RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time.

RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (Full Version)

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Karmastic -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:05:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought you meant. [8\|] if i only had a nickel for each time you thought that [:(]

Karmastic -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:13:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or.... I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase. SD i like your thoughts, perspective and attitude! you hit the nail on the head. i like to think of it as an Oreo cookie. the creamy center is the gooey nasty stuff we do in between the TLC outer cookie shell. i think a better word is simply TLC, tender loving care, in whatever form that is, even if it's respecting their desire to wind down alone. winding down!

JstAnotherSub -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:16:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or.... I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase. SD I guess I do not get how something with the word "care" in it has such a bad rap. Some need it and some don't. Some do it , and some don't. Nothing I have ever seen implies harm, trauma or any such. Shrugs.

DeviantlyD -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:19:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or.... I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase. SD I guess I do not get how something with the word "care" in it has such a bad rap. Some need it and some don't. Some do it , and some don't. Nothing I have ever seen implies harm, trauma or any such. Shrugs. Ditto! I guess it could be the people who have "never" seen it that think about it that way? ;)

Shininglight23 -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:20:38 PM)
FR I'm not a masochist, and I don't play really hard so I don't need much "aftercare". I do know that I don't do well when left alone afterwards. In one experience the person I was with left, and it just didn't feel right. Although I was in a relationship with the person, and I knew he cared for me... his absence afterwards made me feel cheap and unwanted. For me... aftercare is just a good..long snuggle. Throw in some nice chit chat and words of affirmation (if warranted) and I'm golden. -Allie

SacredDepravity -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:25:47 PM)
Oh, I have been administered aftercare and it is a wonderful, lovely, very intimate time in the play process for me. I understand it very well. I don't mind the term personally, but was just guessing what Jeff was meaning in his post. I receive aftercare instructions after surgery, getting a tooth pulled, having drops put in my eyes at an exam, after leaving the ER when being treated for an injury or an illness. Clearly the docs, nurses, and staff care about me. Like my post stated, I don't know what to call it and certainly don't mind continuing to call it aftercare. SD

SacredDepravity -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:28:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Karmastic i like your thoughts, perspective and attitude! you hit the nail on the head. i like to think of it as an Oreo cookie. the creamy center is the gooey nasty stuff we do in between the TLC outer cookie shell. i think a better word is simply TLC, tender loving care, in whatever form that is, even if it's respecting their desire to wind down alone. winding down! And I LOVE cookies.....and oreos...and TLC...and nails...and heads....and gooey stuff.................

Karmastic -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:32:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or.... I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase. SD I guess I do not get how something with the word "care" in it has such a bad rap. Some need it and some don't. Some do it , and some don't. Nothing I have ever seen implies harm, trauma or any such. Shrugs. Ditto! I guess it could be the people who have "never" seen it that think about it that way? ;) i guess you're not familiar with the common usage of "care" as a suffix for medical or other trauma phrases, such as: Urgent Care Unit Trauma Care Unit Intensive Care Unit the list goes on. in the state i live in, everyone uses "Care" as a suffix for something "bad". and not to be confused with using the word alone, as in "i care". you must live in a very weird state :)

JstAnotherSub -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:36:36 PM)
All of those things aim to make something better though, so again, care is not a bad word.

OsideGirl -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:38:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase. When we were done working our horses we would untack them, wash them down, brush them out and usually rinse the legs down with liniment. It was called "aftercare". We weren't harming them, just taking care after something strenuous.

Karmastic -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:43:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub All of those things aim to make something better though, so again, care is not a bad word. agree, make something better. but doesn't that imply it needs that cus it's in bad shape from something bad? edit: or let me steal another word...strenuous

SacredDepravity -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:46:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase. When we were done working our horses we would untack them, wash them down, brush them out and usually rinse the legs down with liniment. It was called "aftercare". We weren't harming them, just taking care after something strenuous. While that's generally how I view it, most of this particular debate really has been around Jeff's concerns. It is the same word used after hard workouts for athletes and such. I don't think it is a harmful word and I guess is accurate enough, but it is a tad sterile. SD

CeriseNin -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:50:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it. Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:53:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it. Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant. There were times I was like that, just leave me alone. What is great is when you are with someone who just knows whether to do something, or just leave ya be.

CeriseNin -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 3:59:05 PM)
Yes, absolutely.

ARIES83 -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 4:04:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Karmastic i never called it "aftercare", just cuddling. "aftercare" presumes there's some trauma that needs tending to, and i don't like that connotation. But I DO like that line of reasoning. I might just be on a jag now with this culture of victimhood thing but your comment just made me perceive the word "aftercare" as one of the victimization tools. In this case one with undoubtedly benign intent and of minimal damage but still... your point remains. Why are we presuming some trauma? What message is that sending? Jeff, I hesitate to give you advice because you have a unique view and the fact your willing to take the time to share it is an asset for the to the disscussions here but consider this. Your over complicating things by focusing on the meaning behind peoples words. Sometimes people arn't trying to imply anything and sometimes accepting a statement at face value regardless of it's flaws makes for a better conversation. I agree that if we can't say what me mean, we can never mean what we say. But I also believe in keeping it simple. Intellectual complexity in thought but practical simplicity in action. I don't wanna use nitpicking to describe it, I respect a lot of what your trying to do, but yer, maybe take a break from the victimhood debate. -ARIES

DeviantlyD -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 4:34:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Karmastic i never called it "aftercare", just cuddling. "aftercare" presumes there's some trauma that needs tending to, and i don't like that connotation. But I DO like that line of reasoning. I might just be on a jag now with this culture of victimhood thing but your comment just made me perceive the word "aftercare" as one of the victimization tools. In this case one with undoubtedly benign intent and of minimal damage but still... your point remains. Why are we presuming some trauma? What message is that sending? Jeff, I hesitate to give you advice because you have a unique view and the fact your willing to take the time to share it is an asset for the to the disscussions here but consider this. Your over complicating things by focusing on the meaning behind peoples words. Sometimes people arn't trying to imply anything and sometimes accepting a statement at face value regardless of it's flaws makes for a better conversation. I agree that if we can't say what me mean, we can never mean what we say. But I also believe in keeping it simple. Intellectual complexity in thought but practical simplicity in action. I don't wanna use nitpicking to describe it, I respect a lot of what your trying to do, but yer, maybe take a break from the victimhood debate. -ARIES I agree with you. :) And I like the emboldened part above. :)

Lucifyre -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 4:35:11 PM)
Here, let me put this simply so everyone can stop arguing over fucking semantics since that's not the original intent of the thread: We are discussing what happens AFTER a scene in regards to the CARE and wellbeing of your submissive/significant other/life partner/wife/husband/whip fodder. Can we just get back on point for a minute please? Lucifyre not in the mood for much bullshit

JstAnotherSub -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 4:40:11 PM)
Well, she actually said "Aftercare, your thoughts?", in the OP, which kind of leaves things wide open for all types of opinions and thoughts.

DeviantlyD -> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. (8/12/2012 4:41:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it. Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant. If I were to guess...is the buzz all about the pain and physical domination? Whereas cuddly aftercare isn't? Would that be fair to say? When I first read (a while back) how others didn't want aftercare, I was completely surprised. Personally I don't understand it other than from the realization that we're all different and our own life experiences will make these types of experiences different. A switch friend of mine finds playing cathartic. I don't. I just think it's fun. ;) We both seem to get the same high from playing, we both want the same kind of aftercare, and if we're both still floating after play, we get very giggly with each other. But...despite the similarities, we both approach play for different reasons.

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