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Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:04:31 AM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		Saw this thread asking the Mistresses on protocol for touching, and it reminded me of a recent experience.

I was chatting to someone at a club, when they reached up and stroked my hair - I was flattered, but also somewhat uncomfortable at the contact. I'm relatively shy most of the time, so just made my excuses and wandered to the bar, it was a fetish night at a swingers club so I shouldn't have been that surprised really.

The thread also brought to mind the beginning of the film Preaching to the Perverted, as the main character enters his first club he is surrounded by hands touching him.

So I guess my own thoughts lie at protocol in reverse, the dominant approaching a sub in a club setting - where do you stand?

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:32:15 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Swingers tend to be...aggressive with physical contact. When there was a phase of swinger/bdsm crossover here, we had a very hard time getting them to understand the 'hands to yourself' policy.

I am Italian. It's very hard for me to have a conversation without using my hands! When I like someone, I tend to want to touch them...so that whole self control thing, yes.

I don't put my hands on people unless I'm invited. I know I don't accept it from strangers, why should they accept it from me? Not my submissive, not my date, just NOT.



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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:33:16 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't think Master would be very happy if someone touched me at a club without his permission. Plus I would be freaked out by it and ask Master if we could leave. I would not feel comfortable being there any longer.

I don't understand what gets into some people to just come up to someone and touch them...a complete stranger. And this isn't all in bdsm either. When I was pregnant, I had people come up to me and touch my stomach without asking...wtf? I once had a lady here in Baltimore a few months back, touch the dress I had on because she thought it was pretty and wanted to know what kind of fabric it was...eeerr...ask me first??? <shakes head>


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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:39:46 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		I could care less where I am, what Im doing. If someone I dont know touches me in an inappropriate way, Im going to trip out. I dont care what they label themselves. They are still a stranger.

Im not sure where people get off thinking that Its okay to do that to someone - that them thinking that because they have given themselves some unearned title with me, that they can say or do anything, and Im going to comply with it.



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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:43:47 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I once dislocated a guy's thumb at a social when he decided to touch the knife marks on my upper chest without asking first. I think that pretty much explains my point of view.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:44:52 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I approve of Oside Girl's reaction.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:53:53 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not a melon or a loaf of bread so please don't
come over and give me a squeeze.

It makes me very uncomfortable.
I've had uninvited touching happen
to me in various ways. Men and women
both have stroked or pulled my hair
without asking. I don't know what
possesses some people.

I don't think a dominate has the right
to go up to a submissive a touch them
without their consent. Unless it's at
a party where that's the norm and
everyone is cool with it.

And not having a dom doesn't mean
a submissive is literally up for grabs.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:59:51 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		How does anyone know who's a dom, a sub, or whatever just by looking? Xray specs?

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 11:10:59 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Personally I don't have issues with contact and like others here, don't touch without permission.

That said, I plan to touch my girl all I want. But if we were together and someone tried to touch her then yes, FULL HACKLES. I'm very protective and unless it's someone I know is a friend of hers (pre-established, that sort of thing is fully understandable) I would not like it, and I'd react accordingly by stepping in the space between them, if necessary. I'd be subtle if possible, to avoid making her feel awkward, but if subtlety wasn't an option then I'd just flat out deal with it.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 11:12:08 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Even worse - theyre usually some geek wanting to get laid - that have no social skills and think that they are in some candy store full of easy women/men.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

How does anyone know who's a dom, a sub, or whatever just by looking? Xray specs?



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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 11:20:17 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't understand what gets into some people to just come up to someone and touch them...a complete stranger. And this isn't all in bdsm either.



I agree. There's a man at work who touches my shoulder when he talks to me. On man held a door open for me and put his hand on my waist as I walked through. What the heck?

I am pretty touchy-feely with friends, but if they are male friends, only if they're very close friends.

Once the ladies at the nail salon all asked if they could touch my tummy, because I've lost so much weight and my waist is pretty small these days. They asked as they were already touching it. I laughed and wondered if this is what pregnant women go through. They are sweet ladies and I didn't really mind, but it was weird.

