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RaspberryLemon -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/27/2012 1:46:32 AM)
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Interesting thread.
I do find myself sometimes indecisive when he delegates a decision to me. He is not a micro-manager and does delegate certain decisions to me that are pretty much a staple in our lives. For instance, he nearly never tells me what to wear specifically (beyond things like "bring a jacket, you will want it later" or something similar,) he just expects I wear something he approves of--I don't find this particular choice hard to make nor does it take a long time for me to do so. For this and many other decisions I'm expected or asked to make, I don't get caught up in it and it doesn't stress me out. I just do it.
However, certain choices are more difficult to make. I don't know what it is. I love variety (50 ice cream flavors as opposed to 5? I actually have FUN looking through all of them and deciding which ones sound the tastiest and which ones we want to try, even if it DOES take a little bit when I get caught up between 3 or so favorites) and trying and inventing and doing new things. But this doesn't stop me from feeling stressed out when he asks me to make a choice and I'm feeling indecisive (for whatever reason) about it. One thing I do find is that when decisions are more time sensitive (ordering at a restaurant or fast food window, etc.) that I tend to freeze up more.
When I AM having trouble making a decision delegated to me, my feelings match how littlewonder described it perfectly:quote:
ORIGINAL: littlewonder
If I have to decide I get frustrated and fluttered. I either can't think of anything or I think of too many things and I end up just hesitating and procrastinating and going back to him to help me decide which again makes me upset because I hate bothering him. For instance we stop for a quick snack at a fast food window and he leaves it up to me to decide what I want, I will ask him what I should get, and the answer will be something like "whatever you want." I get a little flustered and stressed out because people are waiting on me to make that decision, and I know he's wanting me to make it and not come back to him for help. In those situations I start over-thinking, which takes even more time, and eventually I end up just mentally flipping a coin and picking something.
Like with the ice cream flavor example, I will love going through those 50 flavors and finding interesting ones. Generally in this type of instance if he's giving me a choice on it this time, I will go through and pick 3 or so favorites and then get stuck, so I ask him to pick from those because I can't decide and it makes it easier on me. With these little choices I always end up being able to come down to a 2 or 3 choices but get stuck there.
Mostly, he is willing to help me and pick for me in those instances to get me "unstuck." But sometimes he keeps the choice completely up to me--after all, he said "choose" not "ask me again." He does this because he wants me to become better and more comfortable making these choices, because he feels that's healthy for me and he doesn't always want to choose every little thing for me--he is a big picture person. And it's up to him, so this is what I try to do. Thankfully, patience is one of his strongest traits, so even though like I said he is a big-picture person (as opposed to me being a detail-oriented one) and he doesn't understand having so much trouble deciding, he doesn't rush me or get angry when I find I am stuck. He just waits for me to get unstuck. I do find this patience takes most of the stress out of it.
As an addition, I find that when faced with larger decisions that aren't delegated to me (they are rarely delegated to me but my input is always required by him and crucial to his decision-making process) I find it is pretty easy to know where my opinion stands. I would not, however, enjoy a situation where those big type decisions were my responsibility to make for someone because that would make me panicky about people counting on me and what if I make the wrong decision, etc. He on the other hand enjoys that responsibility and leadership, and the ability to make these choices--to lead, to make the big decisions for us. In the end, I'm comfortable with how he runs things and how much "freedom of choice" he gives me. I am glad that it works out the way it does.
Whew, long post. I didn't expect it to take so many words to explain my sometimes indecisiveness. I guess it's a bit complicated (and I am not entirely certain on what makes a "hard" decision for me, other than time-sensitivity) but there you go.
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