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Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:16:45 AM

lilmissdefiant

Posts: 666
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Not exactly asking for advice, I more or less just need to vent.

Well some of you may or may not have seen me make references to my New Owner.
He's great, he's supportive, he's caring and he makes me feel on top of the world (apparently I do the same for him but i have no idea how)
However, he doesn't want a relationship, but when i look at all the things he gives me and the way we interact it feels and looks like a relationship to me, just not a standard one.

About the 50 shades of grey reference - I feel like Ana did when Christian was captivating her, with the way he used to pop into her thoughts, the way he would control her with his words, yet He still maintained that he didn't do relationships. She didn't want him but she also couldn't walk away from, again he was too captivating. I adore my Owner, I truly do, I refuse to walk away from something this good in my life. But why does he have to make it so...50 Shades of Grey? lol Guess its just his style.
( have so far only read the %60 first book)

So what does my Owner and I have if it isn't a relationship?
It feels like one, I get the same gratification from the exchange as if I was in one, but he says we're not.
Its like 'I really like and care about you and you really like and care about me but we are not in a relationship" .... WTF??
Clarity please?

Again, not looking for answers, just needed to vent. Opinions are appreciated though :D

thanking you

ETA - because half of what i wrote in the start didn't make sense even to me lol

< Message edited by lilmissdefiant -- 8/21/2012 8:19:55 AM >

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:19:06 AM

GreedyTop

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*HUGS*

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:20:19 AM

hlen5

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Lilmiss,

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're a booty call.

ETA: 6 months from now, you might still be wondering WTF?

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 8/21/2012 8:21:09 AM >

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:20:58 AM

chemeli

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Joined: 7/30/2012
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Maybe he's just afraid of commitment....? The word relationship is a big bad term for some. Just caring for each other is enough for him and he's not ready to think of it as a relationship, cause it would means getting serious and long term engagement.

The fact is....if he does Own you and claims you're not in a relationship.....that does sound a bit strange to me.....it's puzzling.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:26:56 AM

wildernessbitch

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Joined: 5/19/2012
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Sounds to me like he likes you but not in that way. He will fuck you and be your friend but he is holding out for something that he wants. Don't get too attached. He is telling you that it wont last.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:30:20 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli

Maybe he's just afraid of commitment....? The word relationship is a big bad term for some. Just caring for each other is enough for him and he's not ready to think of it as a relationship, cause it would means getting serious and long term engagement.

The fact is....if he does Own you and claims you're not in a relationship.....that does sound a bit strange to me.....it's puzzling.

You know what, fear of commitment doesn't really cut it for me, I have seen so many girls buying into that and telling me "We're kinda dating, he just doesn't want to call it dating because he has a fear of commitment and needs to get over it..." You know what usually happened? She was the place holder/booty call until some girl came around where he wasn't afraid to commit.

He wants to have his cake and eat it, by not calling it a relationship he can still roam and he has a sure thing. I don't doubt that he has affection, just not enough to commit. I would have a good talk with him about what they both expect and no gloss over terms like "fear of commitment" - well how about fear of losing her? If that isn't enough to make him forget his fear of commitment, then he's just not that much into her.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:30:21 AM

lilmissdefiant

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Now in replying to all of the above. I'm gonna come off as an idiot but meh, I'm prepared for ensuing flamings lol

GT - thanking you

hlen5 - We haven't had sex yet.

chemeli - One of the things i really like about him is that he always "lives in the moment" He doesn't make plans, again its not his style.
With the whole relationship thing personally I think he's suffering from "once burnt, never doing it again" situation. Which is something I would like to help him with but he is very set in his ways and I would never dream of changing him because he's perfect for me the way he is.
Would be nice if he would be open to the relationship option though, would make me feel I dunno...more valuable I guess, Mind you he did compare my value to the price of anti-matter/dark matter (can't remember which) to him, which made my heart stop :) so I know he really really does care, so again i guess I'm just venting :)

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:33:19 AM

SlipSlidingAway

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Do you know what his definition of a relationship is? Maybe there is some defining factor that he sees linked to a relationship that he can't or won't accept? It is that he rejects commitment, monogamy, or some other conventional aspect of a relationship? Because if it seems like a relationship to you, feels like one, too- then he's obviously got something else in his head that does not match up. Talk to him about it. It's not like you are challenging him, you are just confused and looking for clarity. Best of luck!

