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Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 5:52:32 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

First, let me say that I've never been in a real BDSM relationship, only some bedroom play with a former girlfriend.

There's no question I'm at least part-sub, but when I think about certain aspects of femdom or even being dominated by a man, I get sort of skeezed out. There's one thing about thinking about serving a woman as your superior, but there's another when I consider how I would actually and truely feel. It would be terribly emasculating and I'd feel ashamed and embarrassed, but that in itself is kind of hot. Same thing with chastity. There's a sort of an inner revolusion to the idea - my sense of masculinity is telling me to run away at the actual prospect of giving my orgasms away, especially due to my very high sex drive and frequent masturbation. Even just reading the cold and calculated way some femdoms manipulate their men makes me frightened.

Are these feelings I will learn to overcome with proper training or do they indicate a true barrier to heavier "play."

Also, to female dominants, do you enjoy working with you partner through their hang-ups or do you prefer a man to come prepackaged and ready to serve?

Post #: 1

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 5:56:14 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

What indicates to you that you are part-sub?

Was the bedroom play more about physical aspects of BDSM or was it mental?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 2

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 5:59:30 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

Eh, I can just tell I'm submissive. When I'm being rough with a girl in the bedroom, part of its even projecting. I don't cum to thinking of being active like I do when I'm thinking of being humiliated, used and abused. And even as a baby I was described as being sort of deferential, so it's a temperament thing.

The BDSM was... eh, like tying me up and sitting on my face for long periods of time and some anal play. Lots of smothering and oral sex, though, mostly.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 3

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:04:13 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

CEREAL BOX'S PROFILE in pertinent part reads:

Dominant Women:
I'm into chastity, humiliation, pain, strap-ons and whatever other devilish ideas you have.

Submissive Women:
I will gag you, spit on you, slap you, choke you, call you degrading names, fuck you up the ass and control every aspect of your life down to when you use the bathroom and what clothes you wear and even what believes you'll hold.

Dominant Men:
gag me, spit on me, slap me, choke me, call me degrading names and fuck me up the ass.

Dr. Bambi has diagnosed this patient as a fetishist with an interest in power play. He requires no formal training, nor long term education, only genital, facial, and anal stimulation. Next.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 4

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:06:13 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

thanks, doc!

although, I'm a bit dissapointed no formal education and training are needed. they sound fun.

< Message edited by cerealbox -- 8/25/2012 6:08:08 AM >

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 5

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:14:21 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox

thanks, doc!

although, I'm a bit dissapointed no formal education and training are needed. they sound fun.

Perhaps I should expand, since you actually seem interested in what people have to say.

I suspect you are a fetishist. By that I am suggesting the power exchange element is a kinky thing to do, but not a defining characteristic of who you are. For many here, serving or commanding makes the person feel whole. You and I are just sluts. For us, whether we dominate (top) or submit (bottom) is part of the fun with our partner. We enjoy the acts, we enjoy the outcome, we enjoy the shift in dynamic, but what goes under the radar is the sense of identity that a D or s experiences.

There's nothing bad about being a fetishist, but its important to plan accordingly. When a dominant man spits on your face do you like the humiliation and surprising sensation or do you like the fact that you are letting him do what he wants to do? It could be both, but there's probably a side you lean more toward-and I think its the former.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 6

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:23:43 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox

thanks, doc!

although, I'm a bit dissapointed no formal education and training are needed. they sound fun.

Perhaps I should expand, since you actually seem interested in what people have to say.

I suspect you are a fetishist. By that I am suggesting the power exchange element is a kinky thing to do, but not a defining characteristic of who you are. For many here, serving or commanding makes the person feel whole. You and I are just sluts. For us, whether we dominate (top) or submit (bottom) is part of the fun with our partner. We enjoy the acts, we enjoy the outcome, we enjoy the shift in dynamic, but what goes under the radar is the sense of identity that a D or s experiences.

There's nothing bad about being a fetishist, but its important to plan accordingly. When a dominant man spits on your face do you like the humiliation and surprising sensation or do you like the fact that you are letting him do what he wants to do? It could be both, but there's probably a side you lean more toward-and I think its the former.

