know your feelings were in the right place. You also seem to have more than a bit of emotional intelligence.

This chica has got some work to do on that front.

Also I think she's gotta pay attention to more than "basic" needs.

Also makes me wonder if she is confusing being submissive with not getting her needs met.

< Message edited by sheisreeds -- 7/22/2012 6:49:27 AM >

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Post #: 83

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 7:59:54 AM

SongofSirens

Posts: 43
Joined: 7/20/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Good on you for walking away without an explanation. Since he can't be arsed to answer your question, you needn't be arsed to explain your absence.

Except she managed to get in and out of the relationship without ever stating her expectations or needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

OOORR....here's a new way to do it that works....it does, really. I have a secret to tell you...wanna know what it is?????

Date

Yeah, you heard me....date. Remember that old fashioned idea of going out, talking, having fun together, talking some more, finding out new things about each other by listening and asking and telling about each other??? You know, that crazy idea that one should get to know someone first????

I know...stupid huh? But it works. I am testimonial. I promise.

Me too, but, I bet you were smart about it and while being demure at those first meetings, still managed to ask important questions and observe enough to know your feelings were in the right place. You also seem to have more than a bit of emotional intelligence.

This chica has got some work to do on that front.

Also I think she's gotta pay attention to more than "basic" needs.

Also makes me wonder if she is confusing being submissive with not getting her needs met.

Just a quick reply. I think asking him one last time to meet my need of not being in the dark was stating the expectation. especially when I said "it is a need of mine" and he denied it. I might have not stated my needs in the very beginning which was a mistake but I did state it at the end. Better then never stating it.
I stated in the thread I have a date lined up, a safe date with someone I trust, just for a start. I have always dated vanilla guys, so this was a whole new experience that threw me off. I always stated my needs very early in a relationship before.

You really cant make valid assessments until you actually know the information. So if You dont know it just make it up! Gess.

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Post #: 84

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 8:09:11 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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listen, hon. You want relevent advice? give relevent info.

quote:

You really cant make valid assessments until you actually know the information. So if You dont know it just make it up!

eta: and I don't mean just on an anonymous forum.

ALSO, you want stuff in a relationship? make it KNOWN before the relationship gets beyond the "getting to know you" stage.

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/22/2012 8:10:42 AM >

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Post #: 85

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 8:14:57 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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True dat.

BTW: I'd love to see a pic of Amos of the yellow eyes.

I have one blue eyed furcritter and one jade eyed. No goldies here

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Post #: 86

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 8:25:40 AM

GreedyTop

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if I can ever get her to sit still long enough... she is totally camera shy. the candids I get of her are always from behind, or too far away to get the full eye effect...

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Post #: 87

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 8:27:08 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Oh I so understand. I have the same issue, as soon as they see the camera, they run.

Bad cats !! I haz em !!

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Post #: 88

RE: Desperate need of advice - 7/22/2012 8:33:57 AM

GreedyTop

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I swear, it is easier to get pics of most of the ferals than it is to get pics of my live-ins!!

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Post #: 89

RE: Desperate need of advice - 8/4/2012 9:31:36 PM

Silentrunner26

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Joined: 7/15/2009
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This is just me but if I can't be fully open and honest I don't need her around . Honesty is the basis of any relationship . There has been many times I have been aske how many women have I been with and then she walks off . If you don't want to know don't ask !

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Post #: 90

RE: Desperate need of advice - 8/4/2012 10:15:37 PM

Silentrunner26

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I have found if there is not trust then there is only the sex and soon that will go bad .

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Post #: 91

RE: Desperate need of advice - 8/5/2012 3:49:26 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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This read reminds me of how soooooo many fail at Basic Communication skills and considerations (it's not funny).

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Post #: 92

RE: Desperate need of advice - 8/5/2012 10:01:59 AM

OsideGirl

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The OP of this thread has admitted that it is a sock account and this thread is fake

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Post #: 93

RE: Desperate need of advice - 8/5/2012 10:04:01 AM

VideoAdminTheta

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And with that said.