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punishments - 7/20/2012 5:33:37 PM   
sweetkitten42


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/11/2012
Status: offline 		How does your Master punish you? Mine withdraws spanking my ass. Which is what I crave most. I find myself getting depressed and bitchy when I don't get that because it is such a great release for me.
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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 5:39:26 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Taking away what you love sounds like a great punishment for you then. Punishments where i come from aren't supposed to be fun, they're supposed to make you think twice and change behavior. If you get bitchy and depressed I guess it would make you try harder not to do things that should be punished.

My partner for punishment tells me he's disappointed in me, it's pretty difficult for me to hear that. We don't do physical punishment, we save those things for fun.

(in reply to sweetkitten42)
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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 5:41:26 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
My partner for punishment tells me he's disappointed in me, it's pretty difficult for me to hear that. We don't do physical punishment, we save those things for fun.


Same here.


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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 6:13:49 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		His disappointment would be sufficient punishment for me as well.

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 6:21:25 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He doesn't. He asks me what the problem is and then we try to solve it.

Some years ago, I got bitchy every day around three. He started asking me why I was so short tempered and the answer turned out to be that I was tired, hungry and thirsty.

See I can't eat when I get up because I take a med that has to be one full hour before food. So he would eat, I wouldn't, and then we would start the day. Long days frequently filled with construction type stuff. He was fine skipping lunch because he had breakfast. But this meant I hadn't eaten for about 20 hours. Serious blood sugar drop.

Once we figured out what the problem was, he started scheduling breaks into the day. Coffee break for him included a bagel for me. And lunch no later than 2:00. Problem solved.

No amount of punishing would have fixed that.

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 7:57:04 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I just told Carol to obey which neatly got me out of the whole punishment gig.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 8:31:33 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		I am not a masochist. (Mr would respond to that by saying "Yea, you keep telling yourself that Ms Fantasyland") But really, I am not. In order for me to get through a scene pleasurably, I need a nice long slow warm up...we can do the intense things later on after I'm all floaty and spacey.
That said, Mr has a couple of tools in the toybag that are restricted to punishment. He will warm me up a little bit, but nowhere near as long as I would normally need to enjoy the spanking ahead. The hairbrush and the paddle are mean nasty evil little fuckers and I am not allowed to safeword when he has them in his hand because my ass is getting a serious attitude adjustment. He has left some pretty mean marks on me when he punishes me, the kind that make it difficult not to squirm when I'm trying to sit down for a few days.

The kinds of things I get punished for are:
Orgasming without permission.
Not finishing a task when he told me to (this applies ONLY if vanilla life has not gotten in the way...i.e. I spent too much time fucking around on the computer to fold the laundry by the time he got home)
Losing my temper and snapping or being generally bitchy without solid reason (blood sugar bitchy is ok, bitchy because I'm just being short tempered that day is not...yes, he can tell the difference LOL)
Doing something I was told not to do (doesn't happen any more though) or not asking permission for something before I jump right in (I had to ask for permission to take the shorty to the movies last night...the answer is almost ALWAYS yes IF I ask first)
I would be punished severely for any type of dishonesty, but I never lie to him so it's a moot point. I'd much rather take an asswhooping from him for displeasing him than completely fuck over my relationship with him by lying. The physical punishment attached to dishonesty IMO should be the entire dynamic ending, not a spanking.
I trust Him enough to always tell him the truth whether he likes what I have to say or not.

All of these things have different severities of punishment attached to them. Some are a few hard smacks, and some are hour long spanking sessions that make me not able to sit comfortably for awhile. This is the agreement we discussed before implementing anything, so yes I am completely comfortable with them even though I hate it when I'm in trouble and over his knee because of it. That has as much to do with being genuinely sorry for displeasing him as it does me hating the physical pain.

BTW, we don't do "funishment". If we are scening it is purely for pleasure LOL whwether it is His or mine or both is sometimes debatable :P...and yes that includes some pain and impact play as well.

Lucifyre

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 9:24:25 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline 		I don't have a Master, but I've had 2 before and I am currently in punishment dynamic with my husband, so I'll answer anyways.

I every of the tree relationships mentioned, punishment consisted of the same thing: being strung up or tied up in some way and then being flogged/hit/beaten until I'm weeping hysterically and begging to him stop, after which the beating usually last for another 5 minutes or so before I'm either left there or let down. Over the knee punishments don't work for me, as I can't hold still well enough to take such a beating voluntarily.

