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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/4/2012 10:57:34 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekerMA

The latter is unacceptable in a sub, and so no Dom would be pleased with it, and would have to take quick action to prevent it from happening.

You should really try to leave the absolutes out of statements that are anything but.
The disillusion that "no Dom" would X is rather funny considering that Doms -last I checked- are still people.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/4/2012 11:27:36 PM

CHF73

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I don't see why a Master/Dom should punish a slut just for being what she is. I wouldn't for sure...i like them lol.
Now, as someone said before in a better way, if she was in a relationship and she broke rules (any of them) then she would/should be punished but that has nothing to do with her being a slut or not.
I might be a total noob on here, but always makes me laugh when someone sends messages like that just to show the receiver he is a real or tough master (no capital m in this case since he's just being an idiot)

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 12:43:44 AM

Endivius

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World would be a much finer place if women embraced thier sexuality and desires more. I love sluts. Save 'em all I say. And send them my way. Being a slut is something to be celebrated between you and your Dominant. As to punishments, that's for very specific situations and not for celebrating. Funishment, on the other hand, is a whole different ball of wax.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 12:52:26 AM

ClassAct2006

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He's just messing around.

I don't like the word slut at all because I am someone's most precious possession and he is hugely lucky to have me (and I him) not some worthless thing one of many.

Secondly I only have sex in relationships and have pretty long gaps between them so I probably don't meet the definition of slut.

Thirdly it is a sexist phrase - men aren't castigated for having a lot of lovers so why shoudl women? It is a throwback to woman as madonna, pure no sex no sin or whore.

On punishment it is an important issue. I am unusual in that I have always had D/s relationships and felt submissive from age 5. So this is not really just play for me. It is who and how I am. Therefore punishment real punishment in my view is real and usually not needed. Talk to someone. Carrots work much better than sticks in all kinds of relationships. I am not saying I don't acceopt it but it's important not to muddle play with real punishment in a relationship whcih is more than just play. Of course the dominant can spank or whatever he chooses when he choose and you can play games but to be in a dynamic where someone is tryign to put me in the wrong all the time so I feel bad and that I am not pleasing him so he has a pretext to punish me would never make me happy long term in that relationship. I need praise, encouragement, listening (and orders, structure, rules).

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 12:58:06 AM

Shrikling

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quote:

Should I be punished because I'm a slut? Nope. It's just a part of who I am. Even if it was wrong, and to many it was, I won't accept punishment for anything from a total stranger.

This. Thank you for summing it up so nicely.

< Message edited by Shrikling -- 8/5/2012 12:59:28 AM >

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 1:12:48 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shrikling

Alright, this is my first legit post on the forums, aside from my introduction. So I thought I would ask your opinion on something that is really beginning to bother me. I'm 99% sure this is in the right place, but I'm new so forgive me if it isn't.

*It might help if you imagined me on a soapbox while you read this.*

Everyone knows that for the first few weeks on this site you will be bombarded with messages, it's a given. Some of them are good, most are terrible. Of all of the messages I've received, only one actually bothered me.

"U R a dirtyy SLUT adn u need 2 b punshd"

It's not the fact that this person obviously has no concept of english, at all, it's the message itself that bothers me.

Am I a dirty slut? Let's assume, for the sake of this post that I am. Actually no, I admit I am, that's fine. My being a slut doesn't give some random person the right to punish me, is my opinion.

So, do you think the fact that I am a dirty slut merits automatic punishment? I'm not taking the sender of the message seriously, don't worry, but now I'm wondering.

Do we punish sluts for being slutty? If that slut is in a relationship, I assume she would have rules and if she/he broke them then she/he would get punished.

But what if a slut is just that, a slut? Do you, as a dom, or a person who has dominant tendencies, want to punish that slut simply for existing?

I am also curious about each persons definition of a slut, as if I didn't ask enough vague questions already.

So, to simplify. What do you think makes a person a slut, and what types of things do you Dom's punish sluts for?

Subs, do you consider yourself sluts? Do you think that is a bad thing?