But a stranger? Uh, not cool.


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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 11:36:08 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I got a creeper at a fetish club (not swinger) a few years ago, while I was single.

I was at the bar, ordering a drink. He came up behind me, buried his face in my hair and put his hand on my ass. He then said "wanna play?"

I replied "not this side of hell, sunshine" or words to that effect.

He said "awwww, why not?"

So I was brutally honest. I said "your breath smells, your hand is clammy, you stink of piss and sweat and your penis is very small".

Sometimes you can inflict the right kind of pain in words rather than gestures

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 11:42:45 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Several years ago, a bunch of us were at a bar, dancing and having a blast. One really strange feller kept going up to all the women and just being touchy feely and just gross. Something about him just made the hair stand up on the back of ya neck yanno.

About 8 or 9 of us were dancing, and he came up, kinda dancing on the perimeter of our group. We all did everything we could to just not make eye contact.

He went up and hugged up to one gal, she just danced away from him, and I saw him coming up to me. I tried to move away, but he grabbed me around the waist, from behind, and kinda made boob contact. At the same time I screamed "Get your fucking hands off of me asshole", loud enough to be heard over the band, the song ended. So, it was heard on the next block I think.

Most of the women there clapped their hands, he called me a fat cunt, and then he left.

So yeah, don't touch me if you don't know it is ok.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 12:29:38 PM   
Char2688


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Cesar Milan says
No touch
No talk
No eye contact
Until everyone is comfortable and gets to know one another a little

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 1:30:34 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I tried to move away, but he grabbed me around the waist, from behind, and kinda made boob contact. At the same time I screamed "Get your fucking hands off of me asshole", loud enough to be heard over the band, the song ended. So, it was heard on the next block I think.

Most of the women there clapped their hands, he called me a fat cunt, and then he left.


I will never understand why fat only becomes relevant after rejection.




< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/20/2012 1:31:33 PM >

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 1:37:18 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I figure it must be the ultimate insult, if even a fat cunt doesn't wanna have anything to do with ya. I mean, we are desperate for any man who will show us any attention, dontcha know!

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 1:58:27 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Or - words theyve injected for thinner people - disgusting, sleezy, ugly, old, used-up, easy -
they all deserve a loud round of applause - its like RIGHT THE FUCK ON - YOURE AWESOME!!
Ive said it once, Ill say it again - these type of people couldnt get laid in a whorehouse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I tried to move away, but he grabbed me around the waist, from behind, and kinda made boob contact. At the same time I screamed "Get your fucking hands off of me asshole", loud enough to be heard over the band, the song ended. So, it was heard on the next block I think.

Most of the women there clapped their hands, he called me a fat cunt, and then he left.


I will never understand why fat only becomes relevant after rejection.






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The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 2:01:18 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Or - words theyve injected for thinner people - disgusting, sleezy, ugly, old, used-up, easy -
they all deserve a loud round of applause - its like RIGHT THE FUCK ON - YOURE AWESOME!!
Ive said it once, Ill say it again - these type of people couldnt get laid in a whorehouse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I tried to move away, but he grabbed me around the waist, from behind, and kinda made boob contact. At the same time I screamed "Get your fucking hands off of me asshole", loud enough to be heard over the band, the song ended. So, it was heard on the next block I think.

Most of the women there clapped their hands, he called me a fat cunt, and then he left.


I will never understand why fat only becomes relevant after rejection.






Exactly Janah. If I had been a blonde, he mighta called me a blonde cunt. I was more embarrassed by the applause than I was by his name calling.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 2:52:38 PM   
immoral


Posts: 99
Joined: 6/9/2006
Status: offline 		nothing says get the fuck off me like a drink to the crotch followed by- JUST BECAUSE I REJECTED YOU , I DIDNT THINK YOUD PISS YOURSELF

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 6:40:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you don't know them, it isn't a gesture of affection.
It's simply inappropriate.

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