RE: Where do you draw the line? (Full Version)

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Lashra -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/13/2006 10:02:33 AM)

Run do not walk to the nearest exit on this one. He is forcing you into a corner and Im pretty sure he feels confident that you won't leave, particulary since you posted a message on how to decide.[:o]  No compromises? Sounds like a spoiled child to me that isn't concerned about taking care of his property properly. Part of that care is your mental/physical well being which he clearly doesn't care about.
Don't settle for second best, drop this one and go find yourself someone you can have an actual relationship with.

~Lashra



angelface183 -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/13/2006 10:15:28 AM)

There are worse fates than being alone (getting a disease from sucking on your Master's cock after it has been in someone else's ass comes to mind).  You deserve to be with someone who appreciates the gift that you are giving and will not exploit that to your detriment.  You have a right to have limits and likes and dislikes.  Find someone whose interests more closely relate to yours.  Best of luck to you.  It will not be easy, but you will be stronger and more valuable in the end.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/13/2006 7:18:13 PM)

I agree with Lashra and Angelface. It looks to me like you showed him this post, and the only thing he learned from it was that if you considered yourself his slave you would no longer object to any of his whims. Big surprise, he offers to call you his slave.

I think he's disregarding the issue, and trying to manipulate the situation to continue to get what he wants. That's how it looks from what you say, but, in the end you're the only one who can know this. We're only going on what you tell us here.

Good luck, sweetie.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/13/2006 7:33:30 PM)

This is how he handles things when you question his decisions, ask to have your limits repsected, and ask for outside advice? coercion? ultimatums?
 
No issue resolution?, no communication?, literally ready to kick you to the curb????  wow. or I should saw waw....what a wanker.
 
You are young and beautiful there will be far more worthy owners coming along shortly.




brightspot -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/13/2006 7:45:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Run do not walk to the nearest exit on this one. He is forcing you into a corner and Im pretty sure he feels confident that you won't leave, particulary since you posted a message on how to decide.[:o]  No compromises? Sounds like a spoiled child to me that isn't concerned about taking care of his property properly. Part of that care is your mental/physical well being which he clearly doesn't care about.
Don't settle for second best, drop this one and go find yourself someone you can have an actual relationship with.

~Lashra


I was thinking this exact thing as the page 2 was loading. I agree with what Lashra has said here. Don't settle for crumbs when there may be a delicious cookie around the corner[;)].
 
*Brightspot



SindyLewd -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 4:58:20 AM)

    Thank you all for your responses. i have read each several times and i am grateful for all your help.
We talked again last night & B. has suggested that i try the master/slave relationship for a few days before deciding to walk away. He proposes that i go with him to a hunting cabin his uncle owns in Kentucky and submit completely to him and some of his friends for the weekend. After that, i will understand what he expects of me as a slave and i can decide whether i want to continue the master/slave relationship or whether i choose to leave.
    i dont mind being the plaything for him and his friends, i've done it before. i also believe i can put up with anything for a weekend, even the more extreme things B. has told me to expect. This is a test - a test for me to see if i can accept a slave relationship & a test to see if our relationship is worth the price he is demanding.
    my self esteem is not really a factor, i have none. A wise man told me yesterday that i was willing to be a doormat in order to keep B. i didnt believe him then, but i think i understand what he meant now. i think he might have been right.
    You all think im an idiot, and you are probably right. But i would really like to know if anybody can understand me. Can you understand why i would put myself through this? i know how unpleasant things will be for me. i know B does not and will not respect me no matter what i choose to do. But i think im gonna try it anyway, to try to hold onto what little i have. It might not be worth holding onto, but i havent decided that yet. Monday, i might think othewise. We'll see...
    Can anybody identify with me here? Am i completely mad?



smilezz -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 5:08:59 AM)

Actually, there is nothing more to be said.  You have made up your mind as to what you are going to do.  You are the one that has to live with the outcome of that decision.  Obviously it's something you can put up with, it sounds like you enjoy being taken advantage of, you have no self-esteem, you are clinging to something/someone you know has no respect for you, you have no respect for yourself.  It sounds as if you are going along for the ride because you have no other options.  You do, you just won't take the step to correct it.  If you won't take the step to help yourself, no one else can.

