RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:18:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirVVV

Yes, you are absolutely correct. I have just ended a 10 year relationship and was away from all the dating scene. Perhaps I am not used to overly guarded attitude to new people and with time I may even act the same paranoid way too... but I hope I wont have to.

No, I am not naive enough to expect to meet my soulmate in 12 days.... but once again, I did not start this thread to rant about me.

I simply do not understand the "guilty until proven otherwise" concept.

Do not get me wrong, I used to run security in a maximum security facilty for the worst sort of scum. I was paid to be paranoid, I am still cautious and inquisitive about people... new or not.

My point is this. I always listen to people, learn about them and only THEN do I draw my conclusions about them. Lately I have been required to present the "I am not a creep" card upfront, before some folks even care to listen.

That's why I wonder about backwardness of some peoples expectations. How is one to prove that he is normal.... even before you hear them out?

This part should give you perspective. While you were at that employment, after seeing hundreds, maybe thousands of the "scum" (your word, not Mine) day after day, week after week, you pretty much expect that new person coming into confinement has a high likelihood of being scum.

Now, you say that every person that entered that facility, you gave them and even break. I'm taking your word on that. Did you happen to have any co-workers who didn't? Where you weren't jaded, maybe other people were.

It's kind of the same thing. You are dealing with women on this site who, day after day, week after week, receive tons of emails and yes! There are more assholes than non. Your first contact email to them was probably mixed with another twenty and those other nineteen were trash, or obviously not sent from someone who read the profile, or a hundred different things. Just like the inmates you probably used to see, those first contact people just start looking alike after a while and if you ask any woman here, they are going to tell you that a very high percentage of emails are from assholes.

Any woman who has been here any length of time, whether they are looking or not, has probably dealt with thousands, if not tens of thousands of assholes. Yes, that means you are more likely to be one than a decent guy.



catize -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:20:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with the fact that US culture has become strongly anti-male.


[sm=yeahright.gif]



SirVVV -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:29:47 PM)

LadyPact

This does give me a clear perspective... not a pleasent one, but clear one none the less. Perhaps my absence from a dating seen has made me forget all the not so pleasant attributes of online presentse.



BitaTruble -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:30:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirVVV

How is one to prove that he is normal.... even before you hear them out?

I'm just trying to piece together everything you are saying. There are women who tout the subject line in their profiles and you are asking how someone who is not an asshole should approach them after reading the profile?

Am I getting the question?

If so, my answer follows and if not, can you 'splain it again, Lucy. Type slow and use small words please.

Okay.. question: How to approach a woman who thinks all men are assholes.

Answer: Slowly, while on your knees and bearing gifts. I recommend the gift of laughter.

"Hi there. I read your profile. I just wanted you to know that I'm an actor and I tried out for the online part of "Resident Asshole" but the producers said that I couldn't get into character and instead offered me the part of, "Twisted Nice Guy". Typecasting. It gets me every time. I really did like your profile because of XYZ. If we can get passed my bad acting and your belief that all men are the same, I would really like to talk more about XYZ with you. No pressure, no obligation, just two people chatting and then seeing what happens. I hope to hear from you soon and if not, I sincerely wish you well.

Demarco (Bita note: your name was changed to protect your innocense.. plus, yanno, I don't actually know your name!)

P.S. By the way, I'm not 'really' an actor so, hopefully, you can forgive my little deception as well. I just wanted to make you smile and I really, really hope it worked because getting to know you sounds pretty groovy to me based on your profile.

D

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dude, if something like that doesn't get a foot in the door then just be polite and move on. Negative energy sucks while positive energy pretty much rocks. And there are LOADS of chicks out there that rock and you don't usually have to lift rocks to actually find them.

Luck to anyone who needs it.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:44:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


(Wondering if this guy recently attended a movie in Colorado).


Not really funny.


Wasn't intending it to be.


I think he was being an asshole.

Just saying . . .



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:51:10 PM)

In real life I can assure you, very few are bold enough to be an asshole to my face. Some have tried; it's been years since someone succeeded.

Now, that's me.

Should you are anyone else put up with someone being an asshole? Of course not. I never condoned assholish behavior.

But come on Pam, the internet is not real life. It's so easy to move away from behavior you don't like. Click the ll x box, block, delete, ignore, whatever you need to do.