Going to the email you received, you have to realise that some people are very visually driven.
Your photo just got his fantasies going and he felt compelled to share them with you.

It doesn't mean you deserve to be punished for being a slut; it means that in his fantastical mind you do.
Some people find the whole boundaries thing on the 'net confusing.

It probably won't be the first time a one handed typist feels compelled to over-share with you.
It is the sort of thing that happens when one puts up provocative photos.

Were you to put up one that is less so as your primary and save that one for a secondary, you may find that you will get more two handed typists responding to your evocative words, should you decide to change up your profile.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 1:57:48 AM

Whenready

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So, to simplify. What do you think makes a person a slut,

Enjoying sex irrespective of partner, and acting on that.

and what types of things do you Dom's punish sluts for?

For breaking my rules.

< Message edited by Whenready -- 8/5/2012 2:00:59 AM >

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 2:18:52 AM

Shrikling

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

So, to simplify. What do you think makes a person a slut,

Enjoying sex irrespective of partner, and acting on that.

and what types of things do you Dom's punish sluts for?

For breaking my rules.

Straight and to the point, thanks. I appreciate the answer.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 5:42:17 AM

Winterapple

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My personal definition of a slut is a person who likes sex,
likes exploring and expressing their sexuality and
is uninhibited sexually. I'm my partners slut
and I suppose by that definition he's also mine.

I think societies general definition of a
slut is a promiscuous woman. There's
lot being written about slut shaming.
Sexual double standards have very
real consequences for women and girls.
It's happens in western culture as well
as other cultures. Women as well as men
contribute to slut shaming. A woman or
girl doesn't have to do anything to get
tagged a slut and have it used as a bully
club against her.

Some women are deemed sluts by the way
they dress. Some are called sluts because
they're flirty or have a raunchy sense of
humor. But none of these things are reliable
indicators about how a woman is sexually.
Women who dress provoctively or flirt
and joke about sex can be very prim and
inhibited where sex is concerned.

A lady can be a slut just like a man
can be a gentleman and be other things.

All subs aren't automatically, all subs aren't
automatically anything. Do some men assume
submissive women are easy lays? Yes.
Is the idea that a woman is easy for doing
the same things a man does fucked up?
Yes. Does a woman deserve to be punished
by a stranger who decides she's a slut?
No. Could said stranger just be roleplaying
or flirting? Probably. As for allowing someone
to punish you within a relationship for
perceived sluttiness that's up to the individual.
But I wouldn't entangle myself with a man
I thought had messed up attitudes about
women and sex. If he really thinks only
bad women like and have sex I'd
avoid him.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 5:51:51 AM

Greta75

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The issue with the word "slut" is that it's often used as a derogatory word especially in the vanilla world.

But in a bdsm relationship, usually slut is used as a positive word. Although it can be an excuse to "punish", but it's all in good fun, and usually the masters loves his little slut.

So let's put it this way, when my dom calls me a slut, I do not think his using it derogatorily.
If a vanilla man uses that word, I would take offense. Or if a dom whom you have not accepted as your master uses it, it becomes offensive.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 5:56:53 AM

topcat

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Well, I think that for many, there is some internal conflict about being a slut. For some, the sense of transgression is hot, and the idea that they should be punished for it is even hotter. for some, it's a way f seeking catharsis.

Me? I celebrate and encourage sluttery (?), which I just consider to be the expanding of experiences in the pursuit of one's own sexuality. Will I "punish" someone for it? well, if that's what they need, I just might- provided that the need is something good for them, not something based in self loathing.

Tangentially, a slave once explained to me that humiliation/degradation was hot for them, because it encouraged them to be as wanton as they could- to paraphrase: "if you are telling me I am a worthless slut, I know that I am free to do anything, and not damage your opinion of me..."

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 6:21:20 AM

kalikshama

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Welcome to the forums!

Read the last few pages of The worst Dom you've ever met to see what sort of vile crap might arrive in your inbox. As appropriate, report, block, delete, and move on.

