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Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:21:54 PM   
ELAYLADY


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline 		= My problem is something I did not expect to happen. I am a brand new subbie. I met a Dom a couple of weeks ago from CM I had made a remark that he did not like. I realized my error and recanted the remark before he could call me on it. He acknowledged that I had apologized prior to him administering punishment to me. He said all was okay. I asked hime if that meant he forgave me. He said yes, he did.

That night, however, because I did not respond to his texts, he sent me a text that I was so busy whining about, etc etc, that I had failed to answer his texts in a timely manner. I WAS AT WORK. I told him that it was my understanding that once forgiven it is forgotten. I felt that I could not trust him. And that I was afraid of him a bit for that. He said he did not care if my sub self was afraid of him or not. He then left on his vacation and I dealt with it with help from some of my friends here and one friend on the outside.

He has since returned and has accused me of lesbianism and stated that he believed that the person on the outside who had helped me was my Domme. He said there is no such thing as Once forgiven it is Forgotten. Which is the truth please???
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:27:37 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELAYLADY
I met a Dom a couple of weeks ago from CM

What does "met" mean please? Met in real life?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:33:22 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		He sounds like one of the 'true doms'. That is, he thinks the only 'true' kind of bdsm is the kind he likes. That's why he called you a lesbian - it's the only kind of kinky sex that he admits is still kinky but not what he likes. Specifically I think he wants a 24/7 total power exchange, and you don't.

But he does appear to be correct that you do not enjoy what he enjoys. That's OK, you both have the right to find what you want.

So leave him and go looking for it.

My advice to you is to look for someone that offers you what you want, as opposed to trying to conform to what someone else wants.

You are female, which in this culture is in high demand. You have no need or reason to shift your sexually to his. Just because you are submissive does not mean you must submit to everyone.

Go find someone that can give you what you want, rather than one that insists that you change your sexuality to suit his needs.

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:33:44 PM   
ELAYLADY


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline 		met on collar me 2 weeks ago and in person 9 days ago.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:37:33 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELAYLADY

met on collar me 2 weeks ago and in person 9 days ago.

Thanks.

I forget very little, though I forgive a lot. I think forgetting the pattern of a potential partner is stupid. You absolutely need to remember if the person you're sleeping with is repeating the same bad behavior again and again, or is trying very hard to change.

If you're afraid of this guy after two weeks, why haven't you dumped his ass? Do you have a fear fetish?

Serious question.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:45:48 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		There are a lot of gaps that make this kind of nonsensical.

I don't know why texts would have anything to do with the original "offense".
I don't know if you were punished or why you were afraid.

Context is everything and I don't know what the context is of the spoken offence.

To me: a mis-speak early in the getting to know you phase should not be a HUGE deal... usually.

However: do you think meeting briefly is enough time for you to seemingly be involved to the degree that you are?
You don't know each other.

You see, I don't believe in instant sub: just add collar (or declaration).

Over-suspicion tends to be a red flag for me.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 7:53:00 PM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		Forgiveness done not always mean forever. No one is perfect, especially if it was something major. But to be blind to your work hours, use that as an excuse to bring up a previously "forgiven" infraction (that sounded minor in the first place), then leave it unresolved for his vacation? Horrible!

That he came back accusing you of being a lesbian and having a Domme is just icing on the crap cake.

Move along and be thankful this came up sooner than later.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:03:45 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Too many red flags too early in the relationship. Next!

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to SpaceSpank)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:12:37 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Honestly things seem to be a bit dramatic on both sides. He childishly 'takes back' something that was forgiven, says you were 'whining', was ticked that you didn't respond to a text immediately, made a snide comment about not caring if you were afraid and flounced off on vacation- only to get back and promptly call you a lesbian and seems to think you went behind his back.

You made an inflammatory remark which started this all off, are afraid of him for some relatively unknown reason, were mad at him for vacationing, had to get help from people to deal with being hurt over his actions (which is just flat out weird, really?), and are here reporting your injustices to a bunch of strangers.

Kind of seems like you'd do well together actually.

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:21:38 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Too many red flags too early in the relationship. Next!



Ditto!!

