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how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 6:30:55 AM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		when your submission really truly hit you?  i have known that i am submissive, but i suppose ther ewas still this internal struggle of letting go of how i lived my life for so long, be it a lie or however you want to look at it.  that is how i look at it.  how and when did it hit you, was it an event that set it off or was it just one day it was like something switched in your mind -- and it just was?

i suppose what sparks this question is although i thought i had submitted completely when it really hit me and i accepted it totally and completely-- well i feel like i am on a physical as well as psychological high that i can't come down from, and never want to come down from.  like an permanant endorphin rush that is just who i am. 

if this makes any sense at all, i would love to hear others experiences.



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"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 7:17:07 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I just felt really serene, like "Yes, this is who I am and where I need to be."

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 8:18:02 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		my submission truly hit me when She said "you need to just let go and trust Me". the sense of relief and release was immediate and overwhelming.

(in reply to sabswife)
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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 8:27:46 AM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		At first I was confused..I couldn't figure out how it actually could make me happy.. nor could anyone else in my life.  Then after a while.. I got a huge peace from it.. that maybe I was actually where I belonged and in the type of relationship that was most fulfilling for me.  Now, I know I couldn't live any other way.. He fulfills all of those needs..the lover/Master/friend/teacher.....and I don't think I could have found that in a vanilla relationship.. at least not to the point I could be totally satisfied.

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All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 9:02:13 AM   
sweetsubie


Posts: 82
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		i was sixteen when i first had a partner so it was soon after o lost my virginity that i figured out that i was meant to be sub, it was tough at the time because i was very new to even being sexually active and i guess i didnt really think anything of my kinks untill my bf explained to me that not every one considers it as totally natural and normal so in that respect it was a little difficult but i was lucky to be young and comfortable enough with myself to move on and explore my discovery of BDSM further.

< Message edited by sweetsubie -- 6/9/2006 9:03:38 AM >

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Sticks and stone may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 9:28:50 AM   
peterK50


Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline 		I always knew I was submissive but I was also sure I was clinically insane. I was 16, 6'4" 220# of muscle & an all-county football, hockey, & lacrosse player. I thought the fact I should want to submit was just crazy & I was certainly the only person on earth with these feelings. Then the brother of a friend showed us into the little back room of the smoke-shop that was common in the early 1970's & there was my epiphany. I saw those D/s magazines & quicky decided I was not alone. The feeling I had was one of unimaginable relief.

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 1:56:17 PM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		I remember getting an outfit I was to wear going out from my Mistress way back when. At that time choosing something to wear would have taken hours and second and third guessing. I remember just putting it on and feeling so relaxed about it that it hit me that this life was truly nice and meant for me. I just felt an incredible calmness and a natural smile on my face like I have never felt

I think at the time I was understanding that the life was not a bunch of separate events but one constant behavior.

< Message edited by lisa1978 -- 6/9/2006 1:58:30 PM >

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It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 2:10:34 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I've had many *moments* when its hit me....kinda like walking a staircase without knowing there is another step in front of me until my foot actually lands on it.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 2:20:53 PM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		I fought my submissiveness for awhile. Even when I was in the midst of a Dom/sub relationship I still continued to fight it. It wasn't until we had seperated and I realized that for him I would do anything and found complete peace with it did I realize yes I've found it.

< Message edited by impishlilhellcat -- 6/9/2006 2:21:37 PM >

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 3:09:30 PM   
Halcyone


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		When it first hit me, and every time since, I felt/feel humbled.

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"I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy." - Rabindranath Tagore

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 5:26:44 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I've had many *moments* when its hit me....kinda like walking a staircase without knowing there is another step in front of me until my foot actually lands on it.


This is so true, Jali!! There are moments in the middle of my work day when something reminds me, and I feel a great sense of wonder, still. Just when I think I have completely become blase about it, I get that sense of relief at finally having been brave enough to seek this place. I hope I never lose that.

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Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 7:16:02 PM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		Oh.. that only takes one word.
 
complete

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 7:56:19 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I felt a calmness I had never felt before. I felt, for the first time ever, i was were I belonged and that peice of me was no longer missing. I know in that moment I was owned and no one else would ever be able to own me.

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peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



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RE: how did you feel? - 6/9/2006 9:31:08 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Sort of a flip flop between calmly terrified and placidly vulnerable -- both with a pissed off edge.

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/11/2006 7:23:29 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I like the way jali expressed it and I think I'm kinda like that also.

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/11/2006 9:31:36 AM   
tangria


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline 		my journey began many years ago, before i was even aware there was a "lifestyle" unfortunately i started out in a relationship with an aspiring gorean master, his "daddys girl" wife and myself, a submissive personality. a recipe for disaster, and it left a bad taste in my mouth and i left the household in anguish and wondering what went wrong. then spent years in "vanilla" relationships that went from bad to worse and i could never figure out why. someone turned me onto literotica and the bdsm stories----like the proverbial lightbulb going on i thought my god im not alone----this is ME. then to collarme, meeting others in r/l, and here i am. that relief, that peace, that calm serenity i felt when i realized it, there are no words to describe. and i still feel that when i think about it, or spend time with like-minded friends. i am home. its that simple. peace to you all.

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/11/2006 10:38:51 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Knowing i was  submissive and accepting  it did not happen at all at the same time. and i know i still have alot of work to do. I think the major moment for me in accepting myself was when i realize that when i gave up control it was the only time i actually felt in control (does that make sense?) I was spending so much time trying to control my life that i was living in spinning choas. Letting go meant the world came into focus, and everything cleared and calmed down. Things made sense and had purpose.

but that's just me *s*



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I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/13/2006 12:02:08 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I fought my submissive tooth and nail for the first part of puberty. I really thought i was sick, and even considered seeing a therapist for it. But one day, nearly four years ago, i found a website that described exactly what i was feeling. All the fantasies i had thought made no sense to me, fianlly became clear in my mind. This didn't stop my fighting it though.

Then one day, i was walking through some store (Walmart probably), and saw the animal aisles. I went into the aisle where the collars were, and i just stared. That was my moment of clarification. I knew i needed  to be submissive, and i can't change this any more than i can change my blood type.

Jali put it in excellent terms. You just know there's another stair in front of you, and you just keep going.


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We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

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RE: how did you feel? - 6/13/2006 7:27:32 AM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		mine wasn't a sledge hammer of a moment, it was a creeping through of stages going form the expectations of society wanting a male to be dominate....to be given respect and to have control, working tends to do that.........to realizing that the acts of service is what i savor the most....to finally realzing that yes, this is what i am, this is what i can do and this is what i'm not allowed to do and therefore finding that great freedom within the confines of ownership.

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