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RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 3:14:57 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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Status: offline 		Thank you!


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RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 3:18:28 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LolaLita


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

To own someone with the personality of a stump is no honor. On the other hand there is some real latitude in interpretation here, to own a wide and brawling woman with atrocious behaviors, or a pillow princess with same who describes herself rather slantedly as a 'strong personality that men can't handle'  would be kicked to the fucking curb toot fuckin sweet.

And there are all the flavors in between but I think that is what everyone (some more clumsily than others) are trying to point out.

Hey, take a strong woman and make her obedient and obeisant?   That's some wood and I dont care who you are.  



First of all, thank you for being unbiased. Much appreciated.

Strong personality was supposed to define a person whom was willing to submit without questioning her submission, but I was also trying to describe a rather intelligent, strong willed extrovert, as opposed to someone who is rather shy, introverted, or passive. A strong personality is assertive.


A strong personality can also be seen as aggressive, and they aren't the same thing.

I have a strong personality. I'm opinionated, willful and intelligent which are things that Master appreciates in me. Those same things have cause others to call me aggressive, rather than assertive and I will admit that, at times, I DO get aggressive, and that is usually when I feel defensive.

Lolalita, no one here has attacked you, so I'm not sure why you are getting aggressive (rather than assertive)?

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(in reply to LolaLita)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 3:23:20 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LolaLita


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Lola here's the dealio. NO ONE here is threatening you!

Oh sure, some of us are harsher in conveying our thoughts than others but seriously, you won't find a better group of kinky fuckers, over all.y

There is one thing you need to learn that you haven't yet. If one person is saying you are being a rude twat and everyone else is saying the opposite, it's probably them that has the problem. If a whole bunch of people are saying similarly, that you are behaving poorly, then it is probably you!

Pointing out some issues you could improve upon is sure as fuck not threatening. Come on, you live in shithole fucking Peoria. I've been there. I would think you know threatening when you see it. This place ain't Peoria.


But why does anyone care about the opinion of a 19 year old girl?

Why so mad?


Princess, LT ain't mad. You don't have the power to make her mad.

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(in reply to LolaLita)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 3:24:21 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
So again, despite the fact that you asked dominant men which type they prefer, you do not care about the answer a dominant man gives you about which type he prefers?

I have to admit I got a bit confused there also.

The truth though is that I doubt I have a preference in this area. I "prefer" people who are strong, honorable, and team-oriented. I can't really see myself turning down some sub because she had a dominant personality. I'd be more likely to want to craft a working relationship with whatever woman I loved.

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(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 3:26:00 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

A strong personality can also be seen as aggressive, and they aren't the same thing.


Agreed. Just like domineering and dominant aren't the same thing. You don't have to be obnoxious to be strong.


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 4:38:54 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I suppose If I had been snarky and condescending I woulda got a reply to my post. I guess I will return to revelling in mediocrity.




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(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/1/2012 5:53:39 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Now wait a minute here LT.   I am considering threatening her, she piques my interest in a very fucking sick sort of way.




From one sick fuck to another......I guessed as much.

As for the bit about being angry....ya, I haven't been angry in months at least. I just have a crude way of getting my point across sometimes. Writing/speaking as expected gets so fucking boring. I prefer non boring and......colourful.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/1/2012 5:57:24 PM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/2/2012 2:45:43 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LolaLita

I acknowledge that. Sometimes, I come across as aggressive and rude without meaning to.


Right... that's a great start!

And in acknowledging that, can you also see how "aggressive and rude" might be more associated with "immature" and "silly" rather than "assertive and smart"?


quote:


But my intentions are usually good, until I feel threatened.

This is tougher to address, when you feel threatened, take a moment to ask yourself why you feel that way.

Here's what I do (because - yes, it's been known for me to piss people off from time to time!)...

If it's because you've been misunderstood - take responsibility for your failure to communicate effectively and try again.

e.g. "I'm sorry, I didn't word that properly, what I meant was...."

If it's because someone disagrees violently with your point of view... ask them to explain.

