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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:01:39 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Even those people who DO have punishment dynamics will tell you that they RARELY have to punish.


I have a punishment dynamic in which punishments are semi-frequent.
So not all people engaging in punishment dynamics would tell you that they rarely have to punish.


Ishtar, since the OBJECTIVE of your dynamic seems to be punishment, I think we can have your experience be a corollary, okay? Myotherself is a slave in a punishment dynamic, she's been punished once in the last 18 months. It IS a YMMV thing, but in MOST cases, the frequent need for punishment shows a deeper underlying issue.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:07:07 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli
Question inspired by the Physical and non physical rewards and punishments thread : Are punishments necessary in a D/s relationship? Wouldnt talking be enough in most cases?

Carol doesn't resist and she doesn't disobey. Nor does she have any sort of masochistic streak and I don't have a sadistic streak. Nor do either one of us feel that some sort of punishment in any way absolves someone of guilt. So for us, it serves no purpose.



This is how my mind works, as well, though my sadistic streak is tremendous. I DO remember when my servant makes a mistake, just as I remember when my employee makes a mistake. So do they. It's not like a punishment would erase anything, and I am not qualified to deal in absolution.

The other half of the equation is the standard that I have to hold MYSELF to. How perfect do I have to be, in my own mind, to be that good a role model?

It's just not for me. Good on the rest of you.




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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:09:42 AM   
chemeli


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick


It is not that I am disobedient... if I were willfully disobedient we would be having a very serious discussion about our future. What gets me in trouble is my mouth. Sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I am a bit mouthy. A tiny bit. A little. Just a teensy weensy bit. Now for those who know me in real life, I just KNOW that's hard for you to believe! INORITE!?!?!!!



CaliWhoIsReallyReallyVerySweetandInnocent



Hmmm i can relate..... i'm mouthy as well sometimes and like to talk and tease.....*grin* i dont defy i just tease. It's my personality, i'm always like that and if i like someone, it gets worse :P

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:11:46 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Ishtar, since the OBJECTIVE of your dynamic seems to be punishment, I think we can have your experience be a corollary, okay?


The objective of my dynamic is not at all punishment.

Punishment is a tool we utilize to reach the objective of our relationship, which is to have a leader/follower or a "Head of Household" dynamic that is gratifying on a multitude of levels for both of us.

Punishment for punishment's sake, or as an objective in an of itself would be completely counter to what we want, or are trying to achieve.



< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/23/2012 11:13:23 AM >

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:16:57 AM   
GreedyTop


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
What gets me in trouble is my mouth. Sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I am a bit mouthy. A tiny bit. A little. Just a teensy weensy bit. Now for those who know me in real life, I just KNOW that's hard for you to believe! INORITE!?!?!!!



CaliWhoIsReallyReallyVerySweetandInnocent



I am SO happy I had just put my beverage down before I read this. Just sayin'.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:17:54 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop


quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
What gets me in trouble is my mouth. Sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I am a bit mouthy. A tiny bit. A little. Just a teensy weensy bit. Now for those who know me in real life, I just KNOW that's hard for you to believe! INORITE!?!?!!!



CaliWhoIsReallyReallyVerySweetandInnocent



I am SO happy I had just put my beverage down before I read this. Just sayin'.


Let's be honest. ANYTHING she says to that man could get her in trouble, he's that kind of a guy!


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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:18:11 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I hate punishment threads for the same reason you hate them. Everybody seems to have this knee-jerk reaction to the concept of punishments.
I also hate the notion that if you do punish, it can't possible be something that makes the s-type horny, or else she'll end up being bad on purpose just to get punished.

That notion again falls under the "make up sex" analogy for me... So many people are horny and have wild animalistic monkey sex after a bad fight with their partner, but I've never heard a vanilla person claim that you shouldn't even have make up sex after fights, lest you'll teach your partner to pick fights with you on purpose just to have sex.




I agree about the horniness thing. I definitely have an element of enjoyment in punishments - not from the activity itself because it's generally something I find unpleasant, but there is pleasure in the feeling of the balance being restored. The problem is solved and he's exercising his power over me which is what I signed up for.

The flip side is that I have also seen people suggesting the dom must never enjoy punishments, or else he will invent infractions. That's also nonsense. Why shouldn't he enjoy something that strengthens our relationship? And the assumption is that he has no self control at all. That and, if he just wants to get his sadism kicks, he can, no excuse needed.

Your make-up sex analogy is a good one I think.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:19:17 AM   
GreedyTop


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Status: offline 		ok, fair enough ;) But I have this audio going in my head of HOW she says things... LOL

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:20:13 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Even those people who DO have punishment dynamics will tell you that they RARELY have to punish.


I have a punishment dynamic in which punishments are semi-frequent.
So not all people engaging in punishment dynamics would tell you that they rarely have to punish.


Ishtar, since the OBJECTIVE of your dynamic seems to be punishment, I think we can have your experience be a corollary, okay? Myotherself is a slave in a punishment dynamic, she's been punished once in the last 18 months. It IS a YMMV thing, but in MOST cases, the frequent need for punishment shows a deeper underlying issue.


