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RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/4/2004 1:01:33 PM   
juicycute


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Hemet, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

In cases of submissives that have difficultly orgasming, I will make special efforts, and frankly, really enjoy being able to make her come easily- feels a lot like control to me<g>.


Delurking for just a moment to say, that your special efforts give a sub like me hope.

*back into the shadows of lurking*

~juicycute



(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/9/2004 4:08:15 PM   
cranialcarnage


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline 		That gives me hope, too. Now all I have to do is find the other available Dom that thinks like this and I'll be in business, lol.

(in reply to juicycute)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/9/2004 7:22:35 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Midear Carnage (and Juicy)-

If I may take from that that you feel that you don't orgasm easily, you are not alone in the scene. It's my experiance that about a third or more of the submissive women I know have some issues along those lines.

You are not alone.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to cranialcarnage)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/9/2004 8:49:51 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		What Topcat says is particularly true when one is talking about younger women, and I see that you are both in your 20s. It'll come easier with time.

_____________________________

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement; for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-- Bertrand Russell

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 5:46:35 AM   
ManicVortex


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TypeWriter

Folks,

For me it is this simple. My orgasm is a gift to my little one and her orgasm is a gift to me. Each one should be treasured as such.

I have my butterfly ask permission before she cums. It gives me such great feeling of love and control for her to do that.

Also I have to be honest whens he is close and all moaning and breathless for her to ask in that voice always makes my cock throb.

We are slowly working on orgasm ion command and may move on to other things.

When she cums fire works (arches her back and rattles the windows) it is the most delicious thing i have ever seen.

It is fun both to do multi-orgasmic (last i lost count =)_) and delay (last time at her place i would not let her make any noise and played with her for about an hour before letting her cum.

I just try to honor the gift she gives me and honor her with mine.

M



My sentiments as well. I shiver just thinking about ileana's orgasms, it drives me up the wall how much control she gives me.. It reaches deep down into the core of our beings and the power I feel from it is incredible.

Damn, wish she wasn't at work


(in reply to TypeWriter)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 8:30:29 AM   
Yankeestick


Posts: 91
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NoCalOwner

What Topcat says is particularly true when one is talking about younger women, and I see that you are both in your 20s. It'll come easier with time.


With the exception of the very small number of women who have a real physiological problem of some sort, the difficulties reaching orgasm have one cause: ego-stuckness.

That's not a condemnation of anyone - just a recognition of the human condition - this tendency to be so self-conscious that we simply don't flow gracefully in any number of situations which arouse inappropriate, but powerful, fight or flight insticts that sometimes (often?) we're not even aware of.

A non-sexual example: the #1 fear people report is fear of public speaking - for the very same reason - a painful sense of self-consciousness that paralyzes people who can speak pefectly well to their poker buddies or their girlfriends in person or on the phone.

Of coures it happens to men too - but sex research has shown that most men (not all) are much more straightforward in their arousal response. A typical guy can have a REALLY bad day and get wood at the drop of a hat as he leaves the office and sees a woman in a mini-skirt bend over to pick up her keys. Women, typically, don't flip on and off that easily.

While this is all good fodder for comedians and sex researchers alike, it's pretty tough for those who are struggling to flip on in the bedroom (or the dungeon) without success.

That's one reason why BDSM sex can be so liberating for an otherwise stuck bottom - with the help of a decent top. When the power exchange dance is happening right, the bottom gets to just let go - responsibility and self-consciousness fly out the window. When that happens, so can orgasm.

This basic BDSM theme of surrender as THE necessary prelude is really much more widespread than the BDSM community might think. By far the most popular genre of books is women's romance - and if you look at every single one of the covers (with Fabio or some other guy taking total control, while she swoons) they are all about this very experience of total surrender - whether for a lifetime - or for that brief moment.

To make this work, find that second dom cranial carnage was talking about (grin), and get on his calendar.

Seriously, make sure you TALK to him about this stuff as part of the necessary preliminary discussions of what you need and want - and the challenges you sometimes have in getting to where you want to go. Make sure you can TRUST him to respect whatever boundaries and hard limits you have, and also to do his little bit for the cause - to give you what you need, while he gets what he needs.

