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Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:02:15 PM

SeekerMA

Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2012
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I was wondering, how many here have experience training their (female) sub to accept sex with another female? I'm not talking about a poly relationship, or a sub that was already bisexual or bicurious. I'm talking about a sub that was strictly heterosexual and had absolutely no interest in women, and if and how you trained her to accept activities such as the occasional FFM threesome, or one-on-one lesbian sex.

As you most likely gathered from the question, I'm asking because I have just such a sub, and this is an area I have long wanted to explore with her. However, this is very close to being a hard limit for her, and so I want to do this right. I appreciate the responses!

Post #: 1

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:09:04 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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If it's a hard limit, why are you fucking with it?

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Post #: 2

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:09:46 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

IS it a hard limit? HAs she mentioned anything about being AT ALL open to the idea?

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Post #: 3

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:12:33 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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It has nothing to do with accepting. I'm his slave. If he says to fuck another female then that's what I'm going to do. I won't enjoy it and he knows that but as long as I do it, I'm still obeying and that's all that matters.

Now if you both are not Master/slave and she has rights then I'd say there's no way you can talk her into it and the more you push her on it the likelihood of her kicking you to the curb.

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Post #: 4

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:28:46 PM

SeekerMA

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Joined: 8/4/2012
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If I knew it was a true hard limit, I wouldn't be bothering with it. Whenever we've talked about it she has said that she would do it if that was what I wanted. I'm not quite sure how to interpret that, however, since I know she dislikes even the thought of kissing a woman, much less engaging one in sex. Which is why I haven't pushed the matter, and instead joined this site to seek advice. My own impression is basically what I said in my original post. It isn't a hard limit, but it's a pretty strong one that I don't feel comfortable simply ordering her to overcome.

But yes, although our relationship developed to its current state without any strictly set rules or agreements, I would say our relationship is a Master/slave one, based on the numerous times we've discussed the extents of my control over her.

And I guess in the interests of honesty, I should add that it's entirely possible this problem is one I have inflicted on myself, by being too hesitant to bridge the gap between knowing what my powers are, and actually wielding them to their full extent. Youth isn't all it's cracked up to be.

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Post #: 5

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:30:15 PM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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If it's something she's willing to try then let her try it at her own pace. Honestly though, if it's just not for her, I don't see the wisdom of pushing for it. You might end up with a lot of issues resulting from having her do something that is truly beyond her capability, what if she becomes resentful? I'm not sure it's worth playing with fire. I say these things because even though I wish it were different, I myself am not attracted to women and although I've tried to entertain the idea, I just can't. I can't do it. I've left a relationship because he brought it up too many times after being told at the start that it was something I'd never do. I was sick of him asking and got out - can't say I regret it at all.

It might seem hot and all to you and I'm sure you'd love to have it happen, but the consequences are something that aren't known. She might be fine in the end, or not. She might leave over it. Who can say? I have left someone over it, if that's useful knowledge to you then mull it over. I have a Dominant now that I love very much and have been with for 3.5 years. Like your girl, if he said he wanted me to be with a woman I'd try very hard to give it to him. I don't know if I'd be successful or not, I've not been asked to do it by him. But I'd probably try because of my feelings for him. Would that be a good thing for us? I'm thinking no, although I can't say for sure.

< Message edited by lizi -- 8/4/2012 2:41:33 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:36:16 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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If it is an M/s relationship then just start out slow...maybe find another girl who won't mind starting out slow, maybe start out with some kissing and that's all and build up each time.

I don't know your relationship so I don't know how long you've been together, if you're a sadist and masochist, or how hard you push her or your agreements when you first started.

I just know in my relationship if he says there will be another girl then I simply deal with it and go with it. It's not going to kill me. Yeah it will be embarrassing to me and it won't do a darn thing for me but what he says, goes.

YMMV

I think you both just really really need to sit down and work out the details.

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Post #: 7

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:43:57 PM

UllrsIshtar

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Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I just know in my relationship if he says there will be another girl then I simply deal with it and go with it. It's not going to kill me. Yeah it will be embarrassing to me and it won't do a darn thing for me but what he says, goes.

If it's an M/s, I totally agree with this.

I'm very selectively hetroflexible, and there are very few girls that don't repulse me to have sex with.
However, I've been fairly frequently been made to have sex with woman who repulse me sexually. It's just something I just dealt with and did. It wasn't going to kill me. It wasn't the end of the world. I don't believe it's somehow this deeply traumatizing event just because it's sex instead of another type of command that I didn't like or repulse me.

