RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message


DesFIP -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 6:38:53 PM)

I haven't read all the pages so I don't know what's been said.

For what it's worth, The Man was absolutely thrilled to discover I had a lifelong interest and zero experience.

The bondage bottoms he had been meeting were always comparing him to their exes. He got really tired of hearing that he didn't do it the way they had. To a point where he suggested the last couple go back to their exes.

Had they not done this, it wouldn't have mattered to him.





slaveluci -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 7:26:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?





I haven't read six pages of replies but my first thought upon reading your question is: I think they want someone they can mold and not someone they have to deprogram/reprogram due to a former owner/dom/master/mistress, etc.

I think it's kind of why some guys like virgins. They want to be the initial or first and want to totally shape someone into what they want. Is this good/right? There's no definite answer to that. But that is definitely why I personally think they desire no former experience.......luci




slaveluci -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 7:32:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
If a 38 year old guy is only, or mainly interested in finding virgins to fuck... he's screaming "I'm terrible in bed, and I need to find somebody inexperienced enough not to realize that".
I'm nominating this for sunny's Quote of the Day.



That's one opinion. Mine is different. What if, to him, it screams "I like fucking a fresh new pussy that hasn't been fucked by anyone else ever!" Isn't that at least possible? Yeah. It is. And I think that's the case for some men..........luci




kalikshama -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 7:41:41 PM)

Any other readers of Memoirs of a Geisha being reminded of certain chapters? (I have no idea how the movie handled this.)




OsideGirl -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 7:42:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Any other readers of Memoirs of a Geisha being reminded of certain chapters? (I have no idea how the movie handled this.)


I had that same thought earlier today.




NefertariReborn -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 9:04:01 PM)

I'd have to agree with you. I like things new or very very gently used. Personal preference. I like what I like. Why should that need to be justified?




graceadieu -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 9:13:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


I'm sure that youth plays some part in this because it seems that by-and-large, we need a bit of life experience before we come to recognize/identify/to grips with who we are but, I can tell you that I have introduced a couple of ladies that are my senior by a few years to this lifestyle. So, it isn't strictly about age.


Oddly enough, it's been my observation that the older novices seem to fall for the predator easier than someone young. Maybe it's because the younger novices receive much more attention and have a larger playing field.


I wonder if it's also because a lot of older novices seem to be recent divorcees that are dating for the first time in 10 or 20 years. Some people in that situation can be a little desperate to prove to themselves that they've still "got it", and I think some people just kind of forget how casual dating works and what things are okay.




graceadieu -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 9:17:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

That's one opinion. Mine is different. What if, to him, it screams "I like fucking a fresh new pussy that hasn't been fucked by anyone else ever!" Isn't that at least possible? Yeah. It is. And I think that's the case for some men..........luci


Ugh, I don't know that that's any better. Is my pussy old and stale because I've had sex before? No, of course not. [>:]




Aswad -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 9:34:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It's their primary concern behind sex and being submissive.


This seems to be back into motives. I was more wondering if you're talking about people that have a preference, or people that are exclusively interested in the inexperienced ones, consistently.

IWYW,
— Aswad.





DNAHelicase -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 9:57:28 PM)

To all of those who say that you prefer somebody inexperienced because she (or he) can be shaped into anything you want, how does this translate into non-kinky aspects of a person? Do you go after any inexperienced person of the gender and d/s persuasion you favor, regardless of potential compatibility in areas outside of kink? Or do you only pursue people who share common interests and who have a personality you find enjoyable?

Before I say anything else, I think I ought to clarify the word "predator" that's being used in my reply. There are different types of predator. The one that seems to be most common (or at least most commonly seen in communities) is the sexual predator. There are also the predators who are dangerous and they know it but they seek to hide it; the ones who are using BDSM to find somebody to victimize by convincing him or her that all the abuse being inflicted on him or her is just good ol' BDSM fun and games; and if you want to call them predators, there are the people who are just out to use their partners for resources (money, a place to live, etc.). Each of these is going to have a very different MO. And that's saying nothing of all the people who are just fucked up emotionally who move from relationship to relationship, leaving a mess of a person behind each time. My prior posts and this one are primarily about sexual predators, though some of it overlaps with the ones who are dangerous and seek to mislead new people into thinking they're safe.

One of the hallmarks of all the sexual predators (and most of the dangerous/seeking to hide it predators) I've seen and read or heard about is their lack of choosiness. They really don't care what that inexperienced person's hobbies are because they don't intend to ever share in them. They really don't care if that inexperienced person shares similar ambitions and life goals because they don't intend from the start to be in that inexperienced person's life long enough for it to matter. They really don't care if that inexperienced person's personality is grating or otherwise unpleasing (to the predator) because the predator doesn't intend to spend much time talking with that inexperienced person.