Last of all, there's a reasonable chance that the jackass is the other person - which case, why bother about what some anonymous person on the internet thinks?

But, and I say this with love - if you find yourself regularly involved in disputes, if you find yourself feeling threatened a lot, there's an equally reasonable chance that the problem is you.

WLAH

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(in reply to LolaLita)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/2/2012 4:16:33 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Using FR:

OP, I'm more than a bit disenchanted with your idea that most submissives are weak and passive.

Your idea of a strong personality appears to be rude, passive/aggressive, combative, and downright hostile.

If you *really* had the maturity you claim, you'd know better.

And yes, I agree, you're an attention whore. Right now you're very young and very cute; you can get away with it. If you're very lucky as well, you *may* realize having men like you for your looks alone is not that great for your self esteem.

But you know, carry on with your bad self . . .

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RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/2/2012 8:25:47 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP, listen, you cannot get this upset on this side. If you feel "threatened" by opinions, then how strong are you, really?

To answer your question, some men see strong, intelligent women who are submissive as a red flag because they are insecure. What is worse though, and you may find this to be true in your experiences, is men who claim to only want a smart, confident, submissive and yet they do not.

In reality, many Dominant men say that because it sounds good; compared to them saying, No, I just want a dumb bitch who will do what I say. Many men who say that they want intelligent women, do not like to be challenged in any way shape or form; so they end up saying the annoying standard line of "you are not really submissive" or "you don't sound submissive", etc., etc.

Some people have a fantasy version in their heads of what a submissive woman should be and that is usually anchored in the kinky sex part. Once that part is taken care of, then real life steps in and that is where the disconnect can happen, because they feel that once outside of the bedroom, you are not allowed to express yourself or else be labeled not submissive enough.

I am not talking about being arrogant or bratty or bitchy. I am talking about those Dominant men who really do not want what they say they want.

If someone truly does want a strong, alpha type of submissive, then you will have to weed them out and stay true to yourself and find someone compatible on all levels.

You have a ton of time to make that happen.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/2/2012 8:26:40 AM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/3/2012 1:01:16 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LolaLita

Let's say that you (the Master) have met a rather...strong-minded "potential" sub. Would his or her personality be too overwhelming, even if they were more than willing to submit to you? Is there really a such thing as a "bad submissive"?

I have been told that an intelligent, independent submissive woman is the "perfect" type. Why then, do so many run away when faced with such a person?

There is no one "perfect" type. What's perfect for one will be all wrong for another. I'm not sure what you mean by "strong-minded" but I know what I mean by it.

I prefer an assertive, intelligent submissive who has ideas and opinions of his own. I don't want a mindless automaton for a partner, I want an intelligent & assertive human being that I can relate to. I also don't want a partner who will submit to just anyone, I want a partner who will submit to me. If he would submit to just anyone, that means any Domme will do and I won't go there.

An assertive, intelligent submissive w/ a mind of his own is NOT the same as a cocky, argumentative brat who resists my authority. The first I find very appealing and that's what I look for, the second not so much and he'd find himself getting the boot from me in short order.

When I was a sub, I was assertive with a mind of my own and, now that I'm a Domme, that's exactly the kind of submissive I prefer. I'm fortunate in that I have just that kind of submissive in my life now.

NBMG



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(in reply to LolaLita)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/3/2012 7:10:43 AM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		There certainly are "bad subs", but more often it's a "bad sub for that particular person"

There are many out there who would enjoy a strong minded sub, so long as they are still submissive to them. Having to constantly engage in a battle of wills with your sub over everything is entirely different than having a sub who has a strong sense of self with their own opinions and desires.

The first type is likely to find themselves out of the relationship fast as they are not being submissive, they are being a pain in the ass at every opportunity.

The second type, provided they don't find someone looking for a vapid sex toy, is likely to find a wonderfully fulfilling relationship where their opinions and personality... while not always catered to, is at least respected and acknowledged.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LolaLita

Let's say that you (the Master) have met a rather...strong-minded "potential" sub. Would his or her personality be too overwhelming, even if they were more than willing to submit to you? Is there really a such thing as a "bad submissive"?

