RE: Touching without permission (Full Version)

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wickedoldwolf -> RE: Touching without permission (9/13/2012 9:20:33 PM)

In my youth, when I was a bit more prone to shoot first and ask later, I was a firm believer in vengence, now I'm bit more likely to show a bit of restraint. In a case like that I am still of that mind. Vengance need come on swift wings.



TheDomInTheHat -> RE: Touching without permission (9/13/2012 10:26:29 PM)

Touching and consent for non-sexual touching is a pretty gray area and very dependent on personal preference, cultural norms, familiarity, flirting etc. Touching the bathing suit areas without permission is usually a no-no everywhere.

I don't really follow social cues that well so I generally don't feel comfortable initiating all that sort of flirtatious implied consent touching. If I want to touch you, I'll probably ask or if you touch me first I'll reciprocate. If I know you well enough to know if you are comfortable being touched by me, I may be a little bolder. If we are drunk in a foreign party town somewhere, I'll just tell you in advance and you can opt-out. I'm not the biggest fan of being touched without permission either so I get that part but I guess I make exceptions for women that I'd like to have sex with.

Obviously at bdsm events, especially when people are playing and more naked than usual, even that flirty/friendly touching in non-sexual areas is a good thing to ask about first. It's not really the place for the casual pat on the back, slap on the shoulder, or excessive surprise handshake or overly familiar hug.

Its always best to ask and not assume, since everyone has their own preferences. I do usually offer a handshake even to naked people because I find casual nudity of others amusing even though I don't like being nude myself.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Touching without permission (9/15/2012 2:26:13 PM)

I'm a hugger. But I don't just run up and hug someone unless it's already understood between us that it's okay. There are certain people that, as soon as I see them, I run up with open arms and so do they and a big bear hug follows, but it's agreed already between us that it's okay. BUT if I'm meeting someone new or with someone who does not like hugs, I will shake hands.

There's this one man in my local kink community that does a lot of non-consensual touching. I mean purposeful and not accidental. He will regularly take every opportunity to touch and feel the newer, younger, women in attendance at functions. He will grab, not ask for, their hands and put slobbery kisses on them, rub their arms, touch their torsos, etc without permission. Grabbing someone's hand like he does is different than offering your hand to shake. The former takes consent out of the picture and, yet, he claims to see no difference.

We talked about his behavior just a few days ago at a women's group and a lot of women had noticed that behavior and been creeped out by it, yet they hadn't said anything until someone(me) brought it up. But it was also noticed that these ladies need to take responsibility for themselves, set boundaries and enforce them. But still, that doesn't excuse his behavior. He knew better but was getting away with it because he wasn't called on it.

NBMG



xssve -> RE: Touching without permission (9/15/2012 4:24:07 PM)

Never been to a public BDSM club but I assume it would be the same as a strip club, which I've been to a lot of - look all you want, but don't touch unless you have explicit permission, unless you like skidding across the pavement on your face.



Titaniya -> RE: Touching without permission (9/15/2012 10:28:02 PM)

I'm bothered a bit when people I don't know touch my shoulder to get my attention. I deal with it.
I deal with people brushing past me.
I'll even hug strangers in public if they ask first.

However...

Reach out toward my torso without asking when I do see you and your hand will get hit or tossed away to stop you.
Touch me from behind without me seeing you, I'll probably hit you if I can tell it was on purpose (harder if it was a grope).
Put your hands near/around around my neck - especially without me seeing you - expect to get thrown. At minimum.



OsideGirl -> RE: Touching without permission (9/16/2012 8:41:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl


There's this one man in my local kink community that does a lot of non-consensual touching. I mean purposeful and not accidental.


There was a guy that used to go to the LA social, he would pull women's hair....even if he didn't know them or they were collared to someone else. Finally, about 5 Doms had a chat with him about it being inappropriate.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Touching without permission (9/16/2012 7:39:24 PM)

I discovered the joys of massage one time my neck was really stiff and my shoulders hurt, and once discovered, shoot, I'd do that even in a relationship.


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

(It's one of the few things I HATE about living here... somebody, PLEASE, touch me!)


When I'm not in a relationship I make a point of getting a professional massage from time to time.





DeathProof -> RE: Touching without permission (9/17/2012 4:55:17 AM)

I can see where it's appropriate to step in and perhaps interrupt a scene (when it's unsafe or breaking certain protocols) but for the most part I'm of the "don't fucking touch me, my sub or my stuff without asking first". Common courtesy... Not so common...



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