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Question... - 8/8/2012 3:42:30 AM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
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I'm new on Collarme, and relatively new to the BDSM scene. (I've looked on from afar for most of My life!) and now want to explore My desire for dominance in more detail.

As I say, I've looked in from the outside for many years, and have read up loads about the scene alongside researching related websites. However, I have chosen to become more acquainted at what could be described as an inconvenient moment! I would eventually like to go to Munches, clubs and places where you can meet others in relative anonymity, but I do not want a s/D relationship irl. Do you think that this would be held against Me in the long term? I am currently chatting with several subs on CM and using this experience to improve My confidence with taking control and giving instruction. Do other Mistresses maintain online relationships only?

Thanks for any advice!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 3:48:30 AM   
Collarboy1


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/4/2010
Status: offline
my advice dont bother.

(in reply to MistressDemeter9)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 3:57:02 AM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Collarboy1

my advice dont bother.



Any particular reason?

(in reply to Collarboy1)
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RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 4:14:44 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
I can only imagine what he is all up about but based upon what I've read on this site, I doubt you will have any problem finding guys to sneak around online with you. In fact, you would probably be a refreshing change from the plethura of 'internet domination for pay' women and wish they were women, out there. After all, that is THEE biggest whine of male bottoms and s-types. Never mind that many, if not most, of the male bottoms and s types already have a script they expect the dominant woman to follow.

I wish you luck. Weeding through that lot is not something I would have the patience for. It seems a bit like going to a city garage sale in a town where every does their shopping at garage sales.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressDemeter9)
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RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 4:16:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
My opinion?

I would hold it against you and tell you that you are no fucking Mistress if you are too insecure to do these things (or by hahahaha, circumstance) in the real world.

Oh, please do chat on the net with "subs" who can only do these things on the interwebs. You save chicks like Me so much trouble when fantasy players invade My mailbox.

Have a great time in the safety behind your screen!



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MistressDemeter9)
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RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 5:16:18 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Yes, there are other Mistresses that are online-only. Usually they charge. Lots of interest from cheating men who have real life interactions. Seeing as how you yourself are cheating, that's kinda ironic.

In my case, I started with online and then moved to RL when I separated and as my confidence grew. Sounds like you're in a similar place.

"Munches, clubs and places where you can meet others in relative anonymity" - that's not quite correct. You don't have anonymity as much as put up a firewall from your vanilla self, and become known in the kink world under a separate identity.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MistressDemeter9)
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RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 5:20:56 AM   
SlipSlidingAway


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline
After reading your profile, with it being mostly financial domination and gifts/tribute that you seek?  There are plenty of online mistresses already out there in competition for relatively few subs that want to part with their money for the limited 'services' you are going to offer. 

Good luck to you.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 10:44:01 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
*borrowing the SHUTUPHIB filter, again*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)
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RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 10:46:00 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
It's a handy filter, ain't it!!

Good luck with that thing you're trying to do, OP.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 11:33:50 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
It can be done OP, I have a few subs for online only. But most are real time. However I do go to parties and munches. Experience is the best thing for you. So if you want to be a twue Mistress, then you might want to get from behind the computer. (Consider this My only free bit of advice )

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 12:08:15 PM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline
quote:

LaTigresse


Thanks for the reply, LaTigresse. I'm taking things here quite slowly as I know that same as any online forum, there will be people more than happy to take Me for a sucker.

As for scripts, I work on the basis that everyone is different and any new relationship should be started with honesty and a back to zero start. I don't think it's possible to start a new interaction from the place that someone else left off. That would be self-defeating.

Although I'm interested in findom, I'm not intending to be a pro, and I see it as part of the domination, not payment for services. I guess others would see it differently though.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 12:13:07 PM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline
Thanks for your reply, DarkSteven. However, I'm not cheating on anyone. That's a bit of a conclusion to jump to! ;)

But you're right, I'm using this forum and website to boost by confidence before taking the leap into RL interaction. And you're right that I will be keeping My vanilla life separate, even if I do end up in RL encounters. You say you've done something similar. I assume it worked out for you?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 12:17:11 PM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

After reading your profile, with it being mostly financial domination and gifts/tribute that you seek?  There are plenty of online mistresses already out there in competition for relatively few subs that want to part with their money for the limited 'services' you are going to offer. 

Good luck to you.



Thank you for the reply. Although I mention fin dom in My profile, it's not the be all and end all. I see it as a part of any potential sub/dom relationship though, as I feel it's part of adoration or worship, which is what really drives Me. As I say, I don't see it as being paid, and am still interested in getting to know subs even if they are not interested in fin dom, as I want to experience more of the BDSM scene in general. I'm hoping just to enjoy it and how it makes Me feel in general. Does that make sense?

