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LadyPact -> RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? (3/1/2013 10:56:01 PM)
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I'm going to need a little bit of leniency tonight in sentence structure and such. I had some oral surgery and the dentist was good enough to provide Me with a number of happy pills.
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ORIGINAL: TAFKAA
No, it's merely something I never see and since I don't read that board, that would explain why.
See, I would have thought differently of the situation because I don't restrict My comments to just that board. Even the folks down in Politics and Religion probably could have told you that one.
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I had to laugh there. That was me being overly impressed with my own cleverness. The statement about desperation was deliberately vague and ambiguous to allow interpretation by the reader. You chose to interpret it as a statement about you and other Dommes - when the genesis of the thought actually derives from the legendary obsequiousness of the male submissive ("Please Mistress, beat me with a hose pipe while I dip my penis in lard and set fire to my genitals with a cigarette lighter")
Here's how I do this. Pretty much, if we get to the point where we're quoting each other, I figure we're addressing each other. This is where it becomes a conversation within a conversation. That means that I don't take pot shots at you for some of the dumb f*ck things that come up from certain male dumbinants that show up around here and I'd like the same consideration. Like you, I'm certainly not going to take responsibility for some of the one hit wonder crap that shows up on the internet.
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This is backward. You're using a response about your own behaviour and implying it goes the same for all other Dommes - I'm saying your own responses don't imply they behave similarly. Sheesh woman, pay attention, I'm saying there's no evidence you're typical in this regard.
I'm actually going to take that as a compliment. Thank you.
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No. I tend to read what has the potential to be interesting. So you could argue there's a self-selection criteria operating which sees me ignore femdom threads but it doesn't change the fact that I constantly see femdoms stressing their right to agency without speaking a word which notes their duty of care.
All right. That's actually fair.
Let's see if we can come to a meeting of the minds on this. I'm sure that we can agree that neither gender has a pass on this. There are males who label themselves as Dominant just to get laid (the famous 'why hasn't Master called' threads) and women who do the same for whatever it is that they are after. Not every member of either gender is entirely honorable in this area.
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No issue provided their profile doesn't self-identify as pay for play. I've pointed out multiple times that if they were genuine they should have absolutely no problem with using a non-commercial profile on the boards but they're too dishonest to acknowledge the fact that they don't want to do that because the boards are a venue for their advertising.
The closest that I can come to this one is to discuss My own opinions. I'm honestly *not* in favor of the multiple profile thing for each facet of a person's identity. That would be like you suggesting that I keep a separate profile for presenting. Now, I want you to keep in mind that I'm not a 'name' and I don't get paid to present. However, I do present under this name and this name only. When people want to contact Me regarding that, this is how they find Me. If I created some random name like "PactsPresentations" it wouldn't do much good.
I tend to want to ask if you've really thought the multiple profile thing through? Geez, I'd have an individual profile, a couple profile for the D/D marriage, a poly household profile, a presenter's profile, and if we really got picky, a profile for the candle thing. (Before you even go there, I sell those at cost.) Would you want to have to keep up with all of that?
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It's pretty simple - they have an option to engage on a fair and equitable level like everyone else but they run screaming from the prospect because they're fundamentally dishonest and lack integrity. If they were only here to participate in the community they would have NO trouble using a non-commercial profile in which they didn't identify as findome or prodomme but their unwillingness to do so is damning. What exactly is hard to understand about this? It seems pretty blatantly fucking obvious that if they had no intention to exploit the boards for commercial gain they'd be willing to separate their commercial/professional and personal interactions. Their refusal to do so speaks volumes.
OK, I actually think I covered this. You just can't label everyone within a category the same. You can't even label the whole financial Domination thing the same. I've said repeatedly on this thread that clip isn't free from My having control of his money. When I tell him no, he can't spend more than a certain amount on Me, that's still financial Domination. If I say I don't have any cash on hand but we need x, y, z from the store, so put money in My hand for milk and eggs, guess what? That's financial Domination, too.
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No, dommes seem to operate on the idea that whatever they want goes because they have a constant need to demonstrate they're in charge. And likewise, the notion that only women can be victims plays into the dangerous idea that a domme is permitted to do anything she likes to her sub because he's a man. It's misandry masquerading as power exchange.
Babe, if you honestly think I have to continually prove that I'm in charge, you've got Me confused with someone else.
I refuse to sit here and say that only women are victims. I'd really hope that you would know Me better than that.
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The notion that a Dom has a duty of care to his sub is entrenched in culture of the kink community. I see no indication whatsoever that dommes believe likewise. There seems to be a lot of shouting and self-indulgence.
Again, you're forgetting who you are talking to. I'm a leather chick and one of the reasons that I identify as such is because I don't do that male/female bullshit. I don't get a free pass because I have tits. If I did, I wouldn't want it.
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You've gotta be kidding me - what kind of woman would have such low self-esteem and lack of self-respect? Mind, you - standards I guess.
Regardless, I've never seen a pimp openly declaring himself, nor do we see threads entitled "Is pimping a legitimate form of D/s?".