So getting back to the questions I asked at the beginning of this response, the people who prefer inexperienced partners for whatever reason--ok, you have your reasons. I know a lot of people who like newbies for various reasons. I know a lot of people who flock to any new person who comes into our community because they've had no luck finding what they're looking for among the people who are already active in it. But if that new person isn't compatible with them because of vanilla interests, personalities, politics, whatever, they quickly switch to friends-only mode (or ignoring, if the clash is sizable enough) with the new person. One of the biggest differences between those people and predators is that those people don't go for *any* newbie. There has to be more of a match up than only that the person is new.

Edited to add that in case it isn't clear, I'm not saying anything bad about people who choose inexperienced partners for whatever reason. I know a lot of people personally who do, and I know their motives aren't sinister. As I said above, there's a difference in how predators, whose intent is to get as much booty as possible, go about pursuing newbies versus the people whose intent is to look for a relationship.




NefertariReborn -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/29/2012 10:12:35 PM)

I'm interested in new AND someone who shares My vanilla interests. That tends to not be mutually exclusive. If experienced works for you it doesn't need to be justified. Preferring someone who is new is not the same thing as being a sexual predator. There are sexual predators who will link up with the village slut I'm sure and then there are those who won't. The beauty of being this strange thing we call humans is that we can mix it up however we like and the combinations rock for the individual doing the swirling. Do you! Live and let live.




VaguelyCurious -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/30/2012 12:32:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Oddly enough, it's been my observation that the older novices seem to fall for the predator easier than someone young. Maybe it's because the younger novices receive much more attention and have a larger playing field.

I'm not sure if that's the reason - I do wonder if it's because we've grown up with much more of a (vague) cultural awareness of how this whole pony show is supposed to work, so when something doesn't ring true it's more noticeable(?)




Kana -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/30/2012 7:56:22 AM)

Kana wants to point out here that his initiation into BDSM came at the hands of a woman seven years older, with ten years experience including 3 as a full time TPE 24/7/365 lesbian slave.
And I am very very grateful that she took this newcomers under her wing and, ahem, showed him the ropes.





culareD -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/30/2012 8:07:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Kana wants to point out here that his initiation into BDSM came at the hands of a woman seven years older, with ten years experience including 3 as a full time TPE 24/7/365 lesbian slave.

And I am very very grateful that she took this newcomers under her wing and, ahem, showed him the ropes.





What Kana said...yet I will wait patiently for the right one.




Fullfilher -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/30/2012 10:24:19 AM)

LOL - That was great.




Whenready -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/30/2012 3:05:37 PM)

Spacespank I think said it best: intent matters.

I've started to respond 3 or 4 times but been unable to explain the difference in a way that is clear. A predator abusing - for want of a better term "fresh meat" can LOOK exactly the same as someone being welcoming. I do agree with some of the caveats given above - isolation is a warning flag. I think plural is key too... it suggests to me that the singular submissive isn't of herself important to that dom, but that her behaviour pattern is.

I DO get a kick out of being the first to open the door so to speak: "wow... I never knew it could be like that....." but I don't select FOR that purpose, and therein, I believe, lies the difference.




kiwisub12 -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/30/2012 3:40:21 PM)

Yep - i agree with that. And for me- i have had a grand total of two doms in a 7 year history of being into BDSM. And i had the "wow... I never knew it could be like that..." with both of them. They both have completely different styles and interests, so for me, it was like being a newbie all over again. [:D] and at 54, you gotta love that!




LizDeluxe -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/31/2012 2:58:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
I haven't read six pages of replies but my first thought upon reading your question is: I think they want someone they can mold and not someone they have to deprogram/reprogram due to a former owner/dom/master/mistress, etc.


+1





littlewonder -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/31/2012 3:23:36 PM)

I can understand why some would be attracted to virgins. With a virgin you are getting fresh, clean, no one to compare you to, not having a ton of sexual baggage, etc....and easier to train to do things.

I haven't been new to bdsm in over 20 years and it shows. Master has had to try and wipe some slates clean because I was attached to how things were done in the past by others. There are times he gets a little frustrated with it as well. Sometimes I wish I was new again and I wouldn't have the baggage that I have now.




SimplyMichael -> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced (8/31/2012 3:46:27 PM)

The sort of intelligent grounded women I like dont tend to remain in the scene for long so I have dated more than,a few newbies. I have also dated some REALLY experienced people. Frankly, I dont care about their experience level, I know I can rock their world.

Bottom line, I subcribe to the "campfire rule"...leave em better than you found em!




Page: <<   < prev  3 4 5 [6] 7   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875