Good luck

~smilezz~



angelface183 -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 5:16:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SindyLewd

      You all think im an idiot, and you are probably right. But i would really like to know if anybody can understand me. Can you understand why i would put myself through this? i know how unpleasant things will be for me. i know B does not and will not respect me no matter what i choose to do. But i think im gonna try it anyway, to try to hold onto what little i have. It might not be worth holding onto, but i havent decided that yet. Monday, i might think othewise. We'll see...
   Can anybody identify with me here? Am i completely mad?



Why would you choose to be with someone that you know does not and never will respect you?  That I do not understand.  My Master can do whatever He wishes with me because I know He respects me.  I never could have given Him that control if that dynamic was not present.  He repsects that somethings may be too painful or are not safe and sanitary so they are not done.  What good is a broken toy?

Do you recognize that this man does not give a whiff of concern towards your physical and mental well being?  Why then would you be willing to place your life in his hands?  He does not value that which you want to give!
 
You self esteem is not going to get better being with this man.  Instead it will erode even more day by day.  Not to mention the threat of disease and God only know what other physical and psychological horrors this man can dream up for you.  I cannot even bring myself to refer to him as a Master.  The only thing that he has mastered is the ability to be a bully.



RosaB -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 6:33:14 AM)

Personally, I think if you go on this weekend trip, you will be making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.  Seeing your fears, I'd be backing down a bit and reasuring you not pushing you deeper into a place of uncertainty.  You are on your way out to the woods, where you will have no way out of a situation that may turn really bad.  DON'T GO!  I'm sorry girlfriend, but I'm seeing huge red flags.  This does not sound safe.  What's the hurry, why not give you more time to ease into the position of slavehood, it should be a choice made in sound mind, not out of fear of loss and lonliness.

But you won't listen will you, why would you, you don't know any of us nor have developed ,with us, the closeness you have with your  Dom right?  Please, please, when you get back from your weekend, just let us here know you are ok.  Just know that whatever you choose to do, people do care and there's always somewhere to turn to if you ever find yourself in a difficult situation.  I wish you well.




angelface183 -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 7:00:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SindyLewd

   Thank you all for your responses. i have read each several times and i am grateful for all your help.
We talked again last night & B. has suggested that i try the master/slave relationship for a few days before deciding to walk away. He proposes that i go with him to a hunting cabin his uncle owns in Kentucky and submit completely to him and some of his friends for the weekend. After that, i will understand what he expects of me as a slave and i can decide whether i want to continue the master/slave relationship or whether i choose to leave.
   i dont mind being the plaything for him and his friends, i've done it before. i also believe i can put up with anything for a weekend, even the more extreme things B. has told me to expect. This is a test - a test for me to see if i can accept a slave relationship & a test to see if our relationship is worth the price he is demanding.
   my self esteem is not really a factor, i have none. A wise man told me yesterday that i was willing to be a doormat in order to keep B. i didnt believe him then, but i think i understand what he meant now. i think he might have been right.
   You all think im an idiot, and you are probably right. But i would really like to know if anybody can understand me. Can you understand why i would put myself through this? i know how unpleasant things will be for me. i know B does not and will not respect me no matter what i choose to do. But i think im gonna try it anyway, to try to hold onto what little i have. It might not be worth holding onto, but i havent decided that yet. Monday, i might think othewise. We'll see...
   Can anybody identify with me here? Am i completely mad?



I know that I have already responded to this, but honey you are haunting me. 

You say that you have expressed your fears to this man that he does not respect you or you limits and his solution is to have you go away with him for the weekend and service him and his friends without any limits at all?  Do you not see how crazy this is?  When I have been in relationships where one of us was uncertain as to what we wanted we would take time off to think clearly and then come back together and see if there was something worth salvaging.  I did not go off and fuck him and his buddies!

He cares nothing for your well being.  He is wanting to get his rocks off one last time before you leave or to degrade you so much that you feel that you have no choice but to stay.  This is very sick and twisted and this guy (at this point I don't even want to call him a man) is a predator intent on abusing you.  There is a difference between use and abuse, my dear. 

Do you really have no other place to go?  Do you have a friend or a girlfriend or family member with who you could stay for even a few days to allow you some time to think without this guy giving you a new set of ultimatums?  You need to get away from him if only to think without his influence for a while.

