Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag?

Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (Full Version)

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LolaLita -> Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/30/2012 11:13:40 PM)
Let's say that you (the Master) have met a rather...strong-minded "potential" sub. Would his or her personality be too overwhelming, even if they were more than willing to submit to you? Is there really a such thing as a "bad submissive"? I have been told that an intelligent, independent submissive woman is the "perfect" type. Why then, do so many run away when faced with such a person?

ReMakeYou -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/30/2012 11:37:10 PM)
Anybody who tells you that you're a bad submissive is a bad dom, full stop. Anybody who tells you that there's One Right Way is trying to pull something over on you. One can be a shitty sub/dom by being a shitty partner, but that's a much broader issue. I'd have to see you in person to see how much "strong minded, independent woman" meant "everything becomes a power struggle, and you must be Sir Domly at all times", and how much it means "does not immediately roll over, bring me a sandwich, and give head on command". You tend to see your share of both around here; online dating is basically about being accessible to industrial numbers of frogs, in the hopes of finding a prince somewhere in the pile.

littlewonder -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/30/2012 11:42:38 PM)
Master likes strong, independent women. BUT if I was constantly fighting him or arguing with him or always acting like I had the power and not him, he would have been rid of my ass a long time ago. There's a difference between strong and independent and a pain in the ass bitch/bastard.

LolaLita -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/30/2012 11:52:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou Anybody who tells you that you're a bad submissive is a bad dom, full stop. Anybody who tells you that there's One Right Way is trying to pull something over on you. One can be a shitty sub/dom by being a shitty partner, but that's a much broader issue. I'd have to see you in person to see how much "strong minded, independent woman" meant "everything becomes a power struggle, and you must be Sir Domly at all times", and how much it means "does not immediately roll over, bring me a sandwich, and give head on command". You tend to see your share of both around here; online dating is basically about being accessible to industrial numbers of frogs, in the hopes of finding a prince somewhere in the pile. I find this to be refreshing. I will say that I, personally, have a tendency to "dominate" if I'm not properly dominated. I'm not saying that I try to take control of the relationship, I just start to rebel if I feel that I'm being forced to submit. And after a little while, I leave. This reaches beyond my (few) experiences in D/s and delves into my vanilla relationships as well. And you know what? I hate feeling as though I can easily walk over a man. I HATE that feeling of control. If I tell a man this bit about me, he will sometimes mistake forced domination for gaining my trust. I know myself well enough to know my mental and physical limits, but maybe I don't relay them well enough to the other person?

Kana -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/30/2012 11:53:53 PM)
Now what fun is it to rule a sycophant? It's so much better to commandeer a smart, vibrant, eloquent gal-it makes the ruling worth the while

littlewonder -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/30/2012 11:55:55 PM)
I'd say it probably has more to do with age and newness. I didn't look at your profile but I'm going to assume you're young. Most of the time this whole rebellion thing, thinking you have to challenge a man, will change with maturity and you will realize that you don't have to do that to find a dominant man if you just look for a man first.

LolaLita -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 12:03:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I'd say it probably has more to do with age and newness. I didn't look at your profile but I'm going to assume you're young. Most of the time this whole rebellion thing, thinking you have to challenge a man, will change with maturity and you will realize that you don't have to do that to find a dominant man if you just look for a man first. Eh, I'm not trying to offend you by making the following remark. I know that you aren't making a direct assumption, but you're tying my age into my level of maturity. And so, before you make assumptions about anyone's personality/attitude/character traits, or maturity based upon age, please read their profile, at least. Then, your assumptions may or may not be justified.

littlewonder -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 1:17:40 AM)
I knew exactly that's what you would say which means I do not need to read your profile, but thanks.

LolaLita -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 1:23:10 AM)
Just from browsing these forums, I've noticed that a lot of you who are "further" into the lifestyle come across as condescending. It's rather annoying.

thursdays -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 1:28:08 AM)
NM

crazyml -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 1:32:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LolaLita Let's say that you (the Master) have met a rather...strong-minded "potential" sub. Would his or her personality be too overwhelming, even if they were more than willing to submit to you? Is there really a such thing as a "bad submissive"? I have been told that an intelligent, independent submissive woman is the "perfect" type. Why then, do so many run away when faced with such a person? Hell no it's not a red flag for me. Exactly the opposite is true. My strong preference for strong-minded, intelligent, assertive, confident and successful (however that's defined) women is there for two reasons. I'm moderately intelligent myself, and on the basis that a relationship involves a host of things outside out-and-out kink would prefer to have a relationship with someone I felt was my peer. Secondly, for me there's no rush at all in making an inherently submissive person submit, I like the look in her eyes that says "I'm a powerful, independent woman, I don't have to do this.... but....." I suppose, if I were lacking in confidence, I'd find assertive subs intimidating... but that's not a problem for me. An no, there is no such thing as a "bad submissive" (well in a general sense) ... there is such a thing as the wrong submissive though. And while I'm pretty confident in my domly powers, some girls women dig them and some women don't. The ones that don't aren't "bad submissives", just as my inability to make them submit doesn't make me a bad dom - We're just not compatible.

crazyml -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 1:39:52 AM)
Oh and Lola... you have c-mail.