Of course, that doesn't mean he'll want to eat you for an hour and a half (my jaw starts to ache, eh?). But it does mean that he'll understand that you'll need your own particular mix of TLC and RLC (rough loving care), and the ramp up time, and maybe the toys as well as the fingers, tongue, cock, etc to get where you want to go.

Whatever the specifics, he'll do a better job when he has more information - and most tops really do enjoy themselves more with a better sexual roadmap of their bottom. We're into control, after all - whatever else we crave (smile).

Oh...and while you're at it...don't just give him your own shopping list of wants and needs, loves and hates - but be REALLY interested in eliciting HIS, too. You might be amazed to find out that he's not really good at articulating what his particular EMOTIONAL turn on is in all this - even if he can whip out six porno tapes that show what he physically gets off on. And by caring deeply about HIS buttons (whether its a casual playdate or a lifetime love) you also do an end-around the bogey-woman of unhappy self-consciousness.

I think that what Topcat says is true - because early adulthood is a time of terrible self-consciousness for too many women. But it's really possible to take a shortcut or two to your bliss, rather than wait till you're 40 to unabashedly embrace your inner slut-goddess, whatever you call her.

I speak from real experience (as no doubt many here can) - not bragging at all - of using the erotic power exchange dynamic to initiate, and unstick, a number of stuck woman over the years. They're some of my fondest memories because I just LOVE that kind of mastery. And it's not just me - it gets a LOT of dommish types off - bigtime - including those who'd never call themselves doms.

Enjoy the journey....

Yankeestick






< Message edited by Yankeestick -- 11/10/2004 9:02:27 AM >

(in reply to NoCalOwner)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 1:02:17 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		"With the exception of the very small number of women who have a real physiological problem of some sort, the difficulties reaching orgasm have one cause: ego-stuckness."

I spent an hour or two pondering this statement, and now I am ready to disagree.

Like Lawrence, I'd say that this issue applies to around 35% of women. Of those, probably half can't bring themselves to orgasm. I doubt whether that would indicate an ego issue, but the other half, those who can, but *only* on their own, were what clinched my disagreement. The reason is pretty straightforward -- of the various women I've had the pleasure to experience, the 1/6 or so who could bring themselves to orgasm, but who had never had one with a partner, I managed to bring every one to orgasm. Sometimes it only took me 20 minutes, others took a couple of days, or even a couple of weeks. I don't think that ego issues spontaneously resolve themselves in that short of a time span.

To test my suspicions, I asked one of the women concerned why it was she suddenly became orgasmic the day we met, and not in her prior years of sexual activity. Her answer was that most guys are too selfish to be any good in bed. That simple, nothing more.

She also added that she believes that some women hold themselves back a bit because they get close to ejaculation, don't understand the whole process, and instead think that they're close to incontinence. She absolutely adores how it feels when she squirts, said it was the best thing I ever taught her, and wanted me to put in a plug for education on the subject. She gave me my interview, and I'm a man of my word, so here's my official plug: http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/ejacula.htm
(Note: I realize that not all women enjoy it as much as she does, your mileage may vary. I'm just reporting what she had to say.)

Anyway, I don't think that 15-20% of women have a problem, I think that most men have a problem, and that it's very apparent with 15-20% of women. There may be some ego issues involved, but they are not necessarily related to the woman's ego.

< Message edited by NoCalOwner -- 11/10/2004 1:25:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement; for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-- Bertrand Russell

(in reply to Yankeestick)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 1:28:58 PM   
Yankeestick


Posts: 91
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NoCalOwner

I spent an hour or two pondering this statement, and now I am ready to disagree.


Hi NoCalOwner -

I appreciate the thoughtful response, but I think you actually confirm what I was trying to say (and perhaps not saying as well as I could).

First, when I talked about ego-stuckness I wasn't implying something that would take ages with a shrink to fix - but simply meant a certain kind of self-consciousness that is a barrier to orgasm.