PLEASE keep us informed as to what you decide to do.  I wish you the best, my dear.  You are worth more than this guy has led you to believe.



WhiteRadiance -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 7:51:14 AM)

My dear, your "Master" is not a Dominant, he is merely a pervert and he uses his title to manipulate others.  He does not care for you or your health, only his own needs.  He has shown you his character (or lack thereof) and he not only disrespects you, but himself as well.
You feel trapped and have nowhere to turn?  You feel dependant on this man, but he is not a protector.  Go to a safe house and get away from him.  Find someone who cares about YOU.
 
You deserve more, and you DO have the strength to decide to control your destiny instead of leaving it to someone who couldn't care less.  You are worth it, honey.  Ask yourself- if you lose yourself, what do you have left? 
 
 



SenseofBelonging -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 8:18:36 AM)

i can't tell you how afraid i am for you. this whole thing stinks of setup. when you get to the cabin, you'll certainly be bound. do you think he will let you go on monday?. i suspect you will not leave that cabin. dont do this.



aellea -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 8:31:53 AM)

there is a book called the deerhunter where 3 men take a woman to a cabin for a weekend of play, she is cuffed to the kitchen cabinet and made to cook etc, then they take her roughly all 3 at a time.  after the weekend is over they turn her loose in the woods and she's the deer and they the hunters.  she never makes it out alive.  this seems so chillingly real... DON"T GO.  not that this will be your scenario but hon... with no one to yell help to, you are totally putting yourself into control of those that care not whether you live or die... do NOT GO please?



SweetSarijane -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 8:38:37 AM)

Reading this thread has thrown up red flags to me and I agree based on the info given that this situation is not good and potentially very dangerous for you. There's no way I could be or stay in a relationship with someone such as that. I understand having no self esteem. I've been through an abusive relationship that took me 11 years to get out of. I have self esteem now. I finally realize that I matter. Getting away from him and doing some thinking where he can't issue ultimatums and coerce you will give you the chance to get clear headed and see how you honestly feel. I think that's what you need to do. Spend time thinking away from his influence. I wish you all the best and like others, I ask you to please let us know you are ok if you do this thing with him at the cabin. It bothers me and I get bad feelings about it, but ultimately it is your choice to go or not.



marieToo -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 9:14:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SindyLewd

He has made it clear that he will accept no compromises. If i choose not to become his complete slave, then i will leave his house.
This is really scary. i'm afraid of being alone, but i'm also afraid of becoming a full time slave.
Any advice on how to decide?



This sounds like an ultimatum, and may be designed to "force" you to do something in order to not lose him.   Please do not sell yourself short.  You are very valuable, to yourself, as well as to a good dominant, you dont need to settle because you are afraid of losing him.

As far as going to the woods.... well, If one of your limits is you dont want to have sexual relations with others, then do not go.  Especially because you said that you weaken when others are around and you dont want to stand up to him.  You're voluntarily putting yourself in that very position, IF you go.   It sounds like your dominant wants a weekend of fun and frolick, not *with* you, but rather *at your expense*.  May I ask how long you have been with him??? 



heartfeltsub -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 9:30:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SindyLewd 
   my self esteem is not really a factor, i have none. A wise man told me yesterday that i was willing to be a doormat in order to keep B. i didnt believe him then, but i think i understand what he meant now. i think he might have been right.
   You all think im an idiot, and you are probably right. But i would really like to know if anybody can understand me. Can you understand why i would put myself through this? i know how unpleasant things will be for me. i know B does not and will not respect me no matter what i choose to do. But i think im gonna try it anyway, to try to hold onto what little i have. It might not be worth holding onto, but i havent decided that yet. Monday, i might think othewise. We'll see...
   Can anybody identify with me here? Am i completely mad?



First of all i want you to know that i don't consider you an idiot, your posts especially this last one screams that you are someone who has lived through some events in your life so that you consider yourself worthless, and that anything is better than being abandoned and alone. You have not directly come out and said that, but that is the underlying message that i am hearing.

i also believe as most everyone who had posted to you that you are in an EXTREMELY dangerous place, potentially even life threatening, if not in the short term, than in the long term.