I vaguely get what you're saying. But I think maybe my profile was a bit misleading. I'm looking for rough sex with a woman (because rough sex is hot and kinky) or 24/7 submission. Again, I have limited experience, so I can only presume how I'd feel, but with men, I'd rather be humiliated temporarily and be used without regard to what I wanted and with a woman I'd like more of a power dynamic shift, where I am submissive and obedient in a real relationship with a trusting, caring and loving partner.

Does that help the diagnosis any, doc?

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 7

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:27:36 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi, cerealbox!

I like to say that there are two places D/s takes place - in the bedroom and out of it. A submissive will follow his/her Dom/me's lead in both places. A bottom will do it only in the bedroom. Your focus is exclusively in the bedroom - that's why Bambi diagnosed you as a fetishist.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 8

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:34:16 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

Erm... no, it's not. Sorry to give that impression, but that's not what I'm looking for. I definitely want a female-led relationship, I want to submit to my partners advances, to be loyal to her, etc.

Even if this discussion doesn't answer my question about mental blocks, i've still learned that I'm totally giving off the wrong impression. I can't say that's not the first time that's happened.

< Message edited by cerealbox -- 8/25/2012 6:45:23 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:40:38 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox
Are these feelings I will learn to overcome with proper training or do they indicate a true barrier to heavier "play."

Wow. That's a tough one to answer. My own impression is probably not without a real relationship with a real female dominant... one that does not involve "tribute" or any other sort of payola. As I understand it you're a guy who wants women to do hot nasty things to him.... pretty much like a lot of other guys. How is that attractive to a woman?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 10

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:43:49 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

I'm getting the feeling I need to change my profile. I thought talking about specific things I liked would be the way to go, maybe not. Maybe I should put something like "I'm looking for a strong and caring dominant woman to put me under her wing and take me on an emotional and sexual journey"?

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 11

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:45:19 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I recommend you read the FAQs and some threads in the Ask A Mistress section.

And go to offline BDSM events, munches and stuff.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 12

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:48:07 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox

Erm... no, it's not. Sorry to give that impression, but that's not what I'm looking for. I definitely want a female-led relationship, I want to submit to my partners advances, to be loyal to her, etc.

That doesn't quite do it. What about being obedient when she tells you on a given day that you cannot go out with your friends like you wanted to . . . instead, you are going to stay in and do housework?

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 13

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:53:57 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

That would be a huge turn-on, but at the same time it might make me feel a certain loss of identity and disappointment.

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 14

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:54:33 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox
I'm getting the feeling I need to change my profile. I thought talking about specific things I liked would be the way to go, maybe not. Maybe I should put something like "I'm looking for a strong and caring dominant woman to put me under her wing and take me on an emotional and sexual journey"?

I didn't mean to be telling you what you should or should not write in your profile and in your posts. What I think is that you should be authentic to yourself and your desires. Anything else is only going to get you something inappropriate for you and your prospective partner.

All I was trying to point out is lots of guys, vanilla and kinky both, want some woman to do hot nasty things to/with them. In and of itself it doesn't really separate you in any particular way from every other guy out there. Just like in the vanilla world, if you want to attract a mate you're going to need to be attractive in some way.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 15

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:56:36 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox

... I'm looking for rough sex with a woman (because rough sex is hot and kinky) or 24/7 submission... I'd like more of a power dynamic shift, where I am submissive and obedient in a real relationship with a trusting, caring and loving partner.

Does that help the diagnosis any, doc?

You're eager, which is good. You're honest about your naivety, with is also good. You mention 24/7 submission off the cuff like you could take it or leave it. But to a submissive, that's the whole kitten kaboodle (I prefer spelling it my way, thank you). You have deeply kinky fantasies about a 24/7 lifestyle. By the way, you spelled "beliefs" incorrectly in your profile. A 24/7 lifestyle is a balanced thing. It's certainly not gimp suits and spitting on people all day every day. A lot of it is basic "boring" relationship stuff, but with an acknowledgement that both sides are happy when one gives the directions and makes decisions. Most successful 24/7 kinksters I know are very subtle about it, out of the bedroom. You said you want a real, trusting, caring relationship, is that what you're talking about?