And you're right - a good lover can be a wonderful help to overcoming this barrier - and a bad lover the opposite.

The fact that some women can come easily alone, but not with a partner really proves my point, rather than disproves it. There's a book someone mentioned on another forum I'm on called (I think) "5 minutes to Orgasm".

Essentially it teaches a woman how to orgasm quickly and reliably regardless of whether she's fucking Casanova or Homer Simpson. I can't vouch for it personally, but if the amazon reviews are any guide, it apparently helps a lot of women who are ego-stuck to get unstuck...although not with a bdsm approach. And that's what the poster on the other forum said.

This all goes double for your squirting friends. It's exactly because they were self-conscious that they couldn't let go and drench the bed, the walls, the ceiling or whatever. Once they could successfully forget about themselves, and not worry about whether or not they were peeing (horrors!), they were able to have a grand old time.

Anyway, we don't have to agree. I enjoy your posts either way.

Best,

Yankeestick

(in reply to NoCalOwner)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 2:46:41 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		Well, there was a reason I picked out that one line, which was that I agreed with most of your post. I do see "performance anxiety" as a potential problem, as well as body image -- women who feel sexy tend to be sexy, women who are worrying that they don't look like Barbie tend not to be. So maybe our observations aren't all that different -- I would have chosen the words "self esteem" over "ego," but that's nitpicking.

I do think that most guys must be pretty lame in the sack, however. As good as I try to be for a woman's self-image, there's no way anyone can defeat a lifetime of training in under a day. And I was never particularly trying to, because I never knew that there had been a problem until after it was solved. For some reason, no woman ever used "No guy has ever been able to make me cum before. Are you up to the challenge?" on me as a pickup line. Pity, it probably would have worked.

It would be interesting to hear more from the women in terms of criticism of male performance. I realize that many women here couldn't post without their guy(s) reading it, but perhaps there are some who tend towards sharing/poly that could respond without having to be careful of any individual's feelings.

I like your posts, too. And you're my fellow evangelical orgasm crusader. so your heart's gotta be in the right place!

_____________________________

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement; for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-- Bertrand Russell

(in reply to Yankeestick)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 3:15:46 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well one of my favorite things in life is to see a slave orgasm, especially if she doesn't want to. Not allowing a slave to have enough orgasms is a receipe for miscontent which often brews into a major problem in the end...Mykal

(in reply to cranialcarnage)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/10/2004 10:59:54 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I enjoying training subs to come on command. Now THAT is power.

(in reply to TypeWriter)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/12/2004 11:03:14 PM   
original_sin


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/22/2004
Status: offline 		I alternate between jealousy, anger and sadness when I read posts like this .. I am one of the ego-stuck women Yankeestick mentioned .. *smiles*

100% success rate with myself .. with anyone else .... not a single thing. Sure it all feels good ... but no orgasms. I refuse to blame myself and certainly not the men I am with as they try their hearts out ... but I think maybe that too much pressure is put on men to make women orgasm to prove what wonderful lovers they are. So while I would rather someone just shagged me like a minx .. they are down there trying out the latest oral tricks they read in their female flatmate's Cosmo .. lol

But that is digression and that is all I have to say .. *smiles*

Blessed be

_____________________________

"Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please."
~ Lori Petty in Tank Girl

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/12/2004 11:38:48 PM   
blimabean


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Definately!!!

I can't think of much, that is more erotic than woman during orgasm!
At My discretion, of course!

(in reply to cranialcarnage)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/14/2004 12:46:08 AM   
cranialcarnage


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline 		I just read through that article; I have felt a couple times as if I was losing bladder control, but it wasn't enough to be urinating, just a very momentary thing. I am going to try to push for ejaculation next time; it will be interesting to see if I can achieve it.

