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Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 7:02:36 AM

fig555

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Joined: 8/26/2012
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I own a slave on a trial short-term contract basis. He still thinks that he is indeed the centre of his universe. We are in the training process now, as his Mistress I'm trying to get him to accept his Mistress becoming the centre and putting Her desires first. Could you recommend any way to speed up the process and to make it more comfortable for both? I'm prepared to make every effort I can to make this work and to give my slave proper training.

Post #: 1

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 7:06:44 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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Not really. We don't know him or the space he is in, or comes from, mentally or emotionally. Talk to HIM.

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 7:11:08 AM

kalikshama

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What makes you think he is a slave and not a bottom?

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 10:07:28 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fig555
as his Mistress I'm trying to get him to accept his Mistress becoming the centre and putting Her desires first. Could you recommend any way to speed up the process and to make it more comfortable for both?

There are no shortcuts. Attempting to "speed up the process" is, in my opinion, unwise.

Are you speaking of fantasy bedroom kink or are you really trying to get another human being to make you the center of his/her universe. Because honestly I only know of one way to do it for real. You have to be the kind of person that they think ought to be at the center of their universe. So you'd need to ask yourself, "In a perfect world, who exactly ought to be sitting in that position and am I it?"

edited to add:
I just read your profile and it appears to be bedroom kink mixed up with female supremacy. I honestly don't have a clue what to make of that but I generally mistrust mixing fantasy and real life. It's kind of an oil & vinegar sort of thing.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/26/2012 10:09:33 AM >

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 11:54:24 AM

BambiBoi

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Do you think its appropriate for him to "shift the center of his universe" for a "short term trial?"

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 11:56:53 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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two words . . . shock collar

he may not adjust his core mindset but the outward behavior will change real fast.

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 11:59:30 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
Do you think its appropriate for him to "shift the center of his universe" for a "short term trial?"

You're not supposed to ask realistic questions that are to the real core of the OP but still outside the framework asked by the author are you? No fair using your intellect.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 7

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 12:04:34 PM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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The only way he will be able to put you as the centre of his universe is for you to be the kind of person that a guy like him wants and needs to worship.

Rather than focus on him, perhaps work on your own awesomeness?

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 12:08:27 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I cannot fathom owning someone on a short term basis, let alone someone that wasn't already focused on me.

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 12:51:25 PM

BambiBoi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
Do you think its appropriate for him to "shift the center of his universe" for a "short term trial?"

You're not supposed to ask realistic questions that are to the real core of the OP but still outside the framework asked by the author are you? No fair using your intellect.

It's part of my charm.

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<3

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Post #: 10

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 3:19:26 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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for SO many reasons, I want to lick BambiBoi's brain.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 11

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 3:45:24 PM

UllrsIshtar

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Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

Do you think its appropriate for him to "shift the center of his universe" for a "short term trial?"

This, and this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

The only way he will be able to put you as the centre of his universe is for you to be the kind of person that a guy like him wants and needs to worship.

Rather than focus on him, perhaps work on your own awesomeness?

You can use cognitive and aversion training to work on his external reactions and behavior patterns, in a relatively short timeframe. However, if you want to shift his internal patterns of perceiving his self and you, you need to work on your behavioral patterns, which is a long term project.
In order to become the center of somebody else's universe, you need to teach them -through your behavior and consistency- that depending on you to take care of things, and decide things, has an average higher success rate than them depending on themselves to be in control and make decision. Unless you have a consistent track record to back up the fact that he should turn to you first, before he turns to himself or anybody else, he won't be able to shift his internal focus to do so, because his own adaptation and survival instincts won't let him.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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Post #: 12

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 5:20:31 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
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From: Little Rock, AR
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Just a thought.....I will always be the center of my universe. Not to say I'm selfish or focused only on my self, but if Master were to go away tomorrow, He and I are both fully aware of and happy about the fact that I can and will successfully go on. In the end, we may only be left with ourselves and I'm sure I can handle that. So, if that makes me the center of the universe, so be it. Not a problem with us. It's those who focus all importance on another that collapse when that other is no more. And, since this is "short term," I'd really be skeptical of him doing that........luci

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 6:18:36 PM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

four words . . . remote control shock buttplug
he may not adjust his core mindset but the outward behavior will change real fast.