I keep thinking that you would prefer a vanilla relationship that gets all kinds of freaky in the sack. You haven't given me anything that exhibits an interest in submission, only being a bottom. Will you indulge me in something? Sadly I can't give you a hand, so this is all on you. Jerk off for me. Rub one out for Bambi. If it helps, you should know I have a few big black friends who have learned that a boy is one light switch away from being a girl.

I mean it, I want you to cum. All over your belly like a good boytoy.

Now... After that's done... Do you still want to submit, or do you want a sammich and to watch TiVo'd Shark Week episodes?

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 16

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:57:11 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox
I'm getting the feeling I need to change my profile. I thought talking about specific things I liked would be the way to go, maybe not. Maybe I should put something like "I'm looking for a strong and caring dominant woman to put me under her wing and take me on an emotional and sexual journey"?

I didn't mean to be telling you what you should or should not write in your profile and in your posts. What I think is that you should be authentic to yourself and your desires. Anything else is only going to get you something inappropriate for you and your prospective partner.

All I was trying to point out is lots of guys, vanilla and kinky both, want some woman to do hot nasty things to/with them. In and of itself it doesn't really separate you in any particular way from every other guy out there. Just like in the vanilla world, if you want to attract a mate you're going to need to be attractive in some way.

I was just trying to be specific. My biggest orgasms come from the mental aspect of BDSM, not the physical aspect. Actually, a lot of it being stuff that skeezes me out and makes me feel emasculated just thinking about it. So there's a contradiction there. It gets me off, but I almost don't want it. Or I do want it, but I need to get over my feelings of hesitation and accept my role as a submissive.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 17

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:58:30 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Re: your contradiction issue - there are kink friendly therapists... just sayin' .

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 18

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 6:59:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm actually really grateful that My sub doesn't see this the way that you do. If submission made him feel emasculated and humiliated, I wouldn't want him. I'm much more compatible with somebody who wants to submit because he enjoys submitting and finds it fulfilling.

Let's be frank. "Prepackaged and ready to serve" is most certainly less of a hassle for Me. I'm a Dominant. Not a therapist. In general, if a person doesn't know what they want, there are plenty who do, so I don't waste My time.

This doesn't mean that I didn't have to teach clip a lot when I got him. Like anybody else in life, we hit issues along the way. One thing that was a big positive was that his submission wasn't tied up in his sexuality. Serving Me has always been more important to him than his orgasms.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cerealbox)

Post #: 19

RE: Mental Blocks - 8/25/2012 7:01:05 AM

cerealbox

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerealbox

... I'm looking for rough sex with a woman (because rough sex is hot and kinky) or 24/7 submission... I'd like more of a power dynamic shift, where I am submissive and obedient in a real relationship with a trusting, caring and loving partner.

Does that help the diagnosis any, doc?

You're eager, which is good. You're honest about your naivety, with is also good. You mention 24/7 submission off the cuff like you could take it or leave it. But to a submissive, that's the whole kitten kaboodle (I prefer spelling it my way, thank you). You have deeply kinky fantasies about a 24/7 lifestyle. By the way, you spelled "beliefs" incorrectly in your profile. A 24/7 lifestyle is a balanced thing. It's certainly not gimp suits and spitting on people all day every day. A lot of it is basic "boring" relationship stuff, but with an acknowledgement that both sides are happy when one gives the directions and makes decisions. Most successful 24/7 kinksters I know are very subtle about it, out of the bedroom. You said you want a real, trusting, caring relationship, is that what you're talking about?

I keep thinking that you would prefer a vanilla relationship that gets all kinds of freaky in the sack. You haven't given me anything that exhibits an interest in submission, only being a bottom. Will you indulge me in something? Sadly I can't give you a hand, so this is all on you. Jerk off for me. Rub one out for Bambi. If it helps, you should know I have a few big black friends who have learned that a boy is one light switch away from being a girl.

I mean it, I want you to cum. All over your belly like a good boytoy.

Now... After that's done... Do you still want to submit, or do you want a sammich and to watch TiVo'd Shark Week episodes?

Can't masturbate right now (if you really want to know, I've had a bad reaction to poison ivy on like 80% of my body and uh... yeah, that areas not doing too well). But when I'm done masturbating, my desires do change. Submission to a woman is still there, doing as she wants, etc. The gay thing is completely gone, though.

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 20

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