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RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 1:39:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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We all have our language quirks.

Pick a label- some people will love it and some people will hate it.

I use lifestyle, culture, kink, scene, and play.  Some people can't stand those words.

I can't stand sister/sissie or subbie.  Some people love using those words.

Most of the time it's best to just act like they said the word you DO like, since it doesn't matter much to the point they are making.  But sometimes it can be good to hash it out and clear the air.

Whatever track you take, discussions and arguments about words, their meaning and how we use them for or against eachother will not be ending any time soon.


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(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 4:12:02 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
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Is it a 'lifestyle'?

yes, simply because it is the style with which we live our lives, which does differ from what is commonplace in society. 

Are we a 'community'?

In the loosest sense of the term, yes, simply because we are a sub-sect of the population, just as the Chicanos and Los Diablos are rival Mexican gangs, they are still considered to be part of the Hispanic community.

Now that doesn't mean that we have to show perfect solidarity and back everyone else's play, pun intended, but there is a slender thread of commonality that we all have in common.  It's not a straight line, or anything like that, but the thread is there, regardless.  Granted, sometimes, the line is more like a web spun by a spider that spent a bit too much time in the Jack Daniels distillery, but hey, nothing's perfect.

Instead of the great, glaring differences that we all notice regularly, how about looking at the tiny details that link us together.  Just an idea, nothing more, nothing less.


_____________________________

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Can you be more amusing?

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 4:46:04 PM   
KennelDeSade2


Posts: 210
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Community and lifestyle are pretty elastic words.  I "belong" to the classic automobile community, but they don't dictate how I drive my 69 convertable.  When I was a professional gambler, I was part of that lifestyle, but that didn't mean I had to become an alcoholic horse player as well.  So what defines terms like community and lifestyle are not written in stone in most cases.

I do get a grin from folks who show up in various communities and groups who identify with a certian lifestyle, then complain that the common useage of the terms aren't correct.  If you don't like the term, don't use it.  If you don't like some aspect, don't do it.  If everything about people who use a term or behave in a certian manner repulses you, then perhaps you are trying to self identify with the wrong people, group, or philosophy.

A great deal in the community gives me heartburn, and as a lifestyle I have some reservations.  But overall, I find the identification to be more of a benifit than a liability, so I remain.  You of course, are welcome to make your own choices.



(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 5:42:33 PM   
mastersayed


Posts: 119
Joined: 3/21/2006
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is FCUK a word?.... dont get too pissed, you can make bdsm whatever you want it to be, whatever you like

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 6:05:11 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
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I despise the word "community" in BDSM... It makes me feel like I belong to some neighborhood home-owners association where I'm expected to put on my flip flops before I check the mail because community standards would dictate that bare feet are unpleasant to look at.
Bleck.

I don't mind the word "lifestyle".

I also hate the word "string beans" because it makes me think of hair in my "green beans".

Words form a certain association in our minds. Your string beans might be even more delicious than my green beans.
It's the same food.

I say "soda".
My son says "pop".
When he asks me to buy "pop", I can't help but quoting "Hop on Pop" from Dr. Suess.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Kinky fish, perverted fish, deviant fish, community of fish living the lifestyle.

At the end of the day, it's all the same.
I really don't give a flying fish about semantics once I log off my computer.
But sometimes it's fun to fcuk with the fsih while I'm here.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:08:18 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
Websters:Lifestyle
 
Meaning #1: a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
 
Seems so simple.

Who are these people that people always complain about folks trying to shove them into a box?  Are we really meant to believe that there are right now, lurking somewhere in alleys or on street corners, this group of people roaming around with boxes trying to cajole, and coerce innocent D/s players into them?
 
I know your is a rant, and just blowing off steam , so am I, it is hilarious when I hear people go on and on about how folks are trying to label them...I mean, does it really matter? Surly not the 6 minutes I put into writing this post that I can never get back.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:11:56 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

They used to have this show on called Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. It showed how people with big bux indulged and spent their leisure time away from work and while not sleeping. BDSM is sort of like that to me. It's that in which I indulge when I'm not doing the things which are necessary in life. It's my fun, entertainment and way of life. Celeste


Hmmmm Bita...i couldn't agree more...

champagnewishes!



