RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ?

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 7:47:32 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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I serious fail to see the comparison between what I said and maters Gorean.

If anything, Gorean slavery, just like leather slavery, tend to be more choreographed, more technical and more rigidly executed than most BDSM on average.
Asking the "how" works much better if you specify your question is about something like Gorean slavery, or leather slavery, than when it's an open ended question.

If it's the dancing-by-the-camp-fire analogy specifically that causes you to see the comparison, feel free to replace it with a house club/night club/hip hop/freestyle dance style instead.

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 8:07:32 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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The dancing by the campfire part is almost
verbatim out of one of the books, and yer
when I read it I immediately thought
nightclub but it's not the things that are
described in the books that made the
comparison, it's how they describe as a style
across the whole series and your dualistic
style in being able to analyse and disassemble
whilst still being able to recognise we are still
all just animals, driven by emotion and
instinct.

It's by no means a criticism and if this thread
has told us anything it's that Criptic isn't an
asshole, Ishtar is a sweety and that there's
no excuse for bad manners.

-ARIES

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 8:37:46 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

It's by no means a criticism and if this thread
has told us anything it's that Criptic isn't an
asshole, Ishtar is a sweety and that there's
no excuse for bad manners.

-ARIES

Dude, stop spreading lies... asshole, plain and simple. Don't make me post the flashing monkey poise made for me.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 63

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 8:43:47 PM

ARIES83

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You have to post that shit!

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Post #: 64

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 8:44:27 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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nooooo....you'll make me spastic!

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 8:46:47 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

nooooo....you'll make me spastic!

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 8:55:55 PM

littlewonder

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much better!

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 9:29:14 PM

Karnikula

Posts: 55
Joined: 7/21/2012
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Glad that you guys are finally enjoying yourselves in my thread ...

quote:

You should be asking how people feel... and why they feel... not how they achieve.

first: the whole post sounded rather helpful, just quoted this bit though

I guess I went on the wrong message board for the wrong thing after all.
You're all seem to be classy folks but I guess I just really don't fit in here, especially with the way I went about things here ...

So please excuse me for all the 'annoyance' you had to experience due to my clinical and more general questions.
Have a nice day.

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 9:44:21 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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Post #: 69

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 9:56:52 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karnikula

How do you (does your dom) get what you(he) want(s)?
I say what I want, normally in a polite manner.

bonus question:
Is there a necessity of a complementary submissive partner who fit with their own style of submission?
I say yes.
Or is "being submissive" enough to work with ANY kind of dominance ?
No. I don't think so. I don't see how a submissive who wasn't compatible with my style of Dominance would make for a good D/s dynamic. Two people really do need to have compatible relationship styles for it to work in the long run, IMO.

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 10:10:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karnikula

Glad that you guys are finally enjoying yourselves in my thread ...

quote:

You should be asking how people feel... and why they feel... not how they achieve.

first: the whole post sounded rather helpful, just quoted this bit though

I guess I went on the wrong message board for the wrong thing after all.
You're all seem to be classy folks but I guess I just really don't fit in here, especially with the way I went about things here ...

So please excuse me for all the 'annoyance' you had to experience due to my clinical and more general questions.
Have a nice day.

Ya know, when I started in this shit, I was the only fucking woman in the room sitting at the table with men. I didn't know My ass from a hole in the ground. Nobody respected Me. I was a laughing stock.

And that was in person. I didn't have the security of being on the net.

Now, if you don't have the balls to hang, that's on you. Or, are you the better man? Strength or weakness, babe? Look inside yourself. Do you want this enough to stick it out or are you going to run away?

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 10:18:19 PM

littlewonder

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I think he's run off to fetlife.

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/20/2012 10:38:49 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
They inspired me to want what they wanted and it became what I wanted. Duh.

Aannd, this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
People don't practice D/s that way. Instead, when the fire is lit, and the drums are going in the moonlight. Dances find each other by the edge of the fire and feed of each other's energy until they find a rhythmic harmony that makes them able to anticipate and interact with each other's moves to the point of becoming one fluid dancer, instead of two ridged styled and technical entities dancing in a pair.

As much of an answer as I can give to OP's questions:

My Master is a person who I respect and feel is a good leader. I appreciate, respect, trust and love him as an individual, and this is what inspires and compels me to respond/react to him specifically with submission. He is naturally an assertive personality, and he values me as an individual, he wanted me, and his response/reaction to that is to step up and take the lead. We have chemistry and compatibility. Those are the "why"s of our owner/property arrangement in our relationship.

I agreed to obey. He gets what he wants by telling me what it is that he wants; then I do it. He communicates to me clearly and receives my feedback where necessary, and he works with that and I support his decisions. He deals with me with respect and appreciation/love. He takes care of me and takes responsibility for me. That's his "style." Pretty simple. It works because we, as specific individuals, just work together. We match.

