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How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct head? - 9/1/2012 12:17:04 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		I sometimes run across men that I would like to spend time with, but in my head I know that I will be courting disaster by getting involved. I have found various local guys that are compatible with me in certain important ways, yet there are things about them that scream "Stay away, and don't touch with a ten foot pole!"

For example, I could meet an attractive, smart, submissive guy who might be fun to play with, but he's young and immature. Not only is he not relationship material, but from experience I know it's likely that even as a FWB I would be in for disappointment.

For another example, I could meet an attractive, smart, submissive guy who happens to be in the middle of an ugly divorce and custody battle (and yes, I also have a pretty damn strict rule about dating men with kids).

Such guys are bad news, and I am well aware of it. Sometimes, though, when I am bored and horny, temptation rears its ugly head. Do you ladies experience this? If so, how do you compel yourself to make the right decisions?
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 12:31:01 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's amazingly easy. Dealing with the personal fallout of not having random fun can be less simple.

Maybe it's a factor of age? When I was in my 30's I was much more willing to court disaster.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Baroana)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 12:51:19 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Not a woman, but I date nilla, and/or get an intense-but-therapeutic massage, so my body feels snuggled and touched.

For me at least, the urge, when single, is not just sexual, and jacking off doesn't solve everything. But masturbation and some physical contact is enough so that I don't make stupid relationship decisions.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 12:56:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I was single and bored and horny, I just found something else to do to relieve the boredom and horniness....go for a walk, get together with friends, pull out a book, work on projects that needed to be done. The horniness and boredom get replaced with other activities.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:05:38 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		It's always been very easy for me.

I have a habit of 'thinking ahead'. "What will be the best case scenario if I do this and what could be the worst case scenario?" "Am I willing to risk the worst case scenario to maybe have the best?" "What are the odds?"

Most everything to do with worst case scenarios involves other people. If the potential collateral damage is all me, then it's pretty much a non issue. I am strong and able to survive most anything, especially of the emotional variety. There's not much I haven't faced in my 50 years. But if the potential for trouble is for those I love and especially if the potential for awesomeness is only for me........I am almost always going to play it safe.

I am one of those people that is just very protective of the people I love. I have a huge 'responsiblity' issue. I won't ever sacrifice the happiness/health/wellness/safety of the people I care about, for my own selfish interests.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Baroana)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:09:46 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's amazingly easy. Dealing with the personal fallout of not having random fun can be less simple.


As in, like, just say no?


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Maybe it's a factor of age? When I was in my 30's I was much more willing to court disaster.


Yeah? I have a bad tendency to think of myself as really old even in my mid-30's. Maybe that's one reason why I take an "I'm too old for this shit" attitude about these types of guys.


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:10:56 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not a woman, but I date nilla, and/or get an intense-but-therapeutic massage, so my body feels snuggled and touched.

For me at least, the urge, when single, is not just sexual, and jacking off doesn't solve everything. But masturbation and some physical contact is enough so that I don't make stupid relationship decisions.



Not sure what you mean by dating nilla. Doesn't that entail just as much train wreck potential?

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:12:11 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

When I was single and bored and horny, I just found something else to do to relieve the boredom and horniness....go for a walk, get together with friends, pull out a book, work on projects that needed to be done. The horniness and boredom get replaced with other activities.




Good point, I probably could come up with better things to occupy my time. Nonetheless, I wouldn't think that could completely suppress such an important natural urge.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:16:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yeah, I guess if you have strong urges it might now work. I don't get strong sexual urges usually unless Master is tormenting me lol. Any other time though, I can usually just shrug it off.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Baroana)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:16:54 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It's always been very easy for me.

I have a habit of 'thinking ahead'. "What will be the best case scenario if I do this and what could be the worst case scenario?" "Am I willing to risk the worst case scenario to maybe have the best?" "What are the odds?"


That's a very good way to analyze it.

I have delicate emotions, and I've never been able to casually mess around with someone without forming an emotional bond (if I like them). If I decide they're not so much my type and the relationship should be broken off, ending it is about as easy for me as strangling an adorable kitten.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:24:58 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It's always been very easy for me.

I have a habit of 'thinking ahead'. "What will be the best case scenario if I do this and what could be the worst case scenario?" "Am I willing to risk the worst case scenario to maybe have the best?" "What are the odds?"


That's a very good way to analyze it.

I have delicate emotions, and I've never been able to casually mess around with someone without forming an emotional bond (if I like them). If I decide they're not so much my type and the relationship should be broken off, ending it is about as easy for me as strangling an adorable kitten.



Don't get me wrong. When I love it's ferociously and usually forever. The older I get, the more deeply I love. I actually believe it's because I am completely unafraid of the fallout for myself. I just know what hurt there might be, will be temporary and that I will recover and probably be even stronger and wiser for it. But I am verrrrrrrry careful as to who I open that up to. I find myself holding back huge bits of myself, giving in steps as trust is gained. Totally without intent, it's just the way I am built.

I have ended very few relationships. Most have simply changed and evolved. If love has waned or died, it's usually a slow process, almost not realized.....until it's gone... and then it's kind of a "Wow, I guess I don't really care one way or another any more!" moment.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:36:18 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not a woman, but I date nilla, and/or get an intense-but-therapeutic massage, so my body feels snuggled and touched.