If she's your slave, and you're going to order her to do this, the most important thing you need to do is create and impress a headspace on her where this isn't some uber special difficult weird traumatizing event JUST because it's sex. She needs to see it on part with any other requirements you may have off her that she doesn't like.
It's shouldn't be any more or less of a big deal than that.

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Post #: 8

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:51:03 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I would never force someone to have sex with someone they were not comfortable with. Even though such things obviously won't kill you, it is just stupid.

I have never had anyone ask me to do that and even if I wanted to, I would not do it just because of my views on this.

If you force someone to be with someone they find replusive or it is just a turn off and not THEIR fantasy as well, I think you are a selfish creep and not a Dom that would interest me. When I am with someone, I do everything for them and with them and this is one thing they can live without or live without me.

I pick who I have sex with.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 9

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 2:54:23 PM

SeekerMA

Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2012
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Thanks for the fast responses and advice everyone. We'll talk about this and see if we can establish some firmer boundaries, and then depending on what that conversation reveals, I'll either abandon this line of thought, or have her proceed in this direction - slowly.

And lizi, I will keep what you said in mind, and be careful not to push her into anything that I feel would be damaging to her or our relationship.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 10

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 5:30:17 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

You don't "train" someone for this. You can ask and they can accept or claim it as a limit. Period.

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Post #: 11

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 5:38:22 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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1. Move slowly. Really slowly. Better even more slowly than that.
2. Even if you're the one pushing it, let her have some control over who she gets to play with. No point her playing with someone she's not attracted to.
3. Go slowly.
4. Think about the possibility of you playing with a man to give you some empathy.
5. Go slowly.

Did I mention not to move too fast?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 12

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 6:43:25 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

An interesting point, about the limits of Dominance and ownership.

"He forced me- forced me, I tell you! I hated him, I hated that Mr. Darcy! Then I realized my panties were wet and I had the most intensive orgasm evah!"

This is usually accompanied by much pummelling of a broad chest with tiny fists followed by swooning.

At least, thats how we are told it works.

I think the most important skill a Dom/ manager/ coach/ teacher learns is to be able to detach yourself from your own desires.

What I have learned is that when a woman senses that in you- that you are truly in command of your own orgasm- she will surrender on a level far beyond anything sexual.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 6:45:18 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

What I have learned is that when a woman senses that in you- that you are truly in command of your own orgasm- she will surrender on a level far beyond anything sexual.

This is oh so true.

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Post #: 14

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 7:31:35 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

With my late dom, i had ample opportunity to have sex with other women - and found , somewhat to my dismay, that i was very straight. The closest i ever got to enjoying sex with another woman was when she gave me head - and i wasn't stupid enough to not enjoy it. I wasn't made to have sex with her - tg, but would have if he had insisted, because my relationship was stronger than my individual proclivities.

If this is really a thing for you, then start with another woman giving her orgasms. If she is ok with this, maybe you could have ehr kiss another woman. I'm thinking desensitisation to the whole thing for her.

If you just want her to push her limits, find something else that she may end up enjoying, because i doubt that she will ever enjoy sex with a woman if she isn't wired that way.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 15

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 7:43:02 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Obviously the women here have given you a range of examples for how they feel about being "forced" to do things that they are repulsed by.

Is it truly your desire to make your woman do something she hates, because you can? Will you enjoy her discomfiture? Will you think of how much she resents your control? Or is it something else.

Even property is human. Think about what your true motivation is before you proceed.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 16

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 7:54:17 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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What would you do for her, that would make her happy, though it might grind against your nature?

If you start with that gesture, show her that you do in fact understand exactly what she is feeling, it will make it clearer to both of you how to proceed.

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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

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Post #: 17

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 8:12:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Let's flip this around. If you, as a male, were asked to fuck some man to please your dominant IN SPITE OF your heterosexuality, how would you feel? Would you feel repulsed? Would you be happy that someone who knew you would want you to do something against your nature purely for her entertainment?

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Post #: 18

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 9:50:08 PM

SeekerMA

Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2012
Status: offline

If I were the submissive, and was submissive to the extent that every conversation I've had with my sub has led me to believe she is, then I would be willing to participate even in homosexual acts. I wouldn't enjoy it, I wouldn't get pleasure from the act itself, but I would do it, and get happiness from the happiness I gave my mistress, and from the knowledge that I was able to fulfill such a difficult task.

That's the way I see submission as being anyway. Perhaps my sub sees things differently, which is why we're going to talk about this - as well as our relationship dynamic in general - so we can figure these things out together once and for all.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Looking to learn from others experiences - 8/4/2012 9:51:52 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

That was a good answer. Good luck.

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Post #: 20

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