I don't consider that low self respect. You've got to work with Me here. I know that you're a monogamous guy. As such, I don't expect you to have an interest in certain kinks and/or levels of obedience.
Earlier in the exchange, you admitted that you didn't look at what did not interest you. I don't have the focus of mind to go searching for threads just now. You'll have to take My word for it or wait until Monday when I can do the research.
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What, you think the sub floating in subspace should be deciding this? You're ignoring the reality that - like it or not - those judgements are already being performed. In a very real sense, your society decides - your peer-driven society. And what I'm pointing out - which you're conveniently skipping - is that it should be a society of kink-aware professionals because they're going to grant you more latitude than your easily-horrified vanilla peers.
My 'peer driven society' doesn't really come into this until one of a few things happens. One would be the authorities showing up at My door. Another would be that I drag it into the public play space.
Again, I'm a leather chick. We're kind of strict about what happens in public play spaces. On the other side, which I'll give you, we tend to keep our noses out of what happens within a household's own four walls. What I mean by that is, if I punish clip, it's within My authority and will be handled within My household. It's not anybody else's business unless we make it so.
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So the answer is: The kink community itself. The kink community needs to learn and demonstrate responsibility before a kink-gone-wrong case makes its way to the circuit court or higher and we end up with a legal precedent which makes life very fucking difficult.
In this country, it already has.
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Given that subs enter into a power dynamic which immediately impacts their choice - both that dynamic and the lead-up to it have the potential to erode that choice to the point where it becomes moot. And given the extensive dysfunction you see in this community it should be clear there are many subs within it whose "competency" - to use your term - is clearly compromised.
So, what shall we do? Shall we have a review board? This is the problem.
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Added to that is the realisation that self-determination is influenced by a host of factors and it is NOT sacrosanct in our society. In fact, I question the very notion of free will because there's a half-decent change it's pretty much an illusion. Consequently, social feedback is the most appropriate mechanism to ensure checks and balances. There's far too much "well this is our business" kind of bullshit - your relationship and your sexual predilections are your own business but when you take a blade to your sub, you've now extended what you're doing into the area of risk and your society has an absolute right to know that your risk-taking is done with both competency and good intentions on your part.
But, in My case, My 'society' does know. It knows by the public and private education that I've done on the matter. It knows by My words and My deeds. It knows by My study and research in aftercare regarding the wound. I'm not a hack. Even you don't believe that.
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You're forgetting that laws are a consequence of many things including social mores which have the potential to be disturbed by some kink activities. And laws alone are insufficient because all it takes is legal precedent which impacts your play and you're fucked anyway.
Yes! This is why I think folks should keep up with what is happening in other cases.
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No, you allow social feedback to provide you with a constant sense of the appropriateness or level of danger in what you're doing. Given you're not adverse to public play, it seems odd for you to be adverse to community scrutiny of your risk-based behaviour.
Dude! Leather person, remember?
I think we have a disconnect on this. I'm not adverse to any scrutiny from My peers. For us, that's part of the process.
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You're misunderstanding the point. It's about abuse that's enabled by emotional attachment and a subs inability to separate themselves from that abuse. Casual play situations don't fall into that category as it seems pretty clear the sub wouldn't be coming back.
I would actually enjoy a discussion with you regarding internal enslavement. I think picking your brain on the matter would be quite interesting.
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If that's what you think then you haven't paid attention at all. I'm arguing that dominants have responsibility and idiot women-children who think that sucking money out of men is a dominant kink-based practice instead of a parasitical exploitation of the weak are simply avoiding looking at themselves in the mirror.
I don't know about this. You're lumping the whole thing together as though thirty bucks (equated to a simple flogging) is the same as draining someone for three grand that they can't afford (equated to an extensive cutting). Let's even say that the latter is being done by somebody who doesn't give a fuck about what happens afterwards. If I'm not getting the message, explain it to Me.
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I think spending it at a strip club is just as stupid as spending it on a findomme. Strippers also exploit lonely men. Are you arguing that lonely men who pay strippers for attention are merely indulging in something? Or is it perhaps they're trying to fulfill a need in an ultimately unsatisfying fashion and that doing so ultimately prevents them from doing the necessary work on themselves to build a life with a great woman in it?
It's both and everything inbetween. Are you quite sure that you aren't missing that?
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I could probably find half a dozen subs on here who'd be happy to be pimped out. I'm not interested because I'd be exploiting their damaged psyches and worsening their situation. Such behaviour is antithetical to the notion of dominance and the corresponding duty of care, yet findommes do the exact same thing and try and call it a kink.
Let's talk about this for a second. No, you wouldn't because you want to own the pussy and in your mind, ownership of such means that it is only yours. To Me, it's because I own the whole person and I own My sexuality and his. My authority takes over his preference. My will becomes his own. See, your will doesn't want that. Mine does.
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It's called "ethics" LadyPact. I has them.
And you can't say for a moment that I don't. You may not like some of them, but you can't deny that they aren't there.
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Your coloring makes this much harder than it has to be. You're going to hell for that, I'm sure of it.
I could say the same thing about that damn indenting paragraph habit that you have.
In the meantime, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to hell for a lot of things. Purple font ain't one of them.
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