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RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/21/2012 9:21:01 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I know because I wouldn't be wasting my time at all with them if I did not believe that.

Let me flip that question around. What sort of person would disobey a command then hide that fact and why would you be wasting any time whatsoever with them.... long distance or otherwise?

edited to add:
wait... I'd just like to clarify something. I don't give commands to not-mine subs (usually) and I don't have any expectation of obedience. My only claim on these two women is that they like me, respect me, and trust me. In the end, I say whatever I do and they do whatever they do. Neither has disappointed me in that regard. LOL, of course, now that I think on it that's not too far off from how it is with Carol. Seldom does Carol actually get dominance from me. It's unneeded and would be hurtful to her.


There are some bad eggs on the interwebs Jeff.
You probably wouldn't know if you were wasteing your
time if the above was true and they were a bad internet egg.

I sware I wasn't cynical before I started reading
this forum heh.
All that aside, I'm very curious about what
you got going on now! I thought it was just
you and carol, do you have long distance subs?

-ARIES

*i should probably make sure you arn't
colour blind before I colour code my replies...*

*is colour coding to anal... seems very anal*

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 8/21/2012 9:29:29 PM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 2:33:42 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		For me, we've found that it is more than enough of a "punishment" simply knowing that I have disappointed him. The best "rewards" are things indicating he is pleased with me or proud of me--a pat on the head, a smile, and a "good girl" from my Master make my world go 'round.

Now a word of advice: Punishments will not work as intended (as a corrective measure) when she enjoys the punishment or just simply enjoys the attention she gets from the punishment. If she's disobeying or being displeasing to you specifically to get a reaction, telling her you're disappointed, calling her out on it and giving a clear expectation that there are to be no more manipulative games from her is the best route. Actually, the best route is to have her motivated into wanting to obey because she wants to please you--that way, her reward is your approval, and her punishment is your disapproval. Without the actual inspiration in her to really submit to you, all you have is a girl playing games to get what she wants out of you.

(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 7:18:22 AM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Awesome, thanks a lot guys, this is all very helpful stuff and I will definitely convey this to my slave. Personally I feel that one of the reasons why she tried to be manipulative was because she used to be owned by a horrible master. I'm guessing that this is what she did to him in order to get a reprieve from her treatment. It reminds me of an old dog I had who was a biter, it all stemmed from past issues with his former owner who used to hit the dog, and that resulted in some pretty nasty habits, such as biting. Hopefully we can sort this out through a good long discussion, and if not then parting ways might be best.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 8:17:39 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		No, I don't have long distance subs in the way you're thinking of it. I have long distance friends who happen to be subs in these two cases. There's nothing kinky going on and nothing romantic going on. Me giving them commands/suggestions/whatever just came up as a part of normal life stuff happening.

To your blue quote... I don't really know what to say to that. Yes, I can get a pretty reasonable bead on another person over a discussion board like this given time and enough posts to read. Are you telling me that there's nobody here you assess as honorable? That seems kind of weird.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 9:37:24 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		OP: how is she outside of the play? Or are you only focusing on play for now? If you want to confirm whether she's being disobedient over previous treatment, her obedience to non-play may give you more insight.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 10:01:53 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I think the only difference here is point of
view mate, for example, the OP met this
girl 2days before he started the thread, I
just assumed "met" on the internet, so now
that's my mental picture that I'm making
my comments on.

I'm willing to bet you have a different idea
in your head than me, or even that your
referencing your long distance sub friends
who I assume you know pretty well.
That would make sense to me since it would
tie in with your comments.

You said you can get a pretty good bead on
internet people, given time. More than two
days though surely, at two days and until
far beyond they are really only a stranger.

As for me, sure there are good people here,
I've gotten a feel for a few, been impressed
so far by the class of discussion.
Still weird?

Btw, I'm curious, I've been posting here a
little while now, what's your bead on me?

-ARIES

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 8/22/2012 10:09:18 AM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 10:10:58 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You're expecting her to move in with you after one real time meet? Oy veh.

You aren't her master, she just met you. You're someone she plays games with online when she has time.

Beyond that, she talks to you how often? Once every couple of days? It takes a full month of doing something every single time, multiple times a day to develop a habit. If she talks to you only three times a week, it should take  three months minimum, and probably a lot longer to flawlessly remember a protocol.

It doesn't sound like you're up to the job. You don't understand how to motivate and inspire, so you go immediately to punishment. If she's failing, then how much of that is your fault? And would you work harder for a boss who used reprimands and punishments or would you work harder for one who used positive reinforcement? Same applies here.

Slow down, learn if you actually like each other as people, see if you're compatible. Learn how to be a good and trustworthy boss by making the right decision damn near all the time.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 8/22/2012 10:12:27 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 10:53:57 AM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Look this is a first time for me, and yeah this is all one big learning experience for me. Will things magically work out between us and we'll live happily ever after? Maybe, maybe not, I don't know and Im not arrogant enough to believe that it will. Did I jump the gun a little? Probably, but I can't change what happened, I can only look to the future, learn from the past and do what I can in the present moment. What I do know is that my interactions with her now will help me learn for the future, whether it's a future with her or another woman. As negative as some of you may act toward my situation and my actions so far, let me be honest that it makes no difference about how you think of me as long as I learn something valuable that I can use. Everyone starts out some way or another, this is the way I'm doing it. Is it the perfect way to go about doing it? No, I don't think so. But that's the glory about it, I've learned that in the future I most likely will need to take a different approach when it comes to certain things, such as motivation, communication, and simply even meeting a slave. No one learned to write properly on the first try, takes a lot of mistakes and messing up to refine such language skills into soething legible. If you have any advice on good ways to motivate and inspire confidence, please share them, I like to hear any input, even if it comes across as negative.