(in reply to Karnikula)

Post #: 73

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 1:55:06 AM

Whenready

Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
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How do you (does your dom) get what you(he) want(s) ?

I ask (though as others have said, it's not really a question). She does. Behind that of course is all the complexity of a continually developing relationship. I can't - no - won't - explain it (it would take too long even if I wanted to), and what works for me with partner x is specific to that relationship, so may not be transferable. It's not a very satisfactory answer, but it just IS. Make of that what you will.

bonus question:
Is there a necessity of a complementary submissive partner who fit with their own style of submission? If she didn't complement me she probably wouldn't be my sub (for long?)
Or is "being submissive" enough to work with ANY kind of dominance ? In the specific instance of play, this CAN work with good communication, but it's VERY restricted.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 74

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 2:36:29 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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OP - On the off chance you are still reading, I will try to answer your questions. I actually think people have been a bit hard on you. It's true your questions are difficult to answer because they seem a bit unfocused, but I know it can be hard at the beginning to know where to start figuring things out.

My husband's style of dominance is quite relaxed. There's very little protocol and more expectations than rules. By that I mean he expects me to exercise regularly and eat well, as opposed to saying 'You must spend one hour per day on the treadmill'. The exact details are usually left to me, so long as I am following his general expectations. He doesn't tell me when to use the bathroom or what to wear. The understanding, however, is that if he decided today he was going to chose my clothes or have me ask permission to use the furniture, I would do so. He loves the hell out of me so he is very affectionate with lots of cuddles. He praises me for doing well. He often indulges me with treats and helps with housework just because he cares and he wants me to be happy in the relationship. We are, I think, in a minority here because we do include punishments - NOT because he thinks he can beat me into obedience or because I am too much of a child to obey without a deterrent, but because for us it is an effective ritual to reinforce our dynamic and it helps me to move on from any minor failures without beating myself up excessively. There is lots and lots of communication.

How does he get me to do as he wants? By being the type of person worth obeying. I know his rules have good reasons and aren't just there to make him look more badass. I know he makes decisions carefully and rationally and takes me into account. I know he doesn't act out of anger and that the family comes first. For these reasons when he asks/tells me to do something, I do it. That and I get a lot out of making people happy, and my obedience makes him happy, so it's a no brainer really. He gives me positive feedback which gives me the warm fuzzies. And sometimes, submitting turns me on, which is what drew me to look into this type of relationship in the first place. Sometimes I don't like the orders but I suck it up because overall we are incredibly happy with our dynamic, and that's what relationships are for - mutual happiness and fulfillment.

Of course different types of submissives go well with different types of dom. I know for a fact that I would be the wrong sub for JeffBC or LadyPact for example, even though I respect them both tremendously.

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Post #: 75

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 4:49:40 AM

yourdarkdesire

Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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His second bonus question is like asking a vanilla person if they would marry anybody, or would if have to be a specific person. At least that is how the question felt to me.

And I think we (Cryptic) scared him away!!

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 4:57:41 AM

sheisreeds

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Joined: 7/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karnikula

So how does "mind fucking" fit into your trusting relationship ?

Mindfucks require a lot of trust, and are an act of love.

That's why.

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 5:04:10 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karnikula

How do you (does your dom) get what you(he) want(s) ?

bonus question:
Is there a necessity of a complementary submissive partner who fit with their own style of submission?
Or is "being submissive" enough to work with ANY kind of dominance ?

He tells me. I do it. Yes, it really is that simple. Not complicated one tiny bit. He doesn't need to boss me around. He doesn't need to drag and hit me or anything else. He says. I do.

Being submissive does not mean you will work with any kind of dominance. Just like finding a "vanilla" partner isn't going to work with just any kind of "vanilla".

Sorry, but this just sounds like such a ridiculous question.

I don't think it's ridiculous, but what did your master do to earn your trust that you will just obey him unreservingly? Surely not just any dom, you will jump when he says jump right? The master you chose to serve must have reached you deeply.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 5:15:47 AM

Greta75

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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karnikula

How do you (does your dom) get what you(he) want(s) ?

Everyone seem to be over-reacting to a genuine question right here.

But it's a hard one to answer because chemistry between two folks is also all about unexplainable intangible factors.
I think there are just alot of emotional aspect involved rather than rational.
I recently just spoke to someone who's sub left him because he refuse to break her skin through whippings but it's what she craves for.
So..., you know..., I don't know how you can motivate someone who's not into what you're into to do what you want. End of the day, it's just the intangibles.
If you notice the doms here, they are simple, if she won't do what they want, they move on. They follow a simple formula, keep searching until they find one that would do what they want.

(in reply to Karnikula)

Post #: 79

RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? - 8/21/2012 5:18:17 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Of course I do, which is why I used it in my analogy. I learned how to cook in NO almost 40 years ago. And yeah, I give kick ass roux. But it IS a basic.

If you want to be a cordon bleu, you HAVE to get where a roux IS simple.

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