(in reply to NoCalOwner)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/14/2004 12:39:38 PM   
Yankeestick


Posts: 91
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline 		There's been a lot of controversy and questions about female ejaculation, g-spot orgasm, etc. Here's a good brief article with reasonable info.

http://www.umkc.edu/sites/hsw/femejac/

The practical reason I posted it is this: for some female who has the potential for female ejaculation (and apparently not all do), who cares if your particular ejaculate's chemistry turns out to be more - or less - like piss. The capacity to spurt and squirt - any guy will tell you - provides a certain kind of sensation that is simply not to be missed.

So, cc (and others), if you're starting to feel that "ohmygawd I gotta pee" feeling as you climb up sugar mountain, I say: go on, goddess, and make the whole world as wet as an April morning.

< Message edited by Yankeestick -- 11/14/2004 3:38:23 PM >

(in reply to cranialcarnage)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/16/2004 7:44:02 PM   
MasterDerek5


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline 		Dear cranialcarnage,

A D/s relationship is very fluid and it depends greatly on the perimeters of the relationship. I enjoy slaves who liked to be frustrated.

I have a submissive now that has been orgasm free for over 4 months. It is not because I do not care about her... it's because she has no experience and I needed to bring her in slowly, teaching as I go and helping her to feel alive.

She was bored with life in general and sometimes not even very interested in sex but now every day is an adventure for her and she is wet most of the day. She is kept very frustrated and is instructed to play wth herself every night before bed. I try to check in on her every night when possible and give her encouragement and answer any new questions.

A good Master will always keep his slaves best interest at heart. Depending on the slave this may be long term chastity, teasing sessions with denied release or forced rogasms as a treat.

Regards,
Master Derek

(in reply to cranialcarnage)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/16/2004 8:32:46 PM   
MasterDerek5


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline 		Mercnbeth,

Very well said.

Master Derek

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/17/2004 9:00:45 PM   
ggold


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		Great topic.

Witnessing a great sub orgasm is one of the great pleasures of being a Dom.

As for conditioning a sub to come on command, this is a great pleasure for me (and the right sub).

I used to be a hypnotherapist a few careers ago. It’s no longer my business, but I do still use it for recreation. The erotic possibilities of hypnosis can greatly enhance a D/s relationship.

My most recent sub was one of my best subjects. Once I described the benefits she begged me to hypnotize her. I was able to make her come on command, and not before, but that was just the start. After a few sessions I was also able to make her feel her clitoris had moved to different parts of her body…. Her hands, her breasts, her tongue. Or that the inside of her thighs were covered with G-spots. Or that anywhere I touched her she felt the sting of a riding crop (we had lots of fun at a movie once with that). Or that I was her favorite movie star tying her up with invisible ropes. It was a lot of fun for both. Sadly she has moved away from Vegas……

Thanks for the reminder of her, and the trip down memory lane.

(in reply to Hawkins)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/18/2004 12:15:07 AM   
rubytuesday


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline 		I guess my input here is to encourage those that may not have been able to orgasm yet either alone or with a partner.
Had my first orgasm at 39 and only just in the past 6 months have I managed to be able to do it for myself and also be able to orgasm several times over and over and over. I still prefer not to make myself cum - goes back to the way i was brought up I guess - much prefer to have someone with me. But I used to hate my body and also be incredibly embarrased when in a sexual situation so i concentrated all my efforts on making my male partner satisfied.
The reason I was able to find my way to the big "O" was becuase I found someone who took the time and who wanted me unconditionally and maybe its beucase I was about to hit 40 - whatever I was relaxed enough to let it all go. And I now know I love wet messy sex being a "gusher" as opposed to a squirter and that any orgasms I get that are through my clit are the most amazing thing ive ever experienced and I cant get enough - damn now i need to find a guy who only needs cat naps and has jaws of steel. And as for orgasm denial - well have only been denied for short periods but damn its good!!!!!!!!!!!
If I can do it anyone can :-)

Smiles
ruby

(in reply to ggold)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The submissive orgasm - 11/21/2004 12:50:48 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		YES for a sub/slave to express themselves openly and completely is very VERY important to me. To hold such a thing "in" is grounds for punnishment.
(unless there is a "REASON" or lesson in doing so.. as in orgasum control..)


_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to cranialcarnage)
Profile   Post #: 40
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