I think we can all agree, that many many people choose to be an asshole over the internet b/c they can hide their identity. They can pretend to be tough. Well, good on them. And I can ignore them.

It's like getting all riled up b/c you email is full of viagra ads. Should that happen? I say no. But it's the internet. Issues are not so easy to fix. Most especially as we are given tools to ignore.

And yes, I can see there is a bigger issue here. But um.....he sees fem profiles that call men assholes. Well gee, then don't cmail them.

I'd like to be able to say I can solve society's big problems. I'm like everyone else, just have to deal.






JhonP -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 5:53:12 PM)

quote:

"How is one to prove that he is normal.... even before you hear them out?


My first thought when reading this is the poster has insecurity and self esteem issues.

Personally I don’t have a damn thing to prove to anyone… I support others right to form the opinion I am an ass and haven’t lost sight of the fact it’s an opinion. That it belongs to them and has nothing at all to do with me.



gungadin09 -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:00:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
I dont know Pam - I see a hell of a lot of misogynists profiles on the other side.
And as far as what I feel the jist of this rant is about - is that he is saying something offensive (as what might be construed by reading his profile) and the people whos hes been talking to have already summed him up as being an asshole. Then he comes here thinking that this is how it is with everyone.

eta: OP - you also have to consider who the person is that youre talking to. Have they been in some kind of abusive relationship with a man before? You dont have to be a rocket scientist to know that the men who abuse women far outnumber women abusing men.

As as far as society as a whole - all you have to do is turn on the news - and the percentage of men causing crime, violence, cheating, whatever - far outnumbers women. Shit - I havent even read up on the movie shootings last night to know that it was done by a man.

Im not saying that theres not a lot of fucked up broads out there - but the majority of situations that get out of control are done by men.

Women have to watch out for their safety - so maybe if they are sensing that someone is an asshole - theyre going to nip it in the bud before anything has a chance to develop.


See what I mean about THAT being more satisfying argument as opposed to simply saying something snarky?

Pam



kalikshama -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:02:41 PM)

quote:

But um.....he sees fem profiles that call men assholes. Well gee, then don't cmail them.


Ya, I see profiles from married cheaters. I don't email them, nor do I start threads complaining about them. [8|]



sexyred1 -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:04:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirVVV

quote:

[:D]
quote:



Once again... can we get over me? This thread is not abot me at all. Why is it so difficult for you to understand? :D Or is. This message board intended for pouring out your personal problems only? Is one not allowed to pose a generic, philosophical question, without it automatically being reduced to a personal problem?


Obviously, this thread is about you. YOU came in and stated that YOU are experiencing having to prove yourself. YOU came on here and shouted about how women think all men are assholes.

Now you are asking us to not only read and respond to your post, but to interpret your meaning. If you wanted pose a generic question, you would have said, "Who thinks that women think all men are assholes? " without mentioning that YOU are having difficulties with women not immediately trusting you as some random guy on a website.




JanahX -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:05:19 PM)

Ive been actually looking at it at quite a few different angles - but it wasnt until your post did I start to concentrate on what the underlying issues might be. I think the OP's post was obnoxious - and was responding more or less to him instead of what the general question was.
That and Im in a funky mood. Kinda cranky.
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
I dont know Pam - I see a hell of a lot of misogynists profiles on the other side.
And as far as what I feel the jist of this rant is about - is that he is saying something offensive (as what might be construed by reading his profile) and the people whos hes been talking to have already summed him up as being an asshole. Then he comes here thinking that this is how it is with everyone.

eta: OP - you also have to consider who the person is that youre talking to. Have they been in some kind of abusive relationship with a man before? You dont have to be a rocket scientist to know that the men who abuse women far outnumber women abusing men.

As as far as society as a whole - all you have to do is turn on the news - and the percentage of men causing crime, violence, cheating, whatever - far outnumbers women. Shit - I havent even read up on the movie shootings last night to know that it was done by a man.

Im not saying that theres not a lot of fucked up broads out there - but the majority of situations that get out of control are done by men.

Women have to watch out for their safety - so maybe if they are sensing that someone is an asshole - theyre going to nip it in the bud before anything has a chance to develop.


