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What to do????? - 8/13/2012 6:40:23 PM

oddlots347

Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
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I have a slave. We are not 24/7 and she lives about an hour away. We see each other just about every weekend. My problem is when she goes away. I would like to have more tasks for her to do while she is away, but am kinda at a loss of what type of tasks to keep the connection even though she is not here. Any suggestions would be great and thank you all in advance.

Post #: 1

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 6:46:56 PM

poise

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To keep what connection? I don't need any tasks to affirm that I am submissive to him.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 6:51:53 PM

NuevaVida

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Joined: 8/5/2008
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We live about an hour away from each other, currently. We talk every day, and that keeps our connection.

I don't have any regular tasks. Although tonight I'm required to go visit some family who needs it, so I'll be off to do that in a few minutes.

But seriously, life is hectic enough (mine is, anyway!). We talk every morning, email throughout the day, and talk every night. About 3 1/2 years in now, our connection is very strong.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 6:56:04 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Tasks? Like...laundry? Research? Filing?

Can't you just talk?

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RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 6:58:11 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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I'm somewhat confused. For me dominance is not the end-game. I don't give commands to be dominant. I give commands because I have a goal and a plan and I need something to happen to get along down that path. The commands themselves are obvious... derived from the goal. I have Carol who lives with me. I have other subs that are not collared to me and live far away and don't "obey"... exactly... It's the same for all of them and I seldom find myself struggling for a command to give. If I had no goal I wouldn't be bothering.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to oddlots347)

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RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:25:03 PM

BambiBoi

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I think Oddlots was looking more for ideas on long distance play to fill the time. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think these fun little rannged D/s games need to be submission affirming, relationship guiding, declarations. I think he wants her to go to the market with a butt plug.

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<3

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Post #: 6

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:26:50 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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Go the market with a butt plug?

Jeez, I have enough problems deciding on produce.

(in reply to BambiBoi)

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RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:32:16 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

To keep what connection? I don't need any tasks to affirm that I am submissive to him.

Let's also add that when we're not together, I'm getting things done so that when we are together, my time is completely his.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I'm somewhat confused. For me dominance is not the end-game. I don't give commands to be dominant. I give commands because I have a goal and a plan and I need something to happen to get along down that path. The commands themselves are obvious... derived from the goal. I have Carol who lives with me. I have other subs that are not collared to me and live far away and don't "obey"... exactly... It's the same for all of them and I seldom find myself struggling for a command to give. If I had no goal I wouldn't be bothering.

That struck me too. It's giving commands just for the sake of giving commands. I've always resented "make busy" work and really wouldn't do well with someone that made up stuff for me to do.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:34:42 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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< Message edited by CRYPTICLXVI -- 8/13/2012 7:35:05 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:49:26 PM

dublinemma

Posts: 57
Joined: 9/10/2010
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Have to agree with everybody else here and wonder why you need tasks to keep a connection. If you still insist on giving tasks don't come here asking for ideas, assign one's that you actually want her to do, that will benefit your relationship and hopefully make it strong enough that the connection is there tasks or no tasks.

(in reply to CRYPTICLXVI)

Post #: 10

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:52:19 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
I think Oddlots was looking more for ideas on long distance play to fill the time. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think these fun little rannged D/s games need to be submission affirming, relationship guiding, declarations. I think he wants her to go to the market with a butt plug.

Man... I am just too goal directed. Even if I was just doing top/bottom play there'd be some goal and direction which would fill in the commands. I just can't let go of that whole leadership thing which sort of requires a goal.

edited to add
I DO understand, now that it's been pointed out, why such commands would be useful though. If the nature of the relationship was such that sexuality was the primary bonding element then you'd want to have some of it during the "off days" to "keep the connection". That makes a lot of sense to me. But this is where I wish SimplyMichael were here. I'm certain he could trot out a list of 20 kinky things to do remotely in about 2 seconds. I always thought of him as a Maestro at that.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/13/2012 7:54:12 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 11

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 7:55:01 PM

SacredDepravity

Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline

I used to write a weekly letter due at the same day and time each week based on what would fit my usual schedule best. It was just a way to stay up to speed with all that was going on. It was not a burden and did not replace regular communication. It was a place for me to write at length about things we had only had a chance to touch upon during the week. We didn't get to meet as often as the OP, so there was always a letter required the night before we would get together again and that one was focused on my condition physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and what I looked forward to about the visit. Bottom line is that communication and sharing your lives is what keeps the connection. Ask me to masturbate and think of you...meh...sure...how would you know if I did or not?

SD

(in reply to CRYPTICLXVI)

Post #: 12

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 8:03:53 PM

oddlots347

Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
Status: offline

We do talk ever night for a while. She calls me at 9pm. I am working on slave positions with her. This is something she works on when she is away. I just need to not over think things. Our relationship is very strong. Thanks everyone for there input.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 13

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 8:42:03 PM

BambiBoi

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Joined: 8/10/2010
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Bambi always likes to see Florida couples involved in the local scene. So I'm not letting this thread close yet. (Also, Bambi sometimes speaks in the third person).

I understand the busy work concern. If both sides like it, though, its just play. So there's accomplishing goals and just killing time. Once upon a time I had a submissive. And when she was away in our long distance relationship, she really wanted my attention. Sometimes in the more carnal D/s ways.