ARIES83 -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 4:07:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LolaLita quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I'd say it probably has more to do with age and newness. I didn't look at your profile but I'm going to assume you're young. Most of the time this whole rebellion thing, thinking you have to challenge a man, will change with maturity and you will realize that you don't have to do that to find a dominant man if you just look for a man first. Eh, I'm not trying to offend you by making the following remark. I know that you aren't making a direct assumption, but you're tying my age into my level of maturity. And so, before you make assumptions about anyone's personality/attitude/character traits, or maturity based upon age, please read their profile, at least. Then, your assumptions may or may not be justified. Hmm a "strong personality" could mean anything, but if I have the right idea, I agree with what littlewonder said, even though it's ageist haha. I've had the strong personality thing before, actually, most of the time, even if the girl is shy I think she still won't totally give herself up unless you prove that you can be the Dom she needs. I sort of look at the relationship like, I'm driving the car, it's up to take her where I want to go... Emotionally. I find THIS* type of thing is a good part of knocking the "strong personality" out of a girl. -ARIES

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 4:16:47 AM)
Welcome to the discussion side of CM, LolaLita. What you are encountering are desktop doms who would not be able to dominant a submissive into a paper bag if her hands were tied. They exist in large numbers on this site. I have no idea what the kink scene is like in Peoria, but it's a fairly large city; they have one. Find a local munch and get out there and meet real people. Dominants you meet real time are much less likely to be intimidated by a strong s-type, or at least that has been my experience. Best, CP

LaTigresse -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 4:18:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Master likes strong, independent women. BUT if I was constantly fighting him or arguing with him or always acting like I had the power and not him, he would have been rid of my ass a long time ago. There's a difference between strong and independent and a pain in the ass bitch/bastard. Plus what Kana said. Boring people tend to bore me. Strong personalities either cause me to want to know them a lot better, want to run them off. OP, you've been too vague in your question for me to determine with of my choices fit your example. Given your remarks on this thread, I am going to guess you will not be around long enough for me to find out more. Good day, and good luck.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 4:19:58 AM)
I read something the other day, that it is impossible to function in this world without strength. I thought about it, and I agree. We all have to be strong or we will be swallowed up and spat out into chaos, that strength is different for all people, for some that strength is how they work, or how they talk or the way that they look at themselves in the mirror each morning. That is not to say no one has weakness, but it is a mixture and it has to be. Though I do not think trampling on people is really a sign of strength in this situation, it is a sign of the relationship not working for you.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 4:25:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LolaLita Let's say that you (the Master) have met a rather...strong-minded "potential" sub. Would his or her personality be too overwhelming, even if they were more than willing to submit to you? Is there really a such thing as a "bad submissive"? I have been told that an intelligent, independent submissive woman is the "perfect" type. Why then, do so many run away when faced with such a person? I don't know what you mean by strong-minded and having an overwhelming personality. If she is loud, that's an issue for me - I like women who can act cool and ladylike. If she's willing to submit to me, things should go well. If a Dom feels threatened by an intelligent, independent submissive, then he's a small man. Hint: the world's population is 50% male, and a high percentage of that would think you're attractive. If one man won't suit, move on.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 6:27:15 AM)
I don't believe this has anything to do with "age" and "newness" considering that I've always rrun into it from older male Doms. So how does their age and/or maturity impact that? Having a stong personality, that may work for some, but not for others. And it really depends on how that manifests itself. If you're saying "i'm just being honest" or "blunt" to cover over rude, unhelpful remarks like some "strong personnalities" I knnow, then "strong" becomes a euphemism for "bitch" and very few people are into bitchiness. :p If you are headstrong and getting into constant power struggles, people do often grow weary of that. Just some suggestions.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 6:32:13 AM)
Strong personality = YUMMMMMMMMMMM It just makes the submission more enjoyable. Anyone can be dominant over a doormat.

littlewonder -> RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? (7/31/2012 6:32:14 AM)
quote: If you are headstrong and getting into constant power struggles, people do often grow weary of that. Just some suggestions. This is what I meant about age and newness. A lot of people get into bdsm and like the idea of pushing and poking a dom, provoking him to hit her or "punish" her. But as you mature, most subs lose that idea and realize it usually ruins the relationship and they simply grow up and out of it.

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