When my (now ex) husband and I were exploring consensual non-monogamy, I found "The Ethical Slut" quite useful.

There are more thoughts on sluts in the thread in my signature line.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 7:35:06 AM

ResidentSadist

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What do I think makes a person a slut? First of all, I truly like sluts . . . real live dictionary definition type sluts that are “amoral and/or prostitute”. The only reason they are with me is because I was dominant enough and skilled enough to capture them. I have no love and sex confusion or delusions about sluts. She isn't "my" slut because she is a slut for me . . . fuck that romantic fairytale crap. Capturing them is what makes them mine not what makes them a slut.

I want a real thoroughbred that was born a slut. I like dancers, escorts and porn actresses that have sexual talent and passion. It takes that type of talent and passion to capture my interests. I just love the stereotypical nurse that danced or hooked her way through college.

I like a slut that has the talent, desire and passion to seduce a whole room full of men and women, sexually tear them up and leave them sated laying in a puddle of their own bliss. It takes a slut with enough passion and talent to seduce a whole room full of people to slake my jaded desires.

I may help my girl be a better slut, get over some latent inhibitions but she isn't a slut because of me. She is a slut because she enjoys doing something sexual that it is a violation of morals. She is with me and I chose her because she is a really good slut.

What do I punish sluts for? For disobeying.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 7:57:22 AM

Greta75

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quote:

I want a real thoroughbred that was born a slut. I like dancers, escorts and porn actresses that have sexual talent and passion. It takes that type of talent and passion to capture my interests. I just love the stereotypical nurse that danced or hooked her way through college.

I like a slut that has the talent, desire and passion to seduce a whole room full of men and women, sexually tear them up and leave them sated laying in a puddle of their own bliss. It takes a slut with enough passion and talent to seduce a whole room full of people to slake my jaded desires.

I may help my girl be a better slut, get over some latent inhibitions but she isn't a slut because of me. She is a slut because she enjoys doing something sexual that it is a violation of morals. She is with me and I chose her because she is a really good slut.

I just want to say, that's hot!

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 4:43:10 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

When I say slut in a relationship, it means I will do most anything to please my partner and only him. I am not with other people.

When you say you are a slut when not in a relationship, that means you will be with multiple people.

My definition of a slut is a woman who really enjoys sex and kink and is willing to embrace her depraved side.

I suppose you can do that outside of a relationship but for me, I am much more intense within one.

When that guy said he would punish you for being a slut, that is something that turns people on, my ex used to always say that and I found it hot.

But yeah, if a strange dude just sent that, it would be ho hum.

Pretty much my own thoughts here.

I'm slutty with the Mister, which means there aren't sexual inhibitions and I enjoy whatever he wants to do with me, sexually.

I'm not a slutty person, generally, in fact I have very mixed feelings about men who ogle me or come onto me. When I met the Mister, I made it clear I wouldn't be engaging in sex without anyone I wasn't in a committed relationship with. I've learned from my past activities that this is the healthiest approach for me.

As for someone who is a slut - or anything, really - being punished by random people for being who and what you are is just silly to me. But then we as humans do that to each other in all walks of life, don't we.

Sounds like the guy who messaged the OP is an online wanker who has read too much porn.

Welcome to the forums!

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 6:02:51 PM

DesFIP

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Some guys have problems owning their sadism. They need to have an excuse to do so.
Acrtually, some bottoms have trouble accepting their masochism and need an excuse to accept pain.

For these people, who are conflicted about their sexuality, they find it easier to formulate a reason, an excuse to indulge in what they want. Whether it's for not wearing panties when they've been told not to, or for not immediately vacuuming if a piece of paper falls on the floor.

Personally I'm not interested in interacting with people who cannot accept themselves and who have to push off their own desires as the fault of the other person. Too damned passive aggressive for me.

And I don't like the term slut or whore. I know many people enjoy it when preceded by my but I'm not one.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 7:10:49 PM

AnimusRex

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Dear OP-

Yes.

The sender of that message is right.

You are a bad submissive.

A bad, naughty, naughty submissive.

