RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (Full Version)

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MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 12:03:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
You have to careful throwing around these sweeping generalizations like "research, however, has shown ..." The paradox of choice -- the connection between choice and anxiety -- has been studied a lot. Some studies support the idea, others don't. From what I've read, the research overall tilts toward rejecting the theory rather than supporting it. But the research isn't really super clear either way.

Also, you have to understand that the video you're citing is from the guy who made up the theory and has spent the last decade promoting it, so he tends to spin it as an absolute and only mentions the research that supports the theory, and not the research that rejects it.



You are quite correct about throwing terms about like that. I have read similar research on other sites that agree with it, but honestly, I can't remember what the articles were. For all I know it's the same researcher being recorded in different locations.

Short of doing the experiments myself I cannot verify that it's true. My swiss-cheese memory only allows me to remember the most important factors from these different articles. I tend to think that TED talks are generally done by very informed people, but that may not always be true and some of them may be using 'Appeal to Authority" because they are TED speakers to prove their points. The speaker in the video I mentioned threw off some comment about this is why we should use economic redistribution near the end of his presentation ( a proven bad-wrong idea) but I thought that was a personal observation.

Like I said: I have read other things that agree with this, but they were very far apart and I can't remember who did them. I can find out if you are interested. I know where I was linked to those studies from and that site has an almost OCD record keeper. Being able to talk about this with someone who doesn't accept it on face value and is interested in evaluated the issue based on science was more than I hoped for.




seekingreality -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 12:39:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel


quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
You have to careful throwing around these sweeping generalizations like "research, however, has shown ..." The paradox of choice -- the connection between choice and anxiety -- has been studied a lot. Some studies support the idea, others don't. From what I've read, the research overall tilts toward rejecting the theory rather than supporting it. But the research isn't really super clear either way.

Also, you have to understand that the video you're citing is from the guy who made up the theory and has spent the last decade promoting it, so he tends to spin it as an absolute and only mentions the research that supports the theory, and not the research that rejects it.



You are quite correct about throwing terms about like that. I have read similar research on other sites that agree with it, but honestly, I can't remember what the articles were. For all I know it's the same researcher being recorded in different locations.

Short of doing the experiments myself I cannot verify that it's true. My swiss-cheese memory only allows me to remember the most important factors from these different articles. I tend to think that TED talks are generally done by very informed people, but that may not always be true and some of them may be using 'Appeal to Authority" because they are TED speakers to prove their points. The speaker in the video I mentioned threw off some comment about this is why we should use economic redistribution near the end of his presentation ( a proven bad-wrong idea) but I thought that was a personal observation.

Like I said: I have read other things that agree with this, but they were very far apart and I can't remember who did them. I can find out if you are interested. I know where I was linked to those studies from and that site has an almost OCD record keeper. Being able to talk about this with someone who doesn't accept it on face value and is interested in evaluated the issue based on science was more than I hoped for.



You don't have to find out for my benefit. I am familiar with this research and I am not particularly impressed by it. Like the restaurant example you gave. Certainly it's harder to choose a meal from 200 choices than three. But I am not convince that ultimately means you will be happier choosing from the three. I mean, what if the only three choices are food you hate?

I do agree that having too many choices can cause stress. But having too few choices can cause stress too. The whole theory is a bit too simplistic for my taste. I also think it's too simplistic a lens to evaluate BDSM relationships through.





JeffBC -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 10:33:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
I do agree that having too many choices can cause stress. But having too few choices can cause stress too. The whole theory is a bit too simplistic for my taste. I also think it's too simplistic a lens to evaluate BDSM relationships through.

and looking at Carol clearly demonstrates that. In her case her chosen relationship with not just me but the rest of humanity has nothing to do with an inability to make choices. It has everything to do with a priority tree that is different than mine. For instance, she values "not making waves" much more highly than I do. In the area of decision making, the only place she struggles is when the decision involves weighing her desires against someone else's. So what I'm looking at, in total, is exactly as you said -- too complex to be viewed through the simple lens of "too many/too few" choices.




ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 11:37:35 AM)

Using FR:

Sorry, I don't buy into the OP's premise.