I don't mean to argue just for the sake of arguing, but it's fairly frequent in our relationship too, and it's definitely not the objective for us. We're usually snuggly cuddly kind of folks who just wanna love on each other.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:26:56 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

The flip side is that I have also seen people suggesting the dom must never enjoy punishments, or else he will invent infractions. That's also nonsense. Why shouldn't he enjoy something that strengthens our relationship? And the assumption is that he has no self control at all. That and, if he just wants to get his sadism kicks, he can, no excuse needed.



Exactly... If I have to worry about my husband having so little self-control that he would deliberately introduce disfunction, dishonesty, and emotional instability in our relationship, just to get his rocks off -especially when he could have just gotten his rocks off by doing what he wanted in the first place, without making up some bullshit excuse to do so- I have bigger problems on my hands than the insignificant fact that I've gotten my ass beat once or twice for something that wasn't technically my fault.





< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/23/2012 11:32:59 AM >

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I am your sinner
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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:29:08 AM   
CalifChick


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

ok, fair enough ;) But I have this audio going in my head of HOW she says things... LOL





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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:30:10 AM   
GreedyTop


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Status: offline 		what??? am I wrong?? (love you bunches!!!!!)

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 11:38:40 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

The flip side is that I have also seen people suggesting the dom must never enjoy punishments, or else he will invent infractions. That's also nonsense. Why shouldn't he enjoy something that strengthens our relationship? And the assumption is that he has no self control at all. That and, if he just wants to get his sadism kicks, he can, no excuse needed.



Exactly... If I have to worry about my husband having so little self-control that he would deliberately introduce disfunction, dishonesty, and emotional instability in our relationship, just to get his rocks off -especially when he could have just gotten his rocks off by doing what he wanted in the first place, without making up some bullshit excuse to do so- I have bigger problems on my hands than the insignificant fact that I've gotten my ass beat once or twice for something that wasn't technically my fault.






Seriously Ishtar, I could cry. It's wonderful to hear someone else say exactly what I'm thinking.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 12:21:17 PM   
culareD


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli


quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick


It is not that I am disobedient... if I were willfully disobedient we would be having a very serious discussion about our future. What gets me in trouble is my mouth. Sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I am a bit mouthy. A tiny bit. A little. Just a teensy weensy bit. Now for those who know me in real life, I just KNOW that's hard for you to believe! INORITE!?!?!!!



CaliWhoIsReallyReallyVerySweetandInnocent



Hmmm i can relate..... i'm mouthy as well sometimes and like to talk and tease.....*grin* i dont defy i just tease. It's my personality, i'm always like that and if i like someone, it gets worse :P



I could see myself getting into this tangle a few times as well...it is actually one of my concerns, that I might not be able to turn my "snarky" off...hmm.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 1:08:47 PM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline 		Punishment is necessary in Head of Household (HoH) and Taken in Hand (TiH) relationships, which are based on the man making rules and punishing the woman when she breaks them. But those are a small subset of D/s relationships.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 1:14:12 PM   
DaddySatyr


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I guess it depends on how one defines punishment.

I have a thing that I do where there's a difference between a lack of ability and a lack of desire. If a task doesn't get done or if a "home procedure" doesn't get followed, the first couple of times, a good heart-to-heart may suffice but there are times when things do need to be shown, by example.

I believe that the punishment should always fit the "crime" so, the chances of a lady getting physical punishment from me are "slim" and "none" and "slim" just left town 'cause if she hits me, we're done.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 1:20:07 PM   
RumpusParable


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli

Question inspired by the Physical and non physical rewards and punishments thread : Are punishments necessary in a D/s relationship? Wouldnt talking be enough in most cases?

There's the funishment (term that i rather like ^^) but that's another matter....


I have some relationships where I use punishment and others where I don't.

No, there doesn't need to be punishment. Yes, talking about it is plenty to correct things... Heck, just telling them that I don't like what/how they did is usually enough; it doesn't take a discussion.

To be honest, even in those where I *have* a punishment dynamic it's only to point out they did something wrong. There's no big "I'm whipping you be ause you were a very bad boy and this is what you get for it" sort of thing going on. It's simply theyreak a rule like looking me in the eye, I slap them across the face to draw their attention to the breech and they lower their gaze again.

If I ever get the feeling they *want* to get slapped, it doesn't happen.

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 2:08:21 PM   
DaddySatyr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

If I ever get the feeling they *want* to get slapped, it doesn't happen.


Here! Here! I frequently ask: "Why should I 'reward' bad behavior?"



Peace and comfort,



Michael

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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 5:17:49 PM   
Karmastic


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no, punishment isn't a requirement, although there's a hundred reasons why it might be okay or a good thing for any particular relationship dynamic.

i'm not into corporal punishments, or punishments in general. my "management style" is more to address each situation based on the facts, and do whatever seems best to remedy the situation. that may be discussions at first, and escalating ramifications, such as withholding rewards as "punishment". ultimately, if a person isn't meeting expectations, and communications cannot solve it, then it's adios.


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RE: punishments - 8/23/2012 5:26:26 PM   
chemeli


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Status: offline 		This thread has changed my perceptions on things.....for this i am grateful. Thank you everyone. I need to listen to my guts more then i thought.


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