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What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 3:41:25 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		All this talk of anger!!!  Surely one should share MINE.  As I am stting here angry.. well more so confused, frustrated, aggrivated.. not quite angry really.  Not at the moment.  that usually comes in spurts late at night.  Luckily during the day, I can make it just a running back ground noise that I play "who could careless" with all day.  Late at night, usually after the sun goes down for some reason.. it goes past angry.  I literally start to become engraged.  What i'd like to do, is take a bat and just demolish my computer.  Well honestly I'd like to take a bat and just destroy my bedroom.  Why?  Cos I fucking want too... Woo hooo!

Yeah, during the day i tell myself how well and good it all is.  New lease on life.  Woo hoo!  Freedom.  Woo hoo!  Who gives  a fuck!!  Woo hoo!  Yay!  Yes!  I can go back to be crazy ME.  Crazy, lunatical me who blows ppls minds left and right.  Tell myself alot of things and I can even believe it generally.  I force myself to make my words my reality.  And it works generally.  Sometimes, the bullshit just makes me want to slam my head through something large, solid that i know will shatter. 

I'm angry because its the same fucking old story.  Always this fucking way and i'm always fucking right and i'm sick of BEING right.  Angry, because i damn well know better then to believe in people.  Hasnt it been proven to me over and over and over again?  Angry because there is still abit left over that is preventing me from taking my natural course of things.  I'm angry because i'm left here hurt and bewildered not knowing which fucking way is up - yet having to pretend that the god damn world is made of roses.  Angry because when it comes down to it, with that one person, i cant keep fronting.  Angry because everything I want to say, where i dont have to beat around the bush i cant.  Because i'm not a stupid person and I know.. I just know.. some stupid plausible excuse for why things are the way they are will pop up.  Making how i feel uncalled for.  Angry cos this is all bullshit and I'm allowing it, putting up with it, because if gives just that slimmer of chance. 

Angry, because i cant adopt my cold, completely i dont give a fuck attitude with this situation.  Angry because i protected myself from situations like this my whole life and here i sit right in the damn middle of it being hurt beyond words that could even explain it.  And i'm ALLOWING IT.  How i've felt in the past weeks is uncomphrensible to even put into words.  Angry that i've got to protect myself from others in this state.  Because GOD knows as soon as ppl see a weak spot they go in for the kill.  They've already tried.

Angry cos as soon as i post this for some ungodly known reason, i'm going to go right back to pretending everything is okay.  That i dont care.  That i'm all right.  That life is lovely jubbly.  When really its the farthest thing from the truth.  Yeahhhhhhhhhhh i'm just gonna continue sitting here hating the world, my bed, my bedroom and ppl.  Angry cos i'm stuck.  For the first time in my life.. because of others.. my life.. and myself.  I'm stuck. 

yeah hows that for fucking angry. 


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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 3:46:04 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Do you need a sperm donor?

If so, lets talk off the board.

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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 3:56:00 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
Angry cos i'm stuck.
I suppose that your master has been away for a while now? I still wonder why he did not take you and your little one with him.
 
However that may be, why are you stuck? Isn't there some way to grow, to educate yourself, or to teach, or to be active? Hasn't your master provided you with a purpose, a task that you are qualified to accomplish to be achieved? One such goal might be to achieve tranquility through meditation or yoga.

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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 4:18:28 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
... What i'd like to do, is take a bat and just demolish my computer.  Well honestly I'd like to take a bat and just destroy my bedroom.  Why?  Cos I fucking want too... Woo hooo!


nahhhh... just move your computer out of your bedroom and spank the power switch when you get's angrrrr!




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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 4:28:16 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		rah i'm bored.  There is nothing to do but what i want to do and i cant do that.  pishaw.  Everything just doesnt quite take the cake.  So generally, like i said, i'm just sitting here being bored going........... gawwwwwwwwwd what should i do?  <sigh> Atleast if it had been sunny today i could of gone through a couple of waking hours reading a book and like ~not being here~  Rah.  While tanning.  Wooo hooo multie tasker. 

Sperm donor sperm donor?  Yeah well depeding on your genetic material......  you could uh go to a bank..

raaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  Rah, i'm fucking bored and nothing takes the care so i get to sit here thinking about one thing.

Where the fuck is HE and WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING THIS.  Since sunday night around 8 pm he sort of just went MIA.  Spoken to him 3 times.  Emailed twice from work with silly randomness telling me he loved me.  Literally, actually spoke to hiim on the phone yesterday.  Had emailed him that my grandmother was gonna be around and wants to meet him.  Well he hadnt been feeling well.....  would get back to me..... didnt so i called......... spoke to him...... no he cant......  Still fucking MIA.  Yet everything is lovely jubbly.  WTF is that? 

Emailed.. yeah i fucking emailed.. out my ass.. basically saying "you were the world, you left the world shattered, and now you want me to follow your rules while i start another life?"  HA! Thats retarded.  Follow some one elses rules thats like not even apart of my life?  Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever.  suck my butt. = )  Yet he never got back to me.. not suprising eh?  Flying blind!  Yeah so not even that he "left" he's like non existant.  And everyone can shut the fuck up that wants to start spouting i told you so.  Not that they ever did here.. but i've friends and i heard their words.  The running thought is he hasnt the guts to break up with me.  Could be could be.  Could be a test.  Could be anything with him.  But he's really got to stop it.  I'm going to lose my fucking mind and disapear into the world some where.  Not that it would be hard.  I'm fucking untracable when i want to be.  <sigh>  Not that really being untracable really matters.. but you never know.  The only thing thats stopped me in the past 2 years from just up and disappearing with my little one into the world to get away from all those around me is him.  Cos he walked into my life. 

i hate this.  Patience.  Patience to just sit, be chill and wait to see what the god damn outcome is.  Will it ever hurry up?

(in reply to Rule)
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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 4:31:10 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:


nahhhh... just move your computer out of your bedroom and spank the power switch when you get's angrrrr!


actually been thinking that top half of my desk i dont really neeeeeeeeed.......  Might be a service to myself.. could open up the room abit more....

edited to add......... wooo hoooo i found something to do... gonna go teach some one how to read


< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 6/11/2006 4:35:11 PM >

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 4:39:00 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		R u on drugs??????????
sorry cudnt resist lol.

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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 4:49:00 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		"Angry that i've got to protect myself from others in this state.  Because GOD knows as soon as ppl see a weak spot they go in for the kill.  They've already tried."

The trick here is to hide the weak spots. Then you create illusions of other weak spots. When they go for the fake weak spot "Ka BLAAMMM!!!" You have them in a concusion for raming there head into a brick wall.




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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 5:05:29 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		I...umm....what?

I havent understood a thing in reading this thread, someone wanna break it down for me?

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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 5:19:28 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I havent understood a thing in reading this thread, someone wanna break it down for me?

shhhhhhhhhhhh....there, there....it will be ok, she's just been off her meds for a bit. We're used to this, it will be ok soon.

*chucklez* at Riot........just go fucking break/throw something, it does a world of good.  It also breaks up the boredom.  By the way, if life is so bad dahlin'.......change it!   "Everyone" has choices.

~smilezz~

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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 9:13:51 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

I'm angry because i'm left here hurt and bewildered not knowing which fucking way is up - yet having to pretend that the god damn world is made of roses. 


RiotGirl...i didn't know you lived in my world...

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Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


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RE: What i'm angry about - 6/11/2006 10:46:00 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger

I...umm....what?

I havent understood a thing in reading this thread, someone wanna break it down for me?


What part of "RIOT" in RiotGirl do you not understand.

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Profile   Post #: 12
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