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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:41:06 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastersayed
is FCUK a word?....
Yes it is...
A clothing line named French Connection UK .    \
http://store.soliscompany.com/toobutofcfrc.html.  
quote:

 ' hspace=0 src="http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/solissf_1899_114406958" width=544 border=0>

FCUK - " too busy to FCUK " - French Connection U.K. Logo Tee Shirt

"too busy to FCUK"

- 100% cotton

- regular fit

- white or black


M

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(in reply to mastersayed)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:45:36 PM   
ZenDragoness


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Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: JassWolf
So we're all in this together. Or, at least you and I are in this together. And I'm not so sure about you.
JW
 You just made me think of the song by BB King
quote:

Nobody loves me but my mother,
And she could be jivin' too
  M

Off topic:

Thinking about BB King is always good, but due to that it is Monday morning here, i go with the old blues standard: Stormy Monday.

"They call it stormy monday,
but tuesday just as bad..."


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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 9:07:31 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

Thinking about BB King is always good, but due to that it is Monday morning here, i go with the old blues standard: Stormy Monday.

"They call it stormy monday,
but tuesday just as bad
..."
Thanks, I'll have to look for that now.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ZenDragoness)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 2:37:05 AM   
darkinshadows


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From: UK
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Thank You for explaining FCUK - M - I tried to use it for its 'label' but I think between the UK and the rest of the world, it kinda got lost in translation lol...
(Its really good to 'read' you again btw)
 
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 2:40:50 AM   
darkinshadows


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Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I know your is a rant, and just blowing off steam , so am I, it is hilarious when I hear people go on and on about how folks are trying to label them...I mean, does it really matter? Surly not the 6 minutes I put into writing this post that I can never get back.

LoL... does it matter?  To me, not really - I was posting in response to another thread running.   But it obviously matters that labels are specific, to some people (Re: the PC thread) - so it is good to see there are people who obviously have a different POV - thank you.
 
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 2:42:25 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Kinky fish, perverted fish, deviant fish, community of fish living the lifestyle.

At the end of the day, it's all the same.
I really don't give a flying fish about semantics once I log off my computer.
But sometimes it's fun to fcuk with the fsih while I'm here.

I love it - thank you...
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 2:45:48 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We all have our language quirks.

Pick a label- some people will love it and some people will hate it.

I use lifestyle, culture, kink, scene, and play.  Some people can't stand those words.

I can't stand sister/sissie or subbie.  Some people love using those words.

Most of the time it's best to just act like they said the word you DO like, since it doesn't matter much to the point they are making.  But sometimes it can be good to hash it out and clear the air.

Whatever track you take, discussions and arguments about words, their meaning and how we use them for or against eachother will not be ending any time soon.


Ach - it's a roll up your sleeves and buckle down to the discussions and arguments kinda thing hey Em.  Thanks for responding.


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 2:53:18 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

Is it a 'lifestyle'?

yes, simply because it is the style with which we live our lives, which does differ from what is commonplace in society. 

Are we a 'community'?

In the loosest sense of the term, yes, simply because we are a sub-sect of the population, just as the Chicanos and Los Diablos are rival Mexican gangs, they are still considered to be part of the Hispanic community.

Now that doesn't mean that we have to show perfect solidarity and back everyone else's play, pun intended, but there is a slender thread of commonality that we all have in common.  It's not a straight line, or anything like that, but the thread is there, regardless.  Granted, sometimes, the line is more like a web spun by a spider that spent a bit too much time in the Jack Daniels distillery, but hey, nothing's perfect.

Instead of the great, glaring differences that we all notice regularly, how about looking at the tiny details that link us together.  Just an idea, nothing more, nothing less.


