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Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some input - 8/30/2012 5:11:45 AM   
DavieCakes


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Hi guys, this is my first kinky post on the internet despite being fairly well versed in the culture. Over the past couple months my girlfriend and I have found that we really like the d/s dynamic and despite her being pretty shy about what she really likes I managed to get her to fess up about her love of bathroom control (having to ask permission, being watched, etc.). I also like the new control aspect that this brings to our life but I am looking for ways to expand on it. Of all the sub stuff that makes her tingle this particular aspect really strikes a naughty nerve with her and she enjoys it a great amount and I want to nurture that curiosity.

We are very very open with each other and communicate very well but she doesn't like to specifically state fantasies or scenes because she says it kills the "unknown" factor for her, which I completely understand...So here I am, asking the internet :)

On that note we have struggled to find a..."character"? for me to play when we are in a scene. She has a lot of "little girl" in her and she says that she loves when I am the authority figure but she specifically said she doesn't want a "daddy" or what not.

Thanks for any input I get ladies and gents!
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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 8/30/2012 5:59:22 AM   
SpaceSpank


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You don't need her to state specific fantasies/scenes. But you should both be able to talk about the types of things you both enjoy about it.

There are a lot of potential authority figures, but many of them are very different form each other. Prisoner/guard, teacher/student, babysitter/babysat, doctor/patient, boss/employee, and others. Those are just the ones that popped into my head really quickly as "established" roles that may have some level of authority and in some cases a nurturing/guiding factor.

But once you know things about what she wants like strict rules, discretion, being taboo, etc. You can really refine what you then choose it to be based on mutual interests.

(in reply to DavieCakes)
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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 8/30/2012 10:21:21 AM   
BambiBoi


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Daviecakes,

I am gathering that despite being "fairly well versed" in kink, you and your girlfriend do not practice much BDSM in the home, yet. Other than your being steeped in the traditions of WIITWD, do either of you have experience in the field? You come across as smart, attuned, and aware but she comes across (through your post) as skittish about what she is doing, notwithstanding that she is doing it. How often, how much kink is going on at home?

I don't know if you're seeking more ideas to capitalize on her sharing about bathroom play, or in general. Regarding bathroom play, I would do the following.

1) Deny her from time to time, for just a short while. Health risks of holding it need not be approached. Maybe just until she does the pee-dance.
2) Make the experience more different from normal. You could time her. Maybe I'm a weird nerd, but there's something kinky about measurements. Not long ago I was measured in every way you could use a measuring tape. Every. Single. Way. Maybe they are planning to tailor me a gimp suit... I digress. A stopwatch for how long it takes her to evacuate puts an objective coldness, that she might enjoy. On the other side of the spectrum, hold her and pet her hair as she goes.
3) Set up a schedule. This is kind of like the above, but knowing she'll have to produce between 8:00 and 8:07 every day might bring a flicker to her eye. I don't know, because I don't know her. But many submissives enjoy discipline, even if they resist it.

Regarding your "character" in play: Do you have well identified roles? Are you the dominant because you enjoy seeing your will manifested in this realm or because you enjoy exploring kinks with the woman you love, but her restive nature requires you to dominate?

What can you do to make it easier to help you? Data, data, data. I cannot make bricks without clay!

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 8/30/2012 10:53:38 AM   
DavieCakes


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Thanks for the input guys, some more info...

We aren't actively in the community or anything, it's strictly an occasional thing we do to spice up the bedroom. I have personally been kinky for as long as I can remember but the current lady friend is the first that is open enough to experiment and try new things. We have a very clear ritual so we both know when and when we are not in scene and for the most part it's been a blast.

The "what character am I" question came up because she has said that she can't stay in subspace with me just randomly doing kinky things, we basically need a story line or the like.

