RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 6:51:01 PM

kitkat105

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I'm completely fine with people I know & am comfortable with. But if a total stranger tried getting touchy feely with me they might get a fist to the eye.

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Post #: 21

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:36:01 PM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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I'm a pretty touchy type guy in regular life, but daaayyyyuuuuuum, I don't touch other folks property at play clubs. That shit be just wicked dumb, not to mention rude as all get out.

Touch my property the wrong way, I'm gonna wanna return the favor

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Post #: 22

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 10:46:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't understand what gets into some people to just come up to someone and touch them...a complete stranger. And this isn't all in bdsm either.

I agree. There's a man at work who touches my shoulder when he talks to me. On man held a door open for me and put his hand on my waist as I walked through. What the heck?

I am pretty touchy-feely with friends, but if they are male friends, only if they're very close friends.

Once the ladies at the nail salon all asked if they could touch my tummy, because I've lost so much weight and my waist is pretty small these days. They asked as they were already touching it. I laughed and wondered if this is what pregnant women go through. They are sweet ladies and I didn't really mind, but it was weird.

But a stranger? Uh, not cool.

I don't even like it if women do it or people I know unless I know you extremely well as in friends for over 10 years, my Master or my sisters, brother, etc....otherwise it just creeps me the fuck out. I don't even like it when people get too close to me when we're talking. Drives me insane as I'm trying to back up.

I'm only touchy feely with Master. Anyone else? Not really. Even my daughter and I don't really get touchy feely? I'm lucky if she'll give me a hug most times when I see her lol. It just was not the type of environment I grew up in.

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Post #: 23

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/20/2012 11:33:26 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you don't know them, it isn't a gesture of affection.
It's simply inappropriate.

Quoted because it bears repeating

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Post #: 24

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 8:10:37 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Actually it's assault. Unwanted touching.
However mostly we're not going to call the cops if somebody hugs you at the water cooler. Talking to HR may be indicated however.

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 8:22:27 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's very hard for me to have a conversation without using my hands! When I like someone, I tend to want to touch them...so that whole self control thing, yes.

I don't put my hands on people unless I'm invited. I know I don't accept it from strangers, why should they accept it from me? Not my submissive, not my date, just NOT.

This is kinda me..........with people I feel a closeness and kinship to, much hugging, touching and kissing. If I don't have that connection, I don't want you near me at all. I am very cautious at initiating any sort of physical contact. I don't want people misunderstanding my intent.

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Post #: 26

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 9:43:49 AM

NuevaVida

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Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually it's assault. Unwanted touching.
However mostly we're not going to call the cops if somebody hugs you at the water cooler. Talking to HR may be indicated however.

It might feel like an assault to someone personally because of their sensitivities, but assault is defined as an attack, or causing harm. Touching the back of your hand while laughing at a joke you just told is not an assault.

For me, I'm sensory-sensitive with sound. Loud noises can feel assaulting, because they literally feel like they're penetrating my body...but they are not an actual assault.

I get where you're coming from, but I can't seem to fit "assault" into that equation.

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Post #: 27

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 9:55:16 AM

PrincessDonna11

Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
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Honestly touch tells someone a whole lot about the person they attempt to touch,the reaction says alot. I growl if someone gets in my personal space let alone touch but others have told me that the touch response tells them how pliable the person may be.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 10:45:52 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually it's assault. Unwanted touching.
However mostly we're not going to call the cops if somebody hugs you at the water cooler. Talking to HR may be indicated however.

The legal definition of unwanted touching is battery, assault is violence.

< Message edited by catize -- 7/21/2012 10:46:28 AM >

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Post #: 29

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 11:56:40 AM

kalikshama

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There's criminal assault and tortious assault.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault

In law, assault is a crime which involves causing a victim to apprehend violence. The term is often confused with battery, which involves physical contact. The specific meaning of assault varies between countries, but can refer to an act that causes another to apprehend immediate and personal violence, or in the more limited sense of a threat of violence caused by an immediate show of force

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault_(tort)

In common law, assault is the tort of acting intentionally, that is with either general or specific intent, causing the reasonable apprehension of an immediate harmful or offensive contact. Because assault requires intent, it is considered an intentional tort, as opposed to a tort of negligence. Actual ability to carry out the apprehended contact is not necessary.