I don't have a problem with people saying it is a Lifestyle, but it just seems really bizarre to me that people do and that they want me to jump in with them.  It's not really about individual labels.  The only thing I have in commen with You, or anyone else, other than we are human beings, is those four little words - BDSM.  I just see it as confusing to alot of people that one minute we are told we are a 'community' or a 'lifestyle' because we all have something in common - then the next minute told, we are all unique and that each relationship is different and individual - in a way thats quite an oxymoron(only the long way around) - It is a paradox.
 
Hmmmm... maybe thats what we should label it - 'The Paradox of BDSM'.
 
And I am still laughing at that image of the spider high - lol -
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 3:36:05 AM   
fellatrixkris


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

They used to have this show on called Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. It showed how people with big bux indulged and spent their leisure time away from work and while not sleeping. BDSM is sort of like that to me. It's that in which I indulge when I'm not doing the things which are necessary in life. It's my fun, entertainment and way of life. I don't go to my own private island resort and sip champagne with Kings like the famous celebrities ... I go to the dark, dank dungeons with the king size racks and grab a bottle of water from a sweaty slave. ::chuckles:: Outside of the times of indulgence, the rich and famous spend their hours making their movies, their salad dressing, their millions etc.. I spend mine serving Himself. That's the M/s style of my life.. or, if you prefer, the M/s lifestyle. It doesn't bother me to use the term lifestyle at all. It's very accurate as a description and it is what it is. I don't know a whole lot of rich and famous folks, but the very few who I do know have no problem if someone terms 'their' lifestyle as the rich and famous lifestyle either. It only seems to be an embarrassment to some folks in BDSM. I've noticed a strong reaction from people about labels. I suppose lifestyle is also a 'label' or speaks to a community. Maybe I just look at it as a commonality rather than a community so it doesn't bother me.

Not 'all' rich and famous people go to their own private island resort.. and not 'all' kinky folk frequent dungeons. Rich & Famous have one thing in common with each other.. they are rich and famous. BDSM folk have one thing in common with one another.. they are BDSM folk. What you 'do' and 'how' you do it is as diverse as where the rich and famous go on vacation.

Celeste


life·style also life-style or life style    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (lfstl)
n. A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group: “It was a millionaire's lifestyle on the pocketbook of a hairdresser” (People).
Usage Note: When lifestyle became popular a generation ago, a number of critics objected to it as voguish and superficial, perhaps because it appeared to elevate habits of consumption, dress, and recreation to categories in a system of social classification. Nonetheless, the word has proved durable and useful, if only because such categories do in fact figure importantly in the schemes that Americans commonly invoke when explaining social values and behavior, as in Rachel Brownstein's remark that “an anticonventional lifestyle is no sure sign of feminist politics, or indeed, of any politics at all.” Fifty-three percent of the Usage Panel accepts the word in Bohemian attitudes toward conventional society have been outstripped and outdated by the lifestyles of millions of young people. An even greater numberfully 70 percentaccepts the word in Salaries in the Bay Area may be higher, but it may cost employees as much as 30 percent more to maintain their lifestyles, where the context requires a term that implies categorization based on habits of consumption.


I feel ...to each His or Her own....some people live the life all the time, never forgetting a roll they play in life, that they choose to play non the less, but still its there 24/7.  Others have certain days marked off on the calender for "play" or "sessions" To each his or her own.....and from the quote above, "to afford their lifestyles"....Ha...wish I had more money cause a pair of arm binders is pricy!


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 3:48:50 AM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
Lifestyle it is, community I don't know - brothers and sisters in a cause, maybe - but we all live outside the box, and that is why we, in this lifestyle are looked upon as the odd ones by nilla's - fcuk em 

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 7:20:28 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
BDSM is a Lifestyle.
Is it?


Nope it's not. B&D&S&M are the actions that give us a common link. Actions don't make a lifestyle. They can only serve as a common interest denominator that brings people together. Aside from those actions, the people who indulge in them are going to be completely different individual people. I personally don't believe that you can live a BDSM lifestyle....a D/s or M/s lifestyle yes....but not on the actions of B or D or S or M.

