RE: Just an issue of communication?

RE: Just an issue of communication? (Full Version)

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JanahX -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:13:31 AM)
quote: Why, on the boards, would you feel the need to bring them up? I bring the other side up / what I read in profiles - because I tend to flip back and forth between here and there, just to read profiles. I myself am not looking, (reason why my profile is hidden) - but I have a morbid curiosity of what some people that use this site are advertising. And I have to say, some of those profiles just BLOW - ME - AWAY. I think to myself - "this person cant be serious" - and - "who in their right mind would ever respond to this person thinking that is their dream life?" I havent seen a bunch of pedo profiles, but I do see a lot of "you will be naked 24/7", "you will be kept in a cage when not in use", "you will be dressed as a whore when out in public", a lot of mentioning of the usage of three holes, a lot of isolation type stuff - like the person will have no life outside of their masters keep, a lot of micromanagement type stuff.

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:17:16 AM)
Let me ask you this JanahX. When you are perusing the profiles on the other side, and you come across one that lists kids, animals, etc as limits...what is your first thought? Everyone already knows what my first thought is; I am curious what yours is...and why. I am so persistant this morning...and to tell the truth...I HATE deep discussions [8D]

LadyPact -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:18:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Now this I can understand ( and correct me if I get this wrong please ). From what I understand is that you would prefer using your energy with someone who is almost totally compatible with you from the start? To that end, someone stating no limits is seen as incompatible from the get go because there are others who are? I hope I did not butcher that [&:] edited to add: Have you ever come across someone who DID state that, and yet, you still managed to have a play relationship with? I wouldn't say (almost) totally compatible, but we have to be in the same ball park. I don't mind taking things off of the play list or waiting for certain things for trust to be established. I actually prefer that than the 'will do anything with anyone' type. I can even deal with anybody who says that they don't know what their limits are because they are inexperienced. I'm not above going over a checklist with somebody to see what they have interest in or might want to try someday. I find that a lot more sincere than proclaiming no limits, or (as CP stated) the 'whatever you like Mistress" approach. On your edited question, nope. Not even for a play partner. Anybody who doesn't have limits doesn't usually have good negotiation skills, either. As a top, that is not who I want to be playing with.

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:21:50 AM)
I want to add a sort of PS here that should have been added at the start. My intent here is to understand those of us WHO POST ON THE BOARDS. To tell the truth, I am unconcerned with any others. Those who post on the boards I have come to have a partial understanding of. I am hoping that I can extend that understanding so that in the future, those knee-jerk reactions won't happen. Limiting myself, I know, but....

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:27:24 AM)
quote: On your edited question, nope. Not even for a play partner. Anybody who doesn't have limits doesn't usually have good negotiation skills, either. As a top, that is not who I want to be playing with Ok. I can understand that. I never thought about the relationship between 'no limits' and 'bad negotiation' skills. Interesting. I have to come back to that after thinking about it because right now, I just want to say that I disagree. I don't know why I disagree though lol. Have to think on that one. Thank you. [:)]

JanahX -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:35:09 AM)
Well when someone posts illegal acts as limits - I dont see them as limits, I see them as illegal activities. If the person needs to state theyre not into illegal activities - its like no shit Sherlock. Theres nothing like someone having to state theyre not going to break the law. Its like "really? well thats a big relief". Im tellin' ya - some of these people are fucking high - quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Let me ask you this JanahX. When you are perusing the profiles on the other side, and you come across one that lists kids, animals, etc as limits...what is your first thought? Everyone already knows what my first thought is; I am curious what yours is...and why. I am so persistant this morning...and to tell the truth...I HATE deep discussions [8D] quote: When you are perusing the profiles on the other side, and you come across one that lists kids, animals, etc as limits...what is your first thought?

