Can you live without it? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

Primalfan -> Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 7:01:18 AM)

As someone who has been into the spanking fetish for as long back as I can remember, I know exactly how it fills my daydreams and idle hours. In the past, I have tried to live without it. To cast the monkey off my back and embrace the vanilla world. My efforts were far from successful.

Do you think that you could leave whatever fetish you have behind? Can you wash it from your mind and set yourself free? Or are you a slave (pun intended) to the desires that are tattooed onto your psyche?



GreedyTop -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 7:04:44 AM)

I don't have any fetishes, per se, but yeah, if staying with a partner that I connected with on every other level was the trade off, yeah.

But again, I don't have any dictionary definiton of fetish.



SoulAlloy -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 7:51:03 AM)

Can I? Yes, if necessary... It's not so ingrained I couldn't manage without it.

Would I want to? Hell no! It would kind of be like orgasm denial, only with no release



myotherself -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:13:26 AM)

I was a masochist and submissive long before I knew words for them. I just knew that relationships didn't work for me because 'things' were missing. I found sex boring and after a while believed I was frigid. I didn't think it was fair to find a good man and have him make do with with someone who just didn't want to have sex with him, so I chose to stop dating.

I was celibate and didn't date for 10 years, until a colleague told me about bdsm and the lights came on. Now I have a relationship with the 'things' as an integral part, and it's awesome.

So to answer your question, yes I could live without bdsm in my life, but I would do so alone.



KnightofMists -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:19:21 AM)

I don't do this stuff because I have to. I do it because I want too. The kinky stuff that is.....

But... I couldn't just stop being the dominant of the family and decide to be submissive.



xLaChienne -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:34:54 AM)

Any time the question, "Can you do without..." comes up the answer is almost always, "yes, but why would I want to?"








LaTigresse -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:42:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I don't do this stuff because I have to. I do it because I want too. The kinky stuff that is.....

But... I couldn't just stop being the dominant of the family and decide to be submissive.


This.



LaTigresse -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:45:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Primalfan

As someone who has been into the spanking fetish for as long back as I can remember, I know exactly how it fills my daydreams and idle hours. In the past, I have tried to live without it. To cast the monkey off my back and embrace the vanilla world. My efforts were far from successful.

Do you think that you could leave whatever fetish you have behind? Can you wash it from your mind and set yourself free? Or are you a slave (pun intended) to the desires that are tattooed onto your psyche?


To ME, what you write is too close to an addict talking about his/her addiction. The fetish/addiction is dominating you. To ME, that is a sign of weakness and a person not in control of either themself or their life.

Not a place I want to be.



southrnimp -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:53:04 AM)

I can surely live without it. I don't want to live without it though.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 8:59:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Primalfan

As someone who has been into the spanking fetish for as long back as I can remember, I know exactly how it fills my daydreams and idle hours. In the past, I have tried to live without it. To cast the monkey off my back and embrace the vanilla world. My efforts were far from successful.

Do you think that you could leave whatever fetish you have behind? Can you wash it from your mind and set yourself free? Or are you a slave (pun intended) to the desires that are tattooed onto your psyche?



I'd hate to be addicted to something and be a slave of my own desires.

I possibly wouldn't want to be without kink, but I could easily be without it and not be miserable and desperate, yes I would miss it, but I see it as something that makes my life a bit better, not something my life revolves around. It's like having a nice glass of wine, thoroughly enjoyable, but once you can't live without it, you got a problem.



Kana -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 9:23:54 AM)

I like Bacon Cheeseburgers with fried onions, lettuce, a thin slice of tomato, some relish and BBQ sauce.
But that don't mean I wouldn't eat a plain burger if it was all that was available.

Same thing with sex.
Left to my own (hehehehe) devices I like my frolicking with all the trimmings, but hey, when in a pinch, nilla sex beats the heck outta no sex at all.

But to answer your implied deeper question-I wasn't happy about it...and I shouldn't have been.
Why?
Because I was living a lie and in so doing a grave injustice to both myself and my partner.
Myself because I was betraying who and what I really am; her because I was painting a picture in which she satisfied all my needs when that wasn't even kinda sorta true.
And living a lie sucks.

