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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 1:28:52 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I've been outed before, and more than once

. Most recently, I was collared to a man who threw a yearly BSM event that made the local evening news. A map showing the location of the home we lived in was printed on the front page of the newspaper and there were reporters stalking around outside for days. It wasn't at all fun, not one bit, but it wasn't the end of my world either.

The first time was when I was leaving work. It was standard practice for the guards to randomly pull a car over and search it. I was just really lucky that my car was chosen randomly on a day that I had a bag full of BDSM gear in my trunk. Honestly, the guard who kept pulling out kinky toys and lingerie out of the bag was more embarassed than I was. I know the people I worked with, who were driving by at the time, were amused. Apparently, my boss heard word of it. He opened my office door a few days later and with a red face and shaky voice said, "if you know anyone who wants a boy toy - let me know." Apparently, he assumed I was a dominant.

I've been to court twice, once testifying on behalf of our BDSM club - another for support for those testifying on behalf of their BDSM event.

People can be very, VERY opposed to what we do, and not opposed to aggressively interferring to provent us from doing it.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 8/16/2012 1:35:47 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 41

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 2:18:56 PM

TimeLimited

Posts: 1095
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline

I'm Dom, but I will share two incidents.

I was young in terms of attending local groups. I had met a lady sub wanna play. After we had played a couple of times, she wanted to attend a local group. I agreed. This was our first time to this particular group. I had been to another group a few times. I had a well established job. She worked for a different company.
After initial introductions, a leader of the group asked where I worked. I gave him the name of the company (10000+ employees). After a few questions, he asks if I know (sub's name). In fact, she was a co-worker in my department who I would have bet an expensive dinner she was not in into subbing. She kept bringing her teenage son to work to insure he did not get into some trouble while she was working. The group leader in effect had outted her to me. I had to be careful after that not to change the way I responded to her. That was not that difficult as I had no interest in her. I just had to be careful not to let her know I knew or I would have outted myself.

================
A couple of years later in the same job in the same department. I was charged with training an attractive gal. wonderful eye candy with a wonderful personality to match. While we were friendly, it was all above board and nothing that HR would be concerned above. After her job training, we occassionally sat near each other doing the job we were paid to do. She had no clue I into BDSM. She was chatting with a female coworker when she asked the coworker if she was into bondage. The coworker was clueless and that subject was over quickly. The subject of the conversation between them changed just as quickly. I overheard and had to act if I had not. I dared not mention that I was aware.
A couple of months later, we participated in a company outdoor function. She attended with her top. Lo and behold, he was a floor walker at a job I had before I got the one I was now doing. We grinned about knowing each other as she tried to do the introduction. He was someone that I would have taken the expensive dinner bet, that he was not into being a top or BDSM. He was always soft spoken all the time I knew him including this company function. We both acted in a very vanilla way at the company function, but my fantasies ran wild for the rest of the time I worked there. I never let her know I knew ... not even when she shared her vacation at an adult playground. It affected the way I thought of her, but not the way I treated her.

< Message edited by TimeLimited -- 8/16/2012 2:22:41 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 42

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 2:48:04 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

People can be very, VERY opposed to what we do, and not opposed to aggressively interferring to provent us from doing it.

Yup.....just Google "San Diego Six BDSM"

http://www.madoc.us/sd6.shtml

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/16/2012 2:50:12 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 43

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 3:30:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

My daughter knows I enjoy kinky sex...that's what happens when she sees stuff on your computer when you've accidentally left certain things up and she couldn't get her's to work. She just rolls her eyes. After that I just never bothered keeping it a secret. She also knows I like to submit to the man I am with. She vehemently disagrees with it and argues with me over it. She's a staunch feminist. But in the end she just shakes her head and doesn't want to talk about it anymore so we just drop the subject and move on. At first it bothered me that she felt so strongly about it but I've moved on and I just no longer concern myself about it. We just don't talk about it anymore.

I think the only people who really don't know this stuff about me is my church group. They know I'm submissive to the man I'm with and they have zero problems with that. Some commend me. Others don't say anything at all. But I don't talk to them about my sex life. Why would I? It's just not something you bring up at church groups lol.

But yeah, my friends all know. My family knows. They just all think it's funny or gross.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 44

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 3:58:15 PM

limpshorty

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2012
Status: offline

I once just blurted out to a good friend (lady) while in line at the supermarket that this weekend I was going away to be dominated, probably paddled, and had agreed to do whatever I was asked to do.

There was a long silence, during which we rang up our groceries.

Then she said, "You do realize you will not live long enough to hear the end of this, right."

She never mentioned it again, though, until the domme lady herself dropped by. They had a long talk, from which I was invited to leave.

I never found out who told whom what. But they did talk for a couple of hours.

limpshorty

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 45

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 4:39:17 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I think you misunderstood me, OsideGirl.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 46

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/16/2012 7:25:49 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Apparently, my boss heard word of it. He opened my office door a few days later and with a red face and shaky voice said, "if you know anyone who wants a boy toy - let me know." Apparently, he assumed I was a dominant.

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(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 47

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/19/2012 5:27:01 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

There's nothing to out me out about. I am already out, and I have no profession or kids to worry about.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 48

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/19/2012 8:47:38 PM

MyWay1954

Posts: 23
Joined: 8/3/2011
Status: offline

Times change.....or maybe we do.

About 30 years ago a stalker outed me some. It got to the point of becoming a serious threat to my job, family, kids and so on.
I do live in a very small town and judgementalism is/was alive and well. Got to the point it took a lawyer to shut it down.

30 Years later and people who bother to pay attention pretty much have it figured out and are fine with it.
That may be my choice of friends or maybe times have changed or a combination of both.

