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What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/slave? - 7/25/2012 7:13:17 PM   
NewbieMistress


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/19/2012
From: United States
Status: offline 		Hello Sub/Slaves

What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/slave? Is it something like making friends in time you just trust each other and decide to move forward? Do you take charge of the situation as a mistress dictates at the beginning or do you just decide this after every thing is finalized by the Dom/Slave relationship.

Thanks,

NewbieMistress
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 7:52:28 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Personally, I believe that until you've agreed and negotiated a dynamic, you shouldn't assume a position of being their Dominant. How fast is based on the comfort of both people.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 7:52:31 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I'm not a sub/slave, but I'm in this situation right now. We're just dating and getting to know each other. Then when we decide we actually want a dynamic together, the power exchange situation will tip a bit more in my direction I'm thinking. I'm not about to try and Domme someone who's not mine yet. I remember when I was a sub I hated more than anything someone trying to Insta-Dom me.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 8:39:00 PM   
NewbieMistress


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/19/2012
From: United States
Status: offline 		Thank you lady's I appreciate the info. I will simply be myself and see where it goes? Just like a relationship.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 9:31:31 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		It is a relationship.

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


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RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 10:24:57 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

It is a relationship.




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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 11:49:15 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		i'll have to echo what has already been said.

you still have to get to know the person before rules of a dynamic are set in place.


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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/25/2012 11:59:06 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*head desk* WHY is that so hard for so many to grasp? it is STILL a relaionship ( x 1k)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/26/2012 6:36:07 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

It is a relationship.

That's all it is. Nothing fancy, just a relationship in shiny leather and chain wrapping paper.
No timelines-let things develop holistically, let the interaction develop the rhythms of it's unique dynamic.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/26/2012 7:15:50 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

It is a relationship.


Amazing. Whoda thunk it.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/26/2012 7:40:21 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I saw on another thread that you feel like people have been mocking you. You might get a better reception moving forward if you start your new threads with:

- I took previous advice and bought these books from the booklist
- I want to take your advice and go to munches but I have these questions
- I took your advice and started going to munches and found a mentor

Your questions aren't asked in a vacuum - people remember your posting history and get frustrated if you seem to ignore all the advice or knowledge previously given.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/26/2012 10:57:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I saw on another thread that you feel like people have been mocking you.



Another suggestion........ don't always assume the worst. At least not when reading my posts. An awful lot of my shit comes with a very dry sense of humour. I turn it on myself as much, if not more, than I do other people.

And if you are going to assume the worst, look at it the way I do. If a bunch of random strangers on the net, most of whom I will never ever actually get to meet, think I am a crazy raving bitchy lunatic........so what? No skin off my ass.

On here, I get entertainment. Occasionally I read something that actually sits in my brain and ferments for awhile, giving me a bit of new perspective or some such shit. Whatever doesn't fit either of those categories isn't worth fretting over.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/26/2012 11:09:50 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		NewbieMistress, this isn't the first time you have tried to figure this out and had a few threads about it. Reading your profile, is very interesting. First, you mention breaking a submissive. Then you mention moving and marriage. And finally, you talk about financial piggies.

If you don't know what you're doing, why are you talking about breaking someone?

If you have to come repeatedly to the boards and ask these elementary questions and yet come off in your profile as if you know what you're doing, along with how others will take what is there, you present as someone lost and maybe even scary.

Start with you before you work on them. I find that there is something rather odd in presenting as a leader of any type of relationship that doesn't get how a relationship works. If you haven't figured out at this stage in life what is working and are coming from such a lost place, you don't gain confidence in those that have half a clue about it. Besides, you aren't going to find the best of submissives to start a marriage with if you are talking about breaking them. Now, the piggies you mention, they might pay for that, but even they have choices and they will want their monies worth. Why pick you if they can have a nice fresh young one that doesn't seem to be so lost or want so much other than gifts? Show them something they can get into and it will work... there are plenty of the lil buggers out there.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 7/26/2012 11:11:25 AM >

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 7/26/2012 11:21:22 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Communication is key. No matter who is in charge.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 8/4/2012 4:38:22 PM   
Silentrunner26


Posts: 424
Joined: 7/15/2009
Status: offline 		How many times has a great relationship been screwed up because one or the other could not communicate ? Being open and honest is the only way to have something that will last . Anything else and your headed for some pain you don't want .