The common interest denominator brings people together in what we term a "community". Much like Harleys bring people together in a community....or having served in the military brings people together in a community....or having a child in gymnastics brings people together in a community. Aside from the common interest denominator though, they are all each unique and diverse individuals with different morals, values, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, and other interests. Just because they have some common ground doesn't mean there is an expectation that they will be cookie cutter images of anyone else who shares that common ground.

quote:

Why do I have to be pushed into 'belonging'?  Why do I have to be all chums with a specific group or certain set of values? 
 
Why do I have to be subjected to being pulled into something and grouped with people I don't always agree with and don't always like - and some I will never ever meet?
 


Well you don't. Just because someone states a different or opposing view or belief....that doesn't mean that you have to agree. That doesn't mean they are coercing you into joining them. That doesn't mean that you have to abandon your individuality to more closely align yourself. That doesn't mean that you have to be "all chums" with them. If you are feeling like you are getting sucked in or being coerced into something that you are opposed to, I would suggest that might be something coming from inside of you somewhere. You have just as much right to refuse participation or association as you have the right to participate or associate.

quote:

Now - we have to contend that if we are polite - we are being 'Politically Correct'.
If we disagree and say so - then we aren't being supportive - or we are even sicker than the sickness of BDSM!
If we disagree and really want to sink our teeth in, we will start a witch hunt.
 
These things that you are ranting about have little to do with our common interest denominator other than some of them were brought up in relevance to wiitwd, although I think that how we feel at the very core of the issue is what was really being discussed. I got from the PC thread, not that anyone was trying to devalue the principle of politeness....but that they were asking whether we have taken that to such a far extreme that politeness has now obscured truth. Yes, in this instance it was asked in relationship to wiitwd....but the answers can't be exclusive to that for they reflect how we feel about PC'ness in general. It stands out as an example of how, even in light of our common denominator interests, we are not cookie cutter copies of others who share those same interests.  I can only address the last one as that is the one where you were clearly referring to the thread I started on witch hunts.
 
That thread had nothing whatsoever to do with wiitwd. I could have asked the same questions on a PEZ collectors message board....or any other "community" board. The thread was started to ask why there are malicious and vindictive people who set out with the intention of hurting other people....and to ask why the rest of us allow ourselves to be caught up in the drama. Now there were a few people who understood the questions I was asking, then there were some who went so far as to imply, despite my many attempts to keep it on a very general level,  that I was a malicious, vindictive person whose agenda was really to go after other malicious, vindictive people....and then there were some who stepped into it to try to actually use the thread as a medium to further be malicious and vindictive. It ended up that I simply walked away from it because it wasn't even worth my time trying to untwist what it was being twisted into.
 
Now everyone on that thread may have indeed had some common denominator interests in wiitwd....but you can see from that example that does not mean we are all even remotely alike. Just because we are all kinky people who read the same words....that doesn't mean that any of us have to get sucked into, conform to, think like or even derive the same meanings of anyone else that responded.
 
 


_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 8:06:11 AM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
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~Quick Reply~
Nothing to add,
just wanted to say to Brosco, LOVE your signature! 


Brat



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-Loki

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/12/2006 8:23:48 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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I've never considered BDSM a lifestyle or a community. The word 'Community' gets me thinking of politicians that pop up at election times telling me how they are going to improve and protect the 'community' I live in. I often look about me and don't see a community, just a bunch of disperate people trying to get by who happen to live in the same area. The community for intents and purposes doesn't exist because no one is responsible for anyone else but their nearest and dearest.

As for lifestyle, perhaps some people feel they live in a lifestyle, for me the idea of a lifestyle is too restricting and there is so much life and experience beyond BDSM to trap my imagination in some goldfish bowl. BDSM for me is a fun, hedonistic part of my life. I don't hide what I do, everybody that knows me know I indulge but there are more important aspects to life than the mere gratification I get out of BDSM.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 6/12/2006 8:26:31 AM >

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 40
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