Family still doesn't have a clue and just thinks I'm attitudinal and I don't flaunt anything but subtle jokes here and there , like I said, those who bother to pay attention.

< Message edited by MyWay1954 -- 8/19/2012 8:48:48 PM >

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 49

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/19/2012 10:49:01 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

The first time was when I was leaving work. It was standard practice for the guards to randomly pull a car over and search it. I was just really lucky that my car was chosen randomly on a day that I had a bag full of BDSM gear in my trunk. Honestly, the guard who kept pulling out kinky toys and lingerie out of the bag was more embarassed than I was.

Nice.
Time for my second most awkward trunk story.
I was heading up to The Crucible, oh, say a decade ago. It was one of those nice spring Saturdays, beautiful weather, perfect humidity that are so rare in DC. So we decided to make a day of it, go to the museums, dinner in G-town, walk off the meal shopping, then head to The Crucible.
Which is a great idea-but there's one small problem-there's some event going on in DC and not only is the traffic impossible, but parking is simply nonexistent. So we tool around in gridlock, hoping against hope for about 1/2 an hour looking for a place to park when all of a sudden, right next to the mall, I spot a garage that has a sign out front, Public Parking Today.
Without thinking, I zip into it real fast, only kinda vaguely noting as I head down the ramp the sign that says INS.
Get to the bottom, turn the corner, and right by the gate there are four freaking marines(One female), machine guns in hand, khakis, helmets the lot-it's about 9 months post 9/11 and everyone in DC is still hyperwonky about security.
Which should be no big deal, except I realize immediately what's going on-it's a federal building and these guys are doing security checks before letting people park. And I mean security, waving mirrors under cars, opening trunks and all...
I pull up, they do the external search, then open the trunk, where I've got three, count em, three bags of toys, skewers, floggers whips, canes galore, cuffs, spreader bars, hoods, cock gags, dildos, plugs, the whole lot.
It takes em twenty minutes to sort through all the shit-heated discussions murmuring from the back the whole time. Meanwhile I'm dying, the sub-she can't stop looking at the floor and her face makes crimson seem colorless
When the marines came back around, they couldn't even talk or meet my eyes, they just waved me through.
It was bloody awesome, cracked me up all day. I think it took her a week to recover.

< Message edited by Kana -- 8/19/2012 10:50:25 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to MyWay1954)

Post #: 50

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/20/2012 3:48:41 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

I outed myself to my lord "my son"! I am a dominant and he was very upset with me!

I had no clue as to why, weeks of just nothing I told him "I am a person whom like to dominant men!

He knew this allready but was upset i mention it! He still loves me but I only told my sister whom is my twin no she
is not like me! But most important I can know they both respect me very much!

This is why I do not ever place a picture of myself so open and out there, many people here do it and I
do not understand why?

Someone please if you have placed your picture here , on cm explain why or do you know of the danger of
people whom have no clue as to what we are really all about?

best regards

mons

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 51

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/20/2012 6:31:33 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

....It was bloody awesome, cracked me up all day. I think it took her a week to recover.

That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

It does remind me of my trip through airport security when I was traveling with my two lesbian friends.
Apparently dildos and floggers are a potential threat to safety and must be thoroughly examined (publicly). There's a sound a dildo makes as it bounces along a conveyor belt that is truly priceless.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 52

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/20/2012 9:38:18 PM

chemeli

Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline

I did told some of my friends about some things i experimented, but nothing more then that. They wouldnt get it and i dont have the patience in me to explain everything.

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 53

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/22/2012 3:38:54 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

It was bloody awesome, cracked me up all day. I think it took her a week to recover.

Sweet.

An acquaintance of ours tried to talk the ticket guy at the subway into letting a sub pass as a dog on account of the leash and gear and stuff. Would have been fun to watch. The most I ever get is comments from the maids, or funny looks in public. Was one case where a guy seemed to have listened in on the fun in a public toilet (yes, we leave it cleaner than we found it), but he didn't make a fuss about it.

I think we're kind of relaxed about these things around here. People will giggle if you drink the water from the fountain penis on a naked statue, while the tourists from the US go moaning about how we should cover such statues up. The cops would hardly roll their eyes at sex in a public park, if it were done in a tasteful and discreet manner (e.g. blowjob under a blanket, zipper to zipper cowgirl, etc.). I think about half the people I know have had sex in public at some point, mostly parks and the like.

Then again, I've never been more explicit in public than deep throating a banana at the store for the benefit of some curious girls.

Figure that makes me a rather dull boy.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 54

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/22/2012 4:20:46 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I'm at a point in my life where threats of being outted just don't have the same effect on me that they might once have had. For one thing, I'm not an easy person to get close to. I don't give personal info away to people I don't know extremely well. I work for myself, and I'm not close to my toxic family.

The close friends I do have are all in the lifestyle or participate in it to some extent.

If my family found out from someone, they would (I am sure) add that to their already long list of why I should continue as the black sheep. I'd still be at the top of the list of people to call to ask for favors or "borrow" money from, so it's all good.

If I had a real job, like at the university I used to work for, and got outed, I would fight being fired tooth and nail. I would consider it a point of honor to refuse to be ridiculed for how I prefer to live my own personal life and how I conduct my sex life. But then you can get away with that kinda crap when you are pushing 60. A certain degree of eccentricity *is* expected in a person such as myself.

_____________________________

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 55

RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/22/2012 12:37:26 PM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

i outed myself by accident to a friend i had no intention of telling luckily she doesn't know my family at all so cant do anything with the info but i think shes too embarrassed to do this anyway. my family would not cope my mum would think i was ill and it was her fault shes to old and ill to cope. my ex suspects my daughter also suspects like someone else said she saw some toys i thought i had put away. however if new freinds i made knew or i told i would not be bothered now i am comfy with who i am

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 56

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