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Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 9:33:22 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		Lately, I have run across several male submissives or slaves who have a dominant profile in additon to their submissive profile.  In every case I have encountered, the person approached Me as a sub or a slave and made no mention of the other profile, or of his interest in the "other side."
 
It has gotten to the point where as part of the screening process, I now look for other profiles on Collarme and the other sites for any submissive or slave I am considering.  Unfortunately, I often find one or more.  For Me, this is a dealkiller for the following reasons:
  1. I clearly state that I am looking for a submissive or a slave, not a dominant or a switch.
  2. I find the practice deceptive.  When someone presents himself to Me as a submissive or slave, makes no mention of the other profile(s) or his interest in the other side, I feel like he is concealing information from Me that I need to make an informed decision on whether to accept him or not.  Also, if he is in actuality a switch, why not set up a switch profile and be upfront about it? 
  3. It smacks of confusion and/or desperation.  Confusion, because it seems the person doesn't really know what he is looking for.    Desperation, because he has multiple "nets" out and seems to be looking for the first Female that comes along and shows an interest, regardless of Her orientation. 

Just curious about what others think.  Do you look for other profiles when you are considering a submissive or slave?  If you were to find one, would it be a dealkiller for you?  Some Dommes I have talked to would still move forward with a submissive, and some wouldn't.
 
Lady Topaz
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 9:47:36 AM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		Ah! People playing around, I am stunned! Short answer, if you are looking for a LTR with that person in one role, time to move on.


Personally it would be an instant stop contacting me with a mean note about it to the person. Now maybe there could be some leeway if they are truly switches and it was just for casual play, but again to me that would have to be clearly stated in the profile. I personally would cut off contact but I cannot totally say that it is pure scummy, but what I just described would be an extreme minority.

  Which is worse though a person having two opposite profiles or a person whose profile lists and describes themselves as one thing and they write a message to you telling you to ignore this because they are really the opposite? Are they guiltier because they are lazier?

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 10:04:41 AM   
MsWillAdore


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		Lady Topaz,

I have had the same encounter quite a few times lately!!  I generally ask the person (stressing on person, because if they don't know what to call themselve...how the hell am I supposed to know?  *giggles*), anyways... I generally stop talking to him.  If he remains persistent, I block the user profile.  Like you, I too find it very deceptive & a dealkiller.  If someone is going to lie from the start about "what" he is & not convey other interests, why would you have reason to believe ANYTHING he had to say?  Some might say, "well I didn't want to mention it because I feared that you may not have interest in me."  My response to that is, if MY profile doesn't state that I am looking for a switch or male dominant, why even waste your time?  Just because you (he) are lying & hiding something doesn't mean that I am!!!!!!!! 

While we are on the subject of  "possible deception":  how about some input on a sub/slave that seems to have interest in you & doesn't follow through with simple things that he says he is going to do?  For example, HIM saying that he will call you if he is too busy to get online or not responding to emails that you know that he has read....etc.  This of course being part of the process before meeting.  We are/were supposed to meet this Wednesday (06/14/06), but after all of this... I am seriously debating that.  I mean, I would probably end up getting the "shaft".. and not in a good way either... *laffs*!!!!!!!!!!

This has happened to me before on here... but this time, wow... this "sub" really had MY mind wrapped around him.  I can usually shrug it off, because it happens a lot....I don't know what is different about this one.  I feel so stupid!  Oh yeah... you mentioned other sites... could someone hook me up with some links? 

This is a pretty long reply message... maybe I should have started my own topic!!!  LOL! 

~~ Lady Kim ~~  

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 10:17:21 AM   
slave52001


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		AS A SUB SEEKING A DOMMIE I FEEL THIS IS THE MAJOR PROBLEM FINDING A REAL LIFE DOMMIE TO SERVE IF THEY CANT BE HONEST THEY DONT EVEN BELONG ON THE SIGHT.
                                                                                               SLAVE52001

(in reply to MsWillAdore)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 10:25:29 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsWillAdore
While we are on the subject of  "possible deception":  how about some input on a sub/slave that seems to have interest in you & doesn't follow through with simple things that he says he is going to do?  For example, HIM saying that he will call you if he is too busy to get online or not responding to emails that you know that he has read....etc.  This of course being part of the process before meeting.  We are/were supposed to meet this Wednesday (06/14/06), but after all of this... I am seriously debating that.  I mean, I would probably end up getting the "shaft".. and not in a good way either... *laffs*!!!!!!!!!!~ Lady Kim ~~  


Unfortunately, I have had this happen as well.  In a recent case, a submissive who lives in another state responded to My ad.  I was very impressed with him, we exchanged several e-mail, and talked on the phone.  W/we were in the process of planning a trip here to Dallas for him to come visit Me.
 