KatyLied -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:37:30 AM)
quote: I see them as illegal activities. If the person needs to state theyre not into illegal activities - its like no shit Sherlock. Some of the things that many people in the lifestyle indulge in are considered "illegal activities" or at the very least things that can get you some jail time. Something to think about. Assault, battery, that sort of thing.

SongofSirens -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:40:52 AM)
Way I see it there is a angel/devil side to BDSM. Maybe there are a few who see it that way too. One side is enlightening, taking all the best of human qualities and emotions and building that person to a higher level. While negative emotions are worked on and downplayed and hopefully buried. It encourages discipline and control. The other side is dark and preverse, negative actions become okay, desensitizing a person to think "its okay" Actually enhancing and encouraging some sickening acts. Teaching a person its ok to do things that are harmful to themselves and alot of times someone else. Of course there are the grey areas too. People probably state that in their profiles because they are interested in the positive side of lifestyle, not the pyschotic side. I think they are just trying to be very clear.

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:45:15 AM)
quote: Well when someone posts illegal acts as limits - I dont see them as limits, I see them as illegal activities. If the person needs to state theyre not into illegal activities - its like no shit Sherlock. Theres nothing like someone having to state theyre not going to break the law. Its like "really? well thats a big relief". Im tellin' ya - some of these people are fucking high - Now the next question lol. You see them as illegal activities. Because of that, when a topic comes up that brings up limits, do you find yourself needing to stress that you do not participate in 'illegal activities'? and if you do, why? LOL I think I am analyzing myself right out of understanding here...but dayumit...I am curious and really do want to understand the people on this side better.

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:46:17 AM)
KATY [:D] I have missed seeing you on this side. Nice to have you drop by [8D]

JanahX -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:48:23 AM)
Agreed. There is a fine line with some things - and with others such as pedo/snuff/in some areas bestiality - its a clear violation of the law. One of my big problem areas is breeding - I think THAT should be illegal, but its not. Over on fet, when Ive read those threads, I literally get sick to my stomach. quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: I see them as illegal activities. If the person needs to state theyre not into illegal activities - its like no shit Sherlock. Some of the things that many people in the lifestyle indulge in are considered "illegal activities" or at the very least things that can get you some jail time. Something to think about. Assault, battery, that sort of thing.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:53:20 AM)
When someone says that they have no limits, I think that they're too clueless to play with me. Simples!

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 8:55:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus When someone says that they have no limits, I think that they're too clueless to play with me. Simples! Your turn lol. So, you would not even consider trying to find out WHY they state that?

JanahX -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:07:39 AM)
I think this is a great topic Irish - just because I have gotten into complete arguments with quote-unquote "doms" over this very issue. Ive never had to stress that I dont participate in illegal activities here on the boards. If I did comment on something of the sort, I most likely would comment that this is an illegal activity so why is this being discussed as a limit? Some of my limit list includes: bestiality (because its not illegal in all parts of the world), scat, gang-bangs, married guys, getting pregnant, - the list goes on but those are just a few. - of course when I used to give out my laundry list of limits, nine out of ten times I'd get the reply back - "subs and slaves dont have limits - they are to obey" - Of course I'd laugh - and usually end up telling them they are one stupid mother fucker. They of course love that - Now as of recent, I DID throw out a hypothetical situation of extreme - to see how far someone would go to please their owner, but as far as I know - consensual body dismemberment isnt illegal. I think its NUTSO - but not illegal if the person actually survives it. And Im sure it happens - as mentioned on these boards over and over - if someone has thought of it, its happened. quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Now the next question lol. You see them as illegal activities. Because of that, when a topic comes up that brings up limits, do you find yourself needing to stress that you do not participate in 'illegal activities'? and if you do, why? LOL I think I am analyzing myself right out of understanding here...but dayumit...I am curious and really do want to understand the people on this side better.