The hottest thing I ever heard from her? When we were just starting to get rough in bed I grabbed her neck and she stopped, looked at me and said very sternly - "Choking is a hard limit". Turns out she read the 50 shades trilogy in like 2 weeks. Whoda thunkit.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 8/31/2012 8:09:46 AM   
xssve


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A toughie, it probably does have to do with some early experience she probably doesn't even remember, around which she formed these associations. These fantasies can be nebulous, so the character might be nebulous as well, in fact, some time it's better that way, since the fantasy may have little to do with the initial triggering experience, if that makes sense, it's taken on a life and dimensions far beyond anything that actually occurred.

In practical terms, potty training is a for a lot of people the one time that their genitalia is not ignored or marginalized, but sort of becomes the center of attention, so to speak, when otherwise it's supposed to be kept tightly wrapped, out of sight and out of mind, and the bathroom itself is the one place where it's appropriate to display your genitalia, as opposed to the bedroom where its not considered appropriate until much later. It's actually pretty fraught with symbolism, my first sexual experience was in a bathroom, and children are typically fascinated with the stuff that comes out of their bodies, it's the first act of creation in a way, at a time when the whole notion of sex is itself just a nebulous concept years from being pinned down as anything specific in the conscious mind.

More of a frisson, or a "tingle", as you say.

So - try to figure out what other stimulus is associated, the character is symbolic, and there are most likely other symbols associated with it, even if it's a pair shoes, or an article of clothing, is praise or humiliation involved, etc. - i.e., there might be a certain combination of words, sounds, visual stimuli etc. associated with it that unlocks her defenses, and helps define the character.

Also, to what extent is touch involved, it may be a good time to explore object play, as this is a more common type of genital stimulus, chances are good some object or objects touches your genitalia long before any digital or other manipulation occurs, or at least something in between that prevents skin to skin contact, try wearing rubber gloves or something maybe.

Just using a switch or something to lightly touch her etc., just a thought, and it might lead to something else, as it seems this largely a form of foreplay for you both.

Hope this doesn't violate the TOS, but I believe there is a reason people often have very strong reactions to any kind of bathroom play, one way or the other, and I don't know that there is a standard there other than convincing you to stop doing it in your pants for purely practical reasons, but for better or worse, for the reasons described above, a lot of early sexual associations are formed there.


< Message edited by xssve -- 8/31/2012 8:14:53 AM >


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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 9/1/2012 3:32:51 AM   
JanahX


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I suggest you put on a cape and play Batman.

quote:

On that note we have struggled to find a..."character"? for me to play when we are in a scene. She has a lot of "little girl" in her and she says that she loves when I am the authority figure but she specifically said she doesn't want a "daddy" or what not.

Thanks for any input I get ladies and gents!


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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 9/1/2012 1:25:08 PM   
BambiBoi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

I suggest you put on a cape and play Batman.

quote:

On that note we have struggled to find a..."character"? for me to play when we are in a scene. She has a lot of "little girl" in her and she says that she loves when I am the authority figure but she specifically said she doesn't want a "daddy" or what not.

Thanks for any input I get ladies and gents!





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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 9/2/2012 7:22:18 AM   
Muttling


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I would suggest trying a non-specific role for yourself. You can just be the generic strong and dominant male figure. Calling her little girl or young lady when in scene will set the mood well without the need for you having a named title/ role.

It's really not uncommon for submissives (including myself) to enjoy the authority figure aspect, but also have the mommy/daddy thing turn us off.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 9/2/2012 9:46:17 AM   
Aswad


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavieCakes

The "what character am I" question came up because she has said that she can't stay in subspace with me just randomly doing kinky things, we basically need a story line or the like.


Do you have any overarching storyline that runs through the rest of it? Any particular genres you prefer?

The prison thing seems like a decent idea if she likes being uncomfortable and being subjected to a regimented style while in character.

Figure out how often she needs to go, then set up a schedule that won't make for a crisis if she misses a visit to the bathroom, but which will make it unpleasant not to "perform" when she's there. This depends on what her bladder etc is like. Start out with a patdown and then march her off to the bathroom, locking the door like there's other "inmates" in the "prison". Do the strip down and turn around thing, like inspection. Watch her "impatiently" while she goes, then a fixed procedure for wiping and washing up after, with another inspection to "check" that she's done it "properly". Depending on style, this inspection can be up close and personal, or a turn around thing.