They're generally very effective, because they leave me in a very passive, meek, submissive, malible headspace for a few hours, which is entirely different from my normal disposition.

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 9:58:37 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
I don't have a Master

LOL... sorry, I couldn't resist. I gotta say I have a hard time believing this even from what little I know. But hey, I'm not the label police.

quote:

because they leave me in a very passive, meek, submissive, malible headspace for a few hours, which is entirely different from my normal disposition.

Really? Because I always saw you as so passive and meek.

Sorry Ishtarr, but for some reason that post just made me laugh (in a good way).

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Ishtarr)
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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 10:45:18 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I don't punish-I dole out consequences.

And those, why, strangely enough, they tend to be tailored to fit the offense

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 10:48:27 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		depends on what I've done..witholding things he knows I like, making me do things he knows I hate, ignoring me for a few hours or a day, hurting me in ways that just fucking hurt since I'm not a masochist and simply being disappointed in me is enough.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: punishments - 7/20/2012 11:21:18 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
I don't have a Master

LOL... sorry, I couldn't resist. I gotta say I have a hard time believing this even from what little I know. But hey, I'm not the label police.


He's not my Master by any definition of the word I've ever used. But hey, this IS a BDSM site; I don't think I need to tell you how irrelevant that kind of label is to communication on here.

What he is to me is my husband, the head of our household and somebody whose lead I tend to choose to follow. None of which makes him my master. Hell I don't think I could see somebody as being a "master" unless they have the authority to define in which relationship the one being "mastered" will be to them. Which is authority he doesn't have over me.

Besides that... he seems to have no ambition to claim the label so it's kind of a moot point. He can't be my Master if he has no ambition or desire to be that.

On a slightly different note though... it's actually been you, Jeff, who have been one of the greatest influences on what my relationship with my husband currently has ended up being... including very much regarding the labels we choose to use.

quote:

quote:

because they leave me in a very passive, meek, submissive, malible headspace for a few hours, which is entirely different from my normal disposition.

Really? Because I always saw you as so passive and meek.


I've been called a lot of different things, by a lot of different people over the year, but passive and meek? LOL that's a first.

But you know what... coming from you I'll take that as a compliment Jeff.
You know something like "at least I'm able to portray myself to the type of man that I'm attracted to in a way that will attract that sort of man to me" or some bullshit like that.

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 4:00:02 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkitten42

How does your Master punish you? Mine withdraws spanking my ass. Which is what I crave most. I find myself getting depressed and bitchy when I don't get that because it is such a great release for me.


Yep; yet to own a sub who wasn't an attention junkie. Temporarily withdrawing/denying that attenion is the most effective punishment there is.

Around here, getting "bitchy" about it sure isn't gonna make normal programming resume any sooner.... In fact, you'd get punished further in that circumstance 'cause that sounds like a battle of wills unfolding. Woe is the Dom who loses that.... lol

Focus.

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RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 5:28:53 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		My most recent punishment was being banned from ever eating a Mars bar again. For life.

We do use physical punishments (and I really am a huge wimp for pain so it doesn't take much to make it an unpleasant experience). However, I wouldn't say the beating itself is the deterrent or that it makes me sorry - if I've displeased him I am already sorry and upset and that is deterrent in and of itself. The punishment is more of a ritual, a cleaning of the slate so to speak. We go through it, it sucks, but then it's over, the transgression is forgiven. I have suffered and paid the price and we are back to normal. If he stopped punishing at all, it's not that I would stop obeying, but rather when I did mess up I might have a harder time letting go of it. I tend to dwell on things and worry and beat myself up. To make it clear, I do not like the punishments, and I fear them, but I like the feeling that comes afterwards of balance being restored.

I have seen it written here multiple times that a punishment dynamic (especially corporal punishment) is juvenile or somehow messed up, and that adults shouldn't need that - but for us it works and that's what matters.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 10:51:38 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
I have seen it written here multiple times that a punishment dynamic (especially corporal punishment) is juvenile or somehow messed up, and that adults shouldn't need that - but for us it works and that's what matters.

As noted, Carol and I don't have a punishment dynamic. Largely that's because I'm a wimp and couldn't really imagine constructing a new reality that involved punishment as a part of our marriage. I did it once. I decided it sucked. And so we worked a different path. But none of that has anything to do with what works for other people. My little engineer's brain has a great deal of respect for that which works.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 11:09:34 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
I have seen it written here multiple times that a punishment dynamic (especially corporal punishment) is juvenile or somehow messed up, and that adults shouldn't need that - but for us it works and that's what matters.

