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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 4:41:32 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Sexual virgin, no.
Virgin top/Dom/Master, no.
Virgin bottom/sub/slave, yes.

Ditto

I ditto that ditto.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 6:24:14 AM

Kana

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At my age, if that shit is still virgin, I'm betting it's rusted shut!

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 9:54:43 AM

sheisreeds

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Virginity is completely unsexy over the age of 21.

I care that partners have relationship experience.

When I was last dating and ready to settle into something serious people who had not been with someone at least a year (an ideally had lived with them) were a HUGE turn off. Relationships are an experienced based skill.

And while the conservatives may try and burn me for this, there is no way to truly understand intimacy and relationships until you've been sexually active.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 11:34:30 AM

LanaDeVille

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Virginity is completely unsexy over the age of 21.

I care that partners have relationship experience.

When I was last dating and ready to settle into something serious people who had not been with someone at least a year (an ideally had lived with them) were a HUGE turn off. Relationships are an experienced based skill.

And while the conservatives may try and burn me for this, there is no way to truly understand intimacy and relationships until you've been sexually active.

Not everyone sees sexual intercourse as intimate. Sex may be a requirement for you to feel intimate with a partner, but it most certainly is not for me nor is it for some people. I'm a virgin, as well as an asexual, and I will mostly likely never have sex. Not everyone has it, and not everyone desires to have it. The fact that you say that one can't understand relationships until you've been sexually active implies that sex must be a necessary part of a relationship, when that is most certainly not the case. Sex may be a necessary need for you, but it isn't for some people and it doesn't make them less understanding of intimacy. They just find intimacy in different places and place more importance on other things in their relationships.

< Message edited by LanaDeVille -- 8/2/2012 11:39:42 AM >

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 4:41:26 PM

littlewonder

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For me personally, if I'm not having sex with him then he's just a friend, not a partner. To me that's pretty much the whole difference between friend and lover.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 7:53:27 PM

LanaDeVille

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

For me personally, if I'm not having sex with him then he's just a friend, not a partner. To me that's pretty much the whole difference between friend and lover.

I think it's like that for most people. =)
For me though, there's a strong feeling I have that separates a lover and a friend. I could try to explain it, and say that a lover is a person that I "trust absolutely" or someone who "will try their hardest to be there for me", but based on the words alone, my friends would fall into those categories.

I can say though that it's a feeling unlike anything else, and it's separate from anything sexual, and much more intense as well. It's one of those things that I can't accurately describe in words, but know when I feel it.

Also, as a random note, I've seen you post frequently and I wanted to compliment you on your posting style. I really like how you speak for yourself and your own relationships and don't try to rigidly apply those same standards to everyone else. You also try to not dismiss the experiences of others. It's a nice thing to see.

< Message edited by LanaDeVille -- 8/2/2012 7:55:07 PM >

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/2/2012 8:23:23 PM

littlewonder

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Thanks. This is how I talk in real life as well so it just flows naturally for me. As for other's people's relationships, it's none of my business and I don't really care what they do as long as it doesn't affect my own little world here. I may disagree with others, I might judge them but when it's all over, I shrug my shoulders and say "whatever" and move onto the next conversation here.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/3/2012 1:32:51 AM

RaspberryLemon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanaDeVille

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
For me personally, if I'm not having sex with him then he's just a friend, not a partner. To me that's pretty much the whole difference between friend and lover.

I think it's like that for most people. =)

I can't speak for most people, but it's not like that for me, and I'm not asexual. Sure, sex is an important part of my relationship with my Master, and it's not something I would do with anyone else, but it's not what defines the separation between friend and lover. There's something else there. I can definitely say I viewed him as my intimate/romantic partner before we were ever having sex with each other.

I feel the same, that there is some other indescribable, intense element that defines the separation, like you describe:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanaDeVille
I can say though that it's a feeling unlike anything else, and it's separate from anything sexual, and much more intense as well. It's one of those things that I can't accurately describe in words, but know when I feel it.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/3/2012 10:53:09 PM

drysoul

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I am a male sub virgin, AMA.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/9/2012 7:29:46 PM

Mysia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanaDeVille

Not everyone sees sexual intercourse as intimate. Sex may be a requirement for you to feel intimate with a partner, but it most certainly is not for me nor is it for some people. I'm a virgin, as well as an asexual, and I will mostly likely never have sex. Not everyone has it, and not everyone desires to have it. The fact that you say that one can't understand relationships until you've been sexually active implies that sex must be a necessary part of a relationship, when that is most certainly not the case. Sex may be a necessary need for you, but it isn't for some people and it doesn't make them less understanding of intimacy. They just find intimacy in different places and place more importance on other things in their relationships.

I'm curiuos how you are defining sex in this post. Can you explain, please?

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/9/2012 7:42:54 PM

LanaDeVille

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mysia

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanaDeVille

Not everyone sees sexual intercourse as intimate. Sex may be a requirement for you to feel intimate with a partner, but it most certainly is not for me nor is it for some people. I'm a virgin, as well as an asexual, and I will mostly likely never have sex. Not everyone has it, and not everyone desires to have it. The fact that you say that one can't understand relationships until you've been sexually active implies that sex must be a necessary part of a relationship, when that is most certainly not the case. Sex may be a necessary need for you, but it isn't for some people and it doesn't make them less understanding of intimacy. They just find intimacy in different places and place more importance on other things in their relationships.

I'm curiuos how you are defining sex in this post. Can you explain, please?

I'm defining sex as penis in vagina, oral of both varieties etc. etc. etc.

I like to cuddle, I like massages, and even mild PDA, but outside of the S/M and D/s aspects, I'm pretty PG.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/9/2012 9:05:05 PM

SeekerMA

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There's no reason why a virgin can't be a good Dom/sub/partner. But I would say that it does increase the likelihood of mistakes, particularly when topping, or simply being at a loss for what to do when it comes to sex. These qualities may actually be positives when it comes to a sub, because then you truly have a blank slate to start with, both sexually and in terms of D/s. With a Dom, it is much more likely to be a problem, because lack of experience would cause him/her to push too hard and too fast, to demand things that are unreasonable, to have unrealistic expectations, etc. Not to mention that there is a very real chance of losing respect for a Dom if he is fumbling with a bra for five minutes, acting visibly nervous, and clearly has no idea what to do or how to do it. But like I said originally, just because there is an increased chance of things going wrong, it doesn't mean that it would necessarily be so. There are immature adults and mature children, and I think mental development is much more important than where one's penis has been, or what one has had in her vagina. So as long as the Dom is mature and responsible, he/she could make a fine Dom, despite being a virgin. Particularly since virginity is such an easy thing to lose, whereas character traits are pretty stable.

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/9/2012 10:00:58 PM

BalletBob

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Are you talking about a Sex Virgin, or a Bondage Virgin, who never done Bondage before?

I wouldn't care if they were a Sexual Virgin, since sex wouldn't be involved, but I am not sure about the latter part. I guess I would have to walk then through the ropes (no pun intended), before I would trust them all the way.

Using Caution words, sub BalletBob

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/10/2012 5:11:34 AM

kanina

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No never... Me teaching would be odd

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RE: Virgin Doms/Subs/Switches - 8/10/2012 12:01:10 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Nope. I cant imagine someone being over 35 and still a virgin, besides I am married and neither of us share.

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