I have been told that an intelligent, independent submissive woman is the "perfect" type. Why then, do so many run away when faced with such a person?


(in reply to LolaLita)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/4/2012 3:33:14 AM   
Doomkittie


Posts: 26
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		I consider myself a strong willed confident woman, it has no impact on my submission, except I do like to be forced to submit occasionally, it makes it so much sweeter when you are conquered. Outside of a scene I want to be able to carry on a conversation and enjoy my partners company. Same as I don't want some macho 24/7 Dom , I want a blending of the person, who still has my submission but who also lets me have free rein and argue a point with him during a discussion without pulling rank.

DK

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/4/2012 1:34:56 PM   
SeekerMA


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2012
Status: offline 		There is no reason why a strong-willed male/female can't be an excellent sub. However, such a person would require a lot of training, frequent discipline, and basically a very good and attentive master that is capable of keeping her/him in check. It's hard work, and at the end of the day it can be downright frustrating when you just want to relax or do something different, but instead have to discipline your submissive. That said, while it's always enjoyable to read a story where the sub is utterly subservient, obedient, and seemingly without any independent thoughts, I wouldn't want to have such a sub. I want a person. A person that happens to be submissive, that I can train and discipline and enjoy my time with. So as with all things, it comes down to what exactly you're looking for, what your interests are, and what you're willing to sacrifice for the sake of other, more important things.

(in reply to Doomkittie)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/4/2012 3:49:32 PM   
DominaSheri


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/18/2010
Status: offline 		Strong, independent are lovely personality traits. A power struggle is not lovely. Let's face it, why are we here? After a mutual interest is established, and a relationship begins - then and only then, should one begin to follow, and the other party lead. I consider myself the Captain of my team. I don't have any concerns about expression in ways of their point of view; however, with respect. When I feel a power struggle exists, I ask a favorite question (borrowed from an admired M/s couple), "Are you willing?". If there is anything besides an unhesitated "yes", well then, why are we here?

Warmly, and in Leather,
Master Sheri
(on CM, DominaSheri)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/4/2012 6:37:27 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Doomkittie

I consider myself a strong willed confident woman, it has no impact on my submission, except I do like to be forced to submit occasionally, it makes it so much sweeter when you are conquered. Outside of a scene I want to be able to carry on a conversation and enjoy my partners company. Same as I don't want some macho 24/7 Dom , I want a blending of the person, who still has my submission but who also lets me have free rein and argue a point with him during a discussion without pulling rank.

DK




(in reply to Doomkittie)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/5/2012 12:57:57 AM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Where's the fun of making some milksop with no verve or spine submit to you?

Give me a feisty wench to bend to my will or submit to my brand of Dom anytime :-)

(in reply to chemeli)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/5/2012 3:37:09 AM   
Magnus32169


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline 		Very well stated.

(in reply to ReMakeYou)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/5/2012 4:26:45 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Skipped to the tedious end.

Are you a person suffering bad dating luck or a persnickety 'maybe this/maybe that' type?

The perils of internet diagnosing; who can know?

Whatever your problem is, it will be solved by truth and inner strength. If you put out who you really are, and can stand to be alone until you find a suitable partner, this problem will solve itself over time.

You will likely say you're already on this plan. You sure don't sound 100% like a person who is, but good luck to you.

Consider skipping the 'Can I be a feminist/strong personality/amway saleswoman and still get wet when they put the collar on?' log spinning that has nothing to do with your dating dilemma's. The problem and the solution is YOU.

If you meet kinky guys and it aint a love connection, just how is your huffy ass really put out in any way?

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Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 8/7/2012 9:23:00 AM   
dvart


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		There is a difference between what a submissive thinks and what she does.

What she thinks is up to her, what she does is up to me.

I have no interest at all in a sub without a creative and original brain, I want to be entertained and intellectually stimulated, I want a soul mate.

For me there is no contradiction at all in a Sub's physical submission and obedience with having an original intellect.

A good Dom will listen and empathize, but he decides.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 120
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