We sat down one day and decided on some disciplines we wanted to master. She wanted to be able to bend over and put her palms on the floor without bending her knees. She wanted to deepthroat. She wanted to learn how to not freak out with a ballgag blocking her breath. So when she was away we would work on these. Usually I was on the phone encouraging her. Jeff might appreciate how there is very little wasted motion here, because she wanted improvement and improvement takes practice.

Other times I would make her day more challenging because I knew she'd be thinking of me. And I liked that. Once I placed an order for a dozen doughnut's at a bakery near her home under the name "John Master." Her task was to go and let the clerk know she was "here to pick up Master's doughnuts." I never liked to interfere with her job, but I bent that rule a little. Humiliation was part of our dynamic, so it was day-long foreplay when I had her wear the shininess stickiest lip gloss she could find. And every time it bothered her to remember that "everyone there knows she's sucked some cocks in her life. Every time they look at her pretty smile they are thinking 'I wonder how many men have enjoyed that mouth?'"

There was no purpose for those, other than to make me chuckle. But I'd hardly call it busywork. And if it was busy work, neither of us minded. She liked that I was thinking about her thinking about me thinking about her. With that as fuel, she didn't mind making her bed in the morning and tucking a teddy bear I had given her in. There were some other "tasks" but that might be a better conversation to have in private.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to oddlots347)

Post #: 14

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 8:44:44 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
But this is where I wish SimplyMichael were here. I'm certain he could trot out a list of 20 kinky things to do remotely in about 2 seconds. I always thought of him as a Maestro at that.

OMFG and his voice.... *swoons*

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 15

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 8:46:20 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
There was no purpose for those, other than to make me chuckle. But I'd hardly call it busywork. And if it was busy work, neither of us minded. She liked that I was thinking about her thinking about me thinking about her. With that as fuel, she didn't mind making her bed in the morning and tucking a teddy bear I had given her in. There were some other "tasks" but that might be a better conversation to have in private.

*nods* "busy-work" which was where my head WAS at is the interpretation from the "I'm trying to run a family" side of things. "Play" by definition, is not busy work and assuming a half-way decent couple oughta be fun for all. This is why I always say I'm too boring to be kinky *laughs*

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 16

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 8:50:04 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

We do talk ever night for a while. She calls me at 9pm. I am working on slave positions with her. This is something she works on when she is away. I just need to not over think things. Our relationship is very strong. Thanks everyone for there input.

In that case, try something like a daily 30 min stretch routine so she'll be able to do the positions more easily.
Have her practice her posture with a book on her head, by doing household chores such as loading and unloading the dishwasher like that.
Have her practice bellydancing, or do other workout videos to make her move more subtle.
Have her track what she's eating.
Have her keep a dream log and/or write daily journals with her most intimate thoughts.
Have her change her normal dress routine when she's not with you (no panties if she wears them with you, panties if she doesn't wear them with you).
Have her practice cooking dishes you'd like her to prepare for you, so you don't have to suffer through the less successful attempts.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to oddlots347)

Post #: 17

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 9:33:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Order her to go to work and do the best damn job she could possibly do to make you proud
Order her to clean her home for the same reason.
Order her to exercise and eat right and to stay healthy since you don't want her destroying your property.
Tell her to take some classes to learn something that will be useful to you.
Do you have paperwork or online stuff that needs to be done? Tell her to do it for you.
Do you need to research something like how to fix something or how to do something for your job? Again, tell her to do it.

Basically......she's your slave so use her efficiently.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 18

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 9:37:41 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I have a slave. We are not 24/7 and she lives about an hour away. We see each other just about every weekend. My problem is when she goes away. I would like to have more tasks for her to do while she is away, but am kinda at a loss of what type of tasks to keep the connection even though she is not here. Any suggestions would be great and thank you all in advance.

i like to make lists. and i love when the lists are executed.

re what the tasks should be? could be anything...how about having her dig a hole, moving the dirt to the side, and then filling it back up? or you could assign her tasks to do for things you know she needs to get done at home. or, you could use internet software and gadgets to control some things remotely.

the task doesn't really matter...what's important is that she knows she's doing it for you.

hope this helps, have fun :)

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Post #: 19

RE: What to do????? - 8/13/2012 10:17:04 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

i like to make lists. and i love when the lists are executed.

re what the tasks should be? could be anything...how about having her dig a hole, moving the dirt to the side, and then filling it back up? or you could assign her tasks to do for things you know she needs to get done at home. or, you could use internet software and gadgets to control some things remotely.

the task doesn't really matter...what's important is that she knows she's doing it for you.

hope this helps, have fun :)

Honestly I'd stay away from useless tasks like digging holes and filling them in. To me, that makes me lose respect for a Dominant if he values my time so little as to think he can ask me to waste it. When I feel like I'm getting the busywork assignments, I don't follow them and end up resenting the Dominant who gave it to me.

A lot of people like to use journaling as a task as it promotes introspection and closeness as well if the Dominant reads/shares the writings. The journal could have a task built in too, such as choosing something specific of your choosing to reflect upon each day.

In my relationship i keep up the calendar we both use on the internet with current dates and appts - this makes me think of him and our upcoming time together and what we are each doing when we're away from each other. If she's trying to lose weight or eat more healthy you could ask for a daily food and exercise log which falls within certain parameters that you've already set. Identify something that would enrich her life and set it as a goal for her to accomplish something towards that each day. Identify a long term goal and break it down into segments and have her report back as each thing is accomplished, thus bringing her closer to attaining the goal. He also likes to use me to research things he needs done.

Or you could have her wear a butt plug to the store

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 20

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