As distinguished from battery, assault need not involve actual contact—it only needs intent and the resulting apprehension.

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Post #: 30

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/21/2012 12:08:07 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

FR

When I'm attracted to someone, obviously a touching of that nature probably won't weird me out. But here is the issue. At the end of the day, in a setting like that, one really doesn't know the other person, and it is presumptuous of anyone to assume that you find them attractive/or feel comfortable with them to the point that they can touch you in any way without your permission.

So the safest way for people to behave is to not touch someone in that context, without express consent.

All it takes for me is the thought of someone who I don't like touching me to tell me that the only way to go with this is consent. Maybe that seems forced, but I would hate to attend anything public where I felt people I didn't know had the right to touch me (unless, of course, it's a private play party where consent to that form of play has already been given). I don't see simply showing up at a club to be consent to touching.

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Post #: 31

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/22/2012 4:20:02 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy

Saw this thread asking the Mistresses on protocol for touching, and it reminded me of a recent experience.

I was chatting to someone at a club, when they reached up and stroked my hair - I was flattered, but also somewhat uncomfortable at the contact. I'm relatively shy most of the time, so just made my excuses and wandered to the bar, it was a fetish night at a swingers club so I shouldn't have been that surprised really.

The thread also brought to mind the beginning of the film Preaching to the Perverted, as the main character enters his first club he is surrounded by hands touching him.

So I guess my own thoughts lie at protocol in reverse, the dominant approaching a sub in a club setting - where do you stand?

A sub isn't submissive to the world, and a dom doesn't dominant the world. Until a dom and sub agree to mutually rules, they should each give the other same respect that you would give someone in a vanilla setting.

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Post #: 32

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/22/2012 6:02:18 PM

NuevaVida

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Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

You guys have all made me paranoid LOL! I'm such a touchy-feely type, typically. I met a LOT of people over the weekend - so many very cool women who I just loved talking to. Last night I was having a really moving and awesome conversation with a woman I had just met and in talking, I found myself naturally going to just touch her arm or shoulder, and then pulled back, thinking of the comments here about personal space, etc. I guess since I grew up in such a touchy-feely environment (big Spanish-Italian family), I don't really think about it (unless it's the dude who put his hand on my waist, but that's different).

I talk with my hands a lot, too.

But they all initiated hugs goodbye so it was all good. Whew!

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Post #: 33

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/22/2012 6:19:50 PM

tj444

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Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I once had a lady here in Baltimore a few months back, touch the dress I had on because she thought it was pretty and wanted to know what kind of fabric it was...eeerr...ask me first??? <shakes head>

your story reminds me of when I was 10 or 11.. my mother and I flew for a holiday to visit relatives in Germany. At one of my relatives place, it was a farm i think, anyway, there was a barn and i was there looking for the rabbits they kept.. A guy came up to me, i think he was a hired hand.. I was wearing an orange velvet dress and he touched my dress on my chest and spoke a few German words to me.. it freaked me out inside as i didnt know if he was just touching it cuz it was velvety and soft or if he was a child molestor type.. So i high tailed it outta there... Even as a little kid, growing up on a farm near a very small town I knew people should not touch me..

I only like to be touched by someone I am in a relationship with or someone I really, really, really like a lot.. anyone else gets the Ice Queen treatment if they even try..

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RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/22/2012 6:44:27 PM

Kaliko

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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FR

I used to not like anyone to touch me and I used to be very careful to not touch anyone else. Then I decided to just relax.