Here's why:

I am a fast decision maker, and it doesn't matter what vast array of options is open to me. I can scan the menu, do the research, test the hypothesis, and in record time have a decision that I can almost always live with.

Himself is a slow decision maker. Often he doesn't want to make mundane decisions, like what's for dinner, b/c he doesn't want to have to be bothered. An important decision can take him ten times as long to make as it would me. However, his decisions are much better researched. Whatever examination he has preformed to reach a conclusion is far more rigorous than my own. This means he consistently makes fantastic (and often unpredictable) decisions.

Does this make him a better decision maker than I? Well, I guess that depends on how much time you have.

If you need it short and sweet, as in most things in life, I'm your girl. If you need the RIGHT decision, he's the MAN.

Yes, there is a message in there.




seekingreality -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 1:38:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
I do agree that having too many choices can cause stress. But having too few choices can cause stress too. The whole theory is a bit too simplistic for my taste. I also think it's too simplistic a lens to evaluate BDSM relationships through.

and looking at Carol clearly demonstrates that. In her case her chosen relationship with not just me but the rest of humanity has nothing to do with an inability to make choices. It has everything to do with a priority tree that is different than mine. For instance, she values "not making waves" much more highly than I do. In the area of decision making, the only place she struggles is when the decision involves weighing her desires against someone else's. So what I'm looking at, in total, is exactly as you said -- too complex to be viewed through the simple lens of "too many/too few" choices.



Yes, I don't think happiness stems from having choices arbitrarily taken away from you. It comes from developing your goal setting skills so you can more easily navigate the many choices that life enters. In some ways, I think the OP's theory has it exactly backwards.




MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 3:45:33 PM)

I want to reiterate something. Or at least make it clearer:

I never said that subs couldn't make decisions. If I implied that I am sorry.

What I meant to ask was, "Does the freedom from making decisions plat a part in your desire for submission."

ChatteParfaitt: don't have a premise, I have a question.

I have to make decisions constantly during work. I don;t always make the perfect decisions, but I can make good decisions quickly rather than worrying about what the best decision is.

A good example is when I read over an ex-subs divorce agreement: I said, this is worded wrong, this is unfair to you, this is unfair to him and this is worded unclearly, and this part is clearly unfair to the children. Get these changes made and then you should sign it.

Was it perfect? Hardly. But it saved months of agonizing over the agreement while the kids ere left in limbo. It had already been months by the time I was asked to look at it. Twenty minuets of reading legaleze and interpreting it saved the children a lot of heartache and confusion.

Before someone excoriates me for being with a married woman: he had already left her for the babysitter by the time I met her.




Kana -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 10:12:32 PM)

quote:

What I meant to ask was, "Does the freedom from making decisions plat a part in your desire for submission."


Nope, but it sure plays into my desire for dominance. Hell to the yeah it does. :-)




UllrsIshtar -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/28/2012 11:30:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

What I meant to ask was, "Does the freedom from making decisions plat a part in your desire for submission."



Nope it doesn't at all. I love making decisions. In fact, there are few things in life I love as much as making decisions.

What I don't like to do (and suck at) is enforcing that which needs to be enforced after making the decisions.
My scheduling and choosing skills are extra-ordinary. My self-discipline, on the other hand, totally sucks.
This means I have a hard time actually following through with all the grand things I've so easily decided that I want.

So my obedience stems from the fact that I'm more than happy to trade in decision making capacity for enforcement in decision I know are generally right; especially considering that enforcement is erotic to me.

Of course, this only works if I'm in a relationship with somebody who tends to make the same decisions that I would have in the first place; but that's a small technicality, and hardly a serious obstacle.




Karmastic -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/29/2012 4:37:26 PM)

fr-

sorry, didn't follow the link, read part of the summary.

i do remember such studies during my college days in marketing classes.

it's all balance. not too many options, but just enough. 3 choices or bullets are optimal.

re the paradox: i don't think it's a very deep paradox. assuming no real slavery or incarceration (as exists in many countries, and some backyard outhouses or basements), submission is a choice. the D is simply making the daily choices.




sheisreeds -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/29/2012 6:47:31 PM)

I remember watching this TED talk, and having very conflicting feelings about it.