Bring a clip pad with a notebook, or ideally a form you've made on the computer. Write things down, like the time she went, the duration of the stay (or even the time the different parts of it took, all depending on what works), and so forth. Make sure she's wiping the seat when she's done so you can sign off on the condition of the bathroom when you leave. The pad can even hang by the door, if it's made inconspicuously or taken down when you have guests. Maybe throw in a fake "security camera", if there's a good spot for it and it works for you guys.

If it fits your style, occasionally turn the "camera" off with an evil grin after inspection, commenting about how the "other guards" can't see anything with it off, and how you'll need her to be a nice girl and not make a fuss since you don't have a lot of time before someone comes to check what's going on, then "take advantage of the prisoner" in a rough way that gets you off quickly and leaves her just stimulated enough to want more before you make her clean up again, put on her clothes and come with you. Essentially, a roleplay prison rape that happens only occasionally and is unpredictable in that sense. (It's probably a good idea to actually get her off properly later, or even just once you're done. Read her signals closely if that's the sort of thing she doesn't want to "ruin the surprise" by talking about.)

Really, it all depends on what kind of roleplay she prefers, and what scope it has. If you're going in and out of character over the course of a day, the schedule thing can work. If you're in character only for a scene when you both feel like it, then a schedule is just going to feel silly. If you're into the whole costumes and setting bit, you'll have to factor a fair bit of time for it; which may be excellent if you're not doing a schedule, because it means there will be a delay between her asking permission and actually getting to go. If she wants to keep sex out of it, then you'll possibly not want to try the "corrupt guard" thing, while if she wants to have it in there, you might want to do it often.

For another suggestion: drug testing. In sports and the like, you actually have someone standing there, keeping an eye on you as you do the whole sample in midstream thing to make sure you're not delivering a clean sample from someone else when you're being tested. That procedure is pretty well documented, and I'm pretty sure I saw a video clip of it during the Olympics as some reporter decided to see what it was like.

We don't know the two of you well enough to suggest in detail what will work, but you probably get the idea: consider situations where such control might occur, or at least not be too incredible, and figure out how they might conceivably work. If you're open to other genres, you get more options on the range of situations that are possible. If you have some overarching storyline or idea or theme that you work with, it's probably best to build on that. Otherwise, find anything that might work. If you can, discover where or when her idea runs back to, so that you can draw on the source of her interest.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



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"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to DavieCakes)
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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 9/5/2012 6:01:28 PM   
xssve


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Muttling

I would suggest trying a non-specific role for yourself. You can just be the generic strong and dominant male figure. Calling her little girl or young lady when in scene will set the mood well without the need for you having a named title/ role.

It's really not uncommon for submissives (including myself) to enjoy the authority figure aspect, but also have the mommy/daddy thing turn us off.

Yeah, I'm a little lukewarm on the whole daddy thing myself, although to be fair, I don't think anybody is genuinely confused, parents are symbols as well as actual people, and I'm pretty sure it's the symbolic aspect involved there.

The only other authority figure that comes to mind would be teachers, although for the most part their role was confined to telling you whether you could go or not.

I dunno, the whole business strikes me as overthinking it, I'm the goddamn authority figure, now PISS!

Simon didn't say take your pants down, lol.

There ya go, Simon Says.

Just trying to be helpful.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/5/2012 12:41:08 AM   
DavieCakes


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We have been doing some more exploring and it seems like she generally falls in to a "little girl" mode when we are doing our bathroom play stuff, she looks so cute when she sitting on the toilet going "pleaseeee sir can i peee". She said that it isn't about humiliation and instead is about loving the feeling of really intimate control. What is the cookie cutter "fantasy" for the LG bunch? If it helps she really likes being punished, spanked, told what to do, etc.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/5/2012 5:50:17 AM   
autumnember


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Daddy (which she has already stated she isnt into), uncle, priest, teacher, babysitter, brother? these are a few roles you could take on but really if she wants to be little then you can be damn near anything as long as you treat her as such.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/5/2012 9:48:47 AM   
RemoteUser


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If you're feeling particularly cruel, make her take a bottle of water to the bathroom with her. Tell her she has to drink it before she's allowed to go, and then couple that with time limits: you drank too slow, you're not allowed to pee; or, you'll take ten minutes drinking that, if you pee before then, then (insert funishment here).