There's an obvious distinction between touching someone on the shoulder as one is expressing a sentiment and touching a woman's chest as a way to intimidate her. There is also an obvious distinction between a man touching a woman's skirt and asking about the fabric and a woman doing the same. Yes, I'm making generalizations because I feel that they're generally true. One is creepy, the other is not. So, I don't see too much of an issue with people touching me - as long as they're the right people at the right time. Don't be creepy.

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Post #: 35

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/22/2012 9:23:26 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm just not a touchy feelly person in general. I didn't grow up with it at all. I never hugged a person in my life until I started dating my husband when I was 16. I have come further though since then. I love to snuggle and cuddle with Master and I like to TRY and give my daughter a hug when I see her but she usually does it to be polite to mom lol.

I know lots of women are used to hugging others when they meet each other and especially here in the south and to be honest it still kinda creeps me out and I have no idea how to react. It just feels really really awkward to me. When I see women I know who hug I usually try to skirt out of the way so whoever is with me gets the brunt of it and I kinda melt into the background lol.

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Post #: 36

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/22/2012 10:40:18 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

There's criminal assault and tortious assault.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault

In law, assault is a crime which involves causing a victim to apprehend violence. The term is often confused with battery, which involves physical contact. The specific meaning of assault varies between countries, but can refer to an act that causes another to apprehend immediate and personal violence, or in the more limited sense of a threat of violence caused by an immediate show of force

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault_(tort)

In common law, assault is the tort of acting intentionally, that is with either general or specific intent, causing the reasonable apprehension of an immediate harmful or offensive contact. Because assault requires intent, it is considered an intentional tort, as opposed to a tort of negligence. Actual ability to carry out the apprehended contact is not necessary.

As distinguished from battery, assault need not involve actual contact—it only needs intent and the resulting apprehension.

Yep. Assault is threatening to hurt someone...to the point where the other party fears harm.
Battery is actually laying hands on them

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Post #: 37

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 7/23/2012 4:13:08 PM

Lucifyre

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Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

I am a very touchy feely type person. Someone else putting thier hands on me in a non creepy way in an appropriate setting/reaction to something is perfectly ok with me and doesn't weird me out at all. Like LadyHib, I am also Italian and I grew up in an environment where there were hugs all the time and people can't function without the use of thier hands (How do you make an Italian speechless? Make them sit on thier hands)

Some of the examples mentioned above though would probably make me cringe and I would absolutely say something to the offender about it loud enough to cause embarrassment LOL> But someone putting thier hand on my shoulder as they were speaking to me or hugging me in greeting or departure would not bother me.

Lucifyre

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Post #: 38

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 8/4/2012 7:15:15 PM

KillerKitten

Posts: 30
Joined: 2/11/2009
From: United States
Status: offline

I'm definitely not a touchy-feely person. I hate even shaking hands (but that could be b/c my probable OCD). I'm working on learning to like snuggling, but if anyone tried to touch me without explicit permission they would get a very negative reaction. I do, however, make it clear to people through my body language that I do NOT like physical attention from anyone other than Master. I hug, but only to my very close friends. I had a very flamboyant gay friend who was very physically affectionate, liked to hug, rub my shoulder, etc. I put up with it, only because I knew him well, but I hated it.

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Post #: 39

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection, a sub's side - 5/13/2013 8:58:06 AM

subrose77

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

I personally hate being touched unless it is by someone I know well or am close friends with. I have bounced heads off bars for unwanted grabs to my boobs and butt. Since I am a strong empath I don't want to feel your creepiness in my energy bubble. I have taken down "Doms", when talking about them I use that term very loosely, before who thought that just because I don't have a Dom it means they are at liberty to touch. No no sweetie. I might be submissive but that does NOT mean you can start pulling my hair or hit my pressure points. The Doms who I allow freedom of touch too I know well and know when I have my no touch moments and respect them. I wish more people in society would respect the term personal bubble. It's one thing if it's an accident. A whole other when you are invading my bubble.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 40

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