tsatske
Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
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I'm not sure, from your post, if you met abusers, or just people with differant tastes, with whom you aren't a good match, and with whom you did not communicate well. What I like at playtime might be ligetimately like abuse to you. you have to do a lot of talking and negotating before you play, and make sure you are on the same page. Some subs actually don't like pain at all, they just like to serve, and that's all right too.
And, as Alecta said, get to a munch. It's the best thing you can do. And when meeting people from online - you will get better at it, with time, knowing what questions to ask. I could tell you what questions I think are good ideas, but others here would disagree. It's rather personal, what works for you.
Personally, I don't play with someone the first several times we meet. I had one Dom on here ask me out, our timing was off, and in the couple of weeks it took to find time together, he decided I was too much of a prude, becasue we weren't going to play together. He's entitled to seek what he wants, it's just that he and I aren't a good match. So we aren't going to meet after all. I also don't meet, or continue talking, to someone who can't carry on a non-sexual conversation. I ask general getting to know you questions, making it clear I am looking for non-sexual answers, like, 'What sorts of vanilla things do you enjoy?' If their answers are about sex anyway, and continue to be (some guys are good at answer any question with a sexual answer) than he is not a good match for me.
As time goes on, you will become more and more clear on what you want, and that helps. I know what I want - a best friend first, a relationship second, and slavery built on that. Anyone not willing to do the work to establish the first two parts, or in too much of a hurry, is just not a good match for me.
None of these things that make someone not a good match for me make them a bad person or a bad dom or an abuser. I just wish them luck in their search and carry on. Good luck to you, too.
_____________________________
“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote
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RE: frustrated - 
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