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LadyPact -> RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? (2/26/2013 6:30:38 AM)
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ORIGINAL: TAFKAA
That's the entire point. I doubt you could find one on this board. It's simply not a focus or consideration.
I have reason to believe you could find a number of threads on these boards regarding how important clip's physical and mental well being are to Me.
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Links to what? Dommes on CollarMe talking about their duty of care or their responsibility toward their male sub? See if you can find half a dozen. I'd be surprised if you could.
I could probably find half a dozen on My own that have been written in the last week. I'd be surprised if you've never seen any of them. That purple font tends to make them stand out. [;)]
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I didn't discuss your ethics - I discussed your focus. If you examine the conversations of Dommes on this board, actual acceptance of and consideration of their responsibility toward their male subs is so sparse as to be non-existent.
Let's split the difference on this one. You see this place about as much as I do, at least since your return. You can't possibly think that every male who checks that Dominant box has the same standards as you, correct? I know what happens in My dynamic. There's no way I'm going to speak for everybody else.
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I don't have any information on that, so I couldn't possibly make a judgement - however the real question is, do you think it's possible for you to abuse him? All further consideration hinges upon this point. When abuse is discussed in this place, it is almost exclusively male - and almost exclusively heterosexual male at that. Dommes who abuse their male subs never appear to enter the discussion. Now why do you think that is?
Does the possibility exist that I could toss My ethics and standards out of the window and potentially become abusive? Yes. I think anybody in a position of power has to admit that. Looking at Myself, I can't imagine Me doing that or what could get Me to that point except maybe a mental incapacity.
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That's a fair point and you could argue I don't have sufficient direct exposure to the community to make that judgement.
Except.... the first point is that both here and on Fetlife, abuse is an exclusively male domain. Stories aplenty of dishonorable Doms... nary a whisper about dishonourable Dommes. Are we to believe that only men have the capacity to abuse their subs?
Second is that it's not a question of whether female Dominants are NEVER barred, but if they're barred in equal numbers to men. Unless you'd like to contend that men and women abuse at different rates, at which point we're back to agency being a predominantly male capability.
I think to examine it properly, we also have to look at the number of M/f dynamics in comparison to the number of F/m dynamics. Since the former is greater than the latter, even with all things being equal, you'd automatically have more Doms than Dommes that cross into abuse territory. Same thing goes with the number of male tops (and I'm including fantasists in this category) compared to female tops. You're not going to get an equal number because there's no 50/50 in the demographics.
I'd be remiss if I didn't throw this out there as well. We're both pulling our immediate thoughts on this issue when primarily looking at the straight community. There's also the LGBT community to consider. Studies have shown that the rate of abuse actually goes up among same sex couples.
If you seriously want to talk about areas of discrepancies about male and female tops, there are some areas that I'll give you. One of those would be that the community does tend to be more forgiving of women than of men when it comes to inexperience. Any chick with a toy that doesn't know how to use it, screws up, and hurts somebody does tend to be forgiven quicker than if they are male. (That drives Me nuts, personally, but I have to admit it's out there.) Men receive much more flack for saying they want to do x, y, z but they don't know how to do it than when a woman comes along with a similar situation. A brand new female who proclaims she's a Mistress doesn't hear even a tenth of what a brand new male does when he comes along and labels himself a Master. All of these are related to the numbers game (meaning plenty of male Dominants and far fewer female Dominants) and personally, I find it very distasteful.
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Wider considerations require a wider view. Most people don't possess that. Listening to them spout bullshit which doesn't even begin to consider the implications of what they're saying is both wearying and worrying. It suggests a community with its head firmly in the fucking sand.
The problem with this part is that it's not up to the community to determine what is and what is not abusive. The only real person who can determine that is the s-type in their own dynamic. We have to figure in consent (which can be really tough when we start talking about dynamics that are consent/non consent based) and the parameters of any individual dynamic. I could take a quick look across the forums and come up with some names of s-types who, if I put them in clip's place for a week, may just say that I was abusive. (There's a few that would probably love the hell out of Me, but that's besides the point.)
By that criteria, you can't say that the s-types who are involved in these situations are being abused. They are engaging in these activities of their own free will AND voluntarily continue to do so. You can say all you like about how you may think that they don't really want to but feel that they have to. That doesn't really go that far with Me because I'm not of the mind that submission is about the s-type liking or wanting to always do what the D-type says all of the time. Unusual circumstances not withstanding, if the male D-type walks into the house and wants a blow job, how much the s-type "wants to" may not necessarily matter if the dynamic is obedience based.
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