For me at least, the urge, when single, is not just sexual, and jacking off doesn't solve everything. But masturbation and some physical contact is enough so that I don't make stupid relationship decisions.



Not sure what you mean by dating nilla. Doesn't that entail just as much train wreck potential?

I find women I meet on OK Cupid are willing to get together almost right away (unlike the rigamarole that sometimes takes place on CM), and have fewer expectations if we kiss. At least in my personal experience, it's easier to date "lite" in nilla.

If you are the kind of woman where a snuggle is never just a snuggle, this particular tactic will probably be useless for you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 1:58:25 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not a woman, but I date nilla, and/or get an intense-but-therapeutic massage, so my body feels snuggled and touched.

For me at least, the urge, when single, is not just sexual, and jacking off doesn't solve everything. But masturbation and some physical contact is enough so that I don't make stupid relationship decisions.



Not sure what you mean by dating nilla. Doesn't that entail just as much train wreck potential?

I find women I meet on OK Cupid are willing to get together almost right away (unlike the rigamarole that sometimes takes place on CM), and have fewer expectations if we kiss. At least in my personal experience, it's easier to date "lite" in nilla.

If you are the kind of woman where a snuggle is never just a snuggle, this particular tactic will probably be useless for you.



Wow, I would have thought that kinky women were the ones more like that.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 5:07:17 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Wow, I would have thought that kinky women were the ones more like that.

I've dated more women from CM than most men, probably, but even so, it's a very small number compared to everyone on the site. So I don't know how indicative my experience is of what's really out there.

That said, in my experience, women on kink sites, both dom and sub, tend to have a "fairy tale syndrome," where they measure me against the "True Dom" or the "perfect sub" (I've dated switch) in their minds, instead of trying to build a relationship using practical measuring sticks. Kink-curious or kinky women on vanilla sites, by contrast, tend to be much more "this is what it is," ie, more emotionally mature about relationships after the age of 30. Maybe this will go somewhere, maybe it won't, let's enjoy the ride either way.

Take that for whatever you think it's worth.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 5:12:25 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yes, I just say no.

I don't recover from things easily. I am unbreakable, but I know better than to test it. I am oddly attractive to the younger set, but I don't want to use someone for pointless entertainment. And, I would be reminded of what I don't have, and probably will never have.

So, I say no. And horrify my social circle!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 5:30:45 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		This is what I think is happening:

Girls are often sold a Prince Charming/Cinderella view of relationships, growing up. Then, after the divorce, or the divorce-like experience, women begin dating with much healthier criteria. (Although we all know some women whose criteria stay unhealthy!)

However, a lot of women think kink somehow is a different universe, with different rules. So they don't transfer the lessons learned from their vanilla experiences. Perhaps, in some cases, they even "retreat" into kink as a way to find Prince Charming for real. "I didn't find my great leader/dutiful servant, because I wasn't dating within the lifestyle." However it happens, I've encountered a lot of women who are well over 25, but seem to have the same dating criteria they had in high school, just with kink laid over the top.

I imagine there must be male versions of these female-generalizations I've been typing. I don't date men, so I can't be sure.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 5:43:14 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I'm not disagreeing with you, Red. My criteria, when I was dating, was "person I can stand that is not attached to someone else". If they bored me (and let's face it, most men bore me), it was on to the next one. If I wanted sex, I picked someone for that.

Not too many duds in the bunch, honestly, just people that were not a fit for whatever reason.



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 6:45:39 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

This is what I think is happening:
...

Perhaps, in some cases, they even "retreat" into kink as a way to find Prince Charming for real...

I imagine there must be male versions of these female-generalizations I've been typing. I don't date men, so I can't be sure.



For what it's worth, I've been approached by a ridiculous number of 40+ males on here, looking for their Queen Charming, you know the woman that will dress in fetishwear 24/7 and fulfill all their kinky desires for the rest of their lives, for which they will happily give up work to stay home and take care of the one bedroom condo.





_____________________________

- Miss Marie


(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 7:02:40 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I can't say that I do, always. Every now and again, I get some little thrill for somebody that isn't the smartest choice. Thankfully, in those times that someone has managed to turn Me on or turn My head, it hasn't mattered. They were smarter than I was in that instance and not been interested in Me.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How do you keep yourself thinking with the correct ... - 9/1/2012 7:39:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

This is what I think is happening:

Girls are often sold a Prince Charming/Cinderella view of relationships, growing up. Then, after the divorce, or the divorce-like experience, women begin dating with much healthier criteria. (Although we all know some women whose criteria stay unhealthy!)

However, a lot of women think kink somehow is a different universe, with different rules. So they don't transfer the lessons learned from their vanilla experiences. Perhaps, in some cases, they even "retreat" into kink as a way to find Prince Charming for real. "I didn't find my great leader/dutiful servant, because I wasn't dating within the lifestyle." However it happens, I've encountered a lot of women who are well over 25, but seem to have the same dating criteria they had in high school, just with kink laid over the top.

I imagine there must be male versions of these female-generalizations I've been typing. I don't date men, so I can't be sure.



Yup, I'd have to say this has been my exact same experiences also when I was single. It seemed a lot easier to date on "vanilla" sites for the same exact reasons you have mentioned.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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