Kaliko -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:08:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist WHY do we walk away from prospective partners simply because they state 'I have no limits'. Why do we not, instead, take the time to discuss WHAT each of us considers to be limits and why we see them that way? I think if I were to say to someone that I was just starting out with that "I have no limits," I would understand their hesitation. If an almost stranger were to say that to me, I would guess there are some self-esteem issues there mixed in with a good dose of unreality. You know...Really? You would do anything? But you don't even know who you're saying that to! That being said, I have said that to someone I know quite well. It's because we know each other well enough to know that neither of us would ever even consider certain activities to be remotely a possibility. I've never stated to him "I don't want to be whored out." But I am 100% confident he will not expect me to whore myself out. I suppose it's who you're talking to. I don't engage in sexual activity until I know someone an obscenely long time. I don't play. I don't have any casual sex at all. If I did, though, I would imagine I would feel the need to be sure he knows that I'm not someone that can do ________, _______ and _________. Just for clarity's sake. But in reality, in my own relationships, if I'm having sex with a man, he already knows this about me because he knows me. So within the confines of our already established relationship, that is when I would feel comfortable saying I have no limits. Because I do. And he already knows what they are.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:12:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus When someone says that they have no limits, I think that they're too clueless to play with me. Simples! Your turn lol. So, you would not even consider trying to find out WHY they state that? Nope. I'm not new to this game we play. Very little shocks me. Someone who says to a STRANGER that they have no limits either doesn't know themselves, doesn't know what they're talking about, or is out looking for harm. None of those are people that I want to play with. If you say that you're into extreme play, or are a heavy maso, or like edge play, great. Let's talk some more.

LadyPact -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:19:18 AM)
Take all of the time you'd like on the part you want to think about, Irish. I'll take up something else, mentioned earlier by lizi. You say that you are asking why people on the boards do this and not because of profiles on the other side. You are forgetting the email factor. A vast majority of women here get those kinds of propositions in their email and want to be very clear about where they stand. It's been proven that, on multiple occasions, these things that should be a given do show up in the mail box. I know one person who took down the photo they have of themselves and their dog. Care to guess why?

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:25:28 AM)
quote: Nope. I'm not new to this game we play. Very little shocks me. Someone who says to a STRANGER that they have no limits either doesn't know themselves, doesn't know what they're talking about, or is out looking for harm. None of those are people that I want to play with. If you say that you're into extreme play, or are a heavy maso, or like edge play, great. Let's talk some more. Ahh ok. Now see, just by what you have said here, I understand some of your previous comments better [:)] Or I should say, that I understand better why you state some things you do. Thank you [:)]

Delilya -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:26:16 AM)
With "no limit" folks, I tend to look at them as new people who need guidance in finding what a limit really is. I will question them on different scenarios, not death, kids, animals, but on things such as branding, needle play, being cut, chained to a tree overnight,pimped out, etc. It helps them to see that yes, they do have limits, and now they know what they are. I like to think that it is of some help to the next Dom they approach also.

IrishMist -> RE: Just an issue of communication? (8/19/2012 9:31:02 AM)
quote: Care to guess why? That's actually sad in a way. quote: You say that you are asking why people on the boards do this and not because of profiles on the other side. You are forgetting the email factor. A vast majority of women here get those kinds of propositions in their email and want to be very clear about where they stand. It's been proven that, on multiple occasions, these things that should be a given do show up in the mail box. YOu are partially right. Mainly its that the people who post on the boards...and by that I mean those who actually participate on a regular basis....I have come to see their written words as something that I really respect. Yet, there are times that I get so disgusted or upset with something that they have posted. I am really trying to understand ya'll a bit more so that I can stop myself from backing off of what could be a huge learning experience. And since 'no limit' statements are what seems to bring out the biggest train wrecks, I thought I would start with that lol. It really does boil down to my own poor communication skills; how I relate my thoughts. I tend to make statements without bothering to explain them in detail. Something that I am trying to change, but after Merc's thread, I came to realize that I needed to understand the thinking of others too. Not just mine. ( and yes, I can admit that even I need to learn sometimes ) [8D]

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