Overall I love choices, and making decisions. While the process can be stressful, I don't dwell in regret, and am always happy with the choice I'm made, and glad I got to make it. I also love the process of making a decision. I love shopping, and I always take forever. I love the process of looking at tons of different items, and having to pick what I think is best. I'm in heaven on the internet, I'll look at 100s of pairs of shoes just to pick the 1 I like. Sometimes I get more out of the hunt than I do out of the final result.

I need options, unpredictability, and choices in my life.

I find this thread very interesting, because my happiness + choice equation plays out in my kinky life.

I do have to watch getting caught up in decision making, in terms of how I use my time. Though when I flip that switch from research to impulse, oh it is a lot of fun.

I do think the premise of the talk is quite flawed, i don't think narrowing of choices does not always lead to increased happiness. I do however this this equation is potentially a great personality measure.




RemoteUser -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/29/2012 7:01:12 PM)

I make choices easily and quickly, and while I don't get them all right, they all have merit and a basis. Can't really ask for much more. I'm comfortable being that way.

I'm also comfortable helping her make decisions. Part of our D/g dynamic is that I care for her in all possible senses; if she would benefit from some of my advice I give it. Every decision I've shared with her has been comfortable and satisfying.

Do I need her to be indecisive? No. If I could care for her or help her just as easily with a touch of the cheek, telling her everything will be fine, or reading a story to her, I am happy. Seeing her happy is quite a reward in and of itself to this particular Daddy. [;)]

Does her indecision play into her submission? I won't answer for her, but I have my thoughts on it. If she ever wants to know them all she needs to do is ask, and I will share my thoughts with her.




littlewonder -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/29/2012 7:34:22 PM)

I think one of the reasons I don't like making decisions is because I like a comfortable life...safe, secure, predictable. It's less stress and much easier. After living 40 years in complete chaos, my brain hurts with too many choices.




Byste -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/30/2012 7:47:50 AM)

I experienced this this weekend. I went into a pharmacy to buy a face and under eye cream. I knew exactly what I wanted the creams to do and the price had to be reasonable. There were creams that would do what I wanted but at a high price and there were creams that would do almost what I wanted at a cheaper price. There were well-known names and not so well known names. There were different quantities...some not enough for the price, some too much for a first time try out. I would have needed an Excel spreadsheet to make a decision. I remember thinking "I just want a face cream and an eye cream! Why is this so complicated?" Fortunately, I had watched the video in the OP so I could say to myself "Ah ha! This is the Paradox of Choice!"

It didn't help.

Byste




littlewonder -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/30/2012 11:45:39 AM)

lol. I go through this every single time I go to a store to buy something. I end up just grabbing something and hoping I bought the one item that I was looking for. I get frustrated and end up saying "fuck it, I'm getting a headache" lol




sheisreeds -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (7/30/2012 3:35:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Byste

I experienced this this weekend. I went into a pharmacy to buy a face and under eye cream. I knew exactly what I wanted the creams to do and the price had to be reasonable. There were creams that would do what I wanted but at a high price and there were creams that would do almost what I wanted at a cheaper price. There were well-known names and not so well known names. There were different quantities...some not enough for the price, some too much for a first time try out. I would have needed an Excel spreadsheet to make a decision. I remember thinking "I just want a face cream and an eye cream! Why is this so complicated?" Fortunately, I had watched the video in the OP so I could say to myself "Ah ha! This is the Paradox of Choice!"

It didn't help.

Byste


See when I'm in these kind of situations I'm in heaven. I'd also the next time buy a different eye cream, just cause.

I have around 100 shades of eye shadow, the more options I have the happier I am. My favorite part of going out is picking out what shades I'm using.

I'm honestly curious what this all means in terms of a personality measure.




sunsfire -> RE: Submission, Dominance and the Paradox of Choice. (8/1/2012 10:22:21 PM)

i believe this may come down to a single choice:

If we are talking strictly about the BDSM lifestylers then i believe it is either:
1. is it more selfless to surrender all choices to the Dom?

or

2. is it more selfless to not use up all of His/Her energy making all the choices for you in and outside of the bedroom?

for me, either way is an act of surrender and selflessness.




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