Little girls love many things. There's lots to play off of there. If she really wants fulfillment she'll talk in more detail with you about how she wants her little treated while on the potty. You can never go wrong with communication.

Have fun!


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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/5/2012 9:57:25 AM   
SimplyMichael


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Based on what you wrote, I think a teacher/babysitter/even older brother would probably be perfect, key is to try them and throw em away if they don't work. What is important is the connection between you two, not the "roles".

The reason I say that is people develop their fetishes from somewhere...and the closer you get to that, the hotter things are...plus stuff changes as you play with them. I for one could not stand saying "good girl" years ago, made me feel seriously icky, now I very much had a "daddy" side to myself.

So the key is to find a role that resonates with BOTH of you...

As an aside, since YOU control when she lets go...experiment with making her stand outside and order her to let go while fully clothed. Depending on how her kink goes, it could be seriously hot...or not.

Another one is on a rainy day...have her wet herself in public since nobody can tell why she is drenched.

Oh, piss play...such a world of hotness awaits you!

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 10/5/2012 9:59:00 AM >

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/6/2012 9:27:48 AM   
autumnember


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hmm i like the way your mind works SimplyMichael

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/6/2012 3:00:12 PM   
crazyml


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<tips hat>

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/12/2012 11:06:23 AM   
DavieCakes


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Bumping for more expertise. I am not sure if she wants to venture into "official" age play or if the bathroom stuff is just a really hot button for her as a form of control. What makes me think that the pee play is getting in a bit deeper (and therefore hotter as was mentioned) is that when we are doing normal dom/sub stuff she behaves like an obedient submissive. Standing with arms crossed behind her back, taking very clear orders, proper addressing of me, etc, but once that need to piss creeps up on her it's very rapid shift into a young/cute/pleading character, her voice even gets "younger". We obviously talk about all of this a fair amount and we know communication is key, I just like to bounce ideas around here first as the insight has been very valuable.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/13/2012 4:30:04 AM   
ClassAct2006


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I think she wants you in charge enforcing things which will be why she did not want to be telling you what you should do and I can understand that position. I don't mind giving ideas but I don't want to feel or be in charge.

On the choking incident I think you need to talk to her about limits generally as there may be others.

On the bathroom control obviously learn what you need to know to safeguard her health. Then do what you like. That for me is the key. If someone is doing something I like I don't feel submissive. If he's imposing his own needs on me then it works. SO what would you like? You like the feeling of controlling her. You could make her ask before she urinates for a start. You could make her drink quite a lot of water before you meet and not let her go until you say. Would she like you to urinate over her or even make her drink it?

You might want to get some ideas from one of the stories in this http://www.saxon-web.co.uk/lit/htm/yellow/yellow.htm I cannot remember which chapter is on that.

On what to call you I don't like daddy either although I like to feel someone is better than I am, in charge, leading me (which is why if they are worse than I am at everything it's hard to feel sub in a relationship), a paternalistic dynamic. I cannot work out if you both want to play in bed only but not otherwise have you in charge of her and for me it has to be the latter. I can't just play. If you think it could extend more widely then start taking more control generally in the relationship.

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RE: Sub GF is really into bathroom control - need some ... - 10/14/2012 1:42:58 PM   
DavieCakes


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I am also trying to determine if I should push controlling/monitoring "#2" activities as well. I think deep down she wants it but is embarrassed to openly admit it. That specific item came up on a check list and it was a "?" for her meaning "not sure, would have to try it" instead of her marking it as a hard or soft limit. Anyone have any input?

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