There are not enough words in the English language to convince you that you have tremendous worth because words alone will not change your own image of yourself, having been there myself. But please hear these words from us total strangers on this forum, PLEASE get yourself to a place of safety, even if you have no one in your life you think you can turn to, at least a shelter and after you have gotten yourself to a place of safety, please start getting some help to allow yourself to value who you are and who you could be.

heartfelt



Kree -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 9:44:45 AM)

There is something missing here.  You have been found by a child that delights in showing off his latest toy.  When the toy breaks, he whines...stamops his feet... and decides to go home.  Your entire post is rife with comments from him questioning your worth and making demands to delight his audience.  In my opinion, this is backward thinking.  If he were truly deserving of you and your submiossion, he should value your worth, consider your feelings and doubts, and take steps to understand your doubts and fears.  Demanding that you become an "instant slave" is a round about way of getting his way on things you aren't sure of. 

Why dont you turn a corner in your quest for dominance and question why HE is deserving of YOU?  I have seen this situation before and it led to heartache for the one involved.  She got tangled up with a moron "superdom" who had friends that liked to share their conquests.  I do not use the word submissive or slave, but rather "conquests" because the people they sucked in were fairly new and had little knowledge of reality.  Her final straw was when they beat her to the point of breaking canes because that was the game of the day... to show whose conquest could handle the most. Do not become a stastistic.

Regardless of the fear/confusion about being alone, remember one thing... No one is ever as alone, as when they are with the wrong partner.




Viper001 -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 10:30:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SindyLewd

He has made it clear that he will accept no compromises. If i choose not to become his complete slave, then i will leave his house.
This is really scary. i'm afraid of being alone, but i'm also afraid of becoming a full time slave.
Any advice on how to decide?



Just my 2 cents:

no compromises? life is a *series* of compromises.
a slave is a treasured possession and her health, including prevention of possible STD's, is a duty/responsibility that requires compromises at times.

if provided with no other options, run - fast, far to someone who will place more value on your person and your life.




RavenMuse -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 10:47:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SindyLewd
So my questions to subs/slaves are this:
Is this dominance? or is this abuse?
And if it's abuse, where would you draw the line and refuse to go along? 
Is this bad enough that I should leave the relationship?


OK you aimed the question to your fellow subs and slaves, but this ol' opinionated Domly type is throwing his two pennarth worth in anyway[:)]

My opinion:
Tecnicaly, legaly, no this isn't 'abuse' I don't think, unless you are continualy refusing and he is 'forcing the issue'. Taking advantage of you feeling you 'ought to' because of the circumstance isn't on, but neither is it legaly abuse... I think.

Is he abusing his responcibility, IMO hell yes!
His responcibility for your health for one thing, others have gone into what you are risking so I won't go over that ground in detail but suffice to say it isn't a risk *I* would subject a girl of mine to!

Also his responcibility to the relationship. A Hard limit is a definate NO,  something NOT to be attempted without the girl having re-evaluated her limits and DECIDING for HERSELF that she might actualy be open to whatever the hard limit was about. Thereby moving it from a hard limit, to a soft limit (Hard limits=NO GO, Soft limits=limits to be pushed WITH CAUTION!). For any dom to break a hard limit in the way you describe is breaking a fundamantal trust on which the relationship SHOULD be grounded.

For your last two questions, only YOU can decide those. No-one elses opinion really matters.

Getting your girl to submit doing things for you that she isn't keen on is one thing.... messing with a stated hard limit is quite another.

But I will end by pointing out that not ALL the blaim is on him.... it is your hard limit and despite not being confident or comfortable, you 'should' have stood your ground the first and subsequent times. You ARE being a doormat!

What you do from here is upto you.... but you could most certainly do a LOT better in your choise of Master dear, that one is not one *I* could respect for the lable he chooses to wear!



littleone35 -> RE: Where do you draw the line? (6/14/2006 2:22:27 PM)

Why do you have to go to the woods? It seems like a big mistake to me.  I know you believe you love him but as you said he never has and never will respect you.  I am asking you not to go it does not seem safe to be alone in the woods with this guy and his friends.  if you want to you can mail me on collar me.  If you do go please post and let us know you got home ok but i really think it would be a mistake to go.

Matt's littleone



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