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:35:02 AM

wildernessbitch

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I think that you are trying to "fit" your relationship into 50 shades of gray. If he says he is not in a relationship with you stop trying to pretend you are. He is being honest and you are saying "oh gosh he really wants to be with me forever" it is naive.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:38:30 AM

chemeli

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

hlen5 - We haven't had sex yet. bah......sex is a bit over rated, you can have a one night stand and then call it a day, it's just for fun and it means nothing. I dont read too much into the having sex bit, unless it comes from a deep desire to share something with someone. But *having sex* isnt the ultimate action to having a relationship.

chemeli - One of the things i really like about him is that he always "lives in the moment" He doesn't make plans, again its not his style.
With the whole relationship thing personally I think he's suffering from "once burnt, never doing it again" situation. Which is something I would like to help him with but he is very set in his ways and I would never dream of changing him because he's perfect for me the way he is.
Would be nice if he would be open to the relationship option though, would make me feel I dunno...more valuable I guess, Mind you he did compare my value to the price of anti-matter/dark matter (can't remember which) to him, which made my heart stop :) so I know he really really does care, so again i guess I'm just venting :)

You're insecure about things with him, cause it's the beginning of what you both have? That's okay, we're all a bit like that. Give it time.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:44:25 AM

lilmissdefiant

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Wildernessbitch - although I do appreciate your opinion, I am by no means naive, I've been around the block a couple of times. I won't say 'probably more than you' because I don't know you, but I have had my fair share of experience with various people, this (my New Owner and I) is only the second serious no bullshit no crap D/s, M/s whateverthehellthisis.
I never once stated "oh gosh he really wants to be with me forever"
Forever is a hell of a long time. He wants to be with me yes...for now, and i can understand that. For now doesn't mean forever, I know that.

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Change what you can and accept what you can't.
He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito!

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:49:00 AM

wildernessbitch

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If you aren't naive then stop acting like it and throwing an over romanticed version of d/s into it. If someone tells me that they see a colour as blue. I wont turn around hoping it is yellow. If someone tells me that we aren't in a relationship then I am going to accept that instead of whinging that it feels like something else. Sorry if the bluntness gets your knickers in a bunch.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:53:05 AM

pixie1234

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I hope shades of grey Doesn't become an excuse.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:55:54 AM

lilmissdefiant

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Maybe I didn't portray myself correctly, I said a 50 shades of grey MOMENT, I'm not so ignorant to be taken by a book, it was just a point of loose reference.

_____________________________

Change what you can and accept what you can't.
He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito!

Resident Thread Killer

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 8:56:13 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

Now in replying to all of the above. I'm gonna come off as an idiot but meh, I'm prepared for ensuing flamings lol

GT - thanking you

hlen5 - We haven't had sex yet.

chemeli - One of the things i really like about him is that he always "lives in the moment" He doesn't make plans, again its not his style.
With the whole relationship thing personally I think he's suffering from "once burnt, never doing it again" situation. Which is something I would like to help him with but he is very set in his ways and I would never dream of changing him because he's perfect for me the way he is.
Would be nice if he would be open to the relationship option though, would make me feel I dunno...more valuable I guess, Mind you he did compare my value to the price of anti-matter/dark matter (can't remember which) to him, which made my heart stop :) so I know he really really does care, so again i guess I'm just venting :)

If he is perfect for you the way he is, why are you venting?

This had nothing to do with a book, it has to do with what you are willing to put up with for a relationship.

Anything I do with someone constitutes some type of relationship, whether it is casual or serious, so you pretty much know your answer, if he says you are not in a relationship, he probably means it.

One thing I learned in life is to listen to men when they tell you something. They pretty much reveal themselves especially in situations like this.

Obviously you are having something, but the disparity of what it is, is your issue.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 9:01:03 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wildernessbitch

If you aren't naive then stop acting like it and throwing an over romanticed version of d/s into it. If someone tells me that they see a colour as blue. I wont turn around hoping it is yellow. If someone tells me that we aren't in a relationship then I am going to accept that instead of whinging that it feels like something else. Sorry if the bluntness gets your knickers in a bunch.

I can understand that people need time and they won't commit straight away, you don't get married just after you met, but somebody saying that it isn't a relationship is just that: NOT A RELATIONSHIP. He's honest.

My advise would be to be equally honest and tell him that it feels like a relationship, if he then still maintains it's not, well, then she has her answer. Then she can hope that he might change his mind (possible but I don't think I have witnessed that happening ever) or she can live with it or break up with him.

I hope it's not going to end up all in tears and "Oh he left me and is now with somebody else...."

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 9:21:43 AM

JanahX

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That's too bad you read that book - and now are comparing moments in your life to it. I totally understand though - When I was your age, I read Lord of the Rings for the first time - and went around thinking I was an elf. But I was also doing a hella lot of White Blotter at that time too. Im not exactly sure what your excuse is.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 9:38:13 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

I feel like Ana did when Christian was captivating her, with the way he used to pop into her thoughts, the way he would control her with his words, yet He still maintained that he didn't do relationships.

I get this. There is a guy I used to play with who I felt the same way about, and he was as Grey was. Apparently LMDs owner dude is the same.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 9:40:54 AM

lilmissdefiant

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yes and its annoyingly addictive

thanks GT :)

_____________________________

Change what you can and accept what you can't.
He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito!

Resident Thread Killer

(in reply to GreedyTop)

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RE: Having a" 50 Shades of Grey" moment. - 8/21/2012 9:52:04 AM

Darkfeather

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I will give you a guy's perspective. We really aren't that complicated, seriously. Hence why you ladies can pick out the liars and players so easily out of a line-up. Some men just don't like commitment, they like the freedom that comes with being able to have that out. Now, add to that the stylized ideal this lifestyle promotes, with spanking porn and tied up begging subs, this kind of thing can be expected.

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