See what I mean about THAT being more satisfying argument as opposed to simply saying something snarky?

Pam




Char2688 -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:10:36 PM)

OP
Do you really hear that from lots of women?
Once a day you say
Hmmmmmmm
I cannot imagine why that would be happening to you?



kalikshama -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:11:20 PM)

quote:

I agree with you. But I don't understand the purpose of a public rant on the subject. Such women reap their own karma just fine without me needing to do anything about it... not even get all annoyed by it.

I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with the fact that US culture has become strongly anti-male.


Between this and your "hoards of angry subs" comment on another thread, and because I respect you, I'm going to start looking to see if I can find what you're seeing.

I have seen plenty of anecdotes here, and warnings to proceed with caution, but certainly not an "all men are assholes" meme.

I myself have a "Trust God But Tie Your Camel" approach to dating - I believe people are inherently good but take steps to mitigate risk.



Dunamis2009 -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:38:42 PM)

I mean, there's a statistical basis for assuming everyone is an asshole until proven otherwise. :-)

Snark aside, though, I think it's a good thing that trust has to be earned. Aside from the obvious, it gives those of us who desire that level of trust something to work toward.



SirVVV -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:39:29 PM)

I love how some of the loudest posters insist on talking about anything other than what the original post was about.

Original post was about and directed to a certain part of female members here, that put up walls so high that they can't see over them.

I did not generalize that to all women. Nor did I say that they think I am an asshole.
Merely stated that requiring proof you're not a creep, before you even hear a person out and are given the opportunity to form your own opinion, is backwards, silly and counter productive.

Since this caused such a wild discution about everything other than original issue and only few people managed to get the point I was making... I will be sure to post simple questions about simple issues and avoid such a passionate misunderstanding this thread has now turned into.



FrostedFlake -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:40:44 PM)

I'm an asshole, you're an asshole, he's an asshole, we're all assholes, wouldn't you like to be an asshole too?

Sorry, Girls, it's a club. And we're assholes.



DesFIP -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:43:48 PM)

Go read the Gift of Fear. And rates of sexual assault and rape.

Women always assume the worst of strange males because too often that is what they do.

You have to prove yourself safe because we've all known men who were dangerous.

If you had one tenth the knowledge of women that you claim to have, then you wouldn't even have to ask this.

And yes, your posts here classifies you as one of those assholes who cause women to view all men through that lens. You've just made it happen.



Dunamis2009 -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:46:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirVVV

I love how some of the loudest posters insist on talking about anything other than what the original post was about.

Original post was about and directed to a certain part of female members here, that put up walls so high that they can't see over them.

I did not generalize that to all women. Nor did I say that they think I am an asshole.
Merely stated that requiring proof you're not a creep, before you even hear a person out and are given the opportunity to form your own opinion, is backwards, silly and counter productive.

Since this caused such a wild discution about everything other than original issue and only few people managed to get the point I was making... I will be sure to post simple questions about simple issues and avoid such a passionate misunderstanding this thread has now turned into.


I don't think that's the best solution.
I read your original post, and all the others you made. I don't know if English is not your first language or what, but I have trouble understanding your posts. Not because they're too deep or anything, but because your ideas are not clearly written or organized. Honestly, I feel your time would be better spent working on your communication skills.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:47:56 PM)

OP, your post was whiny and cranky and resentful. We're often treated to ranty rants from men who are displeased at what they find on the internet. It's tiresome, at best.

I will not bother you with any anecdotes of what dating is like in these modern times, or why it's a game I've given up. Suffice it to say that telling the truth is at a premium, and the basest motivations are to be expected.

It's better to expect disappointment and be pleasantly surprised.



gungadin09 -> RE: All men are assholes!!!..... Really? (7/20/2012 6:51:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
I think the OP's post was obnoxious - and was responding more or less to him instead of what the general question was.


I've done that too. Many, many times. I've also tailored my responses to be generally pleasing and play to the crowd, without giving much thought to what I was actually saying. (I'm not implying that you're doing that; I'm talking about myself here.) Now, at age 36, I'm rather ashamed to look back and see how much time I've spent purchasing approval at the expense of my own integrity. So, I guess you can call this my new leaf. We'll see how it goes.

Pam



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