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 8/4/2012 5:20:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

NewbieMistress, this isn't the first time you have tried to figure this out and had a few threads about it. Reading your profile, is very interesting. First, you mention breaking a submissive. Then you mention moving and marriage. And finally, you talk about financial piggies.

If you don't know what you're doing, why are you talking about breaking someone?

If you have to come repeatedly to the boards and ask these elementary questions and yet come off in your profile as if you know what you're doing, along with how others will take what is there, you present as someone lost and maybe even scary.

Start with you before you work on them. I find that there is something rather odd in presenting as a leader of any type of relationship that doesn't get how a relationship works. If you haven't figured out at this stage in life what is working and are coming from such a lost place, you don't gain confidence in those that have half a clue about it. Besides, you aren't going to find the best of submissives to start a marriage with if you are talking about breaking them. Now, the piggies you mention, they might pay for that, but even they have choices and they will want their monies worth. Why pick you if they can have a nice fresh young one that doesn't seem to be so lost or want so much other than gifts? Show them something they can get into and it will work... there are plenty of the lil buggers out there.


NewbieMistress, lemme repeat what I've been saying over and over to you - get out into the community. You'll find mentors and role models and a network that will be invaluable for finding your sub. You're getting feedback that indicates that you don't know what you're doing, and you are complaining how hard your search is. Both those issues will be dealt with if you actually turn off your computer and meet people.

There's a munch in Longmont tonight....

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 8/4/2012 5:21:09 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 8/7/2012 3:41:58 AM   
slaved9


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/3/2010
Status: offline 		I would honestly take it slow if you want to develop a "true" long-term sub/dom relationship. If I approach a professional then I obviously would expect my submission to her be immediate. However in the bdsm relationship I have had before, we started slow and it made the whole situation great in my opinion.

Its all up to what you want in the end though!

(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 8/7/2012 12:46:16 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewbieMistress

Hello Sub/Slaves

What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/slave? Is it something like making friends in time you just trust each other and decide to move forward? Do you take charge of the situation as a mistress dictates at the beginning or do you just decide this after every thing is finalized by the Dom/Slave relationship.

Thanks,

NewbieMistress



The answer is simple: Spend a sufficient amount of time.

If you want to know what "sufficient" is, that's more complex. You aren't going to find out by posting questions here in the hopes of getting three easy bulleted points you can follow.

I have seen several of your posts and it's quite clear that you don't have the slightest idea what you're doing. That's OK - everyone has to learn. The problem is you are trying to learn in a lazy lazy way that requires no time or effort of you. That's apparent by the type of questions you're asking. They are the kind of questions that would require a book or at least several articles to answer, and you have made no attempt to find or read the books or articles. Again, that's your laziness.

Instead, do this: Find a dom or domme, and spend six months as their submissive, experiencing all the stuff that you hope to do with men.

This is especially important if you are hoping to get men to give you money, because if you aspire to be a financial domme you are one of many sellers pitching yourself to relatively few buyers.


(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 8/26/2012 6:48:17 AM   
fig555


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/26/2012
Status: offline 		As a Mistress I would advise you to push a little - your sub would have to feel you being in control, setting deadlines also helps (give your sub a date for making a decision), then stand back and watch their internal conflict torture them (I enjoy this process). It is always a pleasure to watch subs surrender to you step by step. What do subs think about this? Aa a Mistress am I doing the right thing from your point of view or would it work better any other way?

(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What is the pace I need to go with a potential sub/... - 8/26/2012 10:28:53 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fig555

As a Mistress I would advise you to push a little - your sub would have to feel you being in control, setting deadlines also helps (give your sub a date for making a decision), then stand back and watch their internal conflict torture them (I enjoy this process). It is always a pleasure to watch subs surrender to you step by step. What do subs think about this? Aa a Mistress am I doing the right thing from your point of view or would it work better any other way?



I don't do emotional masochism, so I'd probably tell you to take a hike, but that's me.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to fig555)
Profile   Post #: 20
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