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:28:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. He has no right to punish you unless he is your Dom. It sounds like you have not accepted him as such. Just because he doesn't like a comment means little - would it be expected to be disliked, or is he just thin-skinned?

2. He texted you, and you were at work. He then expected you to reply in a timely manner. This brings up two red flags, one that he expected you to follow a vague rule that does not define timeliness and that had not been discussed and agreed upon. The other is that he refused to accept that you have a life aside from obeying him (and as before, is he your Dom?).

3. I agree that once something is forgiven, that's it.

4. You felt that you could not trust him? IMO, once a sub says that, it's over. (Although there's a question whether there even WAS something to be over at all.)

5. When he was on vacation, you "dealt with it"? What was there to deal with?

6. WTF is this about you being accused of being a lesbian and having a secret Domme? He's either trying to manipulate you (badly) into "proving" you're not a lesbian by fucking him/submitting to him, or he's completely delusional.

While I do agree with you about forgiveness being absolute once given, that's the least of your concerns. Get far away from this idiot, and examine yourself to see why you would even waste your time with him.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:44:10 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If you weren't calling yourself sub and him Dom, would you have married him in nine days? You're afraid of this guy and you are putting up with that? Interfere your work at your job to answer texts?

It amazes Me when people can come along and sound so silly about how to deal with dating and relationships. Please take My word for it. Kink doesn't change a whole lot.

See if you can find a munch group in your area. Ask if they have a SIG (special interest group) for submissives or instructional/educational opportunities for those who are new to the lifestyle. The reason this 'dom' is getting away with this nonsense is because he is counting on your ignorance about kinky relationships. If I were a gambling woman, I'd put money on the fact that he's not willing to introduce you to other kinky people in your area because they'd help you smarten up.

Best of luck. You're going to need it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:45:57 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP, that guy sounds like a complete moron and at your age, you really should not be asking a group of strangers if this behavior is acceptable.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 8:48:22 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Maybe this person can hook up with the guy on the other thread who wanted to buy someone for $700.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 9:27:11 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELAYLADY

I felt that I could not trust him. And that I was afraid of him a bit for that. He said he did not care if my sub self was afraid of him or not. He then left on his vacation and I dealt with it with help from some of my friends here and one friend on the outside.

He has since returned and has accused me of lesbianism and stated that he believed that the person on the outside who had helped me was my Domme. He said there is no such thing as Once forgiven it is Forgotten. Which is the truth please???



Red Flags. Red Flags. Red Flags.

What made you interested with him? What do you have in common?

I'd say drop him on his arse on the way out, but hey that's just me.

_____________________________

It's a woman, it doesnt know what it wants (aka the stereotypical joke)

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 9:39:30 PM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

He has since returned and has accused me of lesbianism.


Oh, god! Not lesbianism! Anything but that!

But seriously, OP, you need to heighten your expectations. You've known this man for less than a month, yet feel he has the right to dictate how your work schedule ought to be organized (around his day, apparently) and then has the right to punish you for transgressing rules that were never clearly established? A man who throws temper tantrums if he has to wait for a text reply?

You can do much better. This man has no respect for your needs, is completely irrational, and is clearly not capable of domming anyone. Find someone else. Females are in high demand; you can afford to raise your expectations.

(in reply to chemeli)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 10:03:17 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		THIS GUY SOUNDS LIKE A REAL WINNER!!! What on EARTH are you doing here spending precious time asking strangers foolish questions, when you should be on your KNEES ------> BEGGING - YES - BEGGING THIS PRINCE CHARMING TO TAKE YOU BACK?

HELL - YOU MIGHT BE MISSING OUT ON THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN HERE!!!!

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/4/2012 10:12:17 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Sigh... What ever happened to the personal
touch, texting dominance??
Not my style
Hmm lesbian? Thats a bit of a stretch from
not answering a text msg...

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/5/2012 3:16:26 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		He sounds too full of himself -like rescinding his forgiveness actually matters in the real world. It's just a bunch of dopey hoop jumping to flatter his ego. Yuck.

You need sanity more than kink. Remember the hot time and turn the page.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to ELAYLADY)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Rescinded Forgiveness - 9/5/2012 3:48:19 AM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		Did he have fun with his family on vacation?

(in reply to Salinedion)
Profile   Post #: 20
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