< Message edited by Tkman117 -- 8/22/2012 10:56:14 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 12:32:57 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Beyond that, she talks to you how often? Once every couple of days? It takes a full month of doing something every single time, multiple times a day to develop a habit. If she talks to you only three times a week, it should take  three months minimum, and probably a lot longer to flawlessly remember a protocol.



That may be true on relearning something, or training a new habit, but is shouldn't be true on something like a title of address. Calling him "master" instead of his first name shouldn't come any harder to her than actually calling him by his first name. It's just replacing one word with another, and seeing that they've just met, she doesn't have a habit of addressing him with is first name either. Are you seriously suggesting it takes somebody 3 months to learn another person's name?
Even military style address with "master" shouldn't take anywhere close to 3 months to train. Most new soldiers learn to do it in a day, again, because they don't have a habit of addressing their drill sergeant any other way.

What takes 3 months is to learn a new habit that contradicts an old old, because it takes a long time to unlearn the old behavior. But just adding something new to you way of doing things, without it impacting old habits, is learned very rapidly.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/22/2012 2:32:13 PM   
Fullfilher


Posts: 26
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		I think you (both) need to figure out what type of D/S relationship you want. Do you want a role playing one where she acts out so you can punish her because you both enjoy the punishment phase?

Or do you want a relationship where you tell her what to do and she does it? If you want the latter and she is acting out BECAUSE she wants to be punished, then I think you have your punishments and rewards mixed up.

I won't judge you based on the relationship style you pick. Live and let live.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 8:02:03 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		You said you can get a pretty good bead on internet people, given time. More than two days though surely, at two days and until far beyond they are really only a stranger.
Yes, more than two days. I'd probably be looking at least 6 months and more likely more than a year before I engaged with some sub I only knew from here. I was reacting to your general comment about "internet domination". What the OP and his new online slave have going on has to be considered on it's own merits. I'm just one of the perennial "online IS real" defenders.

Btw, I'm curious, I've been posting here a little while now, what's your bead on me?
Bright guy, reasonably level headed. You ask some interesting questions and I like it that frequently your questions really ARE questions rather than sermons dressed up as a question. Your profile matches what I would have expected from your posts.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 9:36:52 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I'd probably be looking at least 6 months and more likely more than a year before I engaged with some sub I only knew from here.


Oh crap :( and I was getting ready to put the moves on you any day now.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 1:27:29 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Well, when it comes to this slave, I am taking an entire year to get to know her and see if what we have works before I decide to relocate. The reason why I told you guys I intended to relocate her to me even though I had only known her for 2 days, was because that it was what I told her. If things work out over the course of the year, there is the opportunity for relocation. Think of it as a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. It give me and her both enough time to decide if this is what's going to work for the two of us.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 1:34:58 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tkman117

Well, when it comes to this slave, I am taking an entire year to get to know her and see if what we have works before I decide to relocate. The reason why I told you guys I intended to relocate her to me even though I had only known her for 2 days, was because that it was what I told her. If things work out over the course of the year, there is the opportunity for relocation. Think of it as a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. It give me and her both enough time to decide if this is what's going to work for the two of us.


So really, then, you're just establishing your long-term desires or requirements: IF this works THEN...

Nothing wrong with that, as long as you're both into it. For that matter, I've spoken with my girl along the same lines (though we've known each other longer than what you've said here). Nothing is set in stone, but we both agree it's something we can see, and something we would want. It's something that eventually pervades any LD relationship, you just did it quicker - and again, as long as you're both into it, it's all good.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 1:49:07 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, exactly. She understands that either of our lives may get in the way of anything we hope for in the future, and that it might never happen, and she's okay with it, which makes me kind of grateful that I found her among the thousands of others. Now I don't have much knowledge on it, but to me I doubt many slaves/subs would be willing to take this amount of time to get to know a master/dom just for something that Might happen, at least, the new ones anyway. The experienced ones I can assume would be more cautious and willing to take their time, but I wouldn't know unless I looked at some statistics :P

(in reply to RemoteUser)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 2:40:57 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		No worries,
Thanks for the good review Jeff.

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 2:42:24 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Btw, I'm curious, I've been posting here a little while now, what's your bead on me?
Bright guy, reasonably level headed. You ask some interesting questions and I like it that frequently your questions really ARE questions rather than sermons dressed up as a question. Your profile matches what I would have expected from your posts.



Oooh do me, do me, do me!




*Ishtar, who has always wanted to be a do-me sub...

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/23/2012 4:10:32 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Oooh do me, do me, do me!

Oh dear Lord. For starters I'm not sure CM needs the "Jeff Reviews" column. Secondly, with you of all people, I wouldn't even know where to start. How about..

Smart chick. Very honorable. Handle at your own risk.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/24/2012 2:01:58 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I'd probably be looking at least 6 months and more likely more than a year before I engaged
with some sub I only knew from here.


Oh crap :( and I was getting ready to put the moves on you any day now.

As an Official Protector of JeffBC, any moves you make on him must first be approved of.
Please explain, in p r e c i s e and colourful detail, exactly what your intentions are.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Physical & non physical rewards and punishments - 8/24/2012 2:26:54 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		LOLOL... Good thing my flock of protectors is on the job. And as much as I'd sworn I was going to offer one of these coveted slots to Athena, I haven't gotten around to it yet which means she's still one of the unwashed masses who must go through my protectors.... in precise and colorful detail... in order to make moves on me :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 40
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