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 12:19:37 PM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

It can be done OP, I have a few subs for online only. But most are real time. However I do go to parties and munches. Experience is the best thing for you. So if you want to be a twue Mistress, then you might want to get from behind the computer. (Consider this My only free bit of advice )


Thanks for that. As I mentioned in another answer, I'm hoping to use My time on here as part of My learning about the scene in general, and hope to get My confidence up for RL encounters in the future. Everyone starts somewhere, don't they?

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 12:25:14 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
Welcome to the forums. You may find something on this booklist helpful: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

Or this guide by forum member AAkasha: http://www.akashaweb.com/updates/GoodGirlsFreePreview.html

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to MistressDemeter9)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 2:26:57 PM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Welcome to the forums. You may find something on this booklist helpful: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

Or this guide by forum member AAkasha: http://www.akashaweb.com/updates/GoodGirlsFreePreview.html


Thank you for that. I've already explored the book list and found some new guides that are already on their way!

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 4:03:12 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Hiya Mistress D and welcome to the wonderful world of femdom!

My first piece of advice: Make sure you are honestly, truly, panty-moistening into femdom. Otherwise, trust me, there are better ways to spend your time. If you are think online domination is a fun way to make money from "easy online slaves" since everyone seems to be doing it, well, it's not.

My web site has been up for ages (1995. Damn I feel old!) Some subs basically watched me "grow up" online. Hell, the WWW was almost all text when I came on. We did "hot chat" because there was no video anyway. My site has a member side now, so yes, I do make money. And I do "online trainings" and "email trainings" for fee now and then, yes. And when I say now and then, "I will offer specialized training" some men contact me right away and want to do it, yes. So women do ask me, "how can I do that too? That's what I want to do, I like that kind of thing, I enjoy it! And I mean it, I am good at it!"

Ok - first, get a web site. Second, post content. Regularly. Like, at least three times a week, so you have an audience. Third, wait ten years.

Yes. Ten years. A decade.

I posted, I wrote, I grew a web site for TEN YEARS before it went pay. Not with the intent to do it. It just was a matter of circumstance. I never intended any of it. The thing is, my audience grew, and people know I am who I say I am, and the men that choose to submit to me vs. someone they read an ad from on CM's personals is because they have been reading my site for maybe 3 months maybe 3 years and they feel like they know me. There are hundreds, thousands of "online femdoms" competing for business and most subs don't know if they are real, or if they are men pretending to be women, or if they are scams.

And as for guys sending gifts? Very few do, seriously. You think my mailbox is overflowing from generous men? Not really. I have a few VERY special men who treat me VERY well -- but again, these men knew me for probably at least 3, 4 or 5 years before ever giving me a gift of any kind and it was from the heart, and now we gift each other. I sent one boy things like girlie presents and he sents me gift cards to the spa to use with my friends.

But most important is this: When I am "working" in a transactional way (ie. I am offering services for fee to a submissive man via email training or whatever), I am earning every dollar - and hour per hour, it's at a lower rate, by far, than what I earn at my job, but it's a more enjoyable and unpredictable type of work, so I do it. I also do it very, very sporadically - a few weeks here and there, then stop for 3 or 4 months. Depends on free time from work and my energy level and femdom "mindframe" and lust levels, pure and simple)

If you honestly enjoy it, then prepare yourself for a non paid internship for at least a year, that's my best advice. Dominate guys online just to get off and have fun. I did it for ten years, because I love it (I still do!) I love writing, reading, I love cyber domination, phone domination. I just got tired of giving it away, having it stolen and all the perils that came with an evolving internet once it exploded so I had to tighten up the controls a little after a decade, but the first 10 years were a hell of a ride, and many on these boards remember "it back in the day"!

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MistressDemeter9)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Question... - 8/8/2012 10:22:35 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
OP, Best advice you can ever get^^^^

well said. I call it "paying your dues". You gotta put in work.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Question... - 8/9/2012 3:15:47 AM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline
AAkasha, Thanks for that reply. Really helpful.

I'm not intending to make a living from femdom, but I do enjoy it. It's the control that does it for me rather than the financial rewards (Although they help!) I was thinking about whether a website would do anything for Me, but until I know more about the world of femdom and more about My own preferences, I'd prefer to just experiment in here. I have seen quite a few websites for dommes offering their services and I wondered how effective they really were.

I figured it wasn't going to be a smooth ride, but I'm prepared to work towards the long haul. It's useful to know that there are others out there who have managed to make it work.

Thanks again.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question... - 8/9/2012 3:18:43 AM   
MistressDemeter9


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline
TNDommeK, I appreciate that, I've looked through these message boards and seen plenty of evidence that 'new' dominants expect to piggyback on the experience of more experienced people such as yourself. That isn't My intention and I'm prepared for it to be hard work. I hope that as My confidence grow, it gets easier. :)

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 20
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