But that's just my experience. I'm sure others have had different results.



sunsfire -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 10:17:25 AM)

For my very first post on Collar Me forums: i believe i can speak to this subject with confidence.

i was in this lifestyle for many years. For many reasons, left unsaid, i chose to leave the lifestyle and go vanilla 10 years ago. Every moment i spent in those 10 years was far more miserable than the time i spent in it. As with any life lesson, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

i was in a monogomous vanilla relationship for 8 years. Though easy, my life was completely unfullfilled. In short, i was miserable. i need to serve. Serving is my core being. With that said, without the Ying to my Yang, serving isn't the same when not in this world. i can attest to that first hand. i had the mindset that i could serve irregardless of the lifestyle. MAN WAS I WRONG!

i've spent the last 2 years celibate and soul searching before deciding to face my fears and re-enter this lifestyle without reservation. i chose to be celibate because vanilla sex isn't fulfilling in any way to me. Masturbation is just as good at that point to be honest. i might even say masturbation is better because at least i know myself well.

PLEASE i beg Y/you. If Y/you believe that Y/you can hop between the two worlds, PLEASE think again. i believe Y/you are doing an injustice to Y/your true being.



Ullrmann -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 10:19:37 AM)

I have lived without it for periods in my past and could again in the future. However, my kinks will always be a part of me on some level so there has to be something I am gaining by giving them up which I value more than I value indulging them.



kalikshama -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 10:58:46 AM)

quote:

I could live without bdsm in my life, but I would do so alone.


Same here. I find a steady diet of vanilla sex boring and frustrating. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.



sheisreeds -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 11:07:20 AM)

I can survive without it, I cannot live without it.

I've spent enough time in my life just surviving, living is so much better.

I agree with what others have mentioned:

When I was in a vanilla relationship I was living a lie, it was completely unfair to my ex and to me. I still feel guilt about it, as I kinda knew it at the time. I lied to myself and wasted both of our time, and broke his heart.

Vanilla sex with my kinky partner is better than no sex (sometimes we're tired, or just aren't in shape to rough it up). Vanilla sex with someone who isn't into kink is worse than no sex at all. I just feel alienated, alone and unfulfilled. In vanilla relationships I have always felt more like some exotic prize, some rare bird in a cage.

I like being with someone who is as strange as I am, because to each other with are both normal and equals.

Also, it is not so much about the fetishes, it is about the attitude and tone of the relationship. You can give me an arsenal of knives, or leave with my filed down fingernails and I'm still gonna be happy.



littlewonder -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 11:13:06 AM)

Yes I could leave all the kinkiness. I'm just as happy with "vanilla" sex as with any other kind of sex.

What I can't leave is my submission to my man whether he's into bdsm or not. I am very traditional in the way I think about relationships.



CeriseNin -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 11:21:10 AM)

I could live without kinky sex, and my fetish for certain things if I had to. I couldn't live without the D/s component.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 11:26:20 AM)

Live without kink? I've taken long breaks from playing. I don't need to have kink as part of my relationship, if I have another outlet.

I am a bossy broad, kink or no kink, and that doesn't change.



LaTigresse -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 11:41:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunsfire

For my very first post on Collar Me forums: i believe i can speak to this subject with confidence.

i was in this lifestyle for many years. For many reasons, left unsaid, i chose to leave the lifestyle and go vanilla 10 years ago. Every moment i spent in those 10 years was far more miserable than the time i spent in it. As with any life lesson, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

i was in a monogomous vanilla relationship for 8 years. Though easy, my life was completely unfullfilled. In short, i was miserable. i need to serve. Serving is my core being. With that said, without the Ying to my Yang, serving isn't the same when not in this world. i can attest to that first hand. i had the mindset that i could serve irregardless of the lifestyle. MAN WAS I WRONG!

i've spent the last 2 years celibate and soul searching before deciding to face my fears and re-enter this lifestyle without reservation. i chose to be celibate because vanilla sex isn't fulfilling in any way to me. Masturbation is just as good at that point to be honest. i might even say masturbation is better because at least i know myself well.

PLEASE i beg Y/you. If Y/you believe that Y/you can hop between the two worlds, PLEASE think again. i believe Y/you are doing an injustice to Y/your true being.


Sunsfire, that is a lovely first post and welcome to the CM forums. Just please do yourself, and the rest of us, a favour and drop the Y/y stuff. It's a bit too chatroom role playing and a royal pain in the arse to read.



Winterapple -> RE: Can you live without it? (7/29/2012 12:08:17 PM)

FR
I don't see kink as a monkey on my back or
anything I need to have cleansed from my brain.
I could survive without kink or sex for that
matter but why would I want to? It doesn't rule
my life it's just part of who I am.

If I swore off kink I would still want
a partnership with a dominant man.
I don't figuratively speaking want to
wear the pants in a relationship.
There's nothing wrong with vanilla
especially French vanilla but I like
a variety of flavors best.



Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875