Who needs to be bent over with a strong fist entwined in your silken hair then spanked, sharply with a strong hard open palm, making it sting the tender flesh of your perfectly rounded bottom, the pale creamy flesh ripening to a rosy apple hue, whilst the delicate folds begin to glisten....and ...um...

uh, I need to take care of something.

brb

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 10:37:17 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shrikling

Alright, this is my first legit post on the forums, aside from my introduction. So I thought I would ask your opinion on something that is really beginning to bother me. I'm 99% sure this is in the right place, but I'm new so forgive me if it isn't.

*It might help if you imagined me on a soapbox while you read this.*

Everyone knows that for the first few weeks on this site you will be bombarded with messages, it's a given. Some of them are good, most are terrible. Of all of the messages I've received, only one actually bothered me.

"U R a dirtyy SLUT adn u need 2 b punshd"

It's not the fact that this person obviously has no concept of english, at all, it's the message itself that bothers me.

Am I a dirty slut? Let's assume, for the sake of this post that I am. Actually no, I admit I am, that's fine. My being a slut doesn't give some random person the right to punish me, is my opinion.

So, do you think the fact that I am a dirty slut merits automatic punishment? I'm not taking the sender of the message seriously, don't worry, but now I'm wondering.

Do we punish sluts for being slutty? If that slut is in a relationship, I assume she would have rules and if she/he broke them then she/he would get punished.

But what if a slut is just that, a slut? Do you, as a dom, or a person who has dominant tendencies, want to punish that slut simply for existing?

I am also curious about each persons definition of a slut, as if I didn't ask enough vague questions already.

So, to simplify. What do you think makes a person a slut, and what types of things do you Dom's punish sluts for?

Subs, do you consider yourself sluts? Do you think that is a bad thing?

Here's my genuine reaction: yawn.

The questions you're asking are -- to me --of no interest to people who meet in real life.

I've never had anyone in real life get worked up trying to define what slut means, because once you are meeting in real life you relate to each other as individuals.

The kinds of questions you're asking are only of interest to people you want to masturbate to a computer screen.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/5/2012 11:52:12 PM

seasnail

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myself i would not give any power to a child who cannot even make whole words and sentences. a child mailed me and called me a loser because i wanted to make friends on a ssite like this. As the advice that has been given many times delete and block. no need to be upset by it at all.

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RE: Sluts and Punishment - 8/6/2012 8:43:03 AM

xssve

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Thing is, a slut is, in terms of the current usage as a slander (mostly from the right, re: the recent Limbaugh thing) is an unattached woman who is sexually active - the unattached part is a real bugaboo for the right, and so technically if you are in a relationship, you're not a "slut" by that standard.

'Course, social conservatives seem to have a lot of bugaboos about things that aren't any of their business, so I don't know that it's hard and fast rule, but they do seem have a special disdain for unattached or independent women, feme sole.

In fact, the very concept of feme sole as a legal concept is a relatively recent development, dating from the Eighteenth and Nineteenth centuries, prior to which women were assumed to be property, and independent thought and action were not only frowned upon, but actively discouraged or punished.

At this time, "slut" merely meant a serving girl, a washerwoman or domestic, "slattern", who probably were often unattached, widows, etc., thus it's usage as a slander would appear to be more of a class bias than anything specifically sexual, although given women's legal status, it's quite probably that in many cases these women were considered "fair game", and probably had a great deal of difficulty bringing rape charges against anyone without a man to back her up, which may be where the sexual connotations came in.

Anyway, the definition changes somewhat from one generation to the next, but the notion connotation of independence might actually in this instance, be a compliment, if in fact female independence is something you celebrate rather than fear.

Although it doesn't deal with sluttery per se, or at least I haven't gotten that far, I suggest reading Consent, by Pamela Haag, if you're interested in the subject of consent, from concept to praxis, I'm just connecting dots here.

http://books.google.com/books/about/Consent.html?id=PZuPgkJREV4C

< Message edited by xssve -- 8/6/2012 8:44:12 AM >

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