Shortly after that, the "problem" behavior stated.  He had standing instructions to e-mail Me at least once in every 24-hour period.  He was very good for a few weeks, then suddenly stopped with no explanation whatsoever.  He did not send an e-mail on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  On Monday, I confronted him and asked him if there was a reason he did not continune following My instructions.  He told Me he was busy working all weekend.  However, each day I checked and noticed that he had time to log on to Collarme.com several times.  I pointed out to him that if he had time to do that, he certainly had time to send Me a two-sentence e-mail.  My take on it was that he was having second thoughts and his non-responsiveness was his passive/aggressive way of sending Me a signal.
 
When I have a prospective sub or slave who does not do the things he says he is going to do, I will first ask him for an explanation.  If he comes up with one that is valid, I might give him another chance.  However, if he continues not living up to what he says he's going to do, he's history.  I don't consider it a very good sign for a sub not to take reasonable instructions seriously in the initial stages of the relationship, when he should be trying his best to impress You. 
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to MsWillAdore)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 10:37:28 AM   
MsWillAdore


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		That's what I was figuring... if he isn't going to follow simple instructions on here or via phone, then he is going to be a hand full, or he just misrepresented himself, as far as what he wanted.  We have had great conversations on here... great emails... researched things together....etc.  I dunno... I guess maybe I was too excited at the prospect of finally meeting my... "one."

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 10:58:51 AM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsWillAdore
While we are on the subject of  "possible deception":  how about some input on a sub/slave that seems to have interest in you & doesn't follow through with simple things that he says he is going to do?  For example, HIM saying that he will call you if he is too busy to get online or not responding to emails that you know that he has read....etc.  This of course being part of the process before meeting.  We are/were supposed to meet this Wednesday (06/14/06), but after all of this... I am seriously debating that.  I mean, I would probably end up getting the "shaft".. and not in a good way either... *laffs*!!!!!!!!!!~ Lady Kim ~~  


Unfortunately, I have had this happen as well.  In a recent case, a submissive who lives in another state responded to My ad.  I was very impressed with him, we exchanged several e-mail, and talked on the phone.  W/we were in the process of planning a trip here to Dallas for him to come visit Me.
 
Shortly after that, the "problem" behavior stated.  He had standing instructions to e-mail Me at least once in every 24-hour period.  He was very good for a few weeks, then suddenly stopped with no explanation whatsoever.  He did not send an e-mail on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  On Monday, I confronted him and asked him if there was a reason he did not continune following My instructions.  He told Me he was busy working all weekend.  However, each day I checked and noticed that he had time to log on to Collarme.com several times.  I pointed out to him that if he had time to do that, he certainly had time to send Me a two-sentence e-mail.  My take on it was that he was having second thoughts and his non-responsiveness was his passive/aggressive way of sending Me a signal.
 
When I have a prospective sub or slave who does not do the things he says he is going to do, I will first ask him for an explanation.  If he comes up with one that is valid, I might give him another chance.  However, if he continues not living up to what he says he's going to do, he's history.  I don't consider it a very good sign for a sub not to take reasonable instructions seriously in the initial stages of the relationship, when he should be trying his best to impress You. 
 
Lady Topaz



I've had this happen to me time and time again.  I too, have the "you must contact me at least once daily" rule.  What I think is that they are really not seeing you as a real person, you are just words on a page to them, so they naturally lose interests. That is why I try to set up a meeting as soon as both are comfortable.  And if after that, if they still want to treat me that way, then they are totally gone.  

My pet peeve are those that claim "love" on the first couple of emails.  Of course, they don't even know me, and it makes me angry when they do pull their little disappearing "stunts".   So you are so in love that you can't contact me in some form or fashion at least once during the day?   When I am in love I want to spend every moment I can with that person....

Also,  I find that some just like the "high" of starting something new, once it's not new any more, they move on.

oops, there I go rambling...I think I lost the thread of the thread...lol

I have in fact run into those with both Dom/sub profiles...I put it in the same realm as mass emails...they are just casting their net to get "anyone"   From my experience they are usually not serious, just want a one nighter here and there with bdsm as a backdrop.   So now days I don't even bother, I just say no thank you and move on.

< Message edited by TxBlkMistress -- 6/11/2006 11:01:38 AM >

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 11:06:11 AM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsWillAdore

That's what I was figuring... if he isn't going to follow simple instructions on here or via phone, then he is going to be a hand full, or he just misrepresented himself, as far as what he wanted.  We have had great conversations on here... great emails... researched things together....etc.  I dunno... I guess maybe I was too excited at the prospect of finally meeting my... "one."