As noted, Carol and I don't have a punishment dynamic. Largely that's because I'm a wimp and couldn't really imagine constructing a new reality that involved punishment as a part of our marriage. I did it once. I decided it sucked. And so we worked a different path. But none of that has anything to do with what works for other people. My little engineer's brain has a great deal of respect for that which works.



Understood, and my comment wasn't really aimed at you - I have a lot of admiration for the way you and Carol do your thing. I am a little defensive because I have detected (or maybe imagined) that some people look down on those of us who use punishment as childish or defective.

Besides, I could easily come around to your way of thinking if it resulted in my chocolate rights being reinstated.



_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 11:13:18 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I was punished once shortly after we got together. He wouldn't let me read any books for 4 days. Since then we have both discovered that punishments are not a needed or wanted part of our dynamic.

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RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 1:29:24 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I have seen it written here multiple times that a punishment dynamic (especially corporal punishment) is juvenile or somehow messed up, and that adults shouldn't need that - but for us it works and that's what matters.


I've noticed that tone here several times too, and it's something I don't really understand.
To each their own, and if it work better like that in somebody else's relationship then great for them. I just don't understand or appreciate the underlaying judgement and criticism so many seem to have about punishment dynamics. As if doing it differently is somehow better... or even worse, the implication that just because a person engages in a punishment dynamic they somehow aren't also adults anymore who talk about and work out problems and issues in their relationship by other means than a ritualistic punishment.

The latest punishment I had was because I was supposed to be navigating, and instead, I got to busy being talking and ended up missing our turn.
It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't something I did on purpose. It wasn't something we needed to talk about, or that talking could fix. It was simply an oversight on my part because I'm human and I'm just going to fuck up shit like that every now and then.
But at the same time, it still warranted a punishment, because I didn't adhere to his expectation that I'd pay more attention to the map than to whatever else I wanted to be doing at the time.

So, when we got home, he strung me up and beat me until I hysterically begged him to stop, at which point he pulled out his brand new cattle prod and used it on me for the first time.
It wasn't a big deal. He wasn't angry at me. Talking wouldn't have fixed anything. His only point in punishing me for missing the turn was to impress the fact that failing to meet his expectations = consequences.

To us, if there are no consequences attached to failing to meet expectations, there might as well not be any expectations at all, because he'd just be counting on my good grace and whim to figure out whether or not he's going to get what he wanted.

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 7/21/2012 1:33:24 PM >

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 1:45:42 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

So, when we got home, he strung me up and beat me until I hysterically begged him to stop, at which point he pulled out his brand new cattle prod and used it on me for the first time.
It wasn't a big deal. He wasn't angry at me. Talking wouldn't have fixed anything. His only point in punishing me for missing the turn was to impress the fact that failing to meet his expectations = consequences.


Thank you for supporting my point, although I think you are leagues beyond us! In my world hysterical begging + cattle prod = big fucking deal.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Ishtarr)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: punishments - 7/21/2012 2:01:06 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Understood, and my comment wasn't really aimed at you - I have a lot of admiration for the way you and Carol do your thing. I am a little defensive because I have detected (or maybe imagined) that some people look down on those of us who use punishment as childish or defective.

I don't think you are imagining it and I strongly suspect I was guilty of it at one point. But, you know, you engage with other people with an intent to learn and understanding happens. For me personally though, I find it easy to take refuge in reality -- that which works.

quote:

Besides, I could easily come around to your way of thinking if it resulted in my chocolate rights being reinstated.

*laughs* See? But it would result in exactly that. When there is no need to worry about whatever excess you engaged in then there's also no need to maintain a moratorium. What enables me to dismiss punishing Carol is exactly two things.

A) If I gave a specific command, it WILL be obeyed.
B) I'm willing to guide gradually. For me personally, I see it as resulting in much deeper and long-lasting changes. I would not have punished Ishtarr for her infraction. For starters, it's unlikely that I would have issued the command to navigate in obviously "command-ey" terms. If I had, it would have been obeyed. So I just would've treated it as a communication error and made the necessary correction for next time. In sports terms (and seeing as I'm in Canada now), I tend more towards curling than hockey. My preferred strategy is to sweep the ice and let the puck follow along rather than definitively hit it into the goal.

All that being said... "that which works" appeals to my sense of reality :)


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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