Focus50
Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RubberKathryn
Hello Ladies and gents,
I need some advice. First, a brief background of me; I have been in the lifestyle for approx 5 years now. I am most certainly a dominant and a top, that I know. I also know what I like and what I don't.
My problem is I don't know what to do with a submissive once I've got him. Every play situation I have been in, granted not many, I end up lost and don't know where to take it. For example, I am a rubberist through and through - I love getting me and my boy geared up but once I we're dressed I have no idea where to to take the scene. Now, I'm certainly not above letting an experienced sub take the lead and learning from that. However, this usually leads to a situation in which I have been reduced to a service top and quite frankly I'm tired of that crap. I think another problem is I don't watch a lot of BDSM porn; this has to be where a lot people get there fantasies and ideas from.
Where does one get there ideas and creativity from? How do you know where to go with a scene? Thought, ideas, advice?
Thanks
Like Baroana says, maybe you're better suited to a relationship *first*. In a vanilla context, I wouldn't imagine too many one-night-stand relationships grow into the real thing where you share your greater lives together.
That said....
You say you are "most certainly a dominant and a top" (dominant would cover both, to me) so you must have some inkling as to what you wanna do to/with the one you have control over. If not a personal relationship, you should at least be discussing before-hand what the submissive wants from a scene, too, so that you can feed off each other's opposing or complementing energy. Yeah, you're thinking "service top - pffft" but they're putting themselves at your disposal for a reason, and it's a matter of ego and personal pride that I want my girl getting her submissive needs met by me as I satiate my needs upon her, too.
Forget the rubber for a minute. You don't have sexual urges you can utilise the sub for? Of having them do it EXACTLY the way YOU want etc? Or if you're "most certainly a dominant" (as I certainly am), you don't enjoy the physical control aspect of their bound helplessness, of teasing and torturing them with their own needs. Yeah, "service top" but I do it for *MY* needs and pleasure, too - you don't have those?
Lastly, given there's so many male subs to so few Dommes, I would imagine the average male sub with experience would understand and make allowances for a Domme who's relatively inexperienced to what *she* wants from a scene. Sure, they may even take advantage as subs can be quite greedy with their needs but you just make sure what's happening is what *you* want, first.
Learn to relax and be comfortable with your needs. Your sub is an outlet for them; one where you can demand and expect perfection from them in getting it right.
So be a bitch - and enjoy!
Focus.
_____________________________
Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>
Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)
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Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 
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