Fixed.
You're welcome ;)

Lucifyre

< Message edited by Lucifyre -- 8/26/2012 6:19:22 PM >

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I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/26/2012 10:04:21 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Just a thought.....I will always be the center of my universe. Not to say I'm selfish or focused only on my self, but if Master were to go away tomorrow, He and I are both fully aware of and happy about the fact that I can and will successfully go on. In the end, we may only be left with ourselves and I'm sure I can handle that. So, if that makes me the center of the universe, so be it. Not a problem with us. It's those who focus all importance on another that collapse when that other is no more. And, since this is "short term," I'd really be skeptical of him doing that........luci

Having lived through that collapse once, Ditto this.

Especially since this is short term. This seems like a selfish disaster in the making.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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Post #: 15

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/27/2012 1:15:34 AM

fig555

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/26/2012
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Advice appreciated. I shall re-think this indeed. It doesn't seem right to demand anything at this stage. You are right saying that I need to be the right person to take the centre of his universe, and I'm not sure I'm the right one. Not just yet.
This is not bedroom kink, infact there is hardly any bedroom in this. The reason why I think he is a slave is because he asked me to be my slave, but it doesn't make him a slave. We still get outburst of the 'freedom lover' in him, but most of the time he is submissive and does his best to make me happy. I noticed that most submissive males are more intelligent than the dominant and they also seem to be stronger. Have you ever noticed anything like that?

(in reply to NuevaVida)

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RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/27/2012 5:52:53 AM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fig555

Advice appreciated. I shall re-think this indeed. It doesn't seem right to demand anything at this stage. You are right saying that I need to be the right person to take the centre of his universe, and I'm not sure I'm the right one. Not just yet.
This is not bedroom kink, infact there is hardly any bedroom in this. The reason why I think he is a slave is because he asked me to be my slave, but it doesn't make him a slave. We still get outburst of the 'freedom lover' in him, but most of the time he is submissive and does his best to make me happy. I noticed that most submissive males are more intelligent than the dominant and they also seem to be stronger. Have you ever noticed anything like that?

Your expressive skills are improving, but I think you need to work on your observational skills.

Smarts and brawn are a genetic lottery that develop through individual will. Whether I want to smack your ass or bend over is not a factor.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to fig555)

Post #: 17

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/27/2012 7:49:27 AM

JeffBC

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fig555
Advice appreciated. I shall re-think this indeed. It doesn't seem right to demand anything at this stage. You are right saying that I need to be the right person to take the centre of his universe, and I'm not sure I'm the right one. Not just yet. This is not bedroom kink, infact there is hardly any bedroom in this.

First, let me start out by admitting that it's very hard to understand what people mean in BDSM because all the words mean nothing. But my best interpretation here is that you are trying to do something similar to what I've done... just without any sense of responsibility.

Assuming I have that correct then my reaction is akin to what it would be if I heard some couple talking about having a child. They weren't really sure they wanted a child and weren't in any position to raise one but they were just walking in the park and another couple was playing with their child and it seemed like fun. If they asked me my opinion I'd try my best to hide my horror and suggest that they ponder what it means to be parents before having the child.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to fig555)

Post #: 18

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/27/2012 8:18:08 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fig555

I noticed that most submissive males are more intelligent than the dominant and they also seem to be stronger. Have you ever noticed anything like that?

No, not at all.

I've never met a male subs who was very clearly more intelligent than me, though there are a bunch very bright ones out there, I've always felt pretty evenly matched with those.
As far as strength goes... if you're talking physical strength, then yeah that's obviously going to be the case considering the differences in male vs female muscle mass and build. If you're talking mental strength, nope, not so much. Again the strong ones seem to be about evenly matched.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to fig555)

Post #: 19

RE: Shifting the centre of your universe - 8/27/2012 8:21:54 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fig555

. I noticed that most submissive males are more intelligent than the dominant and they also seem to be stronger. Have you ever noticed anything like that?

No. I'm just going to say that no, I haven't discovered that as regards intelligence. Men are often physically stronger than women, yes. And their hands are often larger, so they can open the big jar of pickles more easily. I find that a convenient thing.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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