Don't beat yourself up about it Adore....I've been there countless times myself....I mean of course you would expect that he could be "the one"...that's what this site is supposed to be about, finding someone with your interests and getting with them in one form or another depending on your needs and wants.  

I think these are lazy people that will not take the time to read profiles and find the person that best suits them...they just pick anyone and tries to manipulate them into whatever situation they are looking for.  (here I go rambling again...lol)

Hard to do, but you have to try to forget and drive on  :>

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to MsWillAdore)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 11:23:25 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress

... What I think is that they are really not seeing you as a real person, you are just words on a page to them...



Actually, this is my rule of thumb. I'm clear to submissives that a person doesn't become real until I meet them (if they interest me.) I have no problem with submissives responding to me the same way. It saves a lot of wasted energy investment. Of course, on the odd occasion I haven't followed my own rule, and lived to regret it. lol

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 12:51:08 PM   
cacodylic


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/6/2005
From: CA
Status: offline 		I don't look for multiple profiles, but a close reading of some domme profiles reveals that they are actually switches. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it does show the need for scrutiny.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 5:25:19 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cacodylic

I don't look for multiple profiles, but a close reading of some domme profiles reveals that they are actually switches. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it does show the need for scrutiny.


Just for my education what's the biggie of a switch profile? To my boys I'm all Domme and that's all that matters.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to cacodylic)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 5:51:34 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		"Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones "--TheRose4U
 
Love this quote, and it's oh-so true!
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/11/2006 6:25:59 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

"Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones "--TheRose4U
 
Love this quote, and it's oh-so true!
 
Lady Topaz


Tell me about it! I just came up with it a few days ago and already had to deal with a flaming nut on another thread. There should be an early warning system for us when the nuts go off the meds....god I love that block feature.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 12:13:34 AM   
DoraExplorer


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		I challenged someone about this the other day, why he had 2 profiles.  He went into a spiel about how he didn't want to call himself a switch because it implied someone confused and not knowing what they were seeking.  I'm sure the majority of switches on here would be quick to disabuse him of this notion!  He then went on to say that sometimes he's looking for one thing and sometimes the other and he didn't want to confuse the two in one profile.  He seemed to think it a good thing that he wasn't exactly hiding, as he had the same photo in both profiles; he didn't get that it seems duplicitous and misleading.
 
As to the no-show stuff, I'm sick of people thinking that their time is more important than anyone else's.  Where in the bdsm world does it say "social niceties and basic manners can go out of the window, and you can treat people like idiots"?
 
And TxBlkMistress, I know where you're coming from - I hate the "i want to serve You" initial email - you do?  How do you know?  You don't know what I'm like.... oh hang on, no, you want to serve "a Mistress", not "me".... I much prefer the "I found your profile interesting, may we talk" route.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 12:14:38 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Wow, someone who knows the meaning and usage of "disabuse."  This can't be Collarme.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoraExplorer

I'm sure the majority of switches on here would be quick to disabuse him of this notion!

(in reply to DoraExplorer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 12:43:30 AM   
DoraExplorer


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		Oh gruddocks, am I drummed out of here now??

_____________________________

Thank you for *not* being perky

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 1:26:18 AM   
MsLayla


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Sweden/Belgium
Status: offline 		Something else that is highly bothering me is when I am approached by male Domiants.
I don't mind talking to them, not at all.
It is when they want to submit to me that I cannot go on.

Why can't people just be honest?
They come up with these explanaitions, I am actually switch, or I never dared to let anyone see the little me before. Bullocks.

It is all about the little nets, the "better to have someone then no one".

I think most people, male and female regardless of demeanor, on here should get their acts straight.

_____________________________

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(in reply to DoraExplorer)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 3:37:04 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I believe a lot of it is fear. As most know, switches are often looked down upon, as either foggy-minded, or game-players, and also, many don't see how they can be "real" dominants or submissives with a thang for tasting the other side occasionally.
 
So, maybe those dominants are switches, looking to fulfill both parts of themselves, but doing so in a somewhat deceitful way? I have only one profile, and when it's in active mode (unlike now), 99% of it is about seeking one to serve me, because that's overwhelmingly what I want.
 
Maybe they're just lying bastards LOL.
 
Level

(in reply to MsLayla)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 3:40:45 AM   
MsLayla


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Sweden/Belgium
Status: offline 		Being switch is real. Being submissive is real. Being domiant is real.
As long as you are honest with others, and more importently - with yourself.

Everyone strives to be accepted for who they are. But if they do not dare to let other see who they are, how can this be possible? How can they accept themselves?

_____________________________

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 5:21:37 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Excellent point, Layla. Again, I think fear is the answer to it for many